#WTMFIWednesdays: Session #5 – Speaking of Sex


WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

A weekly sex meme arousing discussions on sexuality


The Rules


  •   Write a post answering as many of the questions as you’d like
  •   Add one of the WTMFI Wednesdays Badges
  •   Tag your post #WTMFIWednesdays
  •   Link up with us by adding your link to the original post
  •   Share your posts using our hashtag #WTMFIWednesdays

The Questions & My Answers


Question 1:
Should we teach children about sexuality? When? How?

I’m a pretty big believer in teaching everyone about sexuality. When it comes to kids, it’s a tricky situation and ultimately every kid is going to be taught differently, but that doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be done.

I can only really speak about teaching my own kids about sexuality, because I’ve never really taught anyone else. But I was always determined to be honest with my kids about everything. Obviously I’ve learned that that’s not always possible and the truth is very subjective, but when it came to their bodies…

Penises were always called penises. If I was on my period and they came into the bathroom and had questions, they were told exactly what was happening. When they overheard The Boyfriend and I having sex, it was talked about openly and honestly. And now, as I’m dealing with a very curious 13-year-old, masturbation and fetishes are talked about almost daily (and when these conversations are going down, none of the younger children are shielded from them).

Kids kinda all start to show interest in their bodies and other people’s bodies at different points. I have one kid who was endlessly curious about sex from the time she was young and I have another who still “eewwss” at the mention or sight of nipples. So, you give them as much as they are seeking. When she was 5-years-old and came home from Kindergarten talking about rape, there were certain things she needed to know – so the basic “What is rape?” conversation was had. Now that she’s in middle school, the rape conversation is WAY different. Not only are there different points in their interest levels, there are different points in their understanding and comprehension levels.

So, in terms of my own personal experience with educating kids about sexuality, you tailor it individually for your kids interest and comfort levels. But, you still talk about. I’m also a big supporter of sex education for the school curriculum. I thoroughly enjoyed sex ed as a kid, and all my kids have come out of it and any questions they still had, they felt comfortable enough to come ask me.

I think just treating sex and sexuality like a normal natural part of our existence and experience is the best way to teach kids about sex.

Question 2:
Would you feel comfortable talking to a doctor about your sexuality?

I’ve had 5 kids… What do you think?!?

Part of the reason I have the views I have about sex education and children is because I strongly believe that doctors can do they’re job best when patients are educated. There’s a huge difference between my labia or some part of my vulva hurts and my vagina hurts. Even if you’re thinking about, horrifically, a court of law looking at a child making rape accusations and testifying in court and because they don’t have the language to accurately describe what’s happened… ugh just thinking about it.

I believe in absolute transparency with my doctor especially. That person is my healer and isn’t here to judge me. And even if he does… that doesn’t make much of a difference to me. He needs to know everything so that he can do his job to the best of his ability. So yeah, I feel comfortable talking to my doctor about sexuality.

Question 3:
Could you talk to your parents about sex?

Yes. I can talk to anyone about sex!!!

Sometimes, I wish my parents felt a little less comfortable talking to me about sex – talk about way too much f**ing information…

Question 4:
Would you attend a sexuality conference?

I would love to attend a lot of sexuality conferences. I’ve never had the opportunity to do so, but you can bet that if I ever get the opportunity, I’ll be there! In a heartbeat!

Question 5:
Should sex be talked about on the daily?

Why shouldn’t it be?!? I have a passion for sexuality. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to talk about my passion on the daily. It’s also, again, a supernatural part of existence. So yeah, why shouldn’t it be?!?

BONUS:
If you could talk to anyone about sex, who would you want to talk to?

This list is so incredibly extensive. I have so many idols in the sex-world, from sex educators to researchers to authors and bloggers, there are literally so many people. Probably the top of my list, the number one person I would love to talk about sex with, would be Alfred Kinsey. I find him to be a great inspiration and just think him and I could have some really great conversations.

Again, there are so many people I would add to this list. It’s kinda hard to think where to start. I think I’ll give this one some thought and write a post about it later. But I can think of so many!!!


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#WTMFIWednesdays: Session #4 – Lick or Spit?


WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

A weekly sex meme arousing discussions on sexuality


The Rules


  •   Write a post answering as many of the questions as you’d like
  •   Add one of the WTMFI Wednesdays Badges
  •   Tag your post #WTMFIWednesdays
  •   Link up with us by adding your link to the original post
  •   Share your posts using our hashtag #WTMFIWednesdays

The Questions & My Answers


#Q1: Would you rather... give or receive oral sex?
#Q1: Would you rather… give or receive oral sex?

#A1:

I would definitely rather give oral sex. Don’t get me wrong, I love receiving oral sex. But I’ve always considered myself a bit of an artiste when it comes to blowjobs (and I imagine cunnilingus too, just have no proof for that particular experience) and derive a lot of serious pleasure from the act of giving oral sex. I’ve written plenty about it and I even have the quotes to prove it 😉

Session #4 - #Q2: Would you rather... lick up spit or cum? - #WTMFIWednesdays
#Q2: Would you rather… lick up spit or cum?

#A2:

Definitely cum.

I’ve never really been all that into spit. I get really grossed out when watching porn when they do the whole spitting on cock or vag – even if it’s for the functional purpose of lube. I use spit as lube, but I’m not about to literally let my spit dribble out of my mouth for the purpose. I’m not a fan of ball gags solely because of the idea of drool. Just not a big fan of spit.

But cum, that’s a whole other game. I like just about everything about cum. And while I’m not a fan of the taste of cum after it’s had a chance to cool (which happens really fast…), I’d be much more comfortable with that.

Had a cute moment when Kaeidyn saw these questions:

Session #4 - #Q3: Would you rather... spit out cum or swallow cum? - #WTMFIWednesdays
#Q3: Would you rather… spit out cum or swallow cum?

#A3:

Absolutely swallow cum.

From a very young age, even before I actually started giving blowjobs, I have always thought that if you get it in your mouth, you might as well swallow it. Also, refer to question 2 – the longer cum sits, the quicker it gets cold and cold cum is not good cum. And another thing, I’d have to like regurgitate cum from my throat to be able to spit it out, it’s normally so far back there that there is no point in spitting it out. Plus, it’s good for me, so why would I spit it out?!?

Session #4 - #Q4: Would you rather... vagina-to-anus sex or anus-to-vagina sex? - #WTMFIWednesdays
#Q4: Would you rather… vagina-to-anus sex or anus-to-vagina sex?

#A4:

I would rather no anal sex.

But, purely for health/hygiene reasons, vagina-to-anus.

Session #4 - #Q5: Would you rather... squirting or non-squirting orgasms? - #WTMFIWednesdays
#Q5: Would you rather… squirting or non-squirting orgasms?

#A5:

First things first, I’m happy with any kind of orgasm. However, it has always been on my list to have a squirting orgasm. Never had one before, but I don’t know if I’d want it to be an every time thing either. Squirting for special occasions or certain types of sex or something.

Session #4 - #BONUS: Would you rather... be caught masturbating or giving oral sex? - #WTMFIWednesdays
#BONUS: Would you rather… be caught masturbating or giving oral sex?

#BONUS:

I think I would rather be caught masturbating. I’ve actually been thinking about this question for a few days, trying to picture it in my head. And I keep thinking, probably masturbating. I can’t exactly pinpoint why I’d rather be caught masturbating than giving oral sex, but probably mostly because then I’d only have to worry about my own embarrassment and not my partners. It also feels less intimate to me and it’s easier to play off like you weren’t doing anything.

It’s funny though, because if you had asked if I’d rather be watched masturbating or giving oral sex, where like all parties were consenting to this experience, I’d have picked giving oral sex over masturbating any day!!!


View Session #4 of WTMFI Wednesdays


#WTMFIWednesdays: Session #3 – Masturbation


WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

A weekly sex meme arousing discussions on sexuality


The Rules


  •   Write a post answering as many of the questions as you’d like
  •   Add one of the WTMFI Wednesdays Badges
  •   Tag your post #WTMFIWednesdays
  •   Link up with us by adding your link to the original post
  •   Share your posts using our hashtag #WTMFIWednesdays

The Questions & My Answers


Question 1:
What was your first time masturbating like?

I don’t know if I remember my very first time. I remember two of the very first times, but I can’t be sure that they were the very first – just the first ones that I remember.

One time was with my favorite stuffed toy, that became just about my most favorite pervertible ever. It had a nice hard nose that felt so good to grind against. The next time, I was supposed to be laying down for a nap, but couldn’t sleep, so grinded against my fingers and the mattress.

Question 2:
When and how often do you typically masturbate?

I go through phases. Sometimes, I’m masturbating constantly – multiple times a day for days on end. Other times, I can go weeks without even thinking about it. 

