The Rantings - For Everyone

And… Release…

It feels like it’s been an exceptionally long couple of days. 

Cazzwell has been sick, again. I feel like he gets sick a lot. It’s the amount of kids we have and the rapidly changing weather, it’s gotta be. But this one is just being rough!

He has been one heck of a grumpy baby. More than once, I’ve had to set him down and walk away and just let him cry for a few minutes, because it gets to be so overwhelming. It always tends to feel like he’s only grumpy for me – although the logical and rational me knows that that is only because he spends the most amount of time with me – in the moment when he’s just not giving up, the irrational side of me takes over and I just think, “My baby hates me!”.

My sleep schedule is absolutely all over the place and has been for about a week and a half. I’m lucky if I’m averaging 4 hours a night. I seem to have a lot of energy though. I stay up almost all night, sleep for a couple hours before the baby wakes up ridiculously early, doze while he’s playing in bed beside me until The Boyfriend gets home from work, and then I’m up again. I’m hoping something will give soon there because I can foresee it officially being too much in a day or two.

The two eldest kids have been trying my patience a great deal this week too.

Kaeidyn has technically been doing it for awhile now and it just keeps seeming to get worse and worse with her – which is to be expected but that does not make it any less trying. In this last week alone, two new rules have been created for her. She’s been missing a lot of school, making a lot of decisions without asking parents (like messaging me after she’s already at her friend’s house across town, “I’m staying here tonight!“, instead of messaging me beforehand and asking for permission…), and her snarky attitude is constantly present.

I’ve been trying to touch her and cuddle her more. She had pointed out awhile back that I was always saying that I loved the boys but never saying it to her. I hadn’t even noticed to be honest. There was awhile back there where she didn’t like hearing it and so, I guess I stopped saying it so much. So, I’ve been trying to be more affectionate to her, letting her know that she is truly loved. At first, she would flinch every time I’d stroke her hair or give me a dirty look if I said anything nice to her, acting like I was some weird alien species. It must be working though because she has actually come and sat on the couch next to me just to cuddle.

Eventually, we’ll figure this shit out…

Kenzie is following directly in his older sister’s footsteps. In this last week, I have literally had to yell over top of him that I didn’t want to hear his arguments anymore. He will take the most minor things and blow them up to huge proportions and have an absolute meltdown. He used to storm up to his room, slam his door and go to sleep. But now, he’ll stand there and just yell at you and argue with you. It is absolutely sucking the life out of me!

He’s now got a group of friends too, just like his sister. And because she was allowed to do such and such at his age, he immediately thinks that he gets to do it too. He doesn’t remember that, to some degree, Kaeidyn had to earn all that stuff. So, he’ll go to his friend’s house and then without telling anyone, leaves his friend’s house and ends up at another friend’s house. Or they’ll go to a park without telling any parents. Or he won’t come home from school until dinnertime. He also forgets, just like Kaeidyn, that he has to ask permission.

Carter has not been understanding the word “no” lately.

It’s a very fluid word for him. He thinks every little variation to the plan will change the answer. “Well, if this happened…” and he will constantly ask over and over again. You’d think he’d forget about it or something, but the next day, he’s still asking hoping the answer will change. And when you finally have had enough and get upset at him for not understanding the no, he pouts and pouts and acts like you’re the cruelest person in the world and like you’re being unfair only to him. And then the asking begins again…

Keirnan is the only kid that I have no real huge complaints about!

He’s been a great helper this last little while, which is such a change from just a little while ago. When I’m feeling frustrated with Cazzwell, he jumps in and takes over and is the best big brother you could ask for. When I need help making food or cleaning up a mess, as long as I say I need help, he gets up and goes about helping out. I think he’s been enjoying the feeling of taking care of things. He has been angry a lot towards Carter, which has been a struggle to figure out how to deal with, but I can’t always blame him for feeling like that towards his little brother, because Carter can be a real handful. And he seems to gravitate towards being annoying to Keirnan.

You punch a monkey so many times and eventually the monkey’s going to punch back!

