#WTMFIWednesdays - Session #13 Cover Photo

#WTMFIWednesdays: Session #13 – Loverly


WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

A weekly sex meme arousing discussions on sexuality


The Rules


  •   Write a post answering as many of the questions as you’d like
  •   Add one of the WTMFI Wednesdays Badges
  •   Tag your post #WTMFIWednesdays
  •   Link up with us by adding your link to the original post
  •   Share your posts using our hashtag #WTMFIWednesdays

The Questions & My Answers


Question 1:
Who was the first person you fell in love with? (Describe the person to us)

The first time I saw him, he had bright blonde hair styled into a mohawk and a big baggy white t-shirt on. I don’t remember why, but he caught my attention on that crowded chaotic morning in the first French class of the year, and I was immediately obsessed with him.

He was a chunkier guy with a serious case of bad acne and a total punk rocker from head to foot. He taught me how to play guitar, would get upset when I’d wear skirts or make up, wanted us to be drug and alcohol free, and he was my first just about everything!

Ours was a passionate, abusive, fucked-up and totally childish kind of love.

Question 2:
What does love feel like?

It’s hard to describe what love feels like, because it almost never feels the same twice. It’s different for every person I’ve ever felt it for. But it’s one of those things where when you feel it, you know it, because something about is familiar, comfortable, just right.

Question 3:
Where were you the first time you told a romantic partner you loved them?

I’m pretty sure, although I could be entirely wrong, that the first time my first boyfriend and I said “I love you” to each other was underneath the stars on a night out with a group of friends. I’m pretty sure I gave him our first handjob that night too…

With Alfie, we were babysitting my nephew at my sister’s apartment. He was getting ready to go to work and as he was walking out the door, I said “Olive Juice and Elephant Shoes” and he looked at me confused and walked out the door. When he came home that night, he walked in the door and said, “I love you too!“.

The Boyfriend and I took a long while to get to the point of saying “I love you“. We talked about doing it for weeks prior to actually doing it. There were many moments where we were both like, “I think I want to but I’m just not sure…“. We had both just been through harsh break-ups, felt weird in the fact that there was a time when we didn’t really like each other and now here we were falling love, and also Alfie was still so much a part of the picture.

Question 4:
When should you tell a person you love them?

I tend to take the “love” word pretty seriously. So I don’t like to rush into saying it and I won’t say it if I don’t mean it.

That being said, I also think you should never hesitate to say it if you think you feel it. Love isn’t this static thing, it evolves and grows or withers and fades. It changes just like all the other emotions do, so you should always be able express how you’re feeling, even when it’s changing.

Question 5:
Why do you think we fall in love?

I think the biggest reason why we fall in love is because it’s really fun! It feels good, it’s exciting, it’s different, it’s challenging, it’s all these things and so much more.

Generally, I tend to think of love as this almost scientific thing. We’re falling in love because of all of these chemicals and reactions in our brain and our horomones and all this stuff. And I always tend to say things like “evolutionary biology tells us that we fall in love because it is necessary for the survival and evolution of the species” – which I’m pretty sure I read in a book somewhere 😉

Just as the ways in which we love are endless, so are the reasons for love.

BONUS:
How has love positively and negatively impacted your life?

I could probably never answer this question quite accurately…

In the beginning of my love journey, love had a lot of negative impacts on my life. Love was basically a negative force. I made bad choices and decisions under the guise of love, I stayed when I should’ve run away, I held on so tight – too tight – when I should’ve just let go.

Now love permeates positivity in my life. I am surrounded by love and have completely eliminated toxic relationships. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I wake up everyday just so grateful for what I’ve been given. I have the most amazing partner you could ask for, I have 5 going on 6 beautiful children who are my greatest source of joy and peace and the people who I choose to have in my life are supportive and caring people. I see love in each and every aspect of my life now.


View the Original Post


The Rantings - For Everyone

I Caved Because That’s What I Do

Written about a week ago:

I stopped saying “I love you” nine days ago…

I didn’t think he had noticed and now that I think about it, it took him quite a few days to notice. Day seven, I started getting upset that he wasn’t noticing, so I said, “I can’t believe it’s been seven days“. After a few wrong guesses he said, “Since you said you loved me?” and I looked at him almost surprised that he had actually figured it out.

I said, “Oh really? You noticed?!?

He said, “I kinda thought something was up the other night on Facebook.

I said, “And you didn’t think to say anything?!?

The conversation basically ends and we spend the next half hour in awkward silence. He leaves for work and doesn’t say “I love you“, like he always does and has been doing for the last eight years.

I send him a Facebook message. “FYI, choosing to not say “I love you” to me is definitely not the way to deal with me not saying it for the past 8 days. Unless you want to become the type of couple that doesn’t say it…

He responds on his lunch break, I’m assuming mostly jokingly that, “Maybe I’ve been saying it too much for you lately.