Generally, I get bitchy if I don’t orgasm every three days, so I am to either have sex or masturbate that often.

Question 3:
Who, if anyone, do you typically fantasize about when you masturbate?

Almost always, I fantasize about The Boyfriend. 

When I fantasize about other people, which normally only happens in the context of threesomes or group sex with The Boyfriend, other guys typically are faceless versions of The Boyfriend. He really does have my favorite type of body to fantasize about! If there’s a girl there, which sometimes happens, she’s basically a faceless version of me. 

I almost never see faces when I’m fantasizing. Lips up-close, sometimes. But never a full-out face.

Question 4:
Where do you typically masturbate? Describe the setting.

So, there’s basically three spots that I like to masturbate in. 

The first, and probably most used, is the bathtub. I can lock the door and that’s probably the biggest reason I like it. Our bathroom right now is pretty small and the bathtub is pretty small and you can almost never get a full bath of hot water, but again, it locks.

The next is my bedroom. It’s a really boring bedroom. I’m not one for decorating, so there’s literally a mattress on the floor. But I have just about the best comforter in the world and it’s a comfy place to do pretty much anything sexual.

Finally, on the couch, in front of the computer. It doesn’t happen often here, but if I’m having one of those super horny streaks, the couch in the living room gets used a lot more than I’d like to admit!

Question 5:
How do you typically masturbate?

I’ve been masturbating the same way for a really long time now. It’s what works best for me. It’s always right hand, three fingers (pointer, middle and ring), firmly on my clit with periodic dips into my vag for lubrication. Sometimes, especially if I’m having a hard time getting there, I’ll use my left hand to pull everything taut or push/pull things to the perfect spot. 

BONUS:
Are there any reasons, other than arousal, that you masturbate?

Definitely, although I think it normally always turns into arousal. It can be started to relieve stress or headaches, if I’m feeling incredibly bored and lonely or if I’m just having a hard time feeling sexy in my skin. Sometimes, if I’m having bad insomnia, I’ll use it as a way to put myself to sleep – although that normally results in having to go 3 or 4 times, which works, but is exhausting!!!


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#WTMFIWednesdays - Session #2 Cover Photo

#WTMFIWednesdays: Session #2 – I Touch Myself


WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

A weekly sex meme arousing discussions on sexuality


The Rules


  •   Write a post answering as many of the questions as you’d like
  •   Add one of the WTMFI Wednesdays Badges
  •   Tag your post #WTMFIWednesdays
  •   Link up with us by adding your link to the original post
  •   Share your posts using our hashtag #WTMFIWednesdays

The Questions & My Answers


Question 1:
Have you ever masturbated in front of someone else?

Regularly! 

A lot of times after the actual sexual intercourse and after The Boyfriend’s orgasm, I like to masturbate to have normally my second orgasm – to just kind of close out the night.

Question 2:
Have you ever masturbated in a room full of people?

No, but it is absolutely a fantasy and on my list of things to do. As a bit of an exhibitionist, I’ve always wanted to do all sorts of sexual things surrounded by people – watching and enjoying me doing what I do 😉

Question 3:
Have you ever masturbated at work?

I never have, but probably mostly because I haven’t worked in a really really long time.

Would I do this? Probably. 

Question 4:
Have you ever masturbated using an object that wasn’t intended for that purpose?

Absolutely!

For a long time, I didn’t have access to sex toys – especially as an exploring teenager. So, stuffed puppy dogs were a favorite for a long time. Hairbrush handles were a short-lived obsession. I went through a phase where I would only use pervertibles because I didn’t think my pleasure should cost me anything or involve me going out of my way or above and beyond.

Question 5:
Have you ever masturbated enough to cause yourself injury, no matter how small?

Yes… Unfortunately, I have done this a few times. Normally, really small “injuries”. Nicks from a nail, almost like chaffing from going for too long and too hard, a soreness feeling near my perineum from tugging too much on the area I had stitches. Luckily, nothing serious!

BONUS:
Have you ever masturbated to porn that didn’t turn you on?

No, I’m pretty picky about porn. And I will turn it off the second there is something that I don’t like or that doesn’t turn me on or that doesn’t intrigue me in some way. 


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#WTMFIWednesdays - Session #1 Cover Photo

#WTMFIWednesdays: Session #1 – The First Time


WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

A weekly sex meme arousing discussions on sexuality


The Rules


  •   Write a post answering as many of the questions as you’d like
  •   Add one of the WTMFI Wednesdays Badges
  •   Tag your post #WTMFIWednesdays
  •   Link up with us by adding your link to the original post
  •   Share your posts using our hashtag #WTMFIWednesdays

The Questions & My Answers


Question 1:
What was your first time kissing like?

My first time kissing happened on New Years’ back in 2000 into 2001. It was with my very first boyfriend. We had been dating for quite awhile by this point and my Mom, in her New Years’ Eve drunkenness, insisted that I had to kiss him that night. I was glad she did, because honestly, I was super scared to have my first kiss. It felt like a really serious move to me.

I remember thinking at the time that it was the best thing I had ever experienced. Even though our little trailer was filled with about thirty people and music was blaring and dogs were barking and everyone except us was drunk, the whole world just kinda stood still for us to have a great intimate moment. I don’t think we ever had another kiss like that with each other.

Question 2:
Did you orgasm the first time you masturbated?

The first time that I can remember masturbating, I had discovered the hard nose of one of my stuffed toy dogs. It was not the type of orgasm I know now, it was more of a quick shudder. I remember becoming absolutely obsessed with that dog until the day that I discovered that water coming from the tap in the bathtub…

Question 3:
What was it like giving oral sex the first time?

So, again with the same first boyfriend mentioned above. We used to go to his Dad’s house about once a month for a big dinner. It was usually food that I hated, but we got to spend quite a lot of time alone there. I remember that the movie Black Sheep was playing in the background. He kept insisting I needed to watch this movie, but we were both far too distracted. I still couldn’t tell you what that movie is about…

I remember thinking that I was exceptionally skilled at it – probably why I’m still so cocky about it today. It just felt very natural and comfortable and right. I immediately knew that I would want to do that again!

Question 4:
Did you think you were good or bad at sex the first time?

Our first time having sex, again with the same boyfriend in all my other firsts, was generally awkward.

It was at a party. Everyone in attendance knew the plan was for us to have sex that night. Everyone was basically cheering us on. My sister had brought along a huge pack of condoms. Again, everyone except us was drinking.

There were a lot of interruptions. Almost as soon as I got my shirt off, my sister barged in and snapped pictures of us (which my Mom later developed and this is how she got confirmation that we had had sex – I had told her ahead of time that it was going to happen). During some pretty intense foreplay, a drunk girl stumbled in insisting I was Crystal. Needless to say, it was hours upon hours upon hours before we finally got down to it.

It was awkward and funny, but I definitely didn’t think I was bad at it. I thought that practice would make us better 😉

Question 5:
What was your first time falling in love like?

Crazy…

We were together for about 2 years, give or take. And I fell really hard. It took me a really long time to get over him. We were both incredibly passionate people – not just in terms of loving each other, but about everything. So, our love was kinda crazy. It was tumultuous.

BONUS:
How do you feel now about your first sexual experiences?

I’ve always felt really good about my first sexual experiences. They happened exactly as I wanted them to at the time, and I don’t think I ever felt uncomfortable about a single one of them.

I was with someone who loved me and whom I loved. We both respected each other and each other’s bodies. Although our first sexperiences weren’t overly romantic and weren’t made out to be these “special moments”, they were perfect and there was no pressure and I think they gave me a really great foundation for my future sexplorations.


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The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Working on #WTMFIWednesdays

So, as some of you may remember from the post WTMFI Wednesdays: Should it return?, I had been considering bringing back the meme that I started back in 2010. Then, I posted on Google+ that I was officially working on the project – and I have been!!!

Blog-a-holic that I am, I’ve started a brand new website for the project and I personally think it is some of my best work to date. At the moment, it’s well-organized, laid out great and super SEO friendly (which is a huge first for me!) – and I imagine as sessions and submissions get added, it’s only going to get better!!!

Today, I want to give you a bit of a sneak peek into what’s coming up. We will be starting our first session on November 1st, 2017. In the lead-up, any thoughts or ideas or opinions that you have, I invite you to leave in the comments below. And if you’re just excited about the return of WTMFI Wednesdays, like me, then give this post a like!!!


What is WTMFI Wednesdays?

WTMFI Wednesdays

WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

A weekly sex meme arousing discussions on sexuality.

How does WTMFI Wednesdays work?

Every Wednesday, at a yet to be determined time, a new Session goes live on wtmfi.com.

Each session includes 5 + 1 questions about a topic related to sexuality based on one of our weekly themes. Topics dictate the subject matter of the questions and themes dictate the structure of the questions.

