The Rantings - For Adults 18+

The Colors of a Spanking

One thing that really attracts me to spanking in particular is the way in which I feel sensations during them.

It doesn’t happen with things like cropping or flogging, although a similar state is achieved, it’s not the same. During a spanking, it often feels like I have a lot more than five senses. And those five senses, plus all the other new ones, are heightened dramatically.

Sounds become sharper, smells become stronger, I become hyper aware of everything. And, most notably, I begin to feel a specific color.

I’m not talking like my ass starts to feel a particular color. I’m talking like my whole being and surrounding space feels that color. When his hand touches me, it feels like he is splashing me in that color. When I open my eyes, it’s what I see – everything tinted that color. I feel like I’m emitting that color from my skin, like I’m sprayed in the perfume of that color.

The first time he spanked me after our seven year hiatus, I felt red. The marks from the spanking were more of a purple welted color, but my whole being felt red for two days. During The Spanking – Pt. 2, I began feeling pink. Pink I had felt before, red I hadn’t.

I’m convinced that I know that there will be certain colors. Purple will be for the slightly heavier than red spanking, the one that leaves you kicking and writhing – big leftover bruises. Black will be for the first spanking ever experienced where you pass out or push far past a limit. And white, which I’ve decided is my ultimate goal color, is where I believe subspace lies.

I’m also convinced there will be colors that I haven’t imagined yet (and probably don’t want to), like green or blue – the first I imagine, knowing my luck will happen the first time he gets to spank another girl and me at the same time (sad laugh) and the second, I imagine will come after an exceptionally emotional spanking that results in tears and aftercare (above and beyond what is usually required).

I know, for me anyways, that there are for sure two colors that I have personally experienced in my spankings. Pink was very floaty and playful. Red was passionate and serious. I know that there are possibilities for many more emotional sensations during spankings. And I’m desperate to explore all the colors of a spanking!

Do you experience colors during spankings, outside of the color of your ass? Do you experience other heightened sensations during spankings or other sensations that don’t fit within the box of the five senses? 

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

I’m Mad At Him, And I Don’t Think He’s Noticed

I’m not mad at him for any good or particular reason. But it’s pissing me off more that he’s not noticing.

It all started a few nights ago. We had really great sex. I orgasmed during it but as usual, wanted to have that second orgasm. When he cums, it turns me on so much. I always want an orgasm afterwards, otherwise I spend the next few days until we have sex again, absolutely and utterly aroused. So, I always go for a second orgasm.

But, he’s already cum. He works, he’s a Dad, he’s tired at the best of times. Add in a great orgasm and it’s near impossible for him to stay awake afterwards. Sometimes, I don’t mind and will bring myself to orgasm as he falls asleep next to me and it’s okay and I’m fine with it. Sometimes, it makes me upset and angry and I bring myself to orgasm just to spite him – even though he sleeps right through it, so really, doesn’t affect him.

If I’m especially angry at him, as I was after this really great sex, I’ll intentionally fantasize about another guy. Another guy coming into my room and taking over the monumental task of bringing me to my second orgasm. He’s not there to have sex with me or make me feel loved or any of that bullshit, his job is purely to get between my legs and love my pussy until I explode into orgasm. I always feel guilty after this fantasy.

I woke up the next day really mad at him for yet again falling asleep on me. I get that he’s tired, I’m sympathetic. But there is no way in hell that I would fall asleep during his orgasm – regardless of how long it was taking to get there or if it was his first or fifth. I’m a Mom raising 5 kids, I’m exhausted too, but I would never just pass out and make him work for it himself. In the last year, he’s literally had to work for 1 of his orgasms – 1!!! We weren’t in the same province and he had to work for 1 orgasm – which, might I add, I stayed awake for and watched while we were videocalling each other!!!

Like, it just makes me want to scream. It makes me wonder why no one cares about my orgasm. Especially when he’s always claiming, “Oh, I love it when you orgasm. I love to watch you cum!” blah blah fucking blah!!!

Then, his sleep schedule has been all over the place. First, he was sleeping when all the kids were at school. A lot of times, I’d just stay in bed with him. Then, we had baby and he’s an early riser. So, I’d get out of bed when he got home from work in the morning and then he would sleep after the kids got home from school. Then, out of nowhere, he’s started doing where he sleeps for part of the morning, gets out of bed for the afternoon and then finishes off his sleep with a nap before work. This constant changing of a sleep schedule that was working for us is absolutely getting to me.

Every time he closes his eyes, I feel an immediate anger at him. It feels like all he’s ever doing lately is sleeping. And I know that’s not true. I know he’s not getting anymore hours than he used to, I know he’s not getting deep, well-rested sleeps. But I can’t help but feel jealous that yet again he gets to crawl into bed and yet again he gets time without the kids and yet again…

Also had my first period back since the miscarriage. It was one of the roughest periods I’ve had in awhile – cramps, more bleeding than usual, massive mood swings – it was all over the place. And I’m guessing it probably has been contributing to the anger I feel towards The Boyfriend right now. I have to go through all these lady problems while he gets to just sit back and not have to experience it or go without orgasms because no one wants to touch a bleeding vagina and just argh!!

