The Rantings - For Everyone

Still Strange

Why is it that The Boyfriend’s babies always cause me so much joint pain? With the three older kids, during my pregnancies, sure I was beyond sick and in the hospital almost all the time because of gallbladder pain or kidney infections or premature labor. But never once did I experience any joint pain with them whatsoever.

Get pregnant with Carter and almost immediately start having severe knee pain. It lasts the whole pregnancy and then some and my doctor becomes concerned that I’ve got arthritis. Then, the pain subsides and I have no real issues for almost five years. Then, I get pregnant this time and the joint pain is back with a vengeance.

It’s been near impossible to get a comfortable sleep for a good three or four nights now. From my hands and wrists really bugging me to that damnable knee pain. It’s absolutely terrible and by far, my least favorite part of pregnancies with The Boyfriend’s babies!

I’ve been feeling very blah lately too. Last week, I would’ve told you I was excited and nervous for pregnancy and babies. This week, I’m feeling like it’s not real and like I’m not ready for it all. I’m hella excited for the baby, I’m not excited at all for the toddler or the 5-year-old. I’m dreading those toddler years something fierce.

I keep trying to remind myself that it will be easier this time around, because our situation is so different. It will be easier because it will only be one toddler instead of a handful of them. It will be easier because there’s so many more eyes able to watch a toddler. It will be easier because I’m not nearly as stressed out by things now as I was back then. I have to keep remembering that it will be easier this time. However, it doesn’t take away from the dread I am feeling towards those years.

I still just can’t get over the fact that four pregnancies, I knew I was pregnant long before I took any tests. This pregnancy, it still doesn’t feel entirely real even though we’ve now had multiple positive tests AND we’ve even seen the baby. And yet somehow, it still doesn’t feel real. When I wake up in the morning feeling nauseous and sore and terrible, I never think to myself, “Oh, it’s because I’m pregnant!”. And what the heck is that about?!?

It’s so strange being pregnant again after so long of not being pregnant. I say it at least once a day. Everything just feels so new and different.