#BucketListed: Publish My First Book

The List - For Everyone

I’ve long talked about my desire to write a book. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do.

I even have books in the works. By in the works, I mean that they are sitting in folders – some of them only just started, some of them just outlined and some of them with thousands of unedited words.

However, I would in no way say that I’m anywhere near the point of publishing said first book yet. Not even close!

Being an author is a way of immortalizing yourself – more than almost any other medium. Words live for centuries!  You can still read the words of authors and philosophers written from thousands of years ago. I was always a big fan of journaling, to remember myself, to remember who I was. To immortalize and preserve myself for myself.

What began as journaling evolved into writing. It’s how I started blogging. I wasn’t doing it to reach out to readers or start conversations, I was just writing in my online journal. Then I began publishing erotica and can now, sorta, put myself into the writer category. Sorta.

In terms of what types of books I want to publish, it ranges and varies. Generally, I want to stick to sex-based subjects, because it’s what I think I know. And what I’m passionate about – which is ultimately what matters. From erotic novels to non-fiction sexual education-type books.

Does that mean that this should be #FucketListed?

To which, my answer is, no it shouldn’t be. Because it’s not a sexual want/desire/aspiration. It’s a very day-to-day mundane interaction – writing a book, that is. Publishing a book is not sexual, even if it’s content may be. And if I only wanted to publish erotica, then maybe. But again, that’s not all I can write!

More than anything though, I want to feel my book in my hands. I struggle with publishing an eBook alone because I want to feel the weight of my words. I want to hear my finger slide down the page and the spine crack! I want to turn the crisp pages and have that memorable smell waft towards my nose. I want to make it to the final page and experience the ending in the way only closing a book can allow. I want to set it down and feel completed.

WTMFI Wednesdays – Should it return?

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Way back in 2010, I was publishing two blogs: The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – PG Edition and The Rantings of a Tortured Mind – XXX Edition. On the latter, I wrote about the beginnings of mine and The Boyfriend’s relationship, my kinky sexual desires and I began the weekly meme all about sex, WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays.

WTMFI Wednesdays
WTMFI Wednesdays

For 26 weeks, every Wednesday, five questions (plus a bonus) would be posted to my blog. I would add my own answers and invite readers to participate. It was the first time in my life that I experienced knowing that people were reading my blog and I even had a regular participant create a Twitter hashtag for me – which at the time was brand new to me, I had never used hashtags before.

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 1: The First Time

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 2: Masturbation

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 3: Pornography

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 4: Have You Ever… #1

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 5: Would You Rather… #1

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 6: Adult Toys

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 7: Erotic Inspiration #1

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 8: Have You Ever… #2

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 9: Sexuality 101

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 10: Would You Rather… #2

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 11: Orgasms

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 12: Body Modification

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 13: Erotic Inspiration #2

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 14: Have You Ever… #3

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 15: Sexting

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 16: Monogamy Isn’t a Type of Wood

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 17: For Women Only

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 18: For Men Only

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 19: Couple’s Retreat

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 20: Would You Rather… #3

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 21: Have You Ever… #5

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 22: Anal Explorations

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 23: Sex & Music

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 24: Exhibitionist’s Delight

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 25: Would You Rather… #4

WTMFI Wednesdays – Week 26: BDSM 101

I miss doing these! So much! Not only was it fun to try and think up all the questions, it was awesome to get to answer a lot of them and I loved that it forced me to regularly blog. I’m totally considering restarting and bringing back WTMFI Wednesdays. What do you think?!?

Would you like to see WTMFI Wednesdays return? Would you participate? 

 

The 100th Post

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Honestly, I can’t believe that there’s only been 100 posts in the last 3 years…

ValerieRayne.com originally launched on August 4th, 2015 with the post “It’s Me Again!!“. After just over a year of publishing posts, ValerieRayne.com shut down for a total redesign on December 17th, 2016. I officially re-launched on February 13th, 2017 with the post “Welcome Back… Finally!!!” and reached my 100th post on March 13th, 2017.

