Scatterbrained

The Rantings - For Everyone

I have been attempting to write for days now. I’ve technically done a lot of writing. My drafts folder is filled with half-finished posts. Finishing things is absolutely not happening for me right now. It means that I’ve been refusing to hit publish.

It’s the weather. It’s the cleaning. It’s that crap between The Boyfriend and I that I have yet to be able to adequately write about. It’s the kids – especially the daughter who has been upsetting everyone and the baby who has been incredibly needy. It’s everything! Absolutely everything is making it hard for me to get anything done or to even want to do it in the first place.

I have never helped so little in preparation for our annual inspection. I was pregnant last year and worked 10x harder than I have this year. For all my bitching about The Boyfriend, he has been beyond amazing, because he’s just been working circles around me – even though he’s exhausted from working and getting less than 6 hours of sleep almost every single day.

We’re down to 3 days before the inspection and there is still an epic laundry list of things to do. Right now, I feel like if we pass, it’ll be because they’ve lowered their standards. However, I feel like this 3 days before every single year and somehow we manage to pull it all together and make this place look spectacular. So, I’m hopeful…

We’ve got so much stuff to do this time of year. I always look forward to Spring because not only does it bring warmer weather but it also brings the largest amounts of money we see all year. Profit sharing and taxes hit within weeks of each other, plus our paydays, and we never go through periods of having to borrow money from people like we do in Winter – because of birthdays, back-to-school and Christmas being all clumped together. However, it becomes one of our busiest times of year because there’s always stuff to do.

Everyday I’m adding stuff to the list of stuff that we’ve gotta do. The Boyfriend’s poor face whenever I do just breaks my heart. He gets his hopes up that he’s going to get to sleep longer and then I remind him that we have to do this or that and his sleep decreases by an hour. I feel so bad for him right now. I can never get over the fact that he does all of this and doesn’t complain once. He never whines or pouts (at least, not outright), he doesn’t distance himself from me (even though, it’s gotta bother him when I’m sitting on the couch and he’s cleaning after being awake for 20 hours…), he never gets mad. I’ve been sure to be a constant stream of appreciation for his absolute amazingness.

My Mom is also being a great help and taking the kids for a night so that we can focus without having to tag team so much. It’s hard to get anything done when the boys wanna tell you a story and the baby wants to be held and the daughter is asking if she can go somewhere with someone. I’ve been finding that my brain is super scattered lately because of all the information for all the people that I’m holding in it. Trying to keep track of friends names and which YouTuber the boys are into and how much food did the baby actually eat today – it’s all just a lot of stuff going on up there. Not to mention my own ideas, thoughts, fantasies and daydreams.

It’s just the beginning of April, but I absolutely feel like I’m ready for it to be over already…

Spring Cleaning 2017

The Rantings - For Everyone

It’s inspection time again and I am feeling burdened…

We’ve had this annual inspection every year that we’ve lived in this place and yet, every single time that it comes around, it causes me the most insane amount of stress. The stress is caused by the fact that we could potentially face eviction if all does not go perfectly. And that would be the worst!

Even though I feel like we’ve been cleaning more than ever and more consistently than ever, it feels like there is a lot of things to do. Really, it’s a lot of the jobs that get neglected all year long, like washing the walls and baseboards or cleaning out the closets. Winter is just ending too, so we’ve got some yard work needing to be done.

It always seems to be the worst time of year for us in the sense that we’re not set up to do a big spring clean. The kids are home for two weeks, meaning that messes are way more frequent and overwhelming than usual. The Boyfriend always seems to be working the longest times during this time and also ends up having to do a big majority of the cleaning and it must just be incredibly hard for him. Last year, I was pregnant. This year, a baby makes where someone always needs to be watching him.

We’ve been tag-teaming cleaning as much as possible and I have really perfected the art of delegation with the kids. Everyone but Kaeidyn has been super helpful lately too. Keirnan will make a face and pout and tears gather in his eyes, but he’ll get up off his butt and do the work. Kenzie and Carter are my two best little helpers – although Carter’s jobs often require telling him to redo them over and over again. But between The Boyfriend and I, we’ve been slacking a lot because it’s like, “Okay, you go clean this while I watch Cazzwell and then you watch him while I go clean this!” and we just do not work well that way.

Right before spring break started, all the kids got sick as the weather got warm very fast. We went from -30 Celsius to +10 and every single one of them got stuffed noses and bad coughs – even The Boyfriend, which almost never happens. Carter had a few days where his ears were really bugging him and is still looking exceptionally pale. Cazzwell has been a bundle of sickness!!

Every time we think he’s over it and he clears up and his nose stops running it ends up being the calm before the storm! He’s been congested. It goes away and during the day you hardly notice and then at night, he wakes up from his sleep coughing or snoring extra loud because of the phlegm. Then, because he’s 6 months now, he’s “leveled up” in formula and we’ve been trying to introduce more solids into his diet. This has caused him to have a bit of constipation.

Can you believe that I have had a handful of babies and have never had to personally deal with constipation?!?

It has been stressful and heartbreaking and exhausting and a great test of patience! I often crawl into bed at night just absolutely flabbergasted that I made it through the day. Like, how?!? How did I put up with that kid slapping the other kid across the face? How did I get through the fight with Kaeidyn over her cellphone? How did I manage to do the dishes and make a meal? How the heck did I do it?!?

The next few days will become more and more focused on cleaning. We are finally getting a new-to-us washing machine and won’t have to pack up bags of laundry to take down to my Mom’s to do once a week! The Boyfriend and I are planning a dump run with our old broken down washing machines, which will immediately make our basement feel cleaner. He’s picked up all the cleaning supplies we will need and has worked out a general timeline of all the things he needs to get done.

And then we’ll cross our fingers and hope for the best in two weeks time…

Where Did the Time Go?

The Rantings - For Everyone

I absolutely cannot believe that I haven’t written in over a month…! It does not feel like it’s been that long and it’s definitely not for lack of things to write about. June just whizzed by in a blur and while July has slowed down a lot, it feels like I haven’t had a moment for anything.

The summer started with dropping the older three kids off at their Dad’s. It’s been incredibly boring without them here and it’s probably the first time ever where they left and days later, I was missing them hard. It comes and goes in waves and sometimes, I’m relieved that they’re gone and sometimes, I just want my babies back. They’ve been there for about three or four weeks now and we’ve probably got another week until they come home. I cannot wait!