I send him back a novel-length rant about how it would be nice if instead of just assuming what I’m thinking, he would ask. I rant at him, “Do you not care?!?” and throw in some un-useful profanities and then just abandon my argument, “Forget I said, or didn’t say, anything!“. I’m tired, I don’t feel like talking about it anymore, I’ve given up. So, I go to bed and don’t say anything for the rest of the night.

This morning, he comes home from work. You can see the upset all over his face, but he plays it cool and comes and grabs baby and makes it seem like he’s giving me the option to sleep in. I was just going to sleep but my bladder wouldn’t give up, so I came down to go to the washroom. Then, I sat on the couch with him.

After a little while of a tense silence, he says, “I was going to respond to you last night. Wrote a bunch on my lunch break and then deleted it…“. I couldn’t help a sarcastic, “That’s great!“. A few more minutes of silence and then he says timidly, “Maybe I haven’t been caring very much lately.” and of course, I’m completely taken aback. Because I seriously thought I was being irrational when I said it.

Ever since my birthday…“, he adds.

On his birthday this year, we were having an especially rough week. Money wasn’t working out, the kids were all being absolutely out of control, shit just wasn’t being friendly to us. On his birthday morning, when I very first woke up, before I had even had my first sip of coffee or was even aware that it was March 3rd, he was desperate to hear “Happy Birthday“. And I get it, it was the big 3-0.

So, he’s absolutely right. I was a total bitch that day for not making a bigger deal of his birthday. And the bad girlfriend award goes to…

But I couldn’t help but be slightly upset. Because yet again, here we are – I bring up a problem that I’m having, in the way that I always bring it up – awkwardly! But instead of discussing why I’m having a problem or what my issue is, it suddenly gets flipped to why he’s having a problem or what his issue is and how it’s all my fault…

I just honestly didn’t feel like talking about it in this direction. He’s supposed to care about why I haven’t been saying it. And could I tell you exactly why I haven’t been? Not completely. I think I have a list of things, but for every single one of them, I could tell you exactly how he would respond to make it my fault. And he wouldn’t be wrong. He asks with a hint of snark, “So then, why haven’t you been saying it?“. Bottom lip quivering, voice shaking, I threw up my hands and said, “What’s the point?!?“.

The conversation was dropped entirely. Until he went to go up to bed – at a decent hour, might I add!

We cuddled on the couch for a long time. Then he hugged me and said he had to go to bed. “I really do love you so much…. Much more than you think I do.“, and I mumbled into his neck that I wanted to come to bed with him. He invited me up and we went and crawled into bed. While what he said is amazing and sweet and beautiful, it’s not what I wanted to hear or how I wanted the conversation to end.

I’m well aware of the fact that he loves me. There is no doubt in my mind. And I hope that I’ve made it very clear to him that this has nothing to do with me not loving him because I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love him. But me not saying “I love you” to him had nothing to do with love.

I wanted him to notice! And then care! And be interested!

Let’s be real – we don’t have that much in common. He likes action movies, I like dramas. He likes videogames, I like blogging. He likes Star Wars, I like Star Trek. I’m kinky, he’s vanilla!!!! We don’t have much in common.

And this is where I get the great girlfriend award! I take on his interests so that we do share something. I play his vidoegames and keep up on the news so that when E3 rolls around and he starts wishlisting games like crazy, I know what he’s talking about. I listen to the Star Wars news years before the movies are even considering being released and keep up on which Jedi did what. I pay fucking attention!!

But, in 8 years, he hasn’t read a single one of my blog posts… When I play guitar, he turns away from me with his videogame volume up and is totally focused on an online game – so he doesn’t even try to keep the kids quiet for a session… He’s never opted in to watching any of my YouTube videos – unless I put them on when he’s sitting next to me… He shows no interest in my interests whatsoever and can hardly even fake it if I’m talking about it. He literally looks completely dazed if I start talking about how I can’t form a barre chord or that my domain registration needs to be renewed in a few months!

And yet again, falling asleep during my attempt at a second orgasm just totally blew the whole thing up in my face!

I wanted him to notice me. And care about me. And be interested in me. So, I stopped saying “I love you“, in hopes that he would take notice of the fact that I wasn’t saying our most favorite words in the whole world. In hopes that he would care why I wasn’t. In hopes that he would be interested. But, that wasn’t the case…

I can never stand when there is that awkward tension between us. I hate when there’s silence and when our arms aren’t wrapped around each other. I especially can’t stand it when it begins to feel like all those feelings are irrational in some way. I just want it to end and he doesn’t typically end it (he’d probably say something like, “Because you never give me a chance!”). He can give me the silent treatment for days. So, I’ll normally drop it and that’s exactly what I did.

I told him I loved him on the 9th day. I meant every word of it.