Straight up, I have never enjoyed two pictures of The Boyfriend and I as much as I enjoy these ones that Kaeidyn took of us during our last trip to Bower Ponds (more pictures to come…).
Written about a week ago:
I stopped saying “I love you” nine days ago…
I didn’t think he had noticed and now that I think about it, it took him quite a few days to notice. Day seven, I started getting upset that he wasn’t noticing, so I said, “I can’t believe it’s been seven days“. After a few wrong guesses he said, “Since you said you loved me?” and I looked at him almost surprised that he had actually figured it out.
I said, “Oh really? You noticed?!?”
He said, “I kinda thought something was up the other night on Facebook.”
I said, “And you didn’t think to say anything?!?”
The conversation basically ends and we spend the next half hour in awkward silence. He leaves for work and doesn’t say “I love you“, like he always does and has been doing for the last eight years.
I send him a Facebook message. “FYI, choosing to not say “I love you” to me is definitely not the way to deal with me not saying it for the past 8 days. Unless you want to become the type of couple that doesn’t say it…”
He responds on his lunch break, I’m assuming mostly jokingly that, “Maybe I’ve been saying it too much for you lately.”
I send him back a novel-length rant about how it would be nice if instead of just assuming what I’m thinking, he would ask. I rant at him, “Do you not care?!?” and throw in some un-useful profanities and then just abandon my argument, “Forget I said, or didn’t say, anything!“. I’m tired, I don’t feel like talking about it anymore, I’ve given up. So, I go to bed and don’t say anything for the rest of the night.
This morning, he comes home from work. You can see the upset all over his face, but he plays it cool and comes and grabs baby and makes it seem like he’s giving me the option to sleep in. I was just going to sleep but my bladder wouldn’t give up, so I came down to go to the washroom. Then, I sat on the couch with him.
After a little while of a tense silence, he says, “I was going to respond to you last night. Wrote a bunch on my lunch break and then deleted it…“. I couldn’t help a sarcastic, “That’s great!“. A few more minutes of silence and then he says timidly, “Maybe I haven’t been caring very much lately.” and of course, I’m completely taken aback. Because I seriously thought I was being irrational when I said it.
“Ever since my birthday…“, he adds.
On his birthday this year, we were having an especially rough week. Money wasn’t working out, the kids were all being absolutely out of control, shit just wasn’t being friendly to us. On his birthday morning, when I very first woke up, before I had even had my first sip of coffee or was even aware that it was March 3rd, he was desperate to hear “Happy Birthday“. And I get it, it was the big 3-0.
So, he’s absolutely right. I was a total bitch that day for not making a bigger deal of his birthday. And the bad girlfriend award goes to…
But I couldn’t help but be slightly upset. Because yet again, here we are – I bring up a problem that I’m having, in the way that I always bring it up – awkwardly! But instead of discussing why I’m having a problem or what my issue is, it suddenly gets flipped to why he’s having a problem or what his issue is and how it’s all my fault…
I just honestly didn’t feel like talking about it in this direction. He’s supposed to care about why I haven’t been saying it. And could I tell you exactly why I haven’t been? Not completely. I think I have a list of things, but for every single one of them, I could tell you exactly how he would respond to make it my fault. And he wouldn’t be wrong. He asks with a hint of snark, “So then, why haven’t you been saying it?“. Bottom lip quivering, voice shaking, I threw up my hands and said, “What’s the point?!?“.
The conversation was dropped entirely. Until he went to go up to bed – at a decent hour, might I add!
We cuddled on the couch for a long time. Then he hugged me and said he had to go to bed. “I really do love you so much…. Much more than you think I do.“, and I mumbled into his neck that I wanted to come to bed with him. He invited me up and we went and crawled into bed. While what he said is amazing and sweet and beautiful, it’s not what I wanted to hear or how I wanted the conversation to end.
I’m well aware of the fact that he loves me. There is no doubt in my mind. And I hope that I’ve made it very clear to him that this has nothing to do with me not loving him because I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love him. But me not saying “I love you” to him had nothing to do with love.