Users are invited to answer any and all of the questions in any manner they prefer – all we ask is that you do us a couple favors – and you can participate by submitting in any of the ways listed below.

How do I participate in WTMFI Wednesdays?

How to Participate in WTMFI Wednesdays

We offer a variety of ways for you to participate in WTMFI Wednesdays – we don’t want anyone to be left out and we want everyone to feel comfortable at whatever level of internet they are. So, we’ve got options as simple as “Add your Comment” or “Become a Registered Participant” to more difficult options like “Post to Our Tumblr” or “Post to Your Own Blog“.

What happens when I become a Registered Participant?

I’m personally most excited for this aspect of WTMFI Wednesdays!

First and foremost, becoming a registered participant is and always will be free. You won’t ever have to pay for anything on wtmfi.com – EVER! Not unless all of a sudden you aren’t allowed to have websites that don’t charge or look at websites that don’t charge or some absurd law I’m sure Trump is all over!

And what happens?

  1. You get a Profile

    Tell other people that visit our website who you are. Upload an avatar and a profile cover photo, post status updates and get access to all of your other features.

  2. Connections (Followers, Compliments and More)

    Connect with other participants of WTMFI Wednesdays. Follow other users so you can see when and where they’re submitting (plus any other activity they’re up to around the site) and earn and send compliments based on your activity around the site.

  3. Session Groups

    Every session has it’s own group. You can connect with other participants in a particular session and have deeper discussions about the theme and topics of that session.

  4. Forums

    From news and support to discussions on the themes and topics of various sessions, you can even make tons of suggestions for questions!

  5. Gamification (Points, Ranks, Badges and More)

    Earn points for almost every action you take as a registered participant on WTMFI Wednesdays. Climb up the ranks from Newbie to Gold to Ruby. Unlock badges for completing achievements. And there’s more…


The official site for WTMFI Wednesdays, http://wtmfi.com/, will go live a few hours before we begin posting questions for Session #1 on November 1st, 2017. It’ll give you enough time to get familiar with the site, register and set up your profile.

Be sure to follow WTMFI Wednesdays on Google+, Facebook and Twitter to find out when the site is open and to get updates on new sessions. And if you want to get some behind-the-scenes news and such, you can check out our Blogger.

Don’t forget to let me know if you plan on participating in the comments below. I know I am!

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

The Porn Pathway

You know how sometimes, you’re tumbling down the Porn Pathway, and you come across things that make you question or think about your sexuality. The content does more than arouse you or turn you on.

Sometimes, I travel down the Porn Pathway just to have those moments. Actually, a large number of times. Tonight, I was on one.

I’ve been a little obsessed with rape play and consensual non-consent posts. This isn’t really a surprise for me. I seem to go through periods of enjoying this kind of porn, probably because it’s rougher and sometimes, I really like it rough. Sometimes, it makes me question why I like to see women humiliated and tossed around and beaten up and used and abused. Or why I enjoy aspects of each of those things in my own sex?

Speaking of “going through periods“, I think I’m starting to notice some trends – maybe they’re hormonally based or environmentally based or something else entirely, but I seem to go through periods on the Porn Pathway.

For awhile, all I’ll want to see is Daddy/Daughter posts – as in the sexual roleplay Daddy/Daughter posts – and then for a long while, I won’t want to see it at all and it will actually turn me off entirely. For awhile, I’ll be super into cocks and wanting to see them everywhere and then I won’t want to see them unless their inside of womanly parts.

I’ve also really decided that I don’t like certain words used to describe porn – especially in terms of using those labels for myself. I tweeted that I wouldn’t want to be called a MILF, even though I hope that I am one… But the image that the word is associated with in my mind just does not suit what I think I am and I’m also not attracted to that image.

I also absolutely hate the word creampie to describe a man cumming inside of a woman – and I’ll almost never click on a video with such a word in the title – even though I absolutely love to be cummed inside of. I mean, absolutely!!! But if he were to say “I’m going to give you a creampie” over “I’m going to cum in you“, I’d probably be turned right off. It would be the one time his voice wouldn’t do it for me…

All of these stops along the Porn Pathway bring up a lot of questions for me about sexuality and pornography. It also answers a lot of questions about my own sexuality or my curiousities about other’s sexuality. I’m personally a huge supporter of the Porn Pathway simply because it allows me to explore sexuality in a very safe way.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

9 Things The Boyfriend Does That Turn Me On

It wasn’t originally meant to be, but in honor of our 9-year anniversary:


The Boyfriend is probably the best lover I’ve ever had. I say probably, because it’s not really something you can compare – or at least not fairly.

I don’t think he knows that he’s so good. I mean, he’s a confident guy who doesn’t really question these things. I would imagine that he thinks he’s just as good as everybody else is – nothing special. Even when I’m raving about his skill, I think he often doubts that I’m telling the truth. Maybe that also has something to do with his greatness – his humility.

I was sitting here thinking about all of the things he does that really turn me on, that really set him on that best lover pedestal. So, I decided it would be fun for me to make a list.

  1. He’s Surprisingly Intuitive

    Which you wouldn’t expect from just his day-to-day being. He’s kinda oblivious outside of the bedroom. But he seems to know what I want long before I’m even fully aware that I want it. Fisting is a perfect example. Just days before, I was saying that I didn’t really think it was an interest, but then it happened and it felt beyond incredible and it was exactly what my pussy had been longing for. And he knew that!

  2. Those Whispers

    He does this talking thing during sex. I’ve tried to describe it many times, I feel like I’ve always failed at getting the description right. I’ve never heard anyone talk the way he does during sex and one day, I’m determined to get a recording of it!! He can literally say anything to me in that voice and it will be utterly erotic to me. We’ve tried it, it’s true!I don’t know what it is about it. The raspiness of his half groan-half whisper. The way certain letters dangle from his lips onto mine – this almost hypnotic need to repeat him. The desperate control in his tone as he breathes out the last syllable. The way it calms me, soothes me, entices me, excites me. It’s so good!

  3. He’s Sensitive, Balanced, Flexible

    I don’t know if those things all go hand-in-hand or not but… He walks this amazing balance between gentle and firm. He makes me feel tiny and beautiful, using only his hands and that voice that drives me wild. He can tell, without a single utterance from me, whether he’s being too rough or to soft and has the ability to adjust in the moment without me even realizing.

    He picks up on the subtle changes, he’s almost never too much of one thing or not enough of another, and he’s able to change directions at the drop of a hat.

  4. He Has Amazing Hands

    Seriously…! When he does just about anything with his hands – it sends a shiver down my spine and right to the tip of my clit! He has this ability to touch me with those hands that can make me immediately wet. When he softly caresses me and I can feel that electrical exchange between us. When he roughly grabs at my flesh and takes in giant handfuls of me. His hands are strong and yet, they can be so delicate.

  5. He’s Creative

    His creativity knows no bounds in the bedroom – even though he really is a vanilla prude sexually. Even with that huge restriction though, he invents new positions on the fly and continues, nine years into it, to surprise me with moves and tricks and ways of discovering each other that I don’t think I could come up with on my own.

  6. He Knows “My Spots”

    He absolutely knows exactly where and how to touch me to achieve certain things. He knows my buttons and precisely when and how to press them. He can take me from focused on anything but sex to soaking between the legs, just with a gentle trace of a specific spot. He can switch me from playful to primal or from on the edge to over it, just by knowing exactly when and how to hit my spots.

  7.  He Watches Me Closely

    It’s surprising to me that I enjoy it at all. I get a very embarrassed type of feeling when he’s watching me. I become hyper aware of everything happening. But, it absolutely turns me on. When I open my eyes as he’s thrusting above me and he’s watching my lips or when I’m going for that second orgasm and he’s down there watching my wetness or when I’m on top and he’s soaking up the view of my bouncing bosom.Probably the hottest thing though, is when our eyes meet and we lock on each other. It brings great focus to a sexperience and an immediate intimacy. I think he would like if we looked in each others eyes more during sex – it doesn’t happen a lot – but when it does happen, ugh! So good!!!

  8. He’s a Great Dad

    On top of all the things he does inside the bedroom that turn me on, he does a lot of things out of the bedroom that really turn me on. First and foremost, he is a great Dad!

    Any time I see him playing with our kids or taking care of them or talking to them, not only does it bring a smile to my face but it definitely makes my ovaries twitch! He does so many things for this family and always does it without complaint. He goes above and beyond for his kids, kids that aren’t biologically his, our family

  9. He’s Crazy Intimate With Me

    Speaking of the out of the bedroom things he does that absolutely turn me on – he’s a super affectionate and very intimate guy, which fits perfectly with my super affectionate and very intimate-ness. People often say we’re “attached at the hip“, as if it’s a terrible thing, but we personally love it like this. We’re passionate about loving each other, in and out of the bedroom. It’s incredibly hot to be able to exchange little moments of intimacy with each other, to stop time together, in this chaotic life of ours.

