The Rantings - For Adults 18+

The Colors of a Spanking

One thing that really attracts me to spanking in particular is the way in which I feel sensations during them.

It doesn’t happen with things like cropping or flogging, although a similar state is achieved, it’s not the same. During a spanking, it often feels like I have a lot more than five senses. And those five senses, plus all the other new ones, are heightened dramatically.

Sounds become sharper, smells become stronger, I become hyper aware of everything. And, most notably, I begin to feel a specific color.

I’m not talking like my ass starts to feel a particular color. I’m talking like my whole being and surrounding space feels that color. When his hand touches me, it feels like he is splashing me in that color. When I open my eyes, it’s what I see – everything tinted that color. I feel like I’m emitting that color from my skin, like I’m sprayed in the perfume of that color.

The first time he spanked me after our seven year hiatus, I felt red. The marks from the spanking were more of a purple welted color, but my whole being felt red for two days. During The Spanking – Pt. 2, I began feeling pink. Pink I had felt before, red I hadn’t.

I’m convinced that I know that there will be certain colors. Purple will be for the slightly heavier than red spanking, the one that leaves you kicking and writhing – big leftover bruises. Black will be for the first spanking ever experienced where you pass out or push far past a limit. And white, which I’ve decided is my ultimate goal color, is where I believe subspace lies.

I’m also convinced there will be colors that I haven’t imagined yet (and probably don’t want to), like green or blue – the first I imagine, knowing my luck will happen the first time he gets to spank another girl and me at the same time (sad laugh) and the second, I imagine will come after an exceptionally emotional spanking that results in tears and aftercare (above and beyond what is usually required).

I know, for me anyways, that there are for sure two colors that I have personally experienced in my spankings. Pink was very floaty and playful. Red was passionate and serious. I know that there are possibilities for many more emotional sensations during spankings. And I’m desperate to explore all the colors of a spanking!

Do you experience colors during spankings, outside of the color of your ass? Do you experience other heightened sensations during spankings or other sensations that don’t fit within the box of the five senses? 

The Writing - For Adults 18+

Truly Living – My FetLife Poem

Today, I updated my FetLife profile because for the first time in over a year, The Boyfriend and I had pictures to add (post to come about that later tonight because I have stuff to do right now…)! So, I didn’t want to add them to a basically abandoned profile.

While I was updating, I came across this poem that I had written about a year ago and felt like I wanted to share it here – for all of the people who can’t see my FetLife profile.

His hand wrapped around my throat, and I felt safe.
His fingers pressed into me, my breath suspended.
He watched me closely, waiting for the signal.
I tapped out and he stroked my hair.
I gasped and felt truly alive.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

#NostalgiaJunkie: 4 Quotes From 4 Years Ago

I kissed him. I didn’t know what else to do.

It felt like I consciously gave up that night…

There is a big part of me that is just ready to throw in the towel on this whole kink thing for the time being.

I don’t think he’s ready. And I don’t know if he ever will be…

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

#Sexperience Fails: When FFM Threesomes Go Wrong

I was 17 and pregnant with my first child by the man, who I joked through our whole relationship was, “the one night stand that wouldn’t end!“. He had a guy friend, I’ll call him Mark, who was dating a girl I’ll call Sam. She was a little younger than us and incredibly beautiful. I was tall and skinny and she was short and curvy. Alfie and I were very open about the fact that we were both curious about a variety of kinks. That month, we had discovered blind canes.

Our window blinds had broken. The cane to open and close them had popped off and wouldn’t go back on. It just happened to be laying on the floor by the couch when we had Mark and Sam over for a game of poker, a couple hits from the bong and the boys probably drank beer. A joke was made about the blind cane and somehow it ends with Sam in front of a mirror, me behind here wailing on her ass with the cane, while the two guys sit on the bed behind us sipping beer. The night ended abruptly.

Mark came over the next night without Sam. Alfie and I teased that we should have a threesome. He reached his hand up my skirt rather brazenly as his friend watched on. I went for a bath and Alfie and I had a heart-to-heart – were we really going to do this? How would Sam feel about it? – and ultimately decided that Alfie would go back upstairs and put the feelers out with Mark and come and get me if it were a yes.