Today, I thought it would be fun to take a look at some of the interesting stats and top posts from the last 3 years and the first 100 posts on ValerieRayne.com.


Stats for 2015

In 2015, I published a total of 70 posts on ValerieRayne.com. I received a total of almost 900 views from 500 visitors mostly from the United States, United Kingdom and Brazil.

Top Posts in 2015

The Club – Part 1 & 2

Surprisingly, part 2 has more views than part 1 and that continues to be the truth year after year.

TO DO: Sex in the Great Outdoors

It’s honestly no surprise that this was one of the top posts of 2015, because it’s a good-er!

Desire Runs Deep

A sexperience between The Boyfriend and I in which we utterly exhaust each other.


Stats for 2016

In 2016, I published a total of 17 posts on ValerieRayne.com. I received a total of almost 1200 views from 600 visitors mostly from the United States, Canada and Brazil.

Top Posts in 2016

Our Favorite Sex Positions

Still four of our favorite sex positions. Definitely getting lots of use!

#TheSims4: Builds in Windenburg – Mid-Nowhere: The Rayne’s

A house that I built for one of my old families in #TheSims4, available to download on the gallery.

Wake Up Sex

I had fantasized about waking him up with sex and he just happened to be sleeping in the perfect position!


Stats for 2017 (so far…)

In 2017, I’ve published a total of 13 posts on ValerieRayne.com. I’ve received almost 200 views from 90 visitors mostly from the United States, Canada and the Philippines.

Top Posts in 2017 (so far…)

Holiday Fantasy Fulfilled

For a week, I had a recurring fantasy. And The Boyfriend crawled inside my head and made my dreams come true 😉

#Sexperience Fails: When FFM Threesomes Go Wrong

I finally share my experiences with female-female-male threesomes.

#TumblrFavorites – Winter 2016/2017

I rounded up a few favorites for the four months that I was on hiatus but still Tumblr-ing.


Over the last 3 years, I’ve published 100 posts, had over 2000 views from over 1100 visitors from countries near and far. I’ve written about sex, love, my kids, my life and some of my favorite things like The Sims 4 and binge-worthy Netflix shows. I’ve launched and re-launched, designed and re-designed and learnt many new things about myself as a blog-a-holic over the years. It has been amazing!!!

Here’s to the first 100 and the next 100!

5 Things That Happened During My Hiatus

The Rantings - For Everyone

My hiatus officially began in the fall of 2016 and by Christmas, I had shut down my blog and turned its maintenance feature on. I went silent on social networks for awhile and allowed The Erotic Writers Group (which at the time had about 750 members and of which I am the sole moderator) to run itself. I explained the reasons why in the post Welcome Back… Finally!!!, so today I wanted to tell you about 5 relatively major life events that happened during my hiatus.

  1. Cazzwell’s Birth

    We had hoped it wouldn’t happen in September and he heard us and came on the last day of August. I woke up from contractions in the late afternoon. Kaeidyn insisted we wake The Boyfriend up and he insisted we go straight to the hospital the moment he saw my face.

    In what was called a “precipitous labor” (which Google has informed me means a labor that takes less than 3 hours from start to finish), we welcomed Cazzwell into the world. The first few weeks were an adjustment to say the least. He took awhile getting back up to his birth weight, so there were more doctors visits and home visits than we had been anticipating, which made things more stressful. The kids all wanted to be such big help but hadn’t had much experience with newborns, so lots of heart stopping moments. And, there was a new baby in our house for the first time seven years… So, there was that…

    In the last almost 6 months, he’s grown exceptionally fast. Sprouted his first tooth at 4 months, he sits up all by himself and now he’s figuring out crawling – already up on the hands and knees, kinda rocks himself and then falls forward onto his belly. You’d be amazed at how far across a room he can make it like that! Everywhere we go, all anyone can talk about is how quickly he’s growing up.

