The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Why I Posted Videos on Pornhub

After promoting my Pornhub profile on Google+, a very close follower asked why The Boyfriend and I chose to begin adding videos to the site as part of our sexperiences.

I decided to share my answer and expand on some thoughts with everyone.


The first time I ever remember watching porn was a video entitled something like “Anal Explorations” or something of that sort. I vividly remember ejecting the VHS from the VCR and thinking, “I want to do that!!!“. Not only does my desire to be a total anal whore mostly stem from this experience, but I thought there could be no better job in the world than getting to make these types of films. I don’t know why, 11 or 12-year-old me was attracted to it.

And it wasn’t just a one-time thought. It’s a thought, been a thought, every time I watch an amazing porn or every time I watch a documentary about the porn industry or every time I research a new favorite pornstar. It’s something that follows me, almost haunts me – or at least it did.

Since I turned 14, I’ve been in a series of long-term monogamous relationships with guys who don’t like to share at all (save for the threesomes with Alfie). Mostly possessive, jealous, “you’re mine” types. Plus, I had babies really young and body image issues and the list really goes on of things that have held it back prior to know. Otherwise, you probably would’ve seen my name on Pornhub when I turned 18!

And let’s be real, it’s not like I’m really new to the world of porn. Just this medium…

I never expected that The Boyfriend and I would ever discuss the concept of uploading videos to Pornhub. It was never something that was on my radar. And up until very recently, I didn’t even know that it was an option. However, it’s not necessarily my first jaunt into the world of porn.

The first time I had sex, there was a picture taken – not in some pornographic way, but in some drunk teenage party way. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had has gotten sexy images. And, I began uploading photos when FetLife became a thing. And we’ve been making home movies for our own personal use for years now!!! And let’s not forget that I write some incredibly graphic details about a large majority of mine and The Boyfriend’s sexperiences already!

“Sharing my sexuality – it’s just what I do!”

To me, it is no different than writing about our sexperiences or sharing pictures from my sexperiences. The only difference is the medium.

Honestly, it was a spur of the moment decision. It wasn’t some laid out plan that had a lot of thought behind it. I don’t even know if we consciously decided to upload more than one. We were both feeling aroused by our stint of exhibitionism and wanted to keep that feeling going is the best I can come up with. And what better way than to upload a video to tube site!

So… Why? Really, the simplest answer is: We felt like it… We wanted to… And we could 😉

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

The Porn Pathway

You know how sometimes, you’re tumbling down the Porn Pathway, and you come across things that make you question or think about your sexuality. The content does more than arouse you or turn you on.

Sometimes, I travel down the Porn Pathway just to have those moments. Actually, a large number of times. Tonight, I was on one.

I’ve been a little obsessed with rape play and consensual non-consent posts. This isn’t really a surprise for me. I seem to go through periods of enjoying this kind of porn, probably because it’s rougher and sometimes, I really like it rough. Sometimes, it makes me question why I like to see women humiliated and tossed around and beaten up and used and abused. Or why I enjoy aspects of each of those things in my own sex?

Speaking of “going through periods“, I think I’m starting to notice some trends – maybe they’re hormonally based or environmentally based or something else entirely, but I seem to go through periods on the Porn Pathway.

For awhile, all I’ll want to see is Daddy/Daughter posts – as in the sexual roleplay Daddy/Daughter posts – and then for a long while, I won’t want to see it at all and it will actually turn me off entirely. For awhile, I’ll be super into cocks and wanting to see them everywhere and then I won’t want to see them unless their inside of womanly parts.

I’ve also really decided that I don’t like certain words used to describe porn – especially in terms of using those labels for myself. I tweeted that I wouldn’t want to be called a MILF, even though I hope that I am one… But the image that the word is associated with in my mind just does not suit what I think I am and I’m also not attracted to that image.