The Boyfriend also left shortly after they did, leaving Carter and I at home alone. He got an incredible opportunity to go train other managers up in the Northwest Territories. You have no idea how awesome it feels to say that my boyfriend had to go on a business trip. He wasn’t expecting me to be as supportive as I was and that made him very nervous about the trip. He spent two weeks up there and had a great time exploring this totally new-to-him place.

I knew I would start missing him pretty hard by about day three and I was totally right. The first couple of nights went by with ease and then that third day hit and it started dragging miserably to the point where it felt like it would never end. By day seven, we were both going pretty nuts and it became a bit of a battle to make it through the day without sadness over the absence. We’ve never spent that much time apart and I can’t imagine it happening very often in the future. It was such a relief the day we went to pick him up from the airport.

Carter and I had made a “Welcome Home, Daddy” sign and greeted him at his gate. I’ve never seen either of them look so happy as when they first saw each other. Unfortunately, he’s basically been working non-stop since he got back from the trip and only today has he finally gotten days off. We are both so excited about finally getting to spend some quality time together!

Have had a couple prenatal appointments over the last little while too and baby is doing really well. They sent me for another ultrasound – a biophysical profile to be exact. The last time I went for one of those, while I was pregnant with Kaeidyn, resulted in me being induced for labor the very next day – so I was a little nervous about it. All went well though and baby is looking great. Now we get to start doing prenatal appointments every week and we’ve only got about four weeks left!

I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am to get this pregnancy over with. My body has ached like this, and worse, before now – but never has it made me so entirely miserable. I can’t wait to get this baby out of my belly and into my arms. I’m nothing but excited about the idea of having my baby here!

In other news, my house has never been and stayed this clean ever. I’ve even been tackling the huge amount of laundry that had piled up and I’m actually enjoying doing it, because it’s staying organized and tidy! Cleaning up after two people is a million times easier than cleaning up after six! I wish it was always this easy because I’d never have a problem getting it done. I’ve got a few little projects to do before the older kids get home but otherwise, my house has looked great for a while now and it definitely feels really nice!!

It’s June Already…!!

The Rantings - For Everyone

Oh my goodness, its June already!! This year has just been whipping by. And it’s June already…!

It’s that dreaded time of the year again where we’re heading into a housing inspection. It means doing a super deep clean of every single square foot of this house. It means trying to stay motivated to get cleaning done for longer than one day, while also maintaining motivation for the five other people in the house. It means freaking out for an entire week that we aren’t doing enough, no matter how many hours we work, unnecessarily – because we’ve managed to not fail five years running.

This year seems especially unmanageable because I am pregnant and uncomfortable and it is making all the cleaning feel that much harder. Washing dishes has become the biggest pain in the butt because the counter cuts right across my massive stomach, so I hunch a lot and really upset my hips. I get tuckered out a million times quicker to the point where I have to sit at least to catch my breath and re-motivating myself after each tucker out is just about the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t think I’ve ever had a housing inspection while I was pregnant, and I can tell you that I absolutely do not like it!

I realized the other day that we’ve only got about thirteen weeks left until it’s baby time. Again, time is just whipping by. I feel like it was just the other day that I was stressing out about telling our parents… And now, it’s only a short time before we’ll be holding a baby in our arms. I know that over the next month or so things will slow down dramatically (as it always does in the third trimester) and I’ll be bitching about how time is now marching along at a sluggish speed, but right now, it feels like it’s going really fast.

We went for our last monthly prenatal appointment. After that one, they start happening every two weeks. Everything with baby and my health is looking great. My blood pressure was on point, all my recent tests – ultrasound, glucose screening, etc. – all came back normal, and most surprisingly to us baby is measuring exactly where he’s supposed to be. I’ve never measured accurately, always measuring at least two weeks small – even with Carter who was a normal-sized baby! Now we have one last ultrasound to schedule and then it’s just a matter of counting down!

School is already almost out! It took us all year to get Carter to like going to school and now that he finally does, it’s about to end! It’s crazy how fast the school year has gone too. Although I can honestly say that I’m looking forward to summer break. I’m looking forward to not having to do the school routine because it is probably the hardest routine we try our best, and often fail, to stick with. It’s a lot of pressure off! I’m also looking forward to doing summer stuff with the kids. I cannot wait to spend a day at the beach!

I still just can’t believe it’s June already. Time is just whipping by!

Broken Bones and Road Trip

The Rantings - For Everyone

It was one heck of a long long weekend. It’s probably the first time in a long time that I actually did something for May long. On Friday, The Boyfriend and I took all the kids up to their Dad’s for the long weekend and that went smoothly. My Mom called the same day and asked if I wanted to take a road trip with her the next day. Carter was going to come but decided that he didn’t like the highway, so I just went alone – The Boyfriend had to stay home because of work.

The next day we were taking a trip up to Whitecourt to see my sister. I haven’t traveled that far in years! It was awesome to see her because it’s been awhile and I really don’t get to see her enough. I miss the days when they lived right here in town and I could just go to her house whenever I felt like it. Now we have to travel five hours to get to each other and it’s absolutely never for long enough.

They weren’t really expecting us and the first people we saw were my niece and nephew. Man oh man, do kids ever grow fast. My nephew, who’s 13, is now officially as tall as I am. Made me feel small all weekend! Both my sister’s kids are tall. It started raining while we were up there and that just seemed to make the whole visit that much better, because it was so refreshing – the whole thing.

It was a short but sweet trip and I can’t wait until I’m able to take the kids and The Boyfriend with me. Next time, he won’t be working and they won’t be at their Dad’s!

In other news, and I honestly can’t believe it’s taken me this long to write about it, Kaeidyn broke her arm! Last Monday, she went on an after school field trip to the skate park and went longboarding. She ended up going down a hill, wobbling all the way, before falling off pretty good. She hadn’t even been there a whole hour when we were getting called to go pick her up.

The first thing she said to me when she saw me was, “I should’ve known better! I’ve watched the fail videos, I’ve seen the vines!” and I nodded profusely. We took her up to the hospital and were there for the next eight hours as she got a bunch of x-rays and then put to sleep and put in a cast. It was a lot of waiting and worrying and a lot more waiting.