  2. I Turned 30

    The best thing about turning 30 was definitely The Boyfriend! After the kids broke my last laptop, he went out and got me a new one. Then, spent the day making me feel like his sexy older woman, because that’s a thing now until he turns 30 (very soon – muwhahaha!). The kids were all sweet before school, waking me up with Happy Birthdays but after school, they were their normal usual bratty selves.

    I had made a lot of plans for things that I wanted to have done in my life by the time I was 30. I wanted to be married – even telling The Boyfriend that if he hadn’t married me by the time I was 30, it wasn’t going to happen. I wanted to have a career and be on my way to owning a home and have my driver’s licence and know where my g-spot is…

    Alas, that was not what coming into 30 has been like, at all. I’m still only common-law and at this point probably always will be. I’m jobless in a rented townhouse being driven around by my much-more-amazing-than-I-deserve boyfriend and I still orgasm from clitoral stimulation only! I honestly thought I would be a lot more upset about it. And I was, on the 13th day of November, devastated. But then, when I woke up the next day, I was washed in gratitude and so far, that is what 30 has been for me. Everyday, I look at what life has given and is giving me and I am just so grateful!

  3. Got a Guitar

    I posted on Facebook that I missed having a guitar. I do it every time I’m without a guitar for any length of time. One of my maternal aunts, who I sadly never talk to anymore, commented asking when I’d be home. A day or two later, she brought over a guitar.

    It’s nothing crazy special and she’s not super amazing, but holding a guitar in my hands again feels really good! I’ve been doing terribly at playing her and am saddened when I think about how much time she spends put away. But it’s been a long time since I’ve played and so often times, it feels like I’m having to relearn everything I already know or like I just absolutely suck. And sometimes, I can have fun in that place where I’m sucking and just go with it and smile, but other times, it just makes me not want to play for a while.

    Plus, none of the people in my house seem to have any respect for a guitar session!! I can play through a lot of things, but lately, it has been exceptionally hard to play through my family.

    From The Boyfriend, who not only doesn’t listen to me play at all (which always bothers me a little bit) but also has to leave the volume up just enough on his games to be completely distracting, to the older children who decide that the moment I start playing is the moment to ask me questions and tell me every detail about whatever game it is they are playing (or in the case of Kaeidyn, which anime she’s watching…) to the baby who apparently isn’t very fond of guitar (or maybe it’s the guitar over top of all the other noises) because I have only had one session so far that wasn’t interrupted by a total tantrum.

  4. Almost Baby #6

    Sometime near the middle of January, we discovered that we were pregnant again. Definitely not what we had wanted or were expecting. I was literally shaking and sweating as I took the second test, because we didn’t trust the first one. We waited a week until we told his sister and mom and then we told the kids. Kaeidyn literally broke down in tears and told us we “can’t have anymore kids!” and only Carter seemed excited. We didn’t tell my mom until…

    Two weeks later, I had a day of some pretty intense cramps and some bleeding and about a week after that, I – as the doctors put it – “expelled the tissue”. I cried hard, really hard. Harder than I had expected to. Not because I was upset that I had lost the baby. That I was mostly relieved by because I don’t feel ready to have a Baby #6. I was upset because I had miscarried. Because I had had to feel it and experience it. Because I couldn’t maintain a life. Because, yet again, I had failed.

    Ultimately, I haven’t been all that affected by it. I spent a few days in a constantly-near-tears state and The Boyfriend was there every time to hold me tight and I came to terms with it relatively easily. Again, not expecting that. I was just saying to The Boyfriend today that I’m glad we weren’t trying, because we aren’t entirely devastated over it. I think if we were trying or even if it was like the other kids where we weren’t necessarily trying but we weren’t doing anything to prevent it, then I think we would have both been ruined by it – I know I would.

  5. #ReDesign2017

    I fell out of love with my blog. It happens more often than I’d like to admit. In the olden days, I would’ve just started a new blog. But I have a domain now, I pay for stuff, I have commitments. So, I undertook the epic challenge of redesigning ValerieRayne.com.