I also absolutely hate the word creampie to describe a man cumming inside of a woman – and I’ll almost never click on a video with such a word in the title – even though I absolutely love to be cummed inside of. I mean, absolutely!!! But if he were to say “I’m going to give you a creampie” over “I’m going to cum in you“, I’d probably be turned right off. It would be the one time his voice wouldn’t do it for me…

All of these stops along the Porn Pathway bring up a lot of questions for me about sexuality and pornography. It also answers a lot of questions about my own sexuality or my curiousities about other’s sexuality. I’m personally a huge supporter of the Porn Pathway simply because it allows me to explore sexuality in a very safe way.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Incredibly Interesting

I’m probably wrong when I say this, but it feels like we have been having more sex than we’ve ever had, ever!

And it’s not just that it’s a lot of sex. It’s a lot of very interesting, out-of-the-box, incredibly hot sex. I don’t know if he feels like he’s pushing his own personal boundaries a lot, but he definitely is. I feel like I’ve never experienced him like this – and straight up, I’m not complaining for one second.

Yesterday, we both checked a fantasy off our list. It’s something we’ve often joked about doing when we’re watching porn. Or when we make home movies for our own personal use. And so a quick 11-second clip was uploaded to Pornhub. We spent all day obsessing. He was chalk full of ideas and has listed a ton more videos that he wants to do.

He’s decided he wants to do an “Off the Beaten Path” series. I’m jealous that he came up with the idea long before I did! I don’t think I’ve ever looked at him with such adoration.

He had asked me not to cum after we had taken that walk. He was also mean and sent me all sorts of sexy messages before I went to bed. I had been on a week-long masturbating streak. So, the denial felt more epic than anything. The next day, I kept having sudden very noticeable twinges and gushes of wetness, but I was finding it hard to be aroused. More annoyed than aroused.

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/161469985111/when-theboyfriend-is-at-work-and-wont-let-me-cum

Waiting for “release” during the next day, while also watching our clip get views, and being in this continual state of flirting and sexual tension with The Boyfriend, was incredibly sexy and when it was finally time to get started, I was beyond ready.

He wanted to start with a spanking. He wanted to make videos. I got dressed up, he got dressed up. He insisted I looked “innocent” with my mini skirt, lace and pigtails. I insisted he looked “incredible” with his vest, jeans and forearms. While it was a short spanking, it was a good spanking. We had cameras at two different spots in the room and it was interesting to see the spanking from these varying perspectives. It’s always very interesting to me when we watch back through these videos and the parts that I really don’t like are usually his favorites. It’s awfully funny how perception works!

My legs got an epic workout last night and I discovered muscles I forgot I had. Bent over the couch, unintentionally on my tip toes, I got a cramp in the back of my calf. Kneeling beneath him, feet under my bum and legs spread, I felt my ankles tingle, signaling they were beginning to fall asleep. One leg on the floor, the other lifted up onto the couch, I felt the whole back of my thigh burn.

Needless to say, positions were switched up frequently.

He was also trying to get a variety of videos and pictures during the whole thing – which I’m absolutely loving that he’s getting into. I said yesterday on FetLife, and I’ve alluded to it in the past, that I love when he plays photographer and I get to play model. Unfortunately, I often feel too shy, in front of him,to be as good of a model as I know I can be – so a lot of the pictures get vetoed by me before he even gets to see them. However, it doesn’t take away from the fact that it is definitely a huge turn-on for me. Huge!

We ended up losing a bunch of videos that were made that night. Neither of us can figure out how it happened and are sure that they must be somewhere, but where that is exactly, not sure. I haven’t been able to keep focus long enough to have the patience to figure it out, so we ended up just going with what we have, and ended up uploading another Pornhub clip… (although let’s be real, we can just call this one a video…!).

After the video was uploaded, we went upstairs to have more sensual and intimate sex than we’ve been having. Or at least that was the plan. It started with me on top and it was full of kissing and hands and eye contact. It’s been a long while since we had sex in, what I think is called, reverse cowgirl – me on top facing his toes. This particular position is rarely used because I often don’t feel very confident in the view – it’s a very open position, especially being that I tend to lean more forward – which is great when I’m in the mood to be looked at, not so much when I’m not.