I wanted him to notice! And then care! And be interested!
Let’s be real – we don’t have that much in common. He likes action movies, I like dramas. He likes videogames, I like blogging. He likes Star Wars, I like Star Trek. I’m kinky, he’s vanilla!!!! We don’t have much in common.
And this is where I get the great girlfriend award! I take on his interests so that we do share something. I play his vidoegames and keep up on the news so that when E3 rolls around and he starts wishlisting games like crazy, I know what he’s talking about. I listen to the Star Wars news years before the movies are even considering being released and keep up on which Jedi did what. I pay fucking attention!!
But, in 8 years, he hasn’t read a single one of my blog posts… When I play guitar, he turns away from me with his videogame volume up and is totally focused on an online game – so he doesn’t even try to keep the kids quiet for a session… He’s never opted in to watching any of my YouTube videos – unless I put them on when he’s sitting next to me… He shows no interest in my interests whatsoever and can hardly even fake it if I’m talking about it. He literally looks completely dazed if I start talking about how I can’t form a barre chord or that my domain registration needs to be renewed in a few months!
And yet again, falling asleep during my attempt at a second orgasm just totally blew the whole thing up in my face!
I wanted him to notice me. And care about me. And be interested in me. So, I stopped saying “I love you“, in hopes that he would take notice of the fact that I wasn’t saying our most favorite words in the whole world. In hopes that he would care why I wasn’t. In hopes that he would be interested. But, that wasn’t the case…
I can never stand when there is that awkward tension between us. I hate when there’s silence and when our arms aren’t wrapped around each other. I especially can’t stand it when it begins to feel like all those feelings are irrational in some way. I just want it to end and he doesn’t typically end it (he’d probably say something like, “Because you never give me a chance!”). He can give me the silent treatment for days. So, I’ll normally drop it and that’s exactly what I did.
I told him I loved him on the 9th day. I meant every word of it.
For probably the first time in our relationship, The Boyfriend’s sex drive is way more active than mine is being, and it has been one of the most pleasant twists. Over the last two weeks, the sex has been incredible.
I’m working on a post about the holiday sex, but today, I want to talk about last night’s sex – because it was mind-blowing! I cannot get over the fact that seven years into it and we’re still finding new things to discover and explore. I think every time we have another first, we fall in love just a little bit more.
He had spent the entire day focused on sex it seemed. I mean, he went about doing a lot of other things but every once and awhile, he’d say something or just look over in a certain way, and you knew that he was thinking of nothing else but what he was going to get to do that evening. Once the kids were all in their rooms, it became a lot less subtle as fingers roamed freely every time a new idea popped into his head.
He was in a very instructive mood, even before the sex began. He grabbed out a dress and stated, “You’ll be wearing this after you get out of your bath!“, and a huge grin swept it’s way across my face. So, I went for a nice long bath and tried to read, but he kept coming up and distracting me with stolen kisses and rough fingers in wet places.
I sat on the couch after the bath, red from the heat and slightly draped by a towel, moisturizing my legs. Even though he was in the middle of video gaming, he couldn’t help but suddenly be completely drawn into the legs – he has a thing for them. Abruptly, he dives between my legs and begins some of the best oral sex I’ve ever been given. Hands all over my thighs, still slick with the moisturizer and tongue and lips working in the most incredible rhythm that had my hands vigorously latched onto the curls of his hair.
He’d walk away and go back to games, leaving me panting on the couch. I’d calm down and go back to moisturizing the next part of my body, and he’d suddenly dive back between my legs and this went on for a good hour. He had come and sat down next to me, and his hands were everywhere as he kissed me deeply. When they finally reached my clit, it seemed like mere moments before I was whispering, “If you keep that up, you’re going to make me cum!” and he smiled back, “Good!“. As soon as he said the first consonant, my body tightened and he pulled me in for a tight hug and long kiss as the waves of my first orgasm crashed over me. “That’s the first!“, he said.