    Honestly, it took a heck of a lot longer than I wanted it to and it was a heck of a lot harder than I was anticipating! Right now though, I’m feeling like it was totally worth it. It inspired me to pick up projects that I had been neglecting, inspired me to start doing #ThrowbackThursdays on Facebook, and I have pages and pages of thoughts and ideas to continue inspiring me. I have fallen back in love with my blog.

    I’ve got lots of plans over the next little while. You’ll see the return of #FridayFavorites and #TumblrFavorites – both even better than they were before. New erotica will be coming your way, especially as The Erotic Writers Group heats up for 2017. I officially started working on The Brighton Tales again and maybe another book *wink*. Some of my biggest goals here this year center around The Sims, The List and The Gallery – all of which I’d like to see a lot more posts in! And as always, I invite you to leave me comments and let me know what you’d like to see more of and I’ll do my best!

The beginning of my life as a 30-year-old mom of five in 2017 (there’s 3 changes in a sentence!) has been filled with ups and downs and weird squiggly lines. It’s been filled with changes and tears and so much gratitude and love. And I’m just so excited glad to be back from my  hiatus. I’m looking forward to 2017 on ValerieRayne.com! Are you?

Welcome Back… Finally!!!

The Rantings - For Everyone

It has been half a year since I last blogged!

In my last post here, The Boyfriend and I weren’t having sex because I was at the very end of what felt like the longest pregnancy of my life. My posting had been sporadic for awhile and the process of carrying and birthing a child and adjusting to life with a new family member just took over entirely.

In August of 2016, we welcomed our fifth child into the world! Previously known as Baby #5, our fourth son, Cazzwell was born. Labor was short and painful and we were home within a day or so. He came exactly when we hoped he would even though we couldn’t have been less prepared – rushing around last minute to get a car seat and diapers and baby clothes.  We rushed so much that we entirely forgot to give him a middle name. He’s the only one of our kids without an amazing one!

The months that have followed his birth have truly been an awesome whirlwind. A bunch of the kids and I all had our birthdays one right after the other, I officially turned thirty, possibly the most boring and also sorta the greatest Christmas and New Year went by, my baby keeps growing up way too fast and finally, I shut down my website.

I fell out of love with everything about my blog. I hated the color, I hated the way things looked, I hated the disorganization that just naturally tends to occur whenever I blog for longer than a couple months. I expected that I would fall out of love with it all and I should’ve prepared for it, but of course, I didn’t. It resulted in a much longer hiatus than I had wanted!

However, those of you who may have seen my website prior to what I’ve dubbed #ReDesign2017, may have noticed that a lot of things have changed around here. There’s new categories (which you can learn more about here or by clicking on any of the categories in the menu at the top or bottom of the page), completely new types of posts and a lot of old ones updated to be better. The Archives have also undergone a major change to be a little bit more simple and again, better. And of course, the entire look and feel of the site has been overhauled.

I have a lot of big plans for the coming days and weeks ahead of us. Most importantly will be to add all new posts to all the new categories and continue the minor site improvements I’m making on the backend. I’ve never looked forward to returning to blogging as much as I did this time around and I’m absolutely excited for the future of ValerieRayne.com.

Be sure to follow me on Twitter, Facebook and Google+ to get updates on new posts when I post them. And, if you like what you see and you’re excited for my return to blogging, let me know by liking this post and drop me a comment below! What are some posts that you’d like to see more of this year on ValerieRayne.com?

#ThrowbackThursday – 101 Things About Me (2010 Edition)

The Rantings - For Everyone

Over the years on my blogs, I’ve experimented with a variety of formats and content. Back in 2010, The Rantings of a Tortured Mind not only had these awesome biographies of each of the kids, it also had a “101 Things About Me” page, which was incredibly difficult to make. It’s amazing how little and how much has changed in the last 6 years. Enjoy this blast from the past!