Of course, this is only a small list of the things he does to turn me on. Not to mention all the ways and things about him that turn me on – like his forearms or the way that he raises his eyebrow when you’ve made him think when he wasn’t expecting it. Obviously, I could go on and on for days!!!


However, in honor of our 9-year anniversary, I’ll leave it at 9 things he does that turn me on.

And if you’re interested, you can look back over our these past anniversary posts:

The Rantings - For Everyone

Wanted for a Decade

NOTE: This post was written over a month ago. The “crap that we’re going through” has not really been an issue for awhile now and I’m still working on reading through both these books. But, this post deals with other posts that I plan on publishing, so I’m publishing it!


I have had these two books #WishListed for over a decade!!!

The average bookstore in the towns I’ve lived don’t offer these kinds of books. I don’t travel and until recently we didn’t order things off the internet. However, now we do order things off the internet and now, I hold in my hands a copy of Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt’s “When Someone You Love Is Kinky” and Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy’s “The Ethical Slut“.

It’s a little weird that I got these books at this exact time in my life. Feels a little profound and cathartic.

I’ve alluded to the “crap that we’re going through” and in it all, he is convinced that this whole thing is spurred by my desire to be polyamorous and kinky – and his inability to give me these things. I keep saying that that’s not where it was all coming from, but when it’s pointed out to me, it’s like… “Hmmm… Maybe it was…” (I’m still attempting to write about this whole “crap that we’re going through”, so please be patient with me…).

For a really long time, I have been utterly complacent about my authentic sexuality.

I literally went through an entire process of neglecting it. I went from having a clear definition of what my sexuality was and what I wanted, to ignoring and restraining any urges or desires that came my way that The Boyfriend might deem “freaky”. To calling myself a “Wannabe Kinkster” and changing all of my sexual identifiers to “Unsure“. And yes, it was because of him…!

It was because of this beautiful life, this beautiful relationship that we have together, this beautiful love. It’s always been like this for us. From the first time that whoever grabbed the other’s hand (we never can remember…), it just felt comfortable and natural and right. The whole broken world fell into place.

He was/is vanilla. And I understood/stand that my kinks are not his kinks – and for the most part, I am okay with that. Sure, I struggle. I struggle a lot sometimes. Less now than I used to, but it’s always looming there that I am not being authentic, that the sex we are having is not the sex I want to be having.

Don’t get me wrong. Our sex is incredible. Our sex is out-of-this world amazing. Our sex is mind-boggling. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. It keeps getting better and better with each passing year and as our relationship deepens. If I were vanilla, I would want for nothing!

But… Alas… I am not vanilla.

It feels weird to get these books in the midst of the “crap we’re going through“, because it feels like yet another loaded move on my part. I can just imagine how The Boyfriend is feeling right now. Like he will never be good enough, like I’m always looking for a kinky guy to come and kidnap me and take me away from him, like I’m unfaithful, disloyal, untrustworthy, a heartbreaker. And getting books about all the things that he’s afraid of must be weighing, to some degree, so heavily on him.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Incredibly Interesting

I’m probably wrong when I say this, but it feels like we have been having more sex than we’ve ever had, ever!

And it’s not just that it’s a lot of sex. It’s a lot of very interesting, out-of-the-box, incredibly hot sex. I don’t know if he feels like he’s pushing his own personal boundaries a lot, but he definitely is. I feel like I’ve never experienced him like this – and straight up, I’m not complaining for one second.

Yesterday, we both checked a fantasy off our list. It’s something we’ve often joked about doing when we’re watching porn. Or when we make home movies for our own personal use. And so a quick 11-second clip was uploaded to Pornhub. We spent all day obsessing. He was chalk full of ideas and has listed a ton more videos that he wants to do.

He’s decided he wants to do an “Off the Beaten Path” series. I’m jealous that he came up with the idea long before I did! I don’t think I’ve ever looked at him with such adoration.

He had asked me not to cum after we had taken that walk. He was also mean and sent me all sorts of sexy messages before I went to bed. I had been on a week-long masturbating streak. So, the denial felt more epic than anything. The next day, I kept having sudden very noticeable twinges and gushes of wetness, but I was finding it hard to be aroused. More annoyed than aroused.

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/161469985111/when-theboyfriend-is-at-work-and-wont-let-me-cum

Waiting for “release” during the next day, while also watching our clip get views, and being in this continual state of flirting and sexual tension with The Boyfriend, was incredibly sexy and when it was finally time to get started, I was beyond ready.

He wanted to start with a spanking. He wanted to make videos. I got dressed up, he got dressed up. He insisted I looked “innocent” with my mini skirt, lace and pigtails. I insisted he looked “incredible” with his vest, jeans and forearms. While it was a short spanking, it was a good spanking. We had cameras at two different spots in the room and it was interesting to see the spanking from these varying perspectives. It’s always very interesting to me when we watch back through these videos and the parts that I really don’t like are usually his favorites. It’s awfully funny how perception works!

My legs got an epic workout last night and I discovered muscles I forgot I had. Bent over the couch, unintentionally on my tip toes, I got a cramp in the back of my calf. Kneeling beneath him, feet under my bum and legs spread, I felt my ankles tingle, signaling they were beginning to fall asleep. One leg on the floor, the other lifted up onto the couch, I felt the whole back of my thigh burn.

Needless to say, positions were switched up frequently.

He was also trying to get a variety of videos and pictures during the whole thing – which I’m absolutely loving that he’s getting into. I said yesterday on FetLife, and I’ve alluded to it in the past, that I love when he plays photographer and I get to play model. Unfortunately, I often feel too shy, in front of him,to be as good of a model as I know I can be – so a lot of the pictures get vetoed by me before he even gets to see them. However, it doesn’t take away from the fact that it is definitely a huge turn-on for me. Huge!

We ended up losing a bunch of videos that were made that night. Neither of us can figure out how it happened and are sure that they must be somewhere, but where that is exactly, not sure. I haven’t been able to keep focus long enough to have the patience to figure it out, so we ended up just going with what we have, and ended up uploading another Pornhub clip… (although let’s be real, we can just call this one a video…!).

After the video was uploaded, we went upstairs to have more sensual and intimate sex than we’ve been having. Or at least that was the plan. It started with me on top and it was full of kissing and hands and eye contact. It’s been a long while since we had sex in, what I think is called, reverse cowgirl – me on top facing his toes. This particular position is rarely used because I often don’t feel very confident in the view – it’s a very open position, especially being that I tend to lean more forward – which is great when I’m in the mood to be looked at, not so much when I’m not.

This proved to be a lot for both of us and the next thing I knew, I was being mounted and fucked from behind. He wanted me to be noisy so he could get a recording of it. I came rather quickly, my hand just barely rubbing my clit but his cock hitting just the right angle inside of me. The recording continued as he pounded into me while I muttered all sorts of dirty things to him about filling me up and giving me his cock. The sensation of him cumming caused me to shudder beneath him.

This morning, he woke me up to 420 views on our second video, The Smoky Blowjob. We had expected to get more than our first video, but not hundreds more. We’ve been checking into Pornhub all day to watch our views climb and see the comments on our videos. It’s been a great deal of fun.

Probably my most favorite thing though, is this exploration of fantasy that’s happening between us. The constant open communication about sexual things – like desires and limits. Being able to feel comfortable checking in with one another, “And how are you feeling about that?“, and not feeling shame in anyway. The sexual dialogue, which is what I’ve always wanted, is just being incredible right now. It’s making me feel all sorts of lovely things about him and us.

I’m definitely having fun during all of this, although it is kinda hard to feel connected to all of it. It’s interesting to me how the idea of “authentic sexuality” has re-appeared so much in my thoughts, after so long of not thinking of it. It’s interesting that the things that I keep saying most have a lot to do with being authentic and that that seems to be at the front of my mind. And in a way it feels like it’s not me and him experiencing these things – but like other people, people who aren’t us. It’s an interesting sensation and experience, one that has me largely in silence.

The Boyfriend keeps asking, “How are you doing?” and I keep not knowing how to respond, because I’m just kinda meh… I’m equating it to the post-sex blues and we’ll see how I feel after his first night back at work to see if it’s anything more. I’m definitely not looking forward to spending the night away from him and imagine it’ll be an early bedtime because I’ll decide I’m missing him too much.

We plan on getting more videos this weekend and are impatiently awaiting the arrival of our restraints and my Blog-A-Holic bra and underwear, because we have tons of ideas surrounding those things. Also interesting that clothing seems to be spawning fantasies for us… I feel like I’m learning a lot of about me, him, and us during all of this!