We had agreed we weren’t ready for more sex yet. It was still too early. So, we decided to put on a movie. The idea was to watch it just long enough until we headed upstairs, but My Awkward Sexual Adventure on Netflix ended up being a pretty great movie, so we watched it dedicatedly, with only a few little rubs and grabs here and there.
The second the credits finished rolling, we rushed to get upstairs. I had laid on my stomach before he got into the room and something about this was the best idea ever. He enjoyed that my dress appeared to be see-through (which would make sense, since it’s a really old dress), and crawled on top of me and rubbed my back and ass through the fabric. I had remembered that the last time I wore the dress, I had found a couple unfortunately placed holes, so I was planning on throwing it out. I told The Boyfriend about the holes, and his excitement level went from almost nothing to thrilled!
Immediately he began searching for any holes he could find, planning how he might begin ripping me out of this dress. When he reached his fingers inside the first tiny hole and began to tear, we both gasped taking pleasure in the sound of it. His hand reached inside the hole and his hands, one on my skin and one on my fabric, made me shiver in delight. He ripped another hole and then another hole. His cock was so hard as he slid into one of the holes and directly between my legs, where I was much wetter than I thought I would be.
He teased as he gently kissed my shoulders, his hands exploring my sides and reaching around to feel the curve of the underside of my breast. He whispered in my ear as he laid soft kisses on the lobe, “From right now, you’re going to do everything that I say, okay?” and I cheekily replied, “Yes, Sir!” and we both grinned wildly. He lifted off of me and began ripping the dress more. He pulled hard until the three holes he had previously made larger became one large hole. He admired his work for a moment before continuing on and ripping the dress all the way around to the front, turning my ankle-length tank-top dress into a butt-length smock.
He flipped me over onto my back to remove the bottom part of the torn dress, and carelessly penetrated me as he continued ripping up the bottom into smaller pieces. After he had a few pieces ripped off, he told me to sit up and moved away from me. I sat cross-legged and he moved behind me. Without a word, he placed a piece of the ripped dress over my eyes and tied it tightly behind my head. He breathed into my ear, “Are you okay?” and I said, “Yes“. “Good! Well then, get on your hands and knees!” and I asked, “Facing which way?” and he said, “Window” and I shakily moved to the right spot.
He let out the slightest moan and I smiled. He grabbed my feet and put them together and then grabbed another piece of the dress and tightened my ankles together. I could feel him moving closer to me, could feel the heat of him, but when his lips took in my dangling nipples – well, I hadn’t expected that at all. I jumped away from him and feeling suddenly disoriented, “Did you turn the lights off?“. “Nope, you okay?“, he asked concerned, as his hands continued touching me in ways that I felt unable to anticipate.
He grabbed my arms and lifted them up behind me and playfully pushed my head into the pillow. He wrapped another piece of dress around my wrists and tied them together. I could feel him stand back and admire his work, his innovation, and when his fingers easily slid into my wetness, he knew I was more than ready to feel him. He mounted me fast and rough and hard, and I felt like my whole body was going to topple over. I didn’t feel connected to my limbs and when he’d run the tips of his fingers across them, I’d giggle at the strangeness of it.
He pulled out of me and pulled me up by the rags around my wrists, until I was kneeling. I sat waiting and he ripped the front of my dress, exposing one breast. He roughly grabbed them and kissed them before guiding my mouth to his cock. We awkwardly managed this, as I was still wearing the blindfold and kept flinching every time he’d get close. I’d feel something near my cheek and pull back and he’d pull me closer and wordlessly direct me to the right spot.
He undid the tie around my ankles, laid down on the bed and ordered, “Now, get on top of me!” and I literally laughed out loud because I was suddenly aware of how difficult it was to move around when I couldn’t see anything or use my hands. He chuckled, “Don’t worry, I’ll help you.”, and he wrapped one arm around me and used the other to help me lift my leg high enough to get over him without accidentally kneeing him anywhere special.
It took me a bit to acquaint myself with our positioning. He used his hands and his strength to put me exactly as he wanted me, and his pleasure was audible when we got to the point of penetration. He grabbed my phone and tried to snap pictures, but the real thing was too good for him, and after three blurry pictures, he threw the phone down and one hand went between my legs and the other grabbed frantically at my exposed and unexposed breasts.