101 Things About Me - The Rantings of a Tortured Mind (2013)

Things That Have Changed…

Much of this list would still be the same today as it was back in 2010. Save for a few things…

#15 – I have a moderate-to-severe heart murmur

Not anymore! About six months after Carter was born, I went for an echocardiogram and the murmur had gone away entirely. To think that we were talking about synthetic valves and then just a few months later, the whole problem goes out the window!

#19 – At one time, I had 12 different blogs. Now narrowed down to 4… It’s a bit of an addiction!

For almost a year now, I have successfully only had 2 blogs – this one and my Tumblr. It’s far less of an addiction now than it ever was before, although I’ll never stop being a blog-a-holic.

#24 – I love playing videogames, my favorite console being the PS3.

I haven’t played a PS3 in a really long time. Because it’s the only console I use now, I have to say my favorite console is the Xbox One. However, the reality is that when it comes to games, you’re more likely to find me playing The Sims 4 on my PC!

#36 – My longest relationship has been 6 years, my shortest 2 years.

The Boyfriend and I are coming up on our 8th anniversary this summer, so now my longest relationship has been 8 years and my shortest has been 2 years.

#61 – I enjoy collecting dead rose petals.

I no longer collect anything. I have an extensive collection of vinyls, but that’s not something I went out of my way to collect. I have not received flowers once in the 8 years that The Boyfriend and I have been together.

#94 – I avoid the stationery section of most stores…

Not anymore! I have successfully walked through that section multiple times in the last couple of years and walked out empty-handed and feeling fine. The kids like to use up and lose all my papers/journals/pens, so I just stopped getting them. Again, no collecting here!

#95 – I take a 4 cream 5 sugar please!

It only took him 6 years, but after much determination and plenty of trial and error, The Boyfriend managed to get me down to a triple triple. We now drink the exact same kind of coffee, although I drink far less now than I did back then. This pregnancy isn’t very fond of coffee either, so I’m down to about one cup a day – sometimes less.

Interesting! 7 things – that’s all that’s changed in about 6 years. It feels like a lot more has happened in that time but I guess the fundamentals will probably always be the same.

The One from Six Months Ago…

The Rantings - For Everyone

Sometimes, I write posts that I don’t publish for one reason or another – ultimately because I’m not comfortable sharing whatever publicly or with anyone other than myself. About five or six months ago, I wrote this post and saved it because I wanted to remember those mixed feelings we were having – but I didn’t want to say anything that made it sound like I wanted to be pregnant again.

Now that I am pregnant again, it’s interesting to remember this time in our lives when we thought we couldn’t get pregnant and to remember the fear we felt about another pregnancy. It’s interesting to have those mixed feelings, without the “What If?”. It’s amazing how much happens in a half a year.


I got to play guitar this past weekend. It’s been WAY too long!

Although I haven’t owned a guitar since Kaeidyn was in Kindergarten, I have had access to one anytime I go down to my Mom’s. And even though I’ve strummed it a few times over the last year, I haven’t really played in a good long while. Often I get hung up in how long it’s been and then I’m super self-critical and put the thing down before anything begins.

But, when I was handed the guitar by Mom’s boyfriend (who always hands me the guitar), I felt a little giddy and played around happily. I even sang after a while and enjoyed a good 5 or 6 song long streak, which just hasn’t happened in a while. And even though my fingers burned and my voice quivered, I had a lot of fun, which I wasn’t expecting.

In other news, my period is late. This year has been a menses mess! I’ve been using a period tracker for about two years now (give or take). No matter what, this thing can’t seem to figure me out at all. It doesn’t help that my period is all over the place and can’t figure anything out either… From periods that are lasting way longer and being a lot more painful to multiple months of lateness, it’s just getting exhausting. You’ll never hear anyone wish for menopause as much as I am right now.