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Off the Beaten Path: A Quick Walk in the Woods

For as long as I can remember, The Boyfriend and I have talked about getting me a short skirt.

But we’ve never really looked for a short skirt. Typically, we don’t buy clothes with mainly sex in mind. We buy clothes with comfort in mind. We buy clothes with days with the kids in mind. So, if I get a skirt, it’s a long skirt that’s good for covering things up. But, we really wanted a short skirt.

After a night of talking about wants and desires, we ended up on Amazon browsing around and made a couple impulse purchases. He got a vest, which I’ve always said that I wanted to see him in, and I got a short skirt. It turns out it’s a very short skirt – like don’t-even-think-about-bending-over-a-little-bit-short (which is basically what I was looking for, but I think he had a little longer in mind).

As I expected it would, this skirt has spawned a great deal more fantasy-talking. Lots of ideas coming from both of us all from this one little skirt…

We’ve also both been enjoying taking walks around the beautiful trails. He will sacrifice hours of sleep for us to go hang out down by the river or stand in the forest.

These two things have resulted in the obvious fantasy of wearing the skirt out for one of our walks. We’ve both had varying degrees of the fantasy, me probably more than him, simply because I have more time to fantasize. Needless to say, arousal levels have been incredibly high around here as we wait to be able to put my skirt to use. After describing all the dirty thoughts on my mind, we decided to go walk down by the river and see if wearing my skirt down there on his next days off would even be a possibility.

The List - For Adults 18+

No Longer #FucketListed: An Over-The-Knee Spanking

Since the very beginning of my creation of bucket lists, I have had “get an over-the-knee spanking” at the very top.

When I was pregnant with Carter (about 8ish years ago), The Boyfriend had agreed to spank me. It was a short-lived situation that was a lot of fun for me. But after we had Carter, spankings went completely out the window. And that over-the-knee spanking stayed on the list.

Well, no longer!!!

He’s been spoiling me a lot lately. We’ve had some stuff going on aka “the crap we’re going through” (I’m attempting to write posts about this, but its taking some serious time, so I’m not going to go into too much detail), but in one way or another, things are changing for us. I think he feels very insecure in our relationship right now – and not without cause – and so he’s over-compensating in other ways in an attempt to save what feels to him like a failing relationship. Although, I assure you and him both that I am not going anywhere and have no desire to!!!

Anyways, back to the point of this post…

So, the spoiling started a few days ago. We went on a trip to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things and I walked out with basically an entire summer wardrobe. A few shirts, pants and shorts and a bunch of new thongs that I picked out because I knew he would like them. Then of course, there was the trip to Drumheller and that whole experience (which I’m also writing a post about…). On his last night off, I decide to slip into one of the dresses we got and one of the thongs.

We’re sitting on the couch and he decides to moisturize my feet and legs. This doesn’t happen very often anymore, but used to be a regular occurrence for us. After he’s done, he tells me to lay across his lap. I figure he’s just planning on moisturizing the backs of my thighs or maybe give me a nice ass massage. He lifts up the hem of my dress and then…

Hard, hard, hard slap right on my left cheek.

I squirmed, I kicked, I yelped. He liked that and the next thing you know, we’re having a good long spanking session. A hard spanking session. No real warm-up, no gentleness. He had said earlier in the day during an intense discussion that we were “going to have angry sex tonight“, and his hands felt angry but there was a tenderness in all the hardness.

I was all over the place on the couch across his legs. After the first few hits, every single one felt incredibly intense. My whole ass felt red everywhere, even though he had been hitting almost the exact same spot over and over on each cheek – save for the one closest to him. A few hits, just the edge of his palm or his fingertips, would nick between my legs and I would heave frantically – pain shooting through my insides and then subsiding in a way that literally made me feel the color red.

One good slap on my right cheek, sent me up on all fours and I collapsed with my head on his lap curled up in a ball. He wasn’t done with the spanking yet and continued to give me sporadic hard slaps in between drinking our coffees and smoking. When I laid back across his lap, in quick succession, three hard slaps on my left cheek. By now, that side felt fine for the most part – stingy but nicely numbing. So, the three hard slaps were gentle squirms, pleasurable wiggles, cooing. But then three hard slaps befell my right cheek. The second one caused me to kick up my legs and hold out my arms above my head, arch my back and squeal out. He had to hold my legs down to land the third hit and I swear I’ve never moved away from him faster.

He wanted pictures and told me to bend over the couch. Bright purple lines had begun forming all over both cheeks, especially the left one. You could see where he had hit hardest. Then, out of nowhere, the hardest slap. So hard that I still have a hand print leftover the next day! He was so sad that he didn’t get a video of my reaction. I flew forward and clasped onto the couch, bent down and moaned and groaned and whined, laughed out loud at the sensation, kept trying to stand up but the pain kept me crouching, gripping the couch for dear life!

He giggled and watched me squirm and wiggle and admired his handiwork. He came up behind me and stroked the hair out of my face and helped me to stand. Sitting on the couch was very hard, especially since I could feel the fabric of the couch through the soft dress that I was wearing, the coarse fabric scraping the welts that were now forming.

The sex afterwords was out of this world! My pussy actually ached when he woke me this morning for another round. I was bent over the arm of the couch, tied up for a short period, spread wide open and scrunched up in a tiny ball. He was on top, I was on top. Hands were absolutely everywhere and we were both drenched in sweat.

And I got so much amazing oral sex – like, I’m talking learned-new-things-about-how-wonderful-pleasure-can-be-type amazing!!! He spent time licking and kissing and sucking on things and in places that are rarely ever touched and kept doing this lovely thing with his lip coming up under my clit that would have my toes fiercely pointed. It was intimate and sensual and we were both surprised at how long it took me to cum. Which happened the first time kneeling over top of his face, with his hands going absolutely wild all over me.

There were so many intensely wonderful things happening everywhere. The crazy amount of eye contact – which typically isn’t a huge thing for The Boyfriend and I – during the fisting or the blowjob. His frequent use of his thumbs to either rub my clit or penetrate with, which I had told him that I had recently been fantasizing about a lot. There was also a lot of opportunity for each of us to admire each other – to admire his amazing body or to admire my vocalizations – especially being that we recently got a new picture taker AND for the first time in a few years brought the laptop up to make a home movie 😉

All-in-all, it was one of the greatest nights in our sexperiences, although like I said to him after the spanking, I’m sad that it will always be remembered directly along with the “crap we’re going through“. I’m sad that it’s a marred spanking. However, on the other hand, it’s greatness supersedes that sadness. It was almost everything you want in a sexperience. It was hours and hours and hours of some of best sex The Boyfriend and I have ever had. Not only was there great sex, but there was really great discussions had throughout.

At one point, there was just playful teasing while we browsed Amazon for sex toys – specifically restraints, because he’s apparently really into that right now (no complaints here 😉 😉 😉 ). Lots of questions about interests and limit-setting – neither of us is interested in enemas, hard limit! Another point, he gave me two options: go up to bed, get tied up and fucked, or go on cam and get fucked (which is inline with the “crap we’re going through“) and I immediately said “no” to option number two.

It always fascinates me how an emotionally-charged declination of consent can still result in amazing sex!

Because of the “crap we’re going through“, there were some incredibly awkward points of the sexperience. After the spanking and some of the beginning not-orgasm-focused oral and sex, he abruptly said, “I better never catch you with another man” – which stopped everything dead in its tracks and resulted in a good cuddling/comfort session. Or when I tried to explain, through very cryptic and broken sentences, that I absolutely hated that it took me breaking his heart to, nine years later, finally get an over-the-knee spanking or that I was worried that in some way he had felt obligated to spank me to be able to keep me – that he didn’t do it because he wanted to but because he felt like he had to. There were deep conversations mixed into all the sexiness going on and it made everything feel all that much more intense.

The worst part for both of us was when he came. We were trying really hard to cum together. He held off for so long and let me have two orgasms already. So, by the time he’s getting ready to cum and I’m on top and working on that third orgasm, it’s just not happening. He ends up cumming first at my encouragement. He’s decided he absolutely doesn’t like when this happens, because he ends up falling asleep without meaning to. He felt really bad afterwards that he had had to force himself to stay awake for my third and final orgasm of the night. I assured him that it hadn’t changed how I felt about the night.

We were open and vulnerable and wounded. It was beautiful and it hurt. It made me feel so much. And I desperately needed that!

I was expecting to feel more of the post-sex blues that I typically have the day after really mind-blowing sex between us. I was expecting to feel exhausted from the lack of sleep. I was expecting to be reeling mentally when I had time to think about all the things that happened last night. I was expecting to need some serious aftercare or for him to need it. But today, aside from aching thighs and a very tender, gently bruised backside, I feel really good. I feel full of love and optimistic and just really good. Waking up to another dose of sex and then spending the morning exchanging adoring glances with The Boyfriend has just really made everything feel blissful.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

#NostalgiaJunkie: 4 Quotes From 4 Years Ago

I kissed him. I didn’t know what else to do.

