WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays
A weekly sex meme arousing discussions on sexuality
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The Questions & My Answers
Can you remember a time when you really loved your body?
I often love my body, so I can remember lots of times. It’s not the best body and it’s not a super healthy body, but it’s a body that has lived and survived through a lot. A lot of times when I look in the mirror, I don’t see the weight I’ve gained or the marks and scars, I see the life I’ve lived. Obviously, it’s not always like this (see question 2), but more often than not, for at least the last few years, it’s more of an appreciation.
Most of the times when I can vividly remember loving my body and my appearance come from dancing. When I’m dancing and really enjoying myself, there is literally nothing you could say to make me feel like I’m not the most gorgeous person ever!
Can you remember a time when you really hated your body?
I’ve gone through various points in my life where I really just couldn’t stand my body.
When I was a younger kid, I was ridiculously skinny. I just couldn’t gain weight no matter what I did. And I got picked on a lot about it – lots of anorexia accusations, even though they would literally watch me eat huge meals. I was obsessed with the idea of exercising because “muscle weighs more than fat” and maybe if I had some muscles, I wouldn’t be so skinny. I absolutely refused to wear anything that showed off my upper thigh because you could see my bright blue veins and that was horrifying to me!
Then, awhile after Kaeidyn was born – a bad spout of post-partum depression and an intensively abusive relationship – I started to put back on the baby weight that I had begun to lose. Alfie had taken to calling me fat and lazy, which happens when you’re sleeping all day and waking up just long enough to nibble on junk food, and while none of that really affected my body positivity while Alfie and I were together it did end up playing into things later with The Boyfriend and I.
I would write posts about how bad my insecurities had gotten and how much my negative body image was negatively affecting my life. It was a rough time that is often a great way to remind myself that I don’t need to have these issues. They are a waste of time.
Do you think your body is a healthy body? How does that answer make you feel?
I definitely don’t feel like my body is a healthy body. My body is a just barely sustained vessel.
I don’t eat properly. I don’t exercise. In terms of nutrient intake, I’m lacking in just about everything you can think of. In terms of amount of food, I normally eat one small meal a day and a snack or two before bed – the bulk of my eating happening in the late hours of the night. I haven’t had a drink of just plain water volunatarily in years – the last time was at the doctors and I complained the whole time. I tend to sit in front of my computer in my spot on the couch for almost all of my waking hours. I stretch because my body is sore, but other than that, dishes and dinner is the most exercise I’m getting in a day. So, I don’t take very good care of my body.
Health-wise, I’m not terribly bad off. I don’t really have any health issues that we know about. When I do have health issues, they are normally related to a pregnancy or in the case of the year-long period, trying to stop pregnancy.
Sometimes, I’m really down about my unhealthy body, especially if it’s failed me a lot. The last job I had, I complained almost everyday when at the end of the day I would come home and be completely confined to a chair complaining. I can’t stand when my lack of health is laughing in my face. Most days, I just don’t think about it.
Has your body ever failed you? Not worked the way you wanted it to?
My body fails me almost on the daily! It has been that way for many years now. I often say that “I’m only in my 30’s, why do I feel like I’m in my 90’s?“. My body often aches – from bones to muscles – I have pain in my knees, my hips, my back, my neck. I once had joint pain so bad in my knees and hands that my doctor thought I might have rheumatoid arthritis, although nothing ever happened with any of that and now my knees are the only bothersome issue.
I’ve had to stop mid-sex to un-cramp a cramped muscle. I’ve had to stop and stand completely still because something is stiff. I’ve had to use my furniture in interesting ways to support my sore body. I’ve had to take baths in the middle of the night and keep The Boyfriend up late to relax spasms. My body fails me a lot…
Would you say that you have a negative body image or a positive body image?
I have a meh body image.
Some days I’m all, “Damn, I’m sexy!” and nothing you could say, no mirror could change my mind. Other days I’m all, “Frumpy and dumpy is the style today” and every mirror gets a cringe and if you were to say I looked pregnant when I wasn’t, I would fume for three days!
But most of the time, I don’t really care or think about it. If I’m comfortable that’s all that matters. I don’t care about out-of-place hairs or shirts that show off my belly. It just isn’t on my mind, my body.
What is your favorite thing about your body? Least favorite?
My favorite things about my body are definitely my boobs and my lips. I love the little dip in my lips and the shape of my breasts. My least favorite thing about my body is definitely my ass – it’s always been my most hated. When I was younger, it was too flat. Now, it’s too… I don’t even know. Just not how I want it to look!