The agreement we came to was that Alfie was allowed to fuck me, Mark was only allowed a blowjob. So, I knelt between Mark’s legs, ass high in the air and proceeded to suck his laundry detergent scented cock as Alfie fucked me from behind. I remember the experience being incredibly hot and when they finished close to each other, I laid down between them and Alfie and I made out as I masturbated and Mark watched on.

A few nights later, Sam came over by herself. She knew about our experience with Mark and wanted a taste of her own. She wanted to show me what I had done to her ass with the cane only a few nights prior and we snuck into the bathroom to take a peek. Alfie tried to sneak in and both of us shrieked at him – if she, if we wanted him to see, we would’ve done it right there in front of him. I know it made me feel uneasy, I can only imagine how she felt.

Eventually, we get to a point where we’re all ready to go. I couldn’t tell you any of the details leading up to the moment. I remember Alfie laying on the bed between us in his boxers. I remember Sam and I giggling not really knowing where to start first. I remember Alfie telling me to kiss her. I remember her braces pressed up against my lips.

Alfie says something to indicate that we should suck his cock. He chooses her first. She just barely gets her lips wrapped around him before pulling off and saying she has to leave. She had gotten a text from her Dad saying he was outside waiting for her. Up she goes, quick as a cat. I’m pretty sure Alfie practically chased her out the door…

Some time goes by. I couldn’t tell you exactly how long. Maybe a week. I wake up late one morning and our roommate informs me that Alfie’s been locked up in the bathroom all morning with the phone and he needs to make a call. Alfie lies and tells me he’s been talking to his Mom. The phone says he’s been calling Sam. After Alfie and I talk and he continues to lie, even after he’s been caught, continues to lie, I call Sam.

He won’t stop calling me. I keep telling him I want to come hangout with you but he keeps telling me I can’t unless I hang out alone with him. He’s called me constantly this morning!“. Alfie is literally sitting there watching my reactions to her on the phone and he’s just sitting there, spewing off more lies about how we didn’t understand and it’s not what we think. I never talked to her again...


It’s my 21st birthday. I’m now a Mom to 3 babies, Alfie and I have broken up and gotten back together so many times I can’t even count and we’ve shared a couple handfuls worth of great male-male-female threesomes. I’ve got this friend who we’ve known for almost a decade and we’ve been hanging out constantly. She brings me a best friends blanket and a bottle of alcohol. The three of us sit on the couch drinking.

We all think it would be hilarious to play truth or dare and it starts out innocently enough. I don’t remember who it was exactly but someone dares someone else to lick someones nipples. The game turns dirty very fast – too fast. Very quickly, it becomes her and Alfie daring each other while I’m sitting there watching them play together and thinking, “Isn’t it my birthday?“.

Alfie and I always had this really big issue. I had a bunch of babies, so I wasn’t as skinny at 21 as I was when we first met. As part of his abuse cycle, he would call me fat and lazy to get a reaction out of me and it did, it really did. She was bigger than I was, but she had gorgeous boobs. Just absolutely perfect. I couldn’t get over the fact that he was so interested in her even though she was fat, when he couldn’t be interested in me because I was fat. That took over entirely…

I stomped down to my room, tears held at the corner of my eyes. I slammed my bedroom door shut. It took him 20 minutes to come down after me. I remember him telling me I was being ridiculous and I remember him leaving. I laid in my bed crying for a really long time – or at least it felt like a really long time. I expected to go back upstairs to everyone with their clothes on and feeling a little awkward.

Instead, I walk upstairs to the two of them naked under the blankets, him on top of her. I can’t say for sure that there was penetration. I can’t say for sure exactly what they were doing. But I remember absolutely losing my shit. I remember screaming at her that “this is not what friends do!“, I remember ignoring him entirely as he told me I was overreacting and tried to stop me from throwing her shirt at her. I was completely outraged and told her to get out of my house and never come back. I told Alfie to do the same, but he didn’t listen. I never talked to her again…