She was so amazing and took the whole thing like a champ for someone who had broken a bone. She cried a little bit when they put her in a sling, cried a lot when they put in her IV and tears filled her eyes as they put her to sleep and she whispered to me, “If anything should happen to me, make sure to donate my organs!“. I still can’t believe she’s the first of the kids to break a bone…!

She’s been wearing a plaster cast for the last week and tomorrow we go to get her fiberglass cast on. I’ve had to constantly be on top of her for pushing it too hard, because she’s insisting on “maintaining her independence” – just in case she “actually loses an arm one day“. It’s been an adjustment, to say the least.

The rest of this week and all of next week will be entirely dedicated to getting our house completely spotless clean. We have our dreaded annual inspection, which for some reason always causes me the greatest amount of unwarranted stress. Okay, not entirely unwarranted, being that failing the inspection could and most likely will result in eviction…

Even though I’m probably exaggerating to a large degree, and The Boyfriend will assure me that I am, I feel like we have so much more than usual to do – mainly because we started rearranging our living room because of a new couch and haven’t finished getting rid of all the throwaway furniture yet – another project for this week! Right now, it all feels like an impossibility. I’m sure I’ve said this every time we’ve ever had an inspection…

So, if you don’t hear from me for a little bit, that’s where I’m at 😉

Ready to Get Back to Work

The Rantings - For Everyone

I hate these huge gaps between posts lately. I hate that I keep promising myself to change that and then just end up sucking at it. I hate that I’ve become such a huge slacker and that I want so desperately to change it but my body and mind just can’t seem to get on board with it.

I had spent quite awhile freaking out about baby stuff. We finally went in for the ultrasound that I had talked about in my last post and it went really well. It was fun because The Boyfriend got to come in for the whole entire thing and we got to watch it from beginning to end – two things that have never happened before.

All our worries were greatly relieved when we were told that everything is looking great. Baby’s heart is looking fine and he’s right on track for his growth. Now we’ve just got to go for the Glucose Screening Test and then probably another ultrasound closer to the end of the pregnancy.

The kids have all been a serious handful and a half these last few days, maybe even going on a couple weeks. We’ve left Kaeidyn to babysit a couple times while we ran to get coffees or whatever and the power goes to her head and she becomes little miss bossy, in the worst kind of way. It irritates the boys to no end and then she has the hardest time coming out of the wannabe-mommy-mindframe.

Carter is by-far the one that hates it the most. And he has just not been able to get along with anyone for anything. He’s constantly getting on someone’s nerves. He’s been really klutzy lately and has been hurting himself on a regular basis. He will literally sit at the top of the stairs and fall down them on purpose. He doesn’t even cry, just gets up and does it again. I tend to raise my voice in his direction a heck of a lot more than I’d like to.

Kenzie has been an emotional wreck and is prone to burst out into tears the moment he doesn’t get exactly what he wants. Lately, that seems to be going over to other people’s houses – whether it’s my Mom’s or a friend of his – and the moment you say “no”, he’s bawling on the couch. Or one of the kids will start copying him and he just breaks down in tears. It’s been days of calming him constantly.

Even Keirnan has been more of a pain in the butt than normal. He’s been noisier and has gotten to that terrible stage where he’s prone to hit long before even considering to use his words. And he is seriously getting so terrible for his lying, all the time, about everything. Even things that don’t need a lie. I don’t get it and I don’t completely get how to stop it either. We’ve tried all the tricks I remember from the other kids and they just don’t seem to be working…

The Boyfriend has the next two days off and we’ve got plenty of plans. First and foremost is a lot of cleaning. We have been seriously neglectful and I’m officially done with that. Upstairs, downstairs, laundry and yard – it’s all gotta get done. Then we’ve got dinner at both our Mom’s places, which I’m looking forward to, because I’ve been desperately wanting to get out of the house and have a reason to do so. I also hope that I can find time to focus some attention on my online stuff. I keep saying that I’m going to and then end up not and I’m just so ready to get over that. I’m so ready to get some work done!

Beautiful Weekend

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The weather has been beyond beautiful. So beautiful that you want to spend every single moment of the day outside. We went from being in the negatives to being double digits into the positive and it has made me one heck of a happy girl.

Yesterday, The Boyfriend came home from work and informed me that, unbeknownst to me, he had booked his holidays and they started right then and there. I thought we still had months to go, so it was a wonderful surprise. Then he decided that he wanted to go spend money that was burning a hole in his pocket, so he called and booked appointments for Kaeidyn and I to get our hair cut.

I had added this particular task to my to-do list many months ago. I hadn’t gotten my haircut in about 8 years and it was unhealthy and ridiculously long. Kaeidyn and I both picked pixie cuts but with a completely different style. It was so much fun to watch her go from long hair to short hair. I thought I was going to cry so hard, since I did the last time I got my haircut, but I dealt with it pretty well and was quite excited when it was finally done. It’s the shortest I’ve had my hair since the last time I shaved my head.

We even went to a couple music shops around town and checked out the guitars and drums and violins and pianos and the kids were so well behaved during the entire outing – which was a good 5 or 6 hours long. When we got home, I was still wanting to be outside, so I took some of the kids to the park for a little bit. It was pretty windy out, so we didn’t stay long, but it was a good walk and everyone enjoyed it.

Today, the sun was shining bright early this morning. It made me immediately want to get up and move. We had also promised the boys that we would take them shopping today and had said that we had hoped to go to Rotary Park – probably our most favorite park in the whole city. Although it took us a little bit to get up and going, we did exactly that. First, we went and enjoyed the sunshine down at Rotary. Keirnan and Kenzie spent their whole time on the monkey bars and Kaeidyn spent almost all of hers on the swings, Carter was the only kid to really explore the park. Then, we walked up the big long staircase. It was hell on my knees and by the top, I was heaving for air.

Afterwards, we went to Wal-Mart and the kids all got little things – toys for the boys and CD’s for Kaeidyn. I was hoping to find a pair of pants or running shoes – since pregnancy has made me need both! – but they didn’t have a single thing I liked. I even looked for a dress or a skirt, but had absolutely no luck. Oh well, maybe next time…

Now I think the next couple of days will be solely dedicated to getting the house clean. The Boyfriend was amazing and got the kids to help him clean the living room this morning and Kaeidyn’s been doing a bunch of laundry, but the kitchen and our room is in desperate need of a good deep clean. And being that The Boyfriend’s on holidays, I see no problems in getting in done.