The worst part about continually being late, and of course, it’s not continual, it’s sporadic. So, the worst part about being sporadically late, is that every single time it happens, I go through the mixed emotions of “What if I’m pregnant?”. I mean, I haven’t been pregnant yet. As far as The Boyfriend and I are concerned, I can’t get pregnant because if I could, it would’ve happened sometime in the last six years. But it hasn’t. And yet, every single time my period is late, it’s the first thing that pops into my head.

Last time this happened, probably about three months ago, when my period decided to be an entire month late, I was convinced I was pregnant and I was not happy about it. I was devastated and worried and freaking out about the whole situation. The Boyfriend was calm and relaxed and said, “It wouldn’t be the worst thing”, and I was heavily relieved when the test came back negative.

This time around, The Boyfriend had convinced me to wait until his next days off, because he was sure my period would start by then. The day rolled around, today, and still nothing. I have been freaking out for two freaking weeks, because on one hand, I really want to pregnant again. It’s been six years, all our kids are growing up, there would be no better time than now – we’re stable, we’re sane, we’re responsible, we’re doing great in almost all respects – never before have I given life to a child in better conditions than these. Part of me was excited about the prospect of babies and diapers and breastfeeding again. On the other hand, it’s no fun at all bringing a human into the world when no one is excited about it, and I’ve done that a lot…So, I was struggling with the unknown.

So, when he brought home the test, I was pretending to not care at all, but secretly I was hoping that it would come back positive. I was deterred when The Boyfriend made it sound like he was no longer comfortable with the idea and when I went to take the test, I was full of thoughts on the idea of it. And I was taken aback at my immediate anger when the test sat for two minutes and still read negative.

I hate that my period keeps getting my hopes up. I spend much longer than is necessary in a state of doubt and questioning. And then to find out, it’s all for naught and I just wasted $12 – well, it’s incredibly infuriating. It’s especially anger inducing when you’ve spent all this time debating the pros and cons and you’ve spent the last two weeks dreading this day and then it turns out that all your worries are misplaced.

I always enjoyed being pregnant, even when it was insanely hard. I loved it even when it was literally driving me insane. I loved giving birth, even when it never seemed to work out the way I had wanted it to –  a c-section when I wanted a natural birth, a VBAC when I wanted a c-section, a preemie and standing up in the bathroom! I loved, beyond belief, raising these beautiful little babies through toddlerhood and their first years of school, even when I felt used up, exhausted and completely overwhelmed. And as it stands right now, I am loving, beyond belief, experiencing this time with these amazing little humans.

I can’t get over how crushed I am about the negative test, especially as more days march on without any sign of blood.

It’s the Stuck in a Rut Blues…

I am stuck in a writing rut! I have written a ridiculous amount of content that will essentially be trashed because it is such a disorganized mess that I can barely remember what I was trying to do. I’ve been having a hard time writing what I want to write and instead tend to go off on these little tangents that lead nowhere and I basically keep saying the same things over and over again. And tonight, I am putting my foot down and forcing myself to complete at least one post and publish it!

So, here goes it…

The countdown to Christmas is officially on. One minute, I’m okay with it. The next minute, I am sighing and throwing my hands up because I feel so utterly overwhelmed by it. Alfie wants to take the kids again this year and even though I said last year and the year before and all the years before that that it wasn’t going to happen this year, I ended up saying yes. I thought I would feel worse about it but it’s actually bringing me a great deal of relief to think that we’ll only have to do Christmas with Carter.

Thank goodness for The Boyfriend too around this time, because he absolutely takes over the Christmas shopping. He gets such a kick out of shopping for toys and knows exactly what the kids are talking about when they say they want “this” and “that” thing. Really, I don’t know why I despise these holidays so much when basically everyone around me takes over everything that would typically be my responsibility. Luckily, I am aware of how incredibly blessed I am!

The kids are all doing really great and it’s weird that I don’t have more complaints about them. But they’ve been seriously amazing lately. Yeah sure, they’re still kids and I know that Kaeidyn’s gotten in trouble a few times over the last couple of days because of her attitude, but for the most part, it’s been awesome with them. Everyone has been super cuddly lately, they’ve all been helping a lot with the cleaning (even if they are making destructive messes everywhere everyday… They at least help clean it up!), and I’ve even gotten a couple nights this week off of making dinner because Kaeidyn and Kenzie have been enjoying making it!