This proved to be a lot for both of us and the next thing I knew, I was being mounted and fucked from behind. He wanted me to be noisy so he could get a recording of it. I came rather quickly, my hand just barely rubbing my clit but his cock hitting just the right angle inside of me. The recording continued as he pounded into me while I muttered all sorts of dirty things to him about filling me up and giving me his cock. The sensation of him cumming caused me to shudder beneath him.

This morning, he woke me up to 420 views on our second video, The Smoky Blowjob. We had expected to get more than our first video, but not hundreds more. We’ve been checking into Pornhub all day to watch our views climb and see the comments on our videos. It’s been a great deal of fun.

Probably my most favorite thing though, is this exploration of fantasy that’s happening between us. The constant open communication about sexual things – like desires and limits. Being able to feel comfortable checking in with one another, “And how are you feeling about that?“, and not feeling shame in anyway. The sexual dialogue, which is what I’ve always wanted, is just being incredible right now. It’s making me feel all sorts of lovely things about him and us.

I’m definitely having fun during all of this, although it is kinda hard to feel connected to all of it. It’s interesting to me how the idea of “authentic sexuality” has re-appeared so much in my thoughts, after so long of not thinking of it. It’s interesting that the things that I keep saying most have a lot to do with being authentic and that that seems to be at the front of my mind. And in a way it feels like it’s not me and him experiencing these things – but like other people, people who aren’t us. It’s an interesting sensation and experience, one that has me largely in silence.

The Boyfriend keeps asking, “How are you doing?” and I keep not knowing how to respond, because I’m just kinda meh… I’m equating it to the post-sex blues and we’ll see how I feel after his first night back at work to see if it’s anything more. I’m definitely not looking forward to spending the night away from him and imagine it’ll be an early bedtime because I’ll decide I’m missing him too much.

We plan on getting more videos this weekend and are impatiently awaiting the arrival of our restraints and my Blog-A-Holic bra and underwear, because we have tons of ideas surrounding those things. Also interesting that clothing seems to be spawning fantasies for us… I feel like I’m learning a lot of about me, him, and us during all of this!

The List - For Adults 18+

#FucketListed: Sex in Public

In TO DO: Sex in the Great Outdoors, I talked about all the outside spaces that I would love to have sex – like the forest or under the stars and in the rain or on the side of the road. I promised at the end of that post that I would later write a post about all the public spaces that I would to have sex, so now, I’m making good on my promise!

In a Dressing Room

We’ve all seen the porn. Girl takes boyfriend to lingerie store. Invites him in to help her try on her bra. Thong gets pulled to the side as he thrusts into her, both of them struggling not to get caught. Hot!

At a Club

I’ve written erotica about it. I regularly use it as masturbatory fodder. Dancing is honestly one of my favorite things. Drunk slutty dancing, being ogled and groped by strangers, the bass… Yup, definitely want this!

At the Strippers

Okay, so really, there’s a variety of different club-venues that I’d like to have sex at.

The previous one, “a club” would just be a regular normal vanilla nightclub. The strippers would be amazing. It would be especially amazing if we went on amateur night and I got brave enough to get up on stage. Then, the dancing turns us both on so much that we can’t help but run off to the bathroom or some booth somewhere!

At a Sex Club

The point is to get naked and have sex with people. Maybe just us in a room, maybe us being watched by a gang of people in a room or maybe having sex with other people or some type of variation of sex at a sex club.

At a Fetish Club

After the dungeon has been explored, after new sensations have been discovered, after we have gone up and come down, after it all – just me and him at a fetish club – people can watch, but I’d really love for it to be intimate and sensual.

In a Hotel

While the hotel room sex would be fun, and I suppose technically belongs on this list, I’m specifically talking about areas of the hotel that you aren’t typically supposed to be having sex. The elevator, the hallways, the stairwell, the hotel pool 😉

During a Concert

A very common theme in my indoor fantasies is apparently music… At a rock show, a classical opera, an indie folk jam, even an epic music festival. If you’ve ever seen the scene from SLC Punk where Sandy tells Steve-O to fuck her like a man – that! (And if you haven’t seen SLC Punk, I strongly suggest you do!!)