My last prenatal appointment went really well and everything’s looking normal and fine. We’re impatiently awaiting our next ultrasound in about 2 weeks and crossing our fingers that we’ll get a girl gender reveal. Then, it’s time for the dreaded Glucose Screening Test, which I’ve hated doing every single pregnancy – this time is no exception. The juice-y/pop/syrup stuff makes my head feel gross, and I hate gross-head. Looking forward to everything coming back normal on that.

One last thing, if you haven’t noticed, “The Erotica” category is now gone and has been replaced with “The Writing” category. I decided that I didn’t want to limit myself to only writing erotica – what if I ended up deciding to write something without sex or sexuality in it? – so the name was changed. You’ll still find my erotica there, but you’ll also find other stuff too.

The Last Week or So…

The Rantings - For Everyone

It’s been a very long and entirely unproductive week…

We had two Christmas dinners to go to this year, which were incredibly delicious. First night was a turkey night and the second night was a bacon-wrapped steak night. Both nights were amazing and hanging out with all the family was really great.

The big highlight of our week was The Boyfriend’s four days off. It went by way too fast and four days really felt like two, but I always love having him in bed with me. Although, for some reason, this whole week, every time I sleep I end up getting ridiculously hot and so our usual comfortable and cuddly sleep was more like tossing and turning and keeping each other awake.

Carter’s been so talkative since the older kids left. I’m finding the super constant talkativeness to be incredibly annoying this time around and have to keep reminding myself that he’s not trying to annoy me. He’s just sharing… Every single thing! I don’t think I’ve ever heard him talk as much as he has been lately and I probably wouldn’t find it so annoying if he talked about more than just two or three things. I can’t wait for the older kids to get back so that he has other ears to talk off.

I had all these big plans to get tons of cleaning done while the kids were gone and for the most part, I’ve failed miserably. We did have two solid days of really great cleaning and it was productive, but it wasn’t the degree of cleaning I was hoping to get done. We also got another new mop, this time with steam, to see if that will do our floors better or easier or something. We still have some time before the kids get back, so I imagine it’ll all get done, at some point.

I’ve been playing a lot of video games lately. The Boyfriend was all “try out Fallout 4” and I did and ended up falling in love with it. His second day off must’ve been especially boring, because I stole the game from him when he went to get coffees and didn’t let him back on all day! Then, I’ve been checking in on The Sims 4 stuff almost every other day, although I haven’t been playing The Rayne’s at all. Just random characters or attempting to build.

I’ve been having some knee pain lately, which hasn’t happened very often in the last few weeks. It’s been pretty insistent the last two weeks and I’ve spent a bunch of time complaining. Then, on and off (although more on over the last couple of days), I’ve been having a pain in my breast. I can’t really describe the pain in either of those places, except by saying that it sucks! Thank goodness I have the world’s greatest boyfriend, who will spend hours rubbing my knees and breasts, never once complaining about all my complaining 😉

Well, that’s basically all that’s happening around here. A whole lot of nothing. We’re planning on picking the kids up in about a week, which I’m excited about and then it’ll be back into the swing of school and all that other fun stuff.

Down Three Kids

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Well, we dropped the three older kids off yesterday. The drive out to Leduc was nice and the highways were clear. The kids were all pretty tired, so they mostly dozed or sat quietly in the back. Even though we got lost in Leduc (mainly because The Boyfriend and I never trust my navigating instincts – mainly because I’ve proven I suck at it), it was a good time and the kids were all super excited to get to go to their Dad’s, or in Carter’s case, get rid of the kids.

The Boyfriend went to sleep once we got home because he had to work that night and my plan was to stay up with Carter. About an hour later, I was dozing off on the couch while Carter played games. He must’ve realized how tired I was because he sat down quietly next to me and let me nap for the next two hours and it was beautiful. Then we had my brother over and Carter had a great night hanging out with Uncle.

Today, The Boyfriend and I ended up sleeping basically the entire day away. Just couldn’t wake ourselves up for anything. Luckily, my brother stuck around and played with Carter and it was a generally great sleep. I feel a lot more rested now than I have in a while.

Honestly, I’ve been feeling all sorts of exhausted, all the time. It doesn’t help that I’m not eating properly, not getting out of the house enough, basically not taking very good care of myself AND that my sleep schedule has shifted from normal to graveyard. I’ve been finding it very hard to fall asleep any earlier than six in the morning, even when I head up to bed hours earlier. And while this is the most routine sleep schedule that I’ve been on in years, I can just feel it kicking my ass.

Once I’m awake, I just don’t want to do anything, at all. Motivating myself to do any of the things that I’m supposed to be doing is incredibly difficult right now. All I want to do is wrap myself up in warmth and veg. And I spend all of that time that I’m vegging, beating myself up for not doing all the things that I’m supposed to be doing. Of course, instead of just getting up off my ass and doing those things, I just sit there down-talking myself and my actions. It’s unproductive and adds to the exhausted feeling.

In other, less depressing news, we’ve got big plans to get the house cleaned while we’re down three kids. I’ve already decided that we’re taking a portion of our gift cards to get ourselves a device that will make our floors easier to clean. We’ve been using mops but we haven’t been able to find one that works good enough. So, I want to look for other options for getting these floors clean. I’m also hoping that we’ll finally take all the broken or unused pieces of furniture to the dump, because it’s been on my to-do list all year and it’s absolutely time. We can’t start replacing all the crap stuff until we get rid of it!

I’m not sure how long the kids are going to be gone at this point. I like to play it by ear instead of setting a specific date. Sometimes, I end up missing the kids a lot and want them back sooner. Sometimes, plans get made and it’s easier to have them stay longer. Sometimes, their Dad needs to send them home earlier or wants to keep them an extra couple days. Sometimes, the weather is bad. So, we play it by ear. I know it’s going to be at least a week and The Boyfriend has a couple of those days off, so we should be able to go all of my cleaning to-do list done and I’m quite excited about it.