It felt like I consciously gave up that night…

There is a big part of me that is just ready to throw in the towel on this whole kink thing for the time being.

I don’t think he’s ready. And I don’t know if he ever will be…

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Holiday Fantasy Fulfilled

I swear he’s inside my head!

We decided last night, that even though we were going to bed earlier than we have been, we were going to watch porn. We’ve been saying it for a few days now and keep putting it off and putting it off until eventually it’s 4 AM and the sex is going to take 2 hours and the baby will be in 4, so porn doesn’t get watched because ain’t nobody got time for that shit!

But last night, we made time. Honestly though, the porn barely got watched.

It started on the couch. I had already been ready to go for a long time and when he pulled his cock out of his pants, I happily went about licking and sucking it while he picked videos – although really, he just flipped through 20 pages of videos until finally I just threw one on. He’s really enjoying trying to shove as much of himself as he can into my mouth and I have honestly been sucking at deepthroating lately, which is so not me! I get to a certain point and then just close up entirely. I don’t know if he’s noticed or not, but he sure is enjoying it lately.

In between watching the porn or kissing him or licking him, I was desperate to talk. Kept telling him to “tell me something interesting” or asking him questions. I’ve been having a lot of fantasies lately and I was curious if he’s had any. He doesn’t really have a lot of fantasies because he likes his sex rather boring. But for a long time FFM threesomes have been on both of our lists. After the week of the anal sex fantasy that I was having, I suddenly switched hardcore into FFM threesomes and so when he said it, I literally laughed out loud. He’s so in my head.

It wasn’t long before we were saying that we should go upstairs.

I was on top first and neither of us wanted full on penetration yet. I was incredibly wet though and placed him between my lips and let him slide around underneath of me. Our hands were everywhere. I remember his in my hair and mine on his lips, at some point he was holding me up under my boobs and I couldn’t reach him, and then his thumb nestled onto my clit.

I came quickly and much faster than I had wanted to. But, he wasn’t done!

I allowed him to enter me during my orgasm and his face lit up as I gently circled my hips on him. I leaned back, it was getting so hot and I was absolutely covered in sweat. He sat up and shoved my breast in his mouth as he rocked beneath me, his hands all over my back and in my hair. He laid me back and made sure my head was all supported and brought his lips right up to my ear.

I knew he was going to say something and I held my breath in anticipation.

It seemed to take forever. He pulled back just enough to be able to see my face, he wanted to watch my response. In possibly the hottest voice he’s ever had during sex, he half-whispered, half-grunted, “Are you going to be my good little slut tonight?“. Ugh, just writing it out and I can feel it in my clit. There are very few times he calls me the names I really like being called during sex. To him, calling a person a slut or whore or bitch is disrespectful, even if they are literally begging for it!

It’s one of those things that I absolutely love and hate about him.

I answered, “I’ll try!“, knowing that he was asking permission to try for anal. We’ve never tried it with me on my back before, even though it’s been a recurring fantasy of mine. We’ve tried and failed a lot with anal and the times that we have been successful either involve me on my stomach or while spooning. So, I honestly didn’t think it was going to happen. He said knowingly, “You’ll do it!” and his encouragement made me smile.

He grabbed the lube and put some on me and some on him. Almost immediately, I felt like I wasn’t going to make it. I could feel my whole body tighten up the moment he went for it and thank goodness for him in those moments. He put his hands on my chest, right above my breasts and pushed me down as he slowly and steadily pushed on. Every time I looked at him he would say sweet words that would relax me entirely. “You’re doing fine“, “You’re such a good little slut“, “You’re almost there“, “Good girl!” and when I suddenly tensed up and tried to pull off, he just kept me still and talked to me in that voice that makes me tingle.

When he was almost all the way in, he said, “I’m going to come kiss you now” and I nodded never taking my eyes off his.

Again, anal is one of those things that I like a lot more in fantasy than reality. Don’t get me wrong, when we’re doing it and we’re in the moment of it, it’s the hottest thing ever. And I love how, (because we don’t do anal very often…) when we do have a successful go at it, it becomes the thing that is talked about and spurs many more sexperiences. It’s a hot thing that we reminisce about it. But when it comes down to it, I find it to be uncomfortable sex for the most part.

There’s a point where it starts feeling really good, but often that point is completely overshadowed by the discomfort.

The change in position though, from him more leaning back while on top of me, to him up on top of me in our usual missionary position, definitely makes things slide a little easier and he finally gets past that uncomfortable point of penetration. And now he’s sliding in and out of me with ease and we both look at each other with surprise. That has never ever happened.

By this point, it feels like dirty kinky sex, even though it’s really not.

He’s still whispering/grunting sexy words into my ear or kissing my neck and jaw. My hands are mostly on his face or arms and I’m holding onto him rather tightly. It’s really very intimate and we’ve barely had a moment without eye contact. The exact conversation between us is a little hazy, but essentially I tell him I want him to cum in my ass and he calls me a slut again and then I respond with something like, “Fill up your cum dumpster” – which is so entirely unlike me, no idea where it came from. I swear we both literally stopped for a second, took in the word and like had to split-second decide how we felt about it.

Apparently, it worked very much for him and he quickly began pounding into me.

My hand tried to rub my clit as he swelled inside of me, the sensation almost entirely overwhelming me and I pushed my heels into his hips and grabbed roughly at the flesh on his back. He lifted his body up off of mine, both of us drenched in sweat and he moaned, “You need to cum on my cock!” and I frantically went to work on my clit. He stroked my legs, whispering that I was a good girl and that I was doing such a good job. He was almost completely limp by this point but still managing to keep himself buried comfortably inside of me.

I came very hard and without meaning to, dug my nails hard into his arms, hard into his back.

He held my head against his chest as I thrashed about beneath him and moved my hair out of my face as I panted and heaved against him. I could feel my nails tearing at his flesh as he began to slide out of me and I bucked wildly at the incredible sensation of him slipping out while I was still mid-anal orgasm. I couldn’t let him go and even though he was now moving away from me, I simply followed him, nails still desperately gripping his arms.

He stroked my hair and whispered, “You were such a good little slut“. He kissed me and I literally shivered!

But then it was all over. I released his arms, he laid down in his spot, asked if I wanted to lay on his chest. I did and within seconds, he was sound asleep. His arm wasn’t even wrapped around me or anything and I suddenly felt all vulnerable and filled with shame. I had to roll away from him because I couldn’t help but feel slightly mad at him for just leaving me here, in this space.

I slept really well, surprisingly. I haven’t been sleeping well for awhile now and especially since he’s been on holidays. Our bed is just not big enough for all of us. We woke up this morning and one of the first things he said to me was, “Mmm cum dumpster” and I felt a sense of awkwardness. I cuddled into his arm and nothing. He got up and went about getting coffees. That shameful feeling loomed.

To me, anal sex is kinky sex. And even if it wasn’t, intense sex deserves aftercare. And I desperately needed some!

After anal sex, I always feel like I need extra attention. I need a lot of reassurance that I did a good job and that I was pleasing and that I was sexy while it was happening. I need the reassurance that happened during it to be carried on – often for a good day afterwards. Even now, a whole day later, I’m still feeling like I need him to give me extra kisses or touch me extra softly. Because I feel breakable.

And a lot of times, even when he’s giving and giving, I’ll still feel like he’s not giving me the right kind of attention. Like he’s not saying the right words or touching me the right way. And honestly, I think that’s just me after anal sex or really any sex that leaves me feeling a little bit vulnerable and exposed. I also have to say that I kind of love the sex that leaves me feeling that way and even though the day after feels unbearable while I’m in it, I do enjoy being in it.

It took until late this afternoon before I felt like he had given me the attention I had needed.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Almost Been a Month….

I’m officially starting to get incredibly annoyed by the lack of sex around here. This is probably the longest The Boyfriend and I have ever gone without having any sexual contact whatsoever and honestly, it doesn’t even seem like either of us cares, and that is so entirely unlike us…

It’s been almost an entire month now… It made sense the two weeks he was out of town. We sexted during that time – once, and both of us were talking like his first night back would be filled with sex. Then he got back and that first night had no sex, not even a kiss more than a peck on the lips.

He had two days off a couple days ago. I thought we were going to have sex then. The first night, I ended up being grumpy about his game playing. Sometimes, I can’t help but feel a little jealous of the games – it’s just something that happens. But that second night, no idea why sex didn’t happen.