At the Doctors/Hospital

There is a lot of time wasted while you’re waiting for a doctor. I don’t know if I could ever be brave enough to do full out sex in the doctors office or even in a hospital room (unless it was for some sexual study), but I could definitely manage some hand stuff!

At the Movie Theater

It’s a little cliché, I know. But it’s literally the perfect public place to again, do some hand stuff. If you were to wait for the right amount of time, you could basically have an empty theater to go wild in!

Keep in mind that these are only indoor spaces. You can see outdoor spaces in this post. There’s probably more that I didn’t think of and if I remember any, I’ll add them as I remember.

So, tell me, where are some other places or ways that you could have sex in public spaces? Ever done any of the above or wanted to do any of the above? What do you think are some things to keep in mind when you’re having sex in public? Should you plan ahead or should it be spontaneous. Leave your thoughts about sex in public in the comments below!

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Holiday Fantasy Fulfilled

I swear he’s inside my head!

We decided last night, that even though we were going to bed earlier than we have been, we were going to watch porn. We’ve been saying it for a few days now and keep putting it off and putting it off until eventually it’s 4 AM and the sex is going to take 2 hours and the baby will be in 4, so porn doesn’t get watched because ain’t nobody got time for that shit!

But last night, we made time. Honestly though, the porn barely got watched.

It started on the couch. I had already been ready to go for a long time and when he pulled his cock out of his pants, I happily went about licking and sucking it while he picked videos – although really, he just flipped through 20 pages of videos until finally I just threw one on. He’s really enjoying trying to shove as much of himself as he can into my mouth and I have honestly been sucking at deepthroating lately, which is so not me! I get to a certain point and then just close up entirely. I don’t know if he’s noticed or not, but he sure is enjoying it lately.

In between watching the porn or kissing him or licking him, I was desperate to talk. Kept telling him to “tell me something interesting” or asking him questions. I’ve been having a lot of fantasies lately and I was curious if he’s had any. He doesn’t really have a lot of fantasies because he likes his sex rather boring. But for a long time FFM threesomes have been on both of our lists. After the week of the anal sex fantasy that I was having, I suddenly switched hardcore into FFM threesomes and so when he said it, I literally laughed out loud. He’s so in my head.

It wasn’t long before we were saying that we should go upstairs.

I was on top first and neither of us wanted full on penetration yet. I was incredibly wet though and placed him between my lips and let him slide around underneath of me. Our hands were everywhere. I remember his in my hair and mine on his lips, at some point he was holding me up under my boobs and I couldn’t reach him, and then his thumb nestled onto my clit.

I came quickly and much faster than I had wanted to. But, he wasn’t done!

I allowed him to enter me during my orgasm and his face lit up as I gently circled my hips on him. I leaned back, it was getting so hot and I was absolutely covered in sweat. He sat up and shoved my breast in his mouth as he rocked beneath me, his hands all over my back and in my hair. He laid me back and made sure my head was all supported and brought his lips right up to my ear.

I knew he was going to say something and I held my breath in anticipation.

It seemed to take forever. He pulled back just enough to be able to see my face, he wanted to watch my response. In possibly the hottest voice he’s ever had during sex, he half-whispered, half-grunted, “Are you going to be my good little slut tonight?“. Ugh, just writing it out and I can feel it in my clit. There are very few times he calls me the names I really like being called during sex. To him, calling a person a slut or whore or bitch is disrespectful, even if they are literally begging for it!

It’s one of those things that I absolutely love and hate about him.

I answered, “I’ll try!“, knowing that he was asking permission to try for anal. We’ve never tried it with me on my back before, even though it’s been a recurring fantasy of mine. We’ve tried and failed a lot with anal and the times that we have been successful either involve me on my stomach or while spooning. So, I honestly didn’t think it was going to happen. He said knowingly, “You’ll do it!” and his encouragement made me smile.

He grabbed the lube and put some on me and some on him. Almost immediately, I felt like I wasn’t going to make it. I could feel my whole body tighten up the moment he went for it and thank goodness for him in those moments. He put his hands on my chest, right above my breasts and pushed me down as he slowly and steadily pushed on. Every time I looked at him he would say sweet words that would relax me entirely. “You’re doing fine“, “You’re such a good little slut“, “You’re almost there“, “Good girl!” and when I suddenly tensed up and tried to pull off, he just kept me still and talked to me in that voice that makes me tingle.