But for today, he has one night off and for him, that means it’s a gaming night. I’m glad to have him distracted right now because for the last couple of nights, all he’s wanted to do is talk about is Star Wars. While I have great respect for Star Wars and would consider myself a fan, I’m nowhere near obsessed as he is and it is incredibly exhausting to “fake” interest. And I put “fake” in quotations because it’s not that I’m faking, it’s that I’m not nearly as interested as he is.

For example, I don’t care enough to watch every trailer before the release of the movie. I figure, I’ll see the movie when it comes out. I don’t care to pick apart those trailers to try to figure out the movie before it’s released. I figure, I’ll see the movie when it comes out and figure it out at that point (and all the times that I watch it after that first time…). However, that stuff is exciting for him and important to his experience. So, I pay attention to what he’s telling me so that I can ask him questions about those interests, “faking” this extreme interest, because it’s important for him to be able to share that experience with me. It’s one of my favorite parts of being me in a relationship, but I sure do love getting a break!

Now I just have to figure out what I’m going to do while he’s gaming it up 😉

It’s the Stuck in a Rut Blues…

I am stuck in a writing rut! I have written a ridiculous amount of content that will essentially be trashed because it is such a disorganized mess that I can barely remember what I was trying to do. I’ve been having a hard time writing what I want to write and instead tend to go off on these little tangents that lead nowhere and I basically keep saying the same things over and over again. And tonight, I am putting my foot down and forcing myself to complete at least one post and publish it!

So, here goes it…

The countdown to Christmas is officially on. One minute, I’m okay with it. The next minute, I am sighing and throwing my hands up because I feel so utterly overwhelmed by it. Alfie wants to take the kids again this year and even though I said last year and the year before and all the years before that that it wasn’t going to happen this year, I ended up saying yes. I thought I would feel worse about it but it’s actually bringing me a great deal of relief to think that we’ll only have to do Christmas with Carter.

Thank goodness for The Boyfriend too around this time, because he absolutely takes over the Christmas shopping. He gets such a kick out of shopping for toys and knows exactly what the kids are talking about when they say they want “this” and “that” thing. Really, I don’t know why I despise these holidays so much when basically everyone around me takes over everything that would typically be my responsibility. Luckily, I am aware of how incredibly blessed I am!

The kids are all doing really great and it’s weird that I don’t have more complaints about them. But they’ve been seriously amazing lately. Yeah sure, they’re still kids and I know that Kaeidyn’s gotten in trouble a few times over the last couple of days because of her attitude, but for the most part, it’s been awesome with them. Everyone has been super cuddly lately, they’ve all been helping a lot with the cleaning (even if they are making destructive messes everywhere everyday… They at least help clean it up!), and I’ve even gotten a couple nights this week off of making dinner because Kaeidyn and Kenzie have been enjoying making it!

Although, now that I read back over the last two paragraphs, I realize that I have been incredibly lazy this last little while. No real surprise there, especially being that it’s winter. And let’s not kid ourselves, I realize that I’m lazy every single day! But I’ve definitely noticed I’ve been more lazy lately. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven’t slept at night for weeks now. Both The Boyfriend and I have been on the graveyard shift – him because it’s his job, me because I tend to do whatever he does where sleep is concerned. So, he sleeps during the day, I end up sleeping during the day. He’s awake all night, I end up being awake all night.

As it is, it’s 4:30 in the morning and neither of us seems to be anywhere near ready for bed…

I’ve been kicking myself in the butt hard about this sleep schedule. As someone who has suffered with sleep problems for over a decade, I know what I’m supposed to be doing to combat them. Straight up though, I have never slept better than I have been sleeping lately – it’s just terrible when it comes to the hours that I’m awake. And not because I’m tired during those hours, it’s just that I’m incredibly lazy during those hours. Like, I simply do not have the energy or desire to do anything.

And it’s especially bad when I get on the computer. Normally, I get on here and within minutes, I’ve found something to do – what that something is is different every time, but I find something. Lately, I get on here and five hours later, I realize that I’ve done nothing but reload the page I’m on over and over again. Maybe I’ve clicked around and typed up a paragraph of rambles or played the level I’ve been stuck on for over a year on Candy Crush Saga a few times, but mostly, I’ve just stared at the page, reloading, stuck in this damnable rut!

Internet Detox

It took way longer than I would’ve liked, but finally (and I type that with a massive sigh of relief), we have internet again.

The last week and a half/two weeks of our life seriously dragged on endlessly. The first four days were the most brutal, especially for the kids who complained relentlessly about their boredom, even though the parents were working hard to entertain them. We bothered Grandma and overstayed our welcome on more than one occasion just so that we could get a few minutes break from the constancy of their complaining.

By day five, we had kinda started to relax about it, it wasn’t so overwhelming. The kids had finally realized that they were going to have to deal with their boredom and eventually the boys spent more and more time consumed in their lego sets and Kaeidyn picked up some yarn and started finger knitting again.

I don’t think we truly went a full two weeks without internet, because we were able to check in on it when we went places with WiFi, but it was still a serious shock to the system to not just have immediate access. One day, we’ll do it by choice instead of inconvenience. That way it feels more like cleansing rather than detoxing.

I think I was most surprised when, on the first day with internet back, the only thing that got used was YouTube on the TV. Nary a computer or online game nor a single tweet went out that day! And we watched fail videos with the kids, because we’re suckers for ’em.

Then, The Boyfriend had to go to work, but the kids were wide awake and ready to party. So, we fired up the karaoke which hasn’t been used in forever and a day. An hour later, all the boys were beat. Kenzie had had an upset stomach, Carter was feeling tuckered out from running all over the place all day and Keirnan had danced hard during his serenading. The former two went up to bed, the latter fell asleep on the couch and Kaeidyn and I spent the remainder of the night binging on Grey’s Anatomy.

The next day, everyone seemed to have never experienced the purge. It’s as if we never went a day without internet and everyone has fallen right back into the exact same constant connectedness. The Boyfriend got a video game that he’s been waiting awhile for, and so has been blissfully swept up in Star Wars: Battlefront and all the boys have followed his lead entirely. Kaeidyn’s been all too happy to veg on YouTube with my phone. I, on the other hand, have sat most of the time staring blankly at my computer. Just kinda not sure where to start first.