The Rantings - For Everyone

Ready to Get Back to Work

I hate these huge gaps between posts lately. I hate that I keep promising myself to change that and then just end up sucking at it. I hate that I’ve become such a huge slacker and that I want so desperately to change it but my body and mind just can’t seem to get on board with it.

I had spent quite awhile freaking out about baby stuff. We finally went in for the ultrasound that I had talked about in my last post and it went really well. It was fun because The Boyfriend got to come in for the whole entire thing and we got to watch it from beginning to end – two things that have never happened before.

All our worries were greatly relieved when we were told that everything is looking great. Baby’s heart is looking fine and he’s right on track for his growth. Now we’ve just got to go for the Glucose Screening Test and then probably another ultrasound closer to the end of the pregnancy.

The kids have all been a serious handful and a half these last few days, maybe even going on a couple weeks. We’ve left Kaeidyn to babysit a couple times while we ran to get coffees or whatever and the power goes to her head and she becomes little miss bossy, in the worst kind of way. It irritates the boys to no end and then she has the hardest time coming out of the wannabe-mommy-mindframe.

Carter is by-far the one that hates it the most. And he has just not been able to get along with anyone for anything. He’s constantly getting on someone’s nerves. He’s been really klutzy lately and has been hurting himself on a regular basis. He will literally sit at the top of the stairs and fall down them on purpose. He doesn’t even cry, just gets up and does it again. I tend to raise my voice in his direction a heck of a lot more than I’d like to.

Kenzie has been an emotional wreck and is prone to burst out into tears the moment he doesn’t get exactly what he wants. Lately, that seems to be going over to other people’s houses – whether it’s my Mom’s or a friend of his – and the moment you say “no”, he’s bawling on the couch. Or one of the kids will start copying him and he just breaks down in tears. It’s been days of calming him constantly.

Even Keirnan has been more of a pain in the butt than normal. He’s been noisier and has gotten to that terrible stage where he’s prone to hit long before even considering to use his words. And he is seriously getting so terrible for his lying, all the time, about everything. Even things that don’t need a lie. I don’t get it and I don’t completely get how to stop it either. We’ve tried all the tricks I remember from the other kids and they just don’t seem to be working…

The Boyfriend has the next two days off and we’ve got plenty of plans. First and foremost is a lot of cleaning. We have been seriously neglectful and I’m officially done with that. Upstairs, downstairs, laundry and yard – it’s all gotta get done. Then we’ve got dinner at both our Mom’s places, which I’m looking forward to, because I’ve been desperately wanting to get out of the house and have a reason to do so. I also hope that I can find time to focus some attention on my online stuff. I keep saying that I’m going to and then end up not and I’m just so ready to get over that. I’m so ready to get some work done!

When the Show Makes You Cry…

Do you ever get really emotionally involved with TV shows or movies? Do you ever feel yourself caring a lot for characters in shows? Do you prefer to find those shows or movies that bowl you over with emotion? 

I tend to be the biggest fan of shows that really hook me into them emotionally. I mean, I determine my rating system on Netflix based off of the emotional response the show gives me. For example, if I cry really hard, I’m likely to give it a 5-star rating. If I don’t cry at all, it’s likely to rate far less.

I think it all started all those years ago when we would all hunker down on Thursday nights to watch ER. When Mark died, our whole family wept and sobbed. It touched my heart beyond belief when Kaeidyn watched ER over a decade after I had seen that episode and was also brought to sobbing tears – and I smiled proudly when she cried the next day when we played “Somewhere Over the Rainbow“, because that’s what good TV does.

Over the years there have been too many memorable moments to name in television and film history as it relates to me. The tears these cheeks have felt over fictional characters over the years would probably astound you, because they have been so numerous. My favorite times are when the emotional response absolutely surprises you.

Great example: Reign Over Me with Adam Sandler. We all know him as this funny guy telling jokes. But this movie had me literally curled up in a ball in a full-out sob session. He’s sitting there in that courtroom and all of a sudden, completely overcome with emotion – both him and me! I think Alfie was terrified that something was wrong with me, because the moment just absolutely broke my heart.

I don’t feel like it’s hard for a show or movie to make me cry – I tend to do it rather easily. But every once and awhile, a show hits a nerve that the emotions attached to that moment are so memorable. Even though they’re emotions shed over fictional moments, they feel like they happened to you, happened to people you love.

Tonight, I started watching The Killing. I haven’t really had much interest in this show, but I’ve run out of episodes on all the other shows that I was watching and needed something to pass the time with. I was a little worried about this show, because I tend to have a hard time watching anything that involves a lot of killing. While I get really into these types of shows, I don’t really like watching them because they change my dreams from just generally confusing to utterly terrifying!

I was really skeptical going into this show but by the end of the first episode I was in shambles. I’m not sure what I think of the story or the characters (haven’t been watching long enough to know…), but the parents of this girl are incredibly relatable and anytime they struggle with their emotions, I find myself struggling with mine. I find that kind of television to be incredibly powerful.

So, What are some of your memorable and emotional TV or movie moments? Have you ever been surprised by your reaction to anything you watched? What was the last show you cried at? Let’s talk TV in the comments!