When he was almost all the way in, he said, “I’m going to come kiss you now” and I nodded never taking my eyes off his.

Again, anal is one of those things that I like a lot more in fantasy than reality. Don’t get me wrong, when we’re doing it and we’re in the moment of it, it’s the hottest thing ever. And I love how, (because we don’t do anal very often…) when we do have a successful go at it, it becomes the thing that is talked about and spurs many more sexperiences. It’s a hot thing that we reminisce about it. But when it comes down to it, I find it to be uncomfortable sex for the most part.

There’s a point where it starts feeling really good, but often that point is completely overshadowed by the discomfort.

The change in position though, from him more leaning back while on top of me, to him up on top of me in our usual missionary position, definitely makes things slide a little easier and he finally gets past that uncomfortable point of penetration. And now he’s sliding in and out of me with ease and we both look at each other with surprise. That has never ever happened.

By this point, it feels like dirty kinky sex, even though it’s really not.

He’s still whispering/grunting sexy words into my ear or kissing my neck and jaw. My hands are mostly on his face or arms and I’m holding onto him rather tightly. It’s really very intimate and we’ve barely had a moment without eye contact. The exact conversation between us is a little hazy, but essentially I tell him I want him to cum in my ass and he calls me a slut again and then I respond with something like, “Fill up your cum dumpster” – which is so entirely unlike me, no idea where it came from. I swear we both literally stopped for a second, took in the word and like had to split-second decide how we felt about it.

Apparently, it worked very much for him and he quickly began pounding into me.

My hand tried to rub my clit as he swelled inside of me, the sensation almost entirely overwhelming me and I pushed my heels into his hips and grabbed roughly at the flesh on his back. He lifted his body up off of mine, both of us drenched in sweat and he moaned, “You need to cum on my cock!” and I frantically went to work on my clit. He stroked my legs, whispering that I was a good girl and that I was doing such a good job. He was almost completely limp by this point but still managing to keep himself buried comfortably inside of me.

I came very hard and without meaning to, dug my nails hard into his arms, hard into his back.

He held my head against his chest as I thrashed about beneath him and moved my hair out of my face as I panted and heaved against him. I could feel my nails tearing at his flesh as he began to slide out of me and I bucked wildly at the incredible sensation of him slipping out while I was still mid-anal orgasm. I couldn’t let him go and even though he was now moving away from me, I simply followed him, nails still desperately gripping his arms.

He stroked my hair and whispered, “You were such a good little slut“. He kissed me and I literally shivered!

But then it was all over. I released his arms, he laid down in his spot, asked if I wanted to lay on his chest. I did and within seconds, he was sound asleep. His arm wasn’t even wrapped around me or anything and I suddenly felt all vulnerable and filled with shame. I had to roll away from him because I couldn’t help but feel slightly mad at him for just leaving me here, in this space.

I slept really well, surprisingly. I haven’t been sleeping well for awhile now and especially since he’s been on holidays. Our bed is just not big enough for all of us. We woke up this morning and one of the first things he said to me was, “Mmm cum dumpster” and I felt a sense of awkwardness. I cuddled into his arm and nothing. He got up and went about getting coffees. That shameful feeling loomed.

To me, anal sex is kinky sex. And even if it wasn’t, intense sex deserves aftercare. And I desperately needed some!

After anal sex, I always feel like I need extra attention. I need a lot of reassurance that I did a good job and that I was pleasing and that I was sexy while it was happening. I need the reassurance that happened during it to be carried on – often for a good day afterwards. Even now, a whole day later, I’m still feeling like I need him to give me extra kisses or touch me extra softly. Because I feel breakable.

And a lot of times, even when he’s giving and giving, I’ll still feel like he’s not giving me the right kind of attention. Like he’s not saying the right words or touching me the right way. And honestly, I think that’s just me after anal sex or really any sex that leaves me feeling a little bit vulnerable and exposed. I also have to say that I kind of love the sex that leaves me feeling that way and even though the day after feels unbearable while I’m in it, I do enjoy being in it.