He reached around behind me and undid the tied up dress pieces from my wrists and from around my eyes and I fell into his waiting arms to receive an incredibly passionate kiss. He held me tightly and ran his hands over my hair to brush it out of my face and inquired confidently, “You okay?” and I nodded, feeling all sorts of floaty.
He rolled me onto my back and quickly penetrated me, both of us more than ready for my second orgasm. My hands went to work on my clit as he hit this new spot that we’ve just discovered that always feels epic for me. My right hand circled my clit and my left hand went between his chest and his ass, gripping and clawing the former and gently following the curve of the latter.
He watched me grinning, as the second orgasm rippled over me. I bucked right off of him and then quickly pushed him back in and convulsed as he gently rocked his hips. I shuddered at the final pulse of my pussy and he moaned, “That’s two!“. I snuggled into his forearms, placed beside my head, and kissed the veins pulsing in them. “Ready for the next one?“, he asked and I nodded, going straight back to circling my clit as he ripped open the rest of the front of my dress.
The third orgasm would just not come. He kept on, even though sweat was literally wicking off his back and chest and burning his eyes. He kept on, even though we both had to stop long enough to pick strands of my hair off of our fingers and arms and legs. He kept on for so long and I finally heaved, “I need you to cum!” and his eyes lit up. He had been so concerned about my pleasure up to this point and my orgasms, that I don’t think it had even occurred to him to orgasm. He was going to last, no matter what!
“Please Daddy, fill me up“, I whispered as I ran my hands up through his hair, pulling just gently, “Cum for me!“, I encouraged and he thrust harder and faster, the sweat dripping from his forehead onto my chest, the heat of him and our stubborn orgasms, making my arms and shins sweat. “It’s…“, he panted and I pulled him close, “I know“, and he collapsed over me, kissing my cheek before asking, “You ready?“. I nodded and he rolled exhausted into his spot.
I continued to work towards my third orgasm as we came down from the experience, talking about the best moments. Normally, this not a sexy conversation, it’s more analytical. But he was working on helping me orgasm, so he made it a sexier conversation full of compliments. “I loved how you had such a hard time moving with the blindfold on! You needed me so much. And your neck looked so good all tight and glistening with sweat.” and I smiled shyly. His hands caressed my thigh as I frantically worked on my clit, the orgasm seemingly escaping me.
I was ready to give up. My arms were soaked in sweat, my whole vulvular area felt swollen and well-used. I didn’t think it was going to happen. He grabbed my leg just right at exactly the right moment and the third orgasm, the elusive one, was the most intense of the night. I’m normally a toe-up type of girl, where the orgasm starts in the toes and radiates up from there. This time, it started in my jaw. I clenched tightly, as it dragged it’s way down my body. My stomach tightened and then my legs pushed hard into the mattress as my toes bent around the blankets. A monotonous clenched moan droned from between my lips and The Boyfriend wrapped his arm around me, consuming me in a hug, as I violently shook and clenched frantically beneath him.
He kissed my cheek and we separated, the sweat now sticky and gross, not sexy and fun. He opened the window wide and I turned on the fan, both of us ready for the night to be done. He was beyond exhausted and I had been thoroughly used. I kissed him hard, “Oh, I really do love you so much!” and he muttered, half asleep, “I really do love you too…” and after a few moments, as his eyes could no longer stay open, “…so much“.
I swear, I went to sleep grinning like a fool!
Hands upon my thighs
Tingles up the spine
Fingers trace my skin
Alighting fires within
Rounding up my rear
Feels so close, so near
Curve along my side
Shivers deep inside
Hand about my hip
Fingers digging in
Bodies sharing heat
Nails down my arm
A certain kind of charm
Palms against palms
In a moment, calm
Wrapped up in love
That’s what dreams are made of
If you liked this poem, please don’t hesitate to share it (the text, image or the whole post – up to you!) and be sure to give this post a like. You can see more of my poetry here and be sure to read more from The Writing.