I’ll admit, I’m feeling a little apprehensive about having sex. I’m the biggest I’ve ever been thanks to baby and sex hasn’t been much on my mind. I can’t say that I feel particularly sexy. I feel big and awkward and functional – like my body is here to house a baby, not like it’s here to be sexualized. I’m nervous about bleeding or hurting or feeling baby kick upon penetration. And so I’m not initiating that intimacy like I usually do.

And of course, if I’m not initiating, neither is he…

I can’t tell if he’s not initiating because he’s not interested or because he thinks I’m not interested or if we’re both just thinking about pregnancy and therefore not thinking about sex. I can’t figure out if we’re both just too tired to get down to business or if there’s a discomfort for us around it or anything. And up until his last days off, I didn’t really care, but now I’m officially starting to care.

He’s been working a lot lately and that always puts a huge damper on our sex life. It puts a huge damper on a lot of things, because his mind is always filled with thoughts of work. Even when he’s not working, he’s worrying about work and I totally get it. It feels like we have no time for each other right now and that of course, affects our intimacy levels.

I’m worried that we won’t have sex again until I’m done being pregnant. And then, you have to wait the stupid 6 weeks after that and it’s already been almost a month of no sex. I’m worried about how it will affect our relationship not having sex for that long, especially being that we’ve never gone that long. I mean, sure we’ve gone awhile without penetrative sex, but we’ve never gone anything close to this long without heavy makeout sessions or blowjobs! I’m worried that eventually I’ll start taking the lack of intimacy out on him and it will take both of us far longer than it should to figure out that I’m pissy at him for the lack of sex.

At this point, I don’t even know when his next days off are, so I don’t even know when it might be possible to do anything. And then chances are, that day will come around and my vagina will be hurting or my back will be hurting or something will stand in the way of us getting down to loving. And while I feel like I could get through it right now, what will it be like a week from now?!? I just can’t believe that it’s already almost been a month…

The Rantings - For Everyone

The Kaeidyn Drama

Originally written around March 13th:

Parenting is the by far, the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And you’d think it would get easier as they got older, but the reality is that it just gets harder and harder. Since my last post, the Kaeidyn drama reached the boiling point today and we ended up going into the school and having a discussion with them.

As part of the school program, Kaeidyn’s able to use Google Hangouts. She enjoys it because she can keep in touch with her friends. And she knows that all the parents have access to her account and are regularly reading through her conversations. Last night, The Boyfriend checked in as usual and noticed some seriously disturbing messages.

One boy had sent her sexually explicit messages asking her to do a variety of sexual favors for him. No matter how often she said “No” or the number of ways in which she said it, the boy continued to ask her and push her – at one point even stating that he would force himself on her. One girl had sent her pictures of her cut arms and messages claiming that Kaeidyn was the cause of them. Immediately, The Boyfriend called me and we began hashing out a plan on how to deal with it.

We woke up early this morning and went down to the school to get it sorted out. We’ve had problems with the girl in the past and honestly, I’m incredibly concerned about her, so I wanted to bring that to the school’s attention right away. We met with the principal and it sounds like they will be talking to each of the kids we mentioned, including Kaeidyn. He will confer with Kaeidyn’s counselor and they will do what they can on their end.

The Boyfriend had been fuming prior to the meeting but was comforted by the meeting. I walked out more upset than I was before we had gone in. The feminist in me is angry at all men today and I don’t see it going away for a while.

All night and all morning, The Boyfriend kept saying things that just were a little off to me. After the boy pushes and pushes Kaeidyn, instead of saying “No“, she replied “Maybe” to the question “Would you have sex with me?“. This irritated The Boyfriend to no end and multiple times he said things that implied that Kaeidyn was inviting more advances. He kept saying that we should ground her off of Hangouts and essentially punish her for allowing herself to be violated, for not telling the parents immediately, for something. This is after the other night spending hours on the phone with Alfie basically listening to the same crap.

Then, we go into the principal and the language used, once again treats it like she’s instigating and she’s at fault. She’s “vulnerable” and “perky“, “attracts the boys” and “puts herself in the middle“. Again, no one is out and out saying, “It’s her fault!“, but almost implying that it is.

I remember being 11-years-old. You are sexual even when you’re not even aware that you are sexual. I remember one time sucking on a candy cane, like I did all the time. Except this particular year, a boy mentioned how sexy it was when I did that. I couldn’t understand how it was possibly sexy and relied on my Mom to tell me. Kaeidyn’s going through the exact same thing and the language used by all the men and even some of the women in our life, implies that she’s somehow at fault for how others’ see her.

It’s ridiculous how ingrained this thinking is in the mind’s of the people around me. It reminds me of when she was wearing short skirts and everyone immediately told her that she “would be raped” dressing in that way. And I feel like everyone is reacting to this negatively, except for me. And I can’t seem to convince anyone of how okay all of this is.

The reality is, that kid is growing up. And faster now than ever before. And in this time, we make the decision what kind of parents we’re going to be and what kind of relationship we’re going to have with her. And to be honest, it is a thousand times more important to me that she comes and talks to me when she’s ready to have sex than it is for me to not have her having sex. Of course, I don’t want my baby girl to have sex yet and I don’t want her out kissing boys and being surrounded by drama. But I know that I don’t control that, she does!

Added on March 26th:

After being talked to by the principal, the boy is no longer talking to Kaeidyn. He considers her to be a “snitch” and Kaeidyn has moved on and seems entirely un-phased by it. She has blocked the girl on Hangouts and has been attempting to steer clear of any drama.

The Dads have all seemed to simmer quite a bit and we haven’t had anymore discussions regarding it. Kaeidyn spent some time not using Hangouts, simply so all the parents could come back down to earth, and has only recently started up again – so far, so good.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Our Favorite Sex Positions

When The Boyfriend and I first started dating, he was a big fan of doing every weird and crazy position you could think of. In a typical sex session, he would probably cycle through a good six or seven wildly different positions and you’d walk away from it with your mind blown a little bit by the variety.

A few months into our relationship, I got pregnant and had a lot of severe joint pain that affected the way in which I could be moved and we had to greatly modify our repertoire from a huge selection of positions to a handful. He was also incredibly fearful of hurting me and/or the baby, especially being that I’m known for complicated pregnancies, so the sex became less about variety and more about intimacy.

After my joint pain left, or at least subsided dramatically, we basically stuck with the handful of positions. I think partly because we’re both incredibly comfortable in those positions and we’ve mastered the art of mostly mutual orgasm in these positions. There are, of course, a bunch of reasons why we prefer these positions over the hundreds of others that we could select from, especially when we speak of each one individually. So, without further adieu…

Our Favorite Positions

  1. Deck Chair

    Our absolute favorite position and the one we use absolutely and by far the most is missionary with him on top. While we vary up the missionary a lot when he’s up there, in terms of precise positioning, there are some things that are almost always the same.

    He is likely to have his face buried in my neck or breasts, I’m likely to have my right hand on my clit and chances are, my legs are up around his hips. Sex in this position is often wordless and there is a lot of watching the other person going on. He looks down on me and I look up at him. Often, missionary sex for us is typically very loving and intimate, even when he’s pounding into me like a jackhammer!

  2. Spoons

    We are both normally pretty exhausted in terms of overall energy. Life very much takes every ounce of energy out of us, but we both want to have sex so badly. Sometimes, you’re just too lazy to work for sex. And so we spoon!

    Wake up sex is almost always spooning sex and again, we’ll sometimes do little things to switch up the positions. If I’m going to orgasm, I’ll often throw my leg up over him. Every once and awhile, because he loves it so much, I’ll pull my knees in tight to my chest and make myself into a tiny little ball. I’d say just a little bit more than half of the time, this position will turn into missionary.

  3. Doggystyle

    Again, we’re lazy people. When I’m on my hands and knees, its not really on my hands and knees. It’s more on my shoulders and knees, because I’m likely to have my head on my pillow and my ass in the air. Generally, this is a rougher sex position for us and is only used when he’s in the mood to be rough.

    I think there’s a lot of things we like about this position but for both of us, I think it tends to feel like kinkier sex because it is generally rougher. He’s likely to be very instructive in this position and we both get a kick out of that. My favorite thing about this one though is the ability for his hands to grab at flesh, because I just feel like that doesn’t happen enough.

  4. Cowgirl

    I’m not a huge fan of being on top. I mean, I like it a lot more now than I ever have in the past, but it’s still not my most favorite position. I feel awkward and uncoordinated for the most part when I’m on top and sometimes, I’m okay with that, but other times, I just feel it. So, it’s the least used of our favorite positions.

    However, The Boyfriend will take this one over any other any day. It is, without a doubt, his favorite position. When I’m on top, it’s almost always slow sex, in comparison to what we’re normally doing when he’s in charge. It also tends to be more sensual, more about kissing, more about hands all over one another, more about gazing into each other’s eyes. And while that sounds incredibly cheesy, it’s reality.