It took until late this afternoon before I felt like he had given me the attention I had needed.

This post is intended for adults 18+

Back to Authenticity

Ever since my serious bout of depression, I’ve been a person who spends a lot of time analyzing my emotions or problems or symptoms, until I can understand their source. I don’t think I was ever taught this particular tool in any of the counselling I had ever been through – usually the focus was on eliminating the worry entirely from the get-go, like the common “worry about it later” strategy. I find the whole method flawed because eventually, I have to let myself worry and then what do I do with that?

So, I decided to spend some time with my worry. Really get to know it. Get to know it so well that it can’t hurt me anymore. I’ve figured out all the possible scenarios, from the good to the absolute worst, so there’s no surprises (though I’m not saying, in anyway, that I don’t come out of it surprised every time!). And while the whole process of worry is probably the worst part of my day-to-day struggle, because I tend to worry about the stupidest things, and while the analyzing only helps to a degree on comfort levels, it’s my process.

So, for weeks now, I’ve been dealing with this lowered sex drive issue. I’ve spent more than a few hours of almost every day contemplating the source of the change. I’ve tried writing so many posts about this, especially through the last few sexperiences, and I just keep getting completely stuck because I haven’t figured it out yet. I haven’t figured out what happened, what changed, or what’s causing it.

The first few days, my theory was one of two things: (1) It burnt out. My sex drive had been in overdrive for so long, I had been so wanting and so desperate for so long, that my body and mind needed a physical break and so I burnt out or (2) It faded away. For even longer than I’ve been blogging, I’ve been talking about a strong desire to have kinky sex and my inability to receive it. I’ve blogged about my complacency towards my “authentic sexual self” on many occasions. I had been so neglectful and so disappointed so many times, that my soul said no and the drive faded away – since it decided it wasn’t being used anyways…

Last night, I was browsing through my Tumblr. And it occurred to me, as it usually does anytime I’m viewing any type of porn, that it’s almost impossible to find stuff that doesn’t involve anal sex in the mainstream easy-to-access porn world. And as you all know, because I talk about it all the time, I’ve always desperately wanted to be an anal whore but the reality is that I don’t really like anal sex very much. I find it to be an uncomfortable experience, both physically and mentally, and I can count the number of times I’ve successfully had anal sex on one hand. As I scrolled through at least a hundred pictures of girls taking it in the ass like champs, it occurred to me that my “authentic sexual self” does not include anal sex.

If I’m being truly honest with myself, the mere fact that The Boyfriend has been able to sustain my interest via his interest for so long, is a serious shock. I have a rule – try everything thricely – and once that’s done and you’ve decided you don’t like it, abandon it. Well, I did my three times, I did more than my three times. Trying to force myself to stay interested in anal sex is keeping me further and further away from being my “authentic sexual self“, especially being that I’m not getting any of the “taboo” things that I want. I’m giving and not receiving and that is not in alignment with authenticity!

Yesterday, The Boyfriend spent the whole day talking about how he has intended to have morning sex and various things have held it back, mostly the fact that I’ve been wearing pants for the last few days. So, he hinted heavily that I should ensure that I made it easy for him and that I did. When he crawled into bed this morning, I felt uninterested. Highly uninterested and half-hoped that he would just fall asleep. I’ve never experienced that before. Although, I’ll have to say that I’m glad that he didn’t!

When he first touched me, I didn’t feel anything anywhere, except for comfort at his touch. No arousal. When he reached between my legs, I was absolutely flabbergasted that I was wet, because I had felt like I was completely un-aroused and dry. The sex was amazing, even as I was half asleep and he was exhausted, the morning spooning is always a great time. We slept for many hours after that wrapped up in each other’s arms and it was a wonderful way to end/start the day (depending on whose perspective you were viewing the day from).

