The List - For Everyone

#BucketListed: Publish My First Book

I’ve long talked about my desire to write a book. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do.

I even have books in the works. By in the works, I mean that they are sitting in folders – some of them only just started, some of them just outlined and some of them with thousands of unedited words.

However, I would in no way say that I’m anywhere near the point of publishing said first book yet. Not even close!

Being an author is a way of immortalizing yourself – more than almost any other medium. Words live for centuries!  You can still read the words of authors and philosophers written from thousands of years ago. I was always a big fan of journaling, to remember myself, to remember who I was. To immortalize and preserve myself for myself.

What began as journaling evolved into writing. It’s how I started blogging. I wasn’t doing it to reach out to readers or start conversations, I was just writing in my online journal. Then I began publishing erotica and can now, sorta, put myself into the writer category. Sorta.

In terms of what types of books I want to publish, it ranges and varies. Generally, I want to stick to sex-based subjects, because it’s what I think I know. And what I’m passionate about – which is ultimately what matters. From erotic novels to non-fiction sexual education-type books.

Does that mean that this should be #FucketListed?

To which, my answer is, no it shouldn’t be. Because it’s not a sexual want/desire/aspiration. It’s a very day-to-day mundane interaction – writing a book, that is. Publishing a book is not sexual, even if it’s content may be. And if I only wanted to publish erotica, then maybe. But again, that’s not all I can write!

More than anything though, I want to feel my book in my hands. I struggle with publishing an eBook alone because I want to feel the weight of my words. I want to hear my finger slide down the page and the spine crack! I want to turn the crisp pages and have that memorable smell waft towards my nose. I want to make it to the final page and experience the ending in the way only closing a book can allow. I want to set it down and feel completed.

This post is intended for adults 18+

The Lowered Drive is Killing My Writing

One of the biggest problems I seem to be facing with this whole lowering of my sex drive is that I can’t seem to write a single good sentence on any of my erotica. I’ve been desperately craving writing something, I’ve got a story waiting to be finished, I’ve got all these story ideas and plans in my head – and yet, my lowered sex drive is making it impossible!

First of all, the issue of getting aroused. I tend to write my erotica and if it doesn’t turn me on, I scrap it. Because I’m a pretty easy target for arousal, so if it’s not turning me on, it’s probably not very good. However, right now, I’m all out of whack. Stuff that normally turns me on isn’t working at all and so everything I write erotically immediately seems to suck.

Second, the visualization. A huge part of my erotic writing happens because I have a vivid imagination that runs wild with sexual thoughts. Without those visualizations, without the ability to even attempt to have those visions, I have nothing to spring forth from. I have no scene, I have no characters, I have no plot and there’s definitely not any sex!

The lowered sex drive doesn’t seem to be having any effect on any other area of my life except my erotic writing and I am officially noticing and I am officially not happy about it at all! Tonight, as I attempted for the umpteenth time this week to write an erotic piece, I officially hit my breaking point. I kept trying to explore why I was having such a hard time with it, why I’d get two paragraphs in and suddenly be completely lost, why I couldn’t get a single sexual moment out between anything, and I’ve finally figured it out. And I am not happy, not happy at all!

I want to write but I am being way too critical to get it done…