While we have a lot more positions that we are likely to use, these are the main ones. At least one of these positions is sure to be included in every sexperience, even when we’re trying to be experimental. So now I’m curious, what are your favorite sex positions? Would you say that it’s been different with every person you’ve been with or do you generally have a favorite position? What is your favorite thing about your favorite position? Let’s talk sex positions!!

This post is intended for adults 18+

Back to Authenticity

Ever since my serious bout of depression, I’ve been a person who spends a lot of time analyzing my emotions or problems or symptoms, until I can understand their source. I don’t think I was ever taught this particular tool in any of the counselling I had ever been through – usually the focus was on eliminating the worry entirely from the get-go, like the common “worry about it later” strategy. I find the whole method flawed because eventually, I have to let myself worry and then what do I do with that?

So, I decided to spend some time with my worry. Really get to know it. Get to know it so well that it can’t hurt me anymore. I’ve figured out all the possible scenarios, from the good to the absolute worst, so there’s no surprises (though I’m not saying, in anyway, that I don’t come out of it surprised every time!). And while the whole process of worry is probably the worst part of my day-to-day struggle, because I tend to worry about the stupidest things, and while the analyzing only helps to a degree on comfort levels, it’s my process.

So, for weeks now, I’ve been dealing with this lowered sex drive issue. I’ve spent more than a few hours of almost every day contemplating the source of the change. I’ve tried writing so many posts about this, especially through the last few sexperiences, and I just keep getting completely stuck because I haven’t figured it out yet. I haven’t figured out what happened, what changed, or what’s causing it.

The first few days, my theory was one of two things: (1) It burnt out. My sex drive had been in overdrive for so long, I had been so wanting and so desperate for so long, that my body and mind needed a physical break and so I burnt out or (2) It faded away. For even longer than I’ve been blogging, I’ve been talking about a strong desire to have kinky sex and my inability to receive it. I’ve blogged about my complacency towards my “authentic sexual self” on many occasions. I had been so neglectful and so disappointed so many times, that my soul said no and the drive faded away – since it decided it wasn’t being used anyways…

Last night, I was browsing through my Tumblr. And it occurred to me, as it usually does anytime I’m viewing any type of porn, that it’s almost impossible to find stuff that doesn’t involve anal sex in the mainstream easy-to-access porn world. And as you all know, because I talk about it all the time, I’ve always desperately wanted to be an anal whore but the reality is that I don’t really like anal sex very much. I find it to be an uncomfortable experience, both physically and mentally, and I can count the number of times I’ve successfully had anal sex on one hand. As I scrolled through at least a hundred pictures of girls taking it in the ass like champs, it occurred to me that my “authentic sexual self” does not include anal sex.

If I’m being truly honest with myself, the mere fact that The Boyfriend has been able to sustain my interest via his interest for so long, is a serious shock. I have a rule – try everything thricely – and once that’s done and you’ve decided you don’t like it, abandon it. Well, I did my three times, I did more than my three times. Trying to force myself to stay interested in anal sex is keeping me further and further away from being my “authentic sexual self“, especially being that I’m not getting any of the “taboo” things that I want. I’m giving and not receiving and that is not in alignment with authenticity!

Yesterday, The Boyfriend spent the whole day talking about how he has intended to have morning sex and various things have held it back, mostly the fact that I’ve been wearing pants for the last few days. So, he hinted heavily that I should ensure that I made it easy for him and that I did. When he crawled into bed this morning, I felt uninterested. Highly uninterested and half-hoped that he would just fall asleep. I’ve never experienced that before. Although, I’ll have to say that I’m glad that he didn’t!

When he first touched me, I didn’t feel anything anywhere, except for comfort at his touch. No arousal. When he reached between my legs, I was absolutely flabbergasted that I was wet, because I had felt like I was completely un-aroused and dry. The sex was amazing, even as I was half asleep and he was exhausted, the morning spooning is always a great time. We slept for many hours after that wrapped up in each other’s arms and it was a wonderful way to end/start the day (depending on whose perspective you were viewing the day from).

I went for a drive with my Mom this afternoon and sat staring out the window, contemplating. I came home and woke The Boyfriend up and sat, contemplating. Then, a thought came to me. It’s as if my mind and vagina are not communicating at all right now. When I’m aroused mentally, my brain isn’t sending that signal to my vagina. And when my vagina is soaking with arousal, it’s not sending the aroused signal to my brain. It’s as if I’ve disconnected the two organs – where they used to work in tandem and now they’re working separately.

I thought back on the last few sexperiences and how I struggled to describe the type of disconnectedness I felt through the whole thing, even though The Boyfriend was working as hard as he ever does and even though it was enjoyable sex, I just felt so disconnected from the experience of it. And maybe it’s this huge combination of all these things.

Maybe I’ve been too complacent about becoming my “authentic sexual self” and maybe that has caused a major change in the way my brain and genitals communicate. Maybe to correct the situation, I need to re-discover who I am sexually and what my sexuality means. I mean, you do have to take into consideration that sometime ago, I went from defining myself as being “bi-curious” to now defining as “unsure” across the sexual board. Maybe it’s time to be un-unsure!

This post is intended for adults 18+

The Lowered Drive is Killing My Writing

One of the biggest problems I seem to be facing with this whole lowering of my sex drive is that I can’t seem to write a single good sentence on any of my erotica. I’ve been desperately craving writing something, I’ve got a story waiting to be finished, I’ve got all these story ideas and plans in my head – and yet, my lowered sex drive is making it impossible!

First of all, the issue of getting aroused. I tend to write my erotica and if it doesn’t turn me on, I scrap it. Because I’m a pretty easy target for arousal, so if it’s not turning me on, it’s probably not very good. However, right now, I’m all out of whack. Stuff that normally turns me on isn’t working at all and so everything I write erotically immediately seems to suck.

Second, the visualization. A huge part of my erotic writing happens because I have a vivid imagination that runs wild with sexual thoughts. Without those visualizations, without the ability to even attempt to have those visions, I have nothing to spring forth from. I have no scene, I have no characters, I have no plot and there’s definitely not any sex!

The lowered sex drive doesn’t seem to be having any effect on any other area of my life except my erotic writing and I am officially noticing and I am officially not happy about it at all! Tonight, as I attempted for the umpteenth time this week to write an erotic piece, I officially hit my breaking point. I kept trying to explore why I was having such a hard time with it, why I’d get two paragraphs in and suddenly be completely lost, why I couldn’t get a single sexual moment out between anything, and I’ve finally figured it out. And I am not happy, not happy at all!

I want to write but I am being way too critical to get it done…

This post is from The List and is for everyone.

When I Grow Up… I’ll Get a Degree

I’m going to start this post off by saying that when it comes to post-secondary education, I basically know nothing. Although I vividly remember having a desire to attend Harvard at an incredibly young age, by high school, I knew that I would never attend college and my fate was basically sealed when I dropped out two weeks into my twelfth year.

I did return to a community-type college a few years later in hopes of becoming a unit clerk. My interests have always been based around medicine in some way and while I don’t believe I could ever become a doctor, I could sure as heck do everything that was required of a unit clerk. Unfortunately, this whole entire plan failed miserably and I wasn’t able to complete that either.

Part of my biggest issue with going back to school in anyway has always been a lack of a sense of direction. Not knowing what I need to do to get to where I want to go and not knowing for sure that where I want to go is where I want to be. Although I do have to say that in recent years that has changed somewhat, however the opportunities for what I want to do, seem far less available to me.

For a few years now, I’ve been highly interested in becoming a sex therapist and/or sexologist. Both areas tend to interest me and honestly, I’d like to become an expert in both fields. I know that there are a large number of ways to achieve this and a variety of different educational paths to go down to get to that ultimate goal. Which only makes the sense of direction that much more lacking.

While I don’t think you need a degree to be a grown up, when I grow up, I’d really like to have one. I’d like to have one for my career prospects (which at the present are rather abysmal), I’d like to have one to show off to all the people, I’d like to have one to show off to myself! I’d love to go through the dedication and commitment it takes to earn a degree and I’d like to come out on the other side feeling like a much more rounded and educated person.

In a perfect world, I would really love to have a degree in psychology with a focus on sexuality in some way. However, I don’t know if I would ever qualify to even attempt to obtain a psychology degree. One day, I’ll visit my local college and see a knowledgeable guidance counsellor and find out what I can do and how I can do it. Previously, I’ve gone to employment and education services that have no idea how to go about doing anything of a sexual nature and look at me like I’m a lunatic upon the suggestion. Maybe the reaction will be different among academics. For now, I’ll just dream about the day when I’m all grown up!