I went for a drive with my Mom this afternoon and sat staring out the window, contemplating. I came home and woke The Boyfriend up and sat, contemplating. Then, a thought came to me. It’s as if my mind and vagina are not communicating at all right now. When I’m aroused mentally, my brain isn’t sending that signal to my vagina. And when my vagina is soaking with arousal, it’s not sending the aroused signal to my brain. It’s as if I’ve disconnected the two organs – where they used to work in tandem and now they’re working separately.

I thought back on the last few sexperiences and how I struggled to describe the type of disconnectedness I felt through the whole thing, even though The Boyfriend was working as hard as he ever does and even though it was enjoyable sex, I just felt so disconnected from the experience of it. And maybe it’s this huge combination of all these things.

Maybe I’ve been too complacent about becoming my “authentic sexual self” and maybe that has caused a major change in the way my brain and genitals communicate. Maybe to correct the situation, I need to re-discover who I am sexually and what my sexuality means. I mean, you do have to take into consideration that sometime ago, I went from defining myself as being “bi-curious” to now defining as “unsure” across the sexual board. Maybe it’s time to be un-unsure!

This post is intended for adults 18+

Desire Runs Deep

The Boyfriend started talking about the sex we were going to have on his next days off the exact same day that he went back to work after his last day’s off. And every single day, multiple times a day, he’d make all sorts of comments or suggestions or requests, maybe. I’m not really sure how to describe the sweet nothings that he exchanges when he’s like this. Writing most of them down often time doesn’t sound as good as it does when he says it.

By the time he was actually on his days off, three days later, from the moment he walked in the door, he was immediately going off about sex. The sex he was planning to have, the sex he would like to have in his future, the sex that he’s had in the past, nothing but sex. And it went on all day long. I’ve talked to him about my lack of desire and he had decided that he was going to do anything he could to make it go away.

At dinnertime, he was officially ready to go. It seemed like every move he made would give him an erection and on many occasions, I would catch him staring at me with that look in his eyes that signals that he’s thinking dirty thoughts. He wasn’t by any means ready to have sex at this point, it was just on his mind heavily – like it normally is with me. Part of me was insanely happy that for once it was happening to him and not to me. I feel like his low sex drive has never interfered with his day-to-day functioning, whereas it happens to me all the time. Part of me just felt confused as to why it’s not happening to me…

After we were done getting the kids all ready for bed, it was still too early for us to go and have sex. He also wanted me to be more aroused and spent the remainder of our pre-sex time trying for that. He asked if we could sit on the couch and go through my Tumblr together. The thing that I always love the most about him checking out my Tumbr is that it opens up a great line of communication between us. We can talk about all the stuff we like, are curious about and don’t like. We can reminisce about the time we tried “this” or “that” and we can discuss bodies and genders and sexuality in a way that seems really informal, incredibly comfortable for both of us, and that doesn’t feel like anyone is putting pressure on anyone – which is huge for him, because he does not deal well with sexual pressure.

He ended up leaving for a short while, instructing me to continue browsing. We were probably on there for a good two hours and he was relieved when he reached between my legs and I was showing the first signs of wetness. My computer got put down, our TV got turned onto some show in the background and an incredibly intense fingering session commenced.

It started out really slow to get me into it and he took so much time exploring every little piece of vulva with each of his fingers. He focused a lot less on penetrative fingering and a lot more on soft and sensual flesh rubbing. After a good long while of softness, and as his erection began to tug his pants tighter and tighter, the rubbing turned to penetrating, which eventually turned into four fingers sliding as deep into me as they could manage. He asked if I was okay and I nodded. He covered my neck and chest in these big wet kisses before continuing on. When he pulled his fingers away, I was surprisingly dry and he returned to the soft and gentle rubbing. We went through this process probably five or six times, the softness to the roughness, the rubbing to the penetration.

Finally, I was ready to orgasm, which was his goal all along. Since one of the kids was still upstairs awake watching shows, I asked if we could sneak into the bathroom. He wasn’t anywhere near ready to orgasm yet, but I desperately wanted to orgasm on his cock. I felt like it had been too long since that had happened, even though it really hadn’t. He rushed into the bathroom and waited for me to follow behind him, his pants already down around his ankles. I orgasmed almost immediately and his hands grabbed at every inch of flesh he could get his hands on. He pounded me hard as the last ripple of orgasm shook over me and I covered my mouth to keep myself quiet. Then, he walked away and told me I was getting changed.