These next few days will be all about reconnecting. Which only really sucks, because starting tomorrow, the whole week needs to be dedicated to cleaning. I have been making a mental to-do list of all the things I want to get done this week for awhile now and I’ve officially gone through every room with the most critical of eyes. And being that The Boyfriend is on a week of holidays, it’s the perfect time to teamwork and power through the lack of motivation I always seem to feel about cleaning.

In other news, my brother is moving back to Red Deer. He honestly doesn’t seem as crazy as everyone was making him sound – sounds like a lot of the problem was specifically with our Dad. Today he’s spent a huge chunk of the day at our house and I haven’t seen a single symptom – he’s been engaged, talkative (and not once only to himself) and according to him, he’s still taking his meds – so my worry with him is dramatically eased for the moment. It sounds like he’s coming back here with a plan in mind and like he’s ready to do what he needs to do, so now I get to be supportive sister, instead of worried sister. I like that more!

The boys over the last two days have given me a bunch of new gray hairs! They have just been a little out of control. I think that I understand why, especially being that they’re not spending as much time running around outside now that it’s started to get cold. They seem to spend the daytime being relatively decent but then dinnertime hits and they all get WAY out of control. Screaming, rough housing almost to the point of injury, constantly picking on and bugging each other, literally crawling and jumping over all the furniture…

I feel like it’s been many years that I’ve felt this level of irritation with them. I was having so much fun in the hardcore appreciation of my children mode and while I obviously still do, it’s not nearly as glaringly obvious as it was, even as little as a month or so ago. They feel like toddlers again, 2 or 3 year olds. Just incapable of listening, edging on disrespectful, always getting into crap, where you feel like pulling your hair out and locking yourself in the bathroom to cry is a normal daily occurrence.

I was preparing for Kaeidyn to be the next thing I would have to worry about. Puberty, menarche, resting bitch face (which she has already mastered!), door-slamming, suspensions, losing her virginity. That’s what I thought I was supposed to be preparing for. But apparently, I should’ve been preparing for my super prepubescent group of boys turning into terrible toddlers again – because I can tell you, I wasn’t prepared and it has hit me like a ton of bricks.

And you’d think, with me already having gone through the toddler years (four times!), that I’d have some idea of how to deal with them when they’re out of control – but in the moment, I literally have no idea. I’m quick to respond the way I don’t want to respond, I’m slow to come up with any type of disciplinary action and I’m even slower at implementing or enforcing that discipline (and The Boyfriend will tell you that I don’t at all).

However, we did find out something about Kenzie this week, during his emotional rollercoasting. He had mentioned to The Boyfriend a while ago that he would like to create a YouTube channel. So, on one of the days that he was being semi-rotten, I joked that if he kept being terrible he wouldn’t get a YouTube channel. The water works were immediate and streams of tears rolled down his cheeks. After he had collected himself and calmed down a little, he got up and started cleaning and tried really hard to be an angel the rest of the night (although the brothers made it hard…). So now, every time he’s getting out of hand, I give him “the look” and ask sternly, “You want a YouTube channel?” and he immediately takes me very seriously.

Of course, him wanting a YouTube channel spawned the idea into every kid’s head and we spent an entire night with pens and paper jotting down ideas for videos that each of them want to do. Kaeidyn’s got quite a few ideas and she’s been so cute setting up schedules and making logo designs. Kenzie has a general idea of what he’d like to do but it sounds like he’s not really sure where to go after that or what he’s really wanting to do. Keirnan and Carter have no ideas whatsoever, but they definitely want to be included in the whole thing – preferably as first player!

Add to all that, The Boyfriend’s gamer-related plans for himself, and I’m getting to share my blog-a-holic knowledge left and right. I’m actually learning that I know a lot more than I thought I did. So now, there’s all this knowledge and all these ideas floating around all over the place, and no one seems to be taking any real action towards everything – and is it terrible that I’m incredibly delighted by this?!?

I’ve never shared this itchy sweater with anyone, and I’m loving every minute of it!!

TO DO: Fall De-Cluttering and Re-Decorating

This post is from The List and is for everyone.

So, let’s be honest. In terms of decoration, my house has none. Some of you may remember my one piece of wall art. Not even that exists anymore. And in terms of clutter, my house has an abundance of it. This is really a project of epic proportions, especially when you consider my house has three floors, four bedrooms and we’ve lived in it for almost five years.

Get Rid of Junk Furniture

Currently, we have an abundance of junk furniture. We have a reclining chair and washing machine in our basement, both of which do not work. We have broken dressers all over the place upstairs and all of our living room furniture is in dire need of replacement. For so long, we’ve just moved unusable furniture off to the side and out of the way, but now that we have the van, we need to dispose of the useless stuff.

Clear the Clutter

Between the milk crates and boxes stuffed full of records and the bookshelf filled with a bunch of books I’ll never read to the boxes packed to the brim with wires and the laundry scattered through the entire house, there is a lot of clutter taking up space in our place. It’s not just about organizing the clutter, it’s also about getting rid of all the excess stuff. The clothes, the papers, the books, the stuff.

Super Deep Clean

Every Spring and every Fall, we have an inspection that takes place. For this inspection, we super deep clean our house. A clean happens about every two or three days, a good clean happens about every week and a half or so, a deep clean happens about once a month (sometimes longer or shorter, depending on how well we’ve managed the other stages of cleaning) and a super deep clean happens around inspection time or when other special things are happening. We know we’ve got an inspection coming up soon, so it’s definitely that time again. Plus, after clearing everything out and organizing it properly, the super deep clean is going to be needed.

Zone the House

In almost every article I’ve ever read about getting your house organized, there is usually a section that talks about setting up “zones” or specific areas for specific things. For example, I know that I’m going to leave out my front door and come back in through my front door. I know that when I get in, I’m going to empty my pockets. I can then setup a “zone” in that area with a bowl and garbage can; the bowl to throw my pocket junk into and the garbage can for when I pull the bits of paper out of the bowl…

In our house, there are a few different “zones” that need to be created, especially the area I just described, although with stuff for the whole family. We need a front-door zone, a homework zone, a bathtime zone, a cleaning zone, a laundry zone and then the usuals, like the living room, kitchen, bedrooms, etc. Most of this is just creating the space for them, and some of it might include having to replace furniture or buy things to accommodate the zone.