I have been incredibly unproductive this last week too. I had a good two weeks of some seriously epic productivity. I was getting stuff done left and right, writing lots, keeping the main floor pretty darn clean, motivating the family to do their part. And then, it just all went out the window. I’ve spent this last week mostly glued to my computer, mostly wasting time and mostly trying to ignore the world around me. There’s been lots of game and Star Wars talk happening and I’m just not interested. I’m not interested in being interested this time around. I’m not even interested in faking interest. So, I’ve been trying to just kinda zone out and stay that way.

I’m hoping that The Boyfriend’s next two days off will give me some time to decompress from this last week. To have some sort of release. Have a bit of kid-free time, no electronics and hopefully really nice weather. In a perfect world, we would go for a drive somewhere and now that I have my ID, The Boyfriend would finally take me out drinking or dancing or something. Just something adult, for grown-ups.

I need to have some sort of experience because I’m starting to feel cooped up in all of it.

This post is from The List and is for everyone.

TO DO: Online

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last couple of days mindlessly clicking around on the computer, not really sure what to do or where to go. I’ve been writing a lot of posts that aren’t getting finished and I’ve just generally been feeling a huge lack of motivation and inspiration, even though it’s literally staring me in the face!

I think the biggest problem is that there are just so many things that I want to be doing, so many things that I should be doing and so many things that I could be doing, that it’s just a little bit overwhelming. I decided I needed to get the to-do list out of my head so that maybe I can make some progress, any progress…

Things I Want to Be Doing Online:

  • Listening to podcasts

    I subscribe to a few different podcasts always with the thinking that I’m going to listen to, but I just never seem to find the moment or desire to listen to them, so they just sit there piling up on me…

    In a perfect world: I’d love to listen to podcasts live. I’d even be happy with one night a week listening to podcasts. Ideally, I’d spend an hour every night listening to podcasts – since I follow enough to fill up that schedule quickly…

  • Reading articles

    There are so many things to read on the internet. I’ve always wanted to read articles from my favorite blogs and relevant to my interests. And while I’ll occasionally click, the reality is that I’m missing huge amounts of content because I’m not regularly reading those articles.

    In a perfect world: I’d save any articles that I was interested in reading (using something like Pocket) and spend a minimum of an hour every night going over the reading I had saved up for the day.

  • Instagram-ing

    Currently, I post to Instagram and check in on it whenever I post a picture. As those who follow me may notice, I rarely ever post pictures. I’d like that whole entire thing to change!

    In a perfect world: I’d like to take one selfie, one landscape photo and one picture of the kids every single day – that would be ideal for me.

  • Publishing a Book

    This is so high up there on my list right now! I’ve been thinking about it constantly and debating the pros and cons of my options and I just feel like I’m not closer to anything. But, I really want to publish a book and make my first $0.99 sale and the ultimate goal is to one day hold my work in a print book in my hands!

    In a perfect world: By the end of 2016, I’d really like to have a plan to accomplish this goal!

  • Releasing YouTube Videos

    I used to release cover videos on a relatively regular basis, back when I had a guitar. Then, my guitar broke and I basically stopped putting out videos. I miss the good ole days and I’d like to go back to them.

    In a perfect world: More than just covers, I’d like to release a few different kinds of videos. It’d be fun to release vlogs of life with the family, covers and original songs, as well as some things about my biggest interests – sexuality, erotica and The Sims 4. I’m thinking, release a video at least twice a week.

There are, of course, a number of other “goals” I have for online, such as a certain number of Tweets per week or certain types of content on Facebook, for example. However, those aren’t really things that I’d like to be doing so much as things that I’m currently attempting to do – maybe I’ll go into that in a different post. But these are just a few of things that I’d like to be doing online.

This post is from The List and is intended for adults 18+.

TO DO: Sex in the Great Outdoors

As a young-ish teenager without a bed to hump on, it was common and frequent that the great outdoors became my first boyfriend and I’s favorite place to get freaky. Blowjobs thigh-deep in snow or feet knocking on branches from the bushes around us, abandoned stairwells lit by the moon or wide open fields where gentle kisses were exchanged.