He handed me my dress. We came back out the living room and sat on the couch for a few minutes before his hand was between my legs again. He said, “After this, you’re going to do exactly as I tell you to do. And you remember our safeword obviously…“, he trailed off and I smiled wide trying to figure out what he might have in mind. He had been talking about needing lube a lot, so I figured it was going to be something like that, but I was wrong. He sat down on the floor and rested his head on the couch. He then told me to stand in front of him.

Although I put my feet there, it felt like he moved my legs into position, so that I was partially standing, partially straddling his face. He pulled me harder onto him as his tongue and lips went to work and I reached down and grabbed frantically at any part of him I could reach, mostly his hair and one arm that was supporting my shaking leg. He used his hands to force my hips back and forth until I took over. It didn’t take long before I was drenching his mouth with my second orgasm and he responded like it was the best thing ever.

He slid out from underneath of me and quickly and roughly penetrated me from behind, pushing me right into the couch. He threw my dress up to reveal my ass cheeks and dug his fingers deeply into the flesh, pushing himself so deep into me that I moaned into the back of the couch and clawed at any fabric I could gather.

He pulled out and decided he was going to move our bed down to the living room. I’m not exactly sure why he decided on this. Once the bed was all set up, he asked me to put porn on the TV, although it didn’t get watched at all. His hands again went to work between my legs and after he had gotten me good and wet with lots of kissing and breast nibbling, a good long sex session was had. It started on my side, and then my leg ended up over his hip, and then he ended up on top of me.

He went for what felt like forever as I worked desperately for my third orgasm. It was utterly impossible. No matter what I did, no matter what he did, I stayed perfectly peaked near the tip of an orgasm. I don’t know how he manages to continue fucking me for so long. I could understand if he slowed down more, but he doesn’t. He keeps an incredibly steady pace, he doesn’t seem like he’s off somewhere else trying to keep his mind off an orgasm, he still does all the same stuff as if he hasn’t been working his ass off for the longest time! It always impresses me, even after so long of experiencing it.

We were both getting exhausted. My hand just couldn’t do it, we were both sweating terribly, and when he pulled out and said “Time’s up, for now!“, I was actually really relieved and he could tell. His plan was to have another round of sex, but when he stood up from the bed, he immediately said, “Oh my god, I think I need to cum. My balls are begging for it!” and I gladly offered up my mouth for his use.

Normally, he lays down and I get in between his legs or lay beside him for blowjobs. It’s our preferred positioning because he can play with my hair and gets to be in charge of what my head does for the most part. I was lucky and convinced him to be on top and he happily lowered himself in between my waiting lips. Normally, he feels rigid and stiff and you can feel all the veins on his cock. The need to orgasm had made his whole cock feel soft, even though it was still as long as if he had had a regular erection, but it wasn’t vein-y or rigid, almost felt flaccid. It was perfect for how absolutely deep he was going.

His legs were shaking from desperation and it took so much longer than either one of us was expecting for him to cum. He pushed so deeply into my throat as he came, I quickly had to pull him back so that I could swallow and I am sure that I made some very obvious gulping sounds. He kept cumming and cumming and his legs were shaking so bad, I thought he was going to collapse. It took him a few seconds to rise after he was done, which gave me plenty of time to get him nice and cleaned up.

I fell asleep so fast when my head hit the pillow, even though I was expecting to be up all night sketching out, being that it’s been so long since we last slept in the living room. And it was such an amazing sleep! He woke up with the kids in the morning and stayed awake to play games and let me sleep peacefully until noon, and it was utter bliss.

Today, I feel like I can still feel his four fingers deep inside of me. Every once and awhile, I’ll sit in an angle that makes it feel like I’ve been punched in the vagina. It’s one of those things, like a bruise after a consensual beating, that hurts a little but once you remember why it’s there makes it feel pleasurable. I’ve also been in desperate need of hugs today, which he has been ready to hand out at every turn.