Decorate My Zones

I started this post talking about decoration and then haven’t even mentioned it yet. Everything needs to be cleaned first and once the zones have been figured out, I’d like to add a personal touch of decoration to the spaces. Back at our front-door zone again (because it’s a great example area), I’d love to have a little mirror and a perfectly set up calendar, maybe even a nice chipper plant. I’ve seen some amazing zoning decoration ideas on Pinterest (See: Spaces to Die For) that I’d love to modify to work for our family, so it’s a matter of configuring our zones with what we have and then adding in the decorations.

Set Up a Schedule

It goes on the same premise of many of my other to-dos about setting up manageable routines. This one, more specifically to keep down on clutter and manage the cleanliness of the house between super deep cleans. This particular schedule consists of seasonal or annual chores, like changing out the winter closet with summer stuff or going through all the stuff to rid ourselves of junk. It should also include monthly chores like flipping the mattresses or changing the furnace filters. And finally, things we can do daily or weekly to keep up on the clutter and cleanliness, like using our zones or going through the mail immediately.

There’s a lot of printables around the web with these types of schedule and zoning practices, which I might use. Although like I said in my post about setting up a home management system, I’m not sure what method is going to work best for us, so it’s time to figure that out! And then work it until it works!

It doesn’t look so daunting when I put it into these big chunks like this and that makes me happy. However, I know that each of these headings has a huge list of to-dos beneath it and I know that once we start, that happy feeling will disintegrate entirely and will be replaced with an extreme lack of motivation. I figure each step will take at least a day and a half, but when it’s done and we’re just at the following the schedule point, it’ll be a hell of a great day!

Weekend Full of Love

The Rantings - For Everyone

It was honestly such a great weekend with the kids – I mean, there were lots of headache inducing moments and I have been in a bit of a “funk” – the kids made the whole entire thing seem like just such a wonderful weekend. I don’t know what is going on lately, but I’m a very popular girl with them lately!

Kenzie’s an Emotional Bomb

Kenzie was an extreme emotional rollercoaster ride this weekend. We had one day, where I spent half the day yelling at him for getting everyone else in trouble and the other half of the day, he was snuggled up in my lap giving some of the best cuddles I’ve ever gotten! Today, we had an epic meltdown when Kaeidyn joked that the girl that Kenzie’s been hanging out with a lot lately was his girlfriend, which resulted in crying and yelling and storming off to his room to try and sleep, avoiding being anywhere near Kaeidyn.

When he was a bit younger, the extreme mood changes would normally signify that he desperately needed a nap. Now, a nap doesn’t seem to help nearly as much as removing him from the situation and cuddling the crap out of him. Out of all the kids, he is definitely the most emotional. And he has absolutely no problem showing it!

Kaeidyn’s Talkative

Kaeidyn has been incredibly talkative lately. I mean, she’s always talkative. She’s always been talkative. This weekend just seemed multiplied by a thousand. Every chance she had to talk, she talked. And then she talked some more. Honestly, I can’t even slightly remember any of the things that she talked about. I do know that multiple times I had to ask her to stop because my brain was literally turned to mush from the amount of stuff it was suddenly filled with.

We had a few days of drama over the school week, as her “boyfriend” was texting her some stuff that we weren’t too happy to see. Nothing all that crazy inappropriate, but they kept messaging each other back and forth asking when they were going to kiss. Then there was some talk about “what would we do if the parents weren’t around“, to which no real response was given.

When The Boyfriend read the messages, he responded back before I could even stop him, that he would have to meet Kaeidyn’s two Dad’s before getting a kiss. Kaeidyn often seems done with this “boyfriend” and seems to keep him around just so that she can say she has a boyfriend. So when he called and they finally got to talk and he kept pushing kissing her in secret, she decided to break up with him. It go a little weird after that, he said she hated Americans and said that she was leaving him for another guy (which Kaeidyn chalked up to him implying she was a slut) and went off about how he was going to flirt with one of his teachers to make her jealous. She was surprisingly unphased by it and we’ll see how it goes tomorrow after school.

Carter’s a Pain, But So Cute!

Carter has been a pretty big pain in the butt lately. Some of the things are cute pains in the butt and others are just incredibly annoying. He’s been having a lot of nightmares. He claims they are Five Nights of Freddy (a computer game that his favorite YouTuber, JackSepticEye, plays) dreams. He forces himself to stay awake much later than he should because he’s terrified to go to sleep. We’ve been trying lots of different things to try and get him to sleep. Last night, I took him up to bed and tucked him in and sat beside his bed. I told him to close his eyes and said tonight he had to dream that we all went to the beach.

I sat up there for a good twenty minutes describing us playing at the beach. I felt so full of joy and love as he laid there with his eyes closed and a huge grin on his face as I whispered, “Mommy would splash you and you would scream at me ‘It’s so cold!’, before splashing me back” and he whispered, “Okay” after every sentence. He only slept for an hour or two before coming downstairs and falling asleep on the couch next to me, but that didn’t harsh my happiness high.

He’s also been really terrible for picking on everyone else right now. He always wants everyone to be paying attention to him and talking to him and playing with him. He wants to be the center of attention. So he’s in everyone’s face. He’s also enjoying play fighting more and more and really gets a kick out of the fact that he’s so much stronger than everyone. He loves going up behind the other kids, bear hugging them and then half throwing them to the floor. Sometimes the other kids laugh and think it’s hilarious and will try to do it back to him and it’s a great fun time, other times, they whine and cry and get really upset. It probably doesn’t help that there’s a lot of blame placed on Carter from the other kids about everything!

Keirnan’s Quiet

Keirnan has basically been really quiet – which is absolutely no surprise. We’ve started his home reading program from school and he’s doing so amazingly. Unlike Kenzie, who is still struggling with reading, especially having any interest in it, Keirnan seems to really enjoy it. And he’s definitely not having many struggles at all. I expected that his speech impediment would’ve held him back more, but it seems to not even be having an effect. And I can’t even say he has a speech impediment anymore, being that his speech is pretty darn perfect. That kid has had the odds stacked against him since the day I went into premature labor and he has just done so amazing and hasn’t let any of it get in his way or stop him.