Although, now that I read back over the last two paragraphs, I realize that I have been incredibly lazy this last little while. No real surprise there, especially being that it’s winter. And let’s not kid ourselves, I realize that I’m lazy every single day! But I’ve definitely noticed I’ve been more lazy lately. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven’t slept at night for weeks now. Both The Boyfriend and I have been on the graveyard shift – him because it’s his job, me because I tend to do whatever he does where sleep is concerned. So, he sleeps during the day, I end up sleeping during the day. He’s awake all night, I end up being awake all night.

As it is, it’s 4:30 in the morning and neither of us seems to be anywhere near ready for bed…

I’ve been kicking myself in the butt hard about this sleep schedule. As someone who has suffered with sleep problems for over a decade, I know what I’m supposed to be doing to combat them. Straight up though, I have never slept better than I have been sleeping lately – it’s just terrible when it comes to the hours that I’m awake. And not because I’m tired during those hours, it’s just that I’m incredibly lazy during those hours. Like, I simply do not have the energy or desire to do anything.

And it’s especially bad when I get on the computer. Normally, I get on here and within minutes, I’ve found something to do – what that something is is different every time, but I find something. Lately, I get on here and five hours later, I realize that I’ve done nothing but reload the page I’m on over and over again. Maybe I’ve clicked around and typed up a paragraph of rambles or played the level I’ve been stuck on for over a year on Candy Crush Saga a few times, but mostly, I’ve just stared at the page, reloading, stuck in this damnable rut!

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of December 4 – 11

#FridayFavorites

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.


Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my #TumblrFavorites posts.

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/134849076586/artisafeeling-the-center-of-the-universe-jana

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Favorite Google+ Update

I have been attempting to work on a lot of projects that I was hoping to have done by the New Year – mostly The Erotic Writers Group. But I keep coming up against a brick wall…

Circle Me on Google+


Favorite Tweet

In one night, I watched the entire first season of Big Ballet on Netflix and was immediately drawn to Mistress Monica. For the next two days, all I could think about was how adorable her and JackSepticEye would be together.

Follow Me on Twitter


Favorite YouTube Video

Memorable moment: We’re scrolling through our subscriptions on YouTube and Kaeidyn, my 11-year-old daughter says to me, “Please don’t think I’m weird, but can we watch that video“, as I go over SexplanationsSex Toys 101“. I didn’t think she was weird and I still don’t and that’s why we watched the video!

Subscribe to My Channel


Favorite Posts Over the Last Week

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

  • The Cane
    If you enjoy erotic limericks, then you’ll definitely get a kick out of The Cane. 
  • When the Show Makes You Cry
    Have you ever cried uncontrollably at a show? Which ones got to you? 
  • TO DO: Online
    A partial list of all the things that I need to be doing online, or want to be doing…

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Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of November 27 – December 4

#FridayFavorites

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.


Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my #TumblrFavorites posts.

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/134109520216/allofmydirtylittlethoughts-jennebenn17

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Favorite Google+ Update

Kaeidyn went to her first ever school dance this week. She looked so beautiful and adorable standing next to her boyfriend at the Winter Formal.

Circle Me on Google+


Favorite Tweet

I’ve been spending some time in a chatroom, as I do every few months, and I’ve attracted a few readers. Love when I reach new view milestones!

Follow Me on Twitter


Favorite Instagram Post

We went to the 22nd (if I remember, correctly) Annual Breakfast with Santa with the kids and it was a total blast (see the post below)! This is turning out to be a much better Christmas than I had anticipated it would be.

Follow Me on Instagram


Favorite Posts Over the Last Week

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

Follow My Blog


 Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of November 20 – 27

#FridayFavorites

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.


Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my #TumblrFavorites posts.