Part of it was necessity. If we wanted to have sex, we had to have it outdoors, because we definitely weren’t allowed to be having it indoors! With no bed to hump on, we took the streets, during and after school hours and traveled our little northern city in search of the perfect fuck spot. As a teenager, I thought the only reason we did it was necessity. I know now that a big part of it was excitement surrounding the fear of getting caught.

I was caught, once (assuming we’re not counting all the times we were caught doing things that aren’t sex – oral, vaginal or anal – but verge very closely to it). I got over it really quickly.

As a slightly older teenager/young adult, I had a bed to hump on but sometimes, the moment just called for spontaneous sex. As a new/newer Mom and with a relationship that was chaotically swinging out of control, when the opportunity for sex presented itself (even if it was at 3 AM in the morning… After a girl called you disgusting…  And the whole bar saw your thong because your skirt ripped up the back) you took it (even if it was on the steps of a church), because you never knew when that window might open again.

Almost all of the things I’ve done, sexually speaking, with The Boyfriend, I’ve done with boyfriends before him. Obviously, the experiences were entirely and completely (and I mean, ENTIRELY) different. But, one thing The Boyfriend and I have never done that any of my other boyfriends have is have outdoor sex. Car sex, we’ve had (good times). Pressed-up-against-a-window sex, we’ve had. But never have we ventured out into the wild for an encounter. Always been just outside of the outdoors. Not even a blowjob in the park!

And it’s not for lack of amazing places to have outdoor sex. On almost every outdoor walk we’ve taken as a couple, it’s like we’re sex spot hunters on the prowl. We name off great little nooks and crannies all around us and it’s probably the biggest reason why every summer we love to go on so many walks – lots of fantasizing. And I know it’s not for a lack of interest. As described above, I’m obviously down and The Boyfriend has always said that he’d love to do it. I guess the biggest hindrance is likely opportunity, especially being that I can only remember a couple walks that we took without kids along.

There are a lot of places and ways that I’d like to have outdoor sex, including (but not limited to):

While I’m Camping

I’m not a big fan of camping and I’ve never gone and had a good time camping. I hate all the things about camping, especially nighttime surrounded by nature. However, I’ve always always always wanted to give a blowjob at a campfire and have loud sex in a tent under the stars!

Surrounded By Trees

My favorite thing about walking through forests is picking out spots where there’s a little cluster of trees almost forming a room among the mossy mounds. Not far off the path through the woods but deep enough to hide nude humans.

On a Park Bench

Just a regular ole park bench quickie, nothing fancy.

At The Beach

I know, it’s so cliché. And in reality, I’d be hard-pressed to do this one for fear of sand entering my vagina. But every time I see a porn with sex on the beach, it is honestly such a huge turn on. The waves, the water, the sun – it just sounds so good!

On The Side of the Road

You know –  you go on a long ride somewhere. You have to pull over to stretch your legs. You get out your door and lean up against the side of the car. He comes around visibly aroused and when he turns you around and slams you up against the door, BLAM! On the side of the road!

On a Hill

Not a super steep one, just a gentle rolling one. Preferably looking out over nature – more hills, even just grass. First with our feet facing towards the bottom of the hill, then with our feet facing up to the top. There’s this perfect hill across the street from our house, but I couldn’t see either of us being brave enough to conquer it!

On a Roof

And not just any roof, but a roof on a really tall building.

In the Snow

I want to be warm or have extreme warmth (like a fire and hot chocolate) to return to, but a sexy meeting in our snowsuits or a gloved-hand handjob could be a lot of fun. And the activity is sure to help with the whole keeping me warm thing.

In the Rain

It’s raining, it’s pouring and all I hear is moaning! And, I want to have sex in all the different types of non-destructive rains, like the soft rain on a sunny day or the first heavy downpour or the big gloppy wet rain or the near-slush early spring.

In a Parking Lot

Everyone’s going about their thing, they’re not going to notice the two people on the far side of the lot going at it, right? We’d have to start with barely busy lots and work our way up to more crowded, I think.