As I said previously, I’ve been in a bit of a “funk” lately. I think it’s mostly PMS, although I’ve spent a lot of time searching for some other explanation, rather unsuccessfully. I’m getting bogged down by cleaning again, and even though we’re doing way better than we’ve ever done before on any of it, I just feel overwhelmed by it. I didn’t notice it until I went to clean my fridge yesterday and the weight of the to-do list just kinda buckled down on me.

Finances Suck Right Now…

 

Then, our finances right now are absolutely abysmal. Since The Boyfriend went back to graveyards, we’ve had it pretty comfortable. We have periods every month where it seems like it’s going to be tight, but for the most part, we’ve managed really well. Then, this back-to-school season crept up on us way faster than we were expecting, and the tightness seems almost suffocating. The one wonderful thing that helps a lot is that The Boyfriend and I have always had an agreement that when it gets like this, he takes over and I get kept in the dark about every financial move until it’s over.

It sounds like a stupid plan, but I tend to get even stupider about money the moment it starts going bad. And instead of dealing with the problems, I let the stress consume me until I literally can’t breathe. I cause myself epic panic attacks, that often aren’t even necessary, because the solutions are often incredibly simple. The Boyfriend is able to keep  his head on straight when looking at those problems and can communicate his needs better in those moments. It’s a system that we’ve discovered works for us and I’m sure there are some areas where he gets left in the dark while I deal with it (although, off the top of my head, I can’t think of a single one…).

Tomorrow, he starts his days off, which we’re incredibly excited about. It was his long stretch of days, so the break is desperately needed. We’ve got lots of cleaning-related plans for the next two days, because I really want to get the floors mopped. They are in dire need of it and are totally due for it, and I’ve had it on the to-do list for way too long! That’s priority one. I’m also hoping we’ll get our bookshelf tidied up again, because even though it’s not messy, my books don’t look organized and pretty and that makes everything feel messy.

So, I had a good weekend. How was yours?

TO DO: Get Back-To-School Ready

The List - For Everyone

This year is probably going to be one of the most stressful years of back-to-school that we’ve ever experienced. Even more than our first child going off to Kindergarten and even more than our last child graduating Kindergarten, this year marks some pretty major milestones and/or struggles for all the kids, and therefore, all the adults.

Kaeidyn goes from being an elementary school student to a middle school student, which means that she’s moving schools and will most likely be taking a city bus by herself for the first time in her life. Carter goes from half-days in Kindergarten to full days in Grade 1. Keirnan jumps from the grade where, as all the teachers say, “you’re learning to read“, to the grade where, “you’re reading to learn“. And Kenzie, who struggled with his reading quite a bit, goes into the next grade and we see how good or bad his reading ends up being.

There are so many things we need to do to get ready for this wonderful (and yet, totally terrifying) school year. Honestly, I’m not even sure where to start – so the following is listed in no order of importance, really, no order other than what my chaotic brain spits out.

Make Doctors Appointments

This has been on The List for so long and it still needs to be done, and especially as we go into this school year. All of us need to go in for physicals because we haven’t had one in over four years and not for lack of necessity, just for lack of motivation…

And not just general physicians. We all need to go see an optometrist as well and we already know that The Boyfriend is going to end up needing glasses. Finally, getting everyone in to see a dentist. Keirnan’s the only kid who has ever seen one and that’s something I seriously want to change.

We’ve already agreed that The Boyfriend has to set me up a spa day as a reward for making these calls.

Find Out About Middle School

They had an information night before school ended, but we weren’t able to go. Now I’m wishing I would’ve done more to ensure that I was there, because I feel like we are so ill prepared for Kaeidyn’s first day of school. She keeps talking about needing this and that, I have no idea where I’m supposed to put this and that. It’s all just a stressful ball of unknowingness.

Get School Supplies

We’re waiting for the lists to come out on this one and hopefully we won’t leave it to the last minute like we’ve done almost every year prior to this. It’s always amazing to us how hard this process can be and how much of a headache it causes everyone.

Along with the regular school supplies, every year we get the kids two new pairs of shoes (one for indoors and one for outdoors) and a first day of school outfit. This year, they are probably also likely to need new backpacks and at least one of them has grown out of their jackets from last year. Hopefully we’ll get the masses of laundry under control so that we’ll have a better idea of what’s needed in terms of clothing before school starts.

Adjust Sleeping Schedules

As soon as summer hit, all of our sleep habits became completely erratic. The older three left for the month to their Dad’s and followed his late evening work schedule, often staying up until he got home from work after midnight. The Boyfriend, Carter and I completely and easily adjusted to The Boyfriend’s graveyard sleeping schedule and are more likely to be sleeping during the day and waking during the night.

It’s especially important with Carter going into full days this year that we adjust our sleep schedules and in a better time frame than the night before school starts. We’re hoping to start making all the kids stick to their normal, regular, school-time bedtimes after this weekend and hopefully I won’t take long to follow in their footsteps.

Create a General Routine

Many of you know, it’s long been a goal of mine to create routines in my life and I generally tend to suck intensely at doing it. I’m not saying it has to be perfect or even good, but I’d like to have some sense of organization going into this school year.

Big important things include a regular laundry schedule, a regular homework and reading time (in which Mommy ensures their agendas get signed and any papers that I need to know about get seen – because it was such a big problem every year before this…), a set dinnertime and specific chores that the kids have to do to help us keep the house clean during the school year, because it always seems to go downhill then.

Clean, Clean, Clean!

Since we’re on the subject, I really would like to get the house clean as part of the back-to-school readiness. I’d like for the first day back at school, not a single one of us stressing out over any messes. I’d like all the laundry to be done, all the dishes to be put away, the floors to be mopped and the cobwebs to be vacuumed out of the corners of our basement.

I want my table set up and ready for the kids to use for homework, I want my bookshelf neatly organized with a space specifically for all the books they’ll be bringing home. I want to get rid of all the crappy, worn-out, raggedy furniture that we’ve currently got and replace it with less crappy, worn-out and raggedy furniture. I want all the stuff to have its place and be tidy.

In a Perfect World…

If we lived in a perfect world, I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this stuff because I would be homeschooling my kids year round. Alas, that will always remain the elusive dream.

In a less perfect, and yet still entirely perfect world, I wouldn’t have to deal with middle school because we’d live closer to where I grew up and there was no such thing as middle school.

And finally, in a perfect world, I would not leave so many things until a month before school starts…