When the Sun Rises and Sets

To be outdoors, on your back, while the sun rises and/or sets, with your lover blissfully pounding away just seems like a beautiful experience to me. Especially if you consciously choose to be aware of that rising/setting sun during the encounter. I think it’d be precious.

Under the Stars

Again, a degree of consciousness would add that extra bit of special to this experience. It could end up being really romantic and intimate, especially under the vastness of twinkling darkness. Ideally, as far away from city lights as possible!

Keep in mind that this list only includes outdoor locations, not public spaces – that’s for a whole other post! And, in a perfect world, these wouldn’t be once-in-a-lifetime spur-of-the-moment occurrences. They would be sought after adventures that added that extra something to our sex life.

So, tell me, where are some other places or ways that you could have sex outdoors? Ever done any of the above or wanted to do any of the above? What do you think are some things to keep in mind when you’re having sex outdoors? Should you plan ahead or should it be spontaneous. Leave your thoughts about sex in the great outdoors in the comments below!

#FridayFavorites

#FridayFavorites: For the Weeks of October 23 – November 6

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.


Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my upcoming #TumblrFavorites post.

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/132325279786

Follow My Tumblr


Favorite Song

This song takes me right back to the early 2000’s. Enjoy B4-4’s “Savin’ for a Rainy Day”, which I’ve had stuck in my head for days!

Follow Me on Spotify


Favorite Google+ Update

Although it’s mostly depressing and that makes it a least-favorite-update, it’s been a consuming issue these last couple of weeks.

Circle Me on Google+


Favorite Tweet

Reading through posts about kink and these two words kept appearing. I was amazed by the thoughts and emotions they produced.

Follow Me on Twitter


Favorite Pinterest Board

One day, in a perfect world, I will be a do-it-yourselfer and I will do at least one of the projects from this board!

Follow Valerie’s board Do-It-Yourself on Pinterest.

Follow Me on Pinterest


Favorite Instagram Photo

All the kids were incredibly excited for Halloween and this year, Kaeidyn went as a creepy doll and begged me to do her makeup. So much fun!

Kaeidyn with her creepy doll makeup for Halloween at school.

A post shared by Valerie Rayne (@valerierayne) on

Follow Me on Instagram


Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

Follow My Blog


 Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

This post is from The List and is for everyone.

When I Grow Up… I’ll Get a Degree

I’m going to start this post off by saying that when it comes to post-secondary education, I basically know nothing. Although I vividly remember having a desire to attend Harvard at an incredibly young age, by high school, I knew that I would never attend college and my fate was basically sealed when I dropped out two weeks into my twelfth year.

I did return to a community-type college a few years later in hopes of becoming a unit clerk. My interests have always been based around medicine in some way and while I don’t believe I could ever become a doctor, I could sure as heck do everything that was required of a unit clerk. Unfortunately, this whole entire plan failed miserably and I wasn’t able to complete that either.

Part of my biggest issue with going back to school in anyway has always been a lack of a sense of direction. Not knowing what I need to do to get to where I want to go and not knowing for sure that where I want to go is where I want to be. Although I do have to say that in recent years that has changed somewhat, however the opportunities for what I want to do, seem far less available to me.

For a few years now, I’ve been highly interested in becoming a sex therapist and/or sexologist. Both areas tend to interest me and honestly, I’d like to become an expert in both fields. I know that there are a large number of ways to achieve this and a variety of different educational paths to go down to get to that ultimate goal. Which only makes the sense of direction that much more lacking.

While I don’t think you need a degree to be a grown up, when I grow up, I’d really like to have one. I’d like to have one for my career prospects (which at the present are rather abysmal), I’d like to have one to show off to all the people, I’d like to have one to show off to myself! I’d love to go through the dedication and commitment it takes to earn a degree and I’d like to come out on the other side feeling like a much more rounded and educated person.

In a perfect world, I would really love to have a degree in psychology with a focus on sexuality in some way. However, I don’t know if I would ever qualify to even attempt to obtain a psychology degree. One day, I’ll visit my local college and see a knowledgeable guidance counsellor and find out what I can do and how I can do it. Previously, I’ve gone to employment and education services that have no idea how to go about doing anything of a sexual nature and look at me like I’m a lunatic upon the suggestion. Maybe the reaction will be different among academics. For now, I’ll just dream about the day when I’m all grown up!

The List - For Adults 18+

TO DO: Sexual Enhancement Routines

I’ve always looked at sex as something so much more than sex – almost as if it’s a way to achieve some sort of  enlightenment, the ultimate nirvana. I use these particular words, because I have no other to explain the way that I feel about the act and art of having sex.

Like any other act that requires a great deal of mastery, I think that sex is like a marathon you train for. Yes, we are all naturally able to have great sex and we don’t need to work at it – just like we’re all able to throw a punch and hit our target. But if you train your muscles and your mind, your fists can endure stacks of bricks. In the same way, your sex can go from great to nirvana.

Now, I’m not saying that I have the answers to enlightenment. I really don’t and I don’t think anyone does. However, there are a few things that I’ve always wanted to do to improve myself as a partner in a relationship, a lover in (and out) of the bedroom and as a sexual being.

Orgasm Daily

Orgasms have a wide array of health benefits which have been proven over and over again by science. Everything from lowering cholesterol to decreasing your chances of becoming depressed. And, they feel damn good!

Plus, after completing all the other stuff on this list, I’d probably have to orgasm just so that I wouldn’t spend the day in a state of arousal…

Do 100 Kegels a Day

Kegel exercises involve tightening the pelvic floor muscles and decrease the likelihood of incontinence as we age, among a number of other benefits, including a more controlled orgasm. Kegels are easy to do and can be done anywhere and I really do love to do them!

I’d like to aim to do 100 of them, in intervals of 10 or 20 at a time. Wake up, do my kegels, check. Eat, do my kegels, check. Do the dishes, do my kegels, check. Write a blog post, do my kegels, check. You get the point 😉

Sexercise

As I get older (and lazier…), my body just doesn’t move in the way it used to. I mean, I can still get into all the crazy positions and he flops me about like a ragdoll, but it just doesn’t move the same way it used it. Sometimes, it gets sore or my hip locks up mid-pounding or I get a cramp in my leg at the worst possible moment.

Stretches and yoga-esque moves seem to be the best options here. The core strength is necessary for maintaining my balance and the flexibility will help when he decides to throw my legs above my head!

Wear Ben-Wa Balls or Alternatives

In the same vein as the Kegels, I’d like to wear ben-wa balls or some other alternative like the Lelo Luna Beads (both of which I’ve owned in the past). I’d like to wear these separate from the 100 Kegels and I’d like for this time to be a very meditative time, where I’m more focused more on the sensations of the experience.

Kegels can be done rather mindlessly. I’d like to wear ben-wa balls mindfully.

Self-Exam Sessions

Prior to the hustle and bustle of kids, it was common for a quick breast exam or a mirror inspection of my vulvular area. I was also regularly visiting my physician. These things happen far less often (really… never…) and I’d really like to go back to the days of knowing my girlie parts like the back of my hand.

Once a month breast fondling and mirror time is not only a great way to ensure my bits are as healthy as they should be but also wonderful for reassuring me of the beauty of my vagina and breasts 😉

Luckily, every single thing on this list, save for the ben-wa balls, is 100% free and accessible for me – for anyone really, so checking these ones off The List shouldn’t be too hard. It’s just a matter of reminding myself to do them and get them done!

What are some other routines that you could employ to enhance your sex life? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!

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The List - For Everyone

TO DO: Get Back-To-School Ready

This year is probably going to be one of the most stressful years of back-to-school that we’ve ever experienced. Even more than our first child going off to Kindergarten and even more than our last child graduating Kindergarten, this year marks some pretty major milestones and/or struggles for all the kids, and therefore, all the adults.

Kaeidyn goes from being an elementary school student to a middle school student, which means that she’s moving schools and will most likely be taking a city bus by herself for the first time in her life. Carter goes from half-days in Kindergarten to full days in Grade 1. Keirnan jumps from the grade where, as all the teachers say, “you’re learning to read“, to the grade where, “you’re reading to learn“. And Kenzie, who struggled with his reading quite a bit, goes into the next grade and we see how good or bad his reading ends up being.

There are so many things we need to do to get ready for this wonderful (and yet, totally terrifying) school year. Honestly, I’m not even sure where to start – so the following is listed in no order of importance, really, no order other than what my chaotic brain spits out.

Make Doctors Appointments

This has been on The List for so long and it still needs to be done, and especially as we go into this school year. All of us need to go in for physicals because we haven’t had one in over four years and not for lack of necessity, just for lack of motivation…

And not just general physicians. We all need to go see an optometrist as well and we already know that The Boyfriend is going to end up needing glasses. Finally, getting everyone in to see a dentist. Keirnan’s the only kid who has ever seen one and that’s something I seriously want to change.

We’ve already agreed that The Boyfriend has to set me up a spa day as a reward for making these calls.

Find Out About Middle School

They had an information night before school ended, but we weren’t able to go. Now I’m wishing I would’ve done more to ensure that I was there, because I feel like we are so ill prepared for Kaeidyn’s first day of school. She keeps talking about needing this and that, I have no idea where I’m supposed to put this and that. It’s all just a stressful ball of unknowingness.

Get School Supplies

We’re waiting for the lists to come out on this one and hopefully we won’t leave it to the last minute like we’ve done almost every year prior to this. It’s always amazing to us how hard this process can be and how much of a headache it causes everyone.

Along with the regular school supplies, every year we get the kids two new pairs of shoes (one for indoors and one for outdoors) and a first day of school outfit. This year, they are probably also likely to need new backpacks and at least one of them has grown out of their jackets from last year. Hopefully we’ll get the masses of laundry under control so that we’ll have a better idea of what’s needed in terms of clothing before school starts.

Adjust Sleeping Schedules

As soon as summer hit, all of our sleep habits became completely erratic. The older three left for the month to their Dad’s and followed his late evening work schedule, often staying up until he got home from work after midnight. The Boyfriend, Carter and I completely and easily adjusted to The Boyfriend’s graveyard sleeping schedule and are more likely to be sleeping during the day and waking during the night.

It’s especially important with Carter going into full days this year that we adjust our sleep schedules and in a better time frame than the night before school starts. We’re hoping to start making all the kids stick to their normal, regular, school-time bedtimes after this weekend and hopefully I won’t take long to follow in their footsteps.

Create a General Routine

Many of you know, it’s long been a goal of mine to create routines in my life and I generally tend to suck intensely at doing it. I’m not saying it has to be perfect or even good, but I’d like to have some sense of organization going into this school year.

Big important things include a regular laundry schedule, a regular homework and reading time (in which Mommy ensures their agendas get signed and any papers that I need to know about get seen – because it was such a big problem every year before this…), a set dinnertime and specific chores that the kids have to do to help us keep the house clean during the school year, because it always seems to go downhill then.

Clean, Clean, Clean!

Since we’re on the subject, I really would like to get the house clean as part of the back-to-school readiness. I’d like for the first day back at school, not a single one of us stressing out over any messes. I’d like all the laundry to be done, all the dishes to be put away, the floors to be mopped and the cobwebs to be vacuumed out of the corners of our basement.

I want my table set up and ready for the kids to use for homework, I want my bookshelf neatly organized with a space specifically for all the books they’ll be bringing home. I want to get rid of all the crappy, worn-out, raggedy furniture that we’ve currently got and replace it with less crappy, worn-out and raggedy furniture. I want all the stuff to have its place and be tidy.

In a Perfect World…

If we lived in a perfect world, I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this stuff because I would be homeschooling my kids year round. Alas, that will always remain the elusive dream.

In a less perfect, and yet still entirely perfect world, I wouldn’t have to deal with middle school because we’d live closer to where I grew up and there was no such thing as middle school.

And finally, in a perfect world, I would not leave so many things until a month before school starts…