View Original Post on Tumblr
View Original Post on Tumblr

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Favorite Google+ Update

We spent almost two weeks without internet and it was definitely not cool! And even though it’s been a week since we’ve been back online, I still kinda feel like this…

Circle Me on Google+


Favorite Song

A little bit of a throwback. There aren’t many country artists I listen to and almost all of them, I can thank Alfie for knowledge of them. But this song makes me happy whenever I’m sad.

Follow Me on Spotify


 Favorite Tweet

I think that Miley’s face in the second picture speaks a thousand words.

https://twitter.com/dropoutofschool/status/630836272903421953

Follow Me on Twitter


 

Favorite YouTube Video

I know that I’ve shared this video somewhere prominent before, but it’s so good, that I’ll continue to share it over and over, because I really do love it so very much!

Subscribe to My Channel


Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

Follow My Blog


Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of October 2 – 9

#FridayFavorites

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.

Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my upcoming #TumblrFavorites post.

#TumblrFavorites - October
See My Top 5 #TumblrFavorites for October

Follow My Tumblr

Favorite Song

The guitar riff in this song is to die for. And for such a simple song, it evokes such great emotion. I can never get enough of “Never Going Back Again” by Fleetwood Mac.

Follow Me on Spotify

Favorite Google+ Update

There are many places that I’ve always dreamed of traveling to and New York has long been on that list. This post gave me at least two more reasons to go to New York (as if I didn’t already have enough reasons).

Circle Me on Google+

Favorite Tweet

I’m still working my butt off to publish this post. I seem to be struggling something fierce, and it doesn’t make any sense…

Follow Me on Twitter

Favorite Pinterest Board

While I love pictures of the sun (which I shared last week), paths seem to be my biggest photographic obsession. I take lots of pictures of paths and this board brings me so much happiness!

Follow Valerie’s board Pathways on Pinterest.

Follow Me on Pinterest

Favorite Facebook Update

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and was so surprised to see my Mom had shared a Davey Wavey video. Watched the video, loved it, had to share it!

 

Like Me on Facebook

Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

  • Wasting Away
    Do you ever feel like you’re wasting your life away?
  • #BathTime Rantings
    A spotlight on a Google+ post that really should’ve been a blog post…

Follow My Blog

Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of September 25 – October 2

#FridayFavorites

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.

Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my upcoming #TumblrFavorites post.

View on Tumblr

Follow My Tumblr

Favorite Google+ Update

I was getting all my online blogging work done left, right and center and then suddenly, the inspiration just left me. I’m still searching 😉

Circle Me on Google+

Favorite Tweet

They recently added Scandal on Netflix and I’ve been doing a lot of watching. I’ll throw it on in the background a lot while I’m doing other stuff. I wouldn’t say that I like this show, but I also wouldn’t stop watching it.

Follow Me on Twitter

Favorite Pinterest Board

After taking a few really awesome sun pictures myself, I started looking for more and I have found so many truly beautiful ones. Even a couple of my own on this board 😉
Follow Valerie’s board Sunrise, Sunset on Pinterest.

Follow Me on Pinterest

Favorite Facebook Update

We’re doing fall cleaning during this week, including the first big leaf raking of the yard. It’s always fun to do this with the kids and watch them explore the seasons change.

Like Me on Facebook

Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

Follow My Blog

Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

The Lowered Drive is Killing My Writing

This post is intended for adults 18+

One of the biggest problems I seem to be facing with this whole lowering of my sex drive is that I can’t seem to write a single good sentence on any of my erotica. I’ve been desperately craving writing something, I’ve got a story waiting to be finished, I’ve got all these story ideas and plans in my head – and yet, my lowered sex drive is making it impossible!

First of all, the issue of getting aroused. I tend to write my erotica and if it doesn’t turn me on, I scrap it. Because I’m a pretty easy target for arousal, so if it’s not turning me on, it’s probably not very good. However, right now, I’m all out of whack. Stuff that normally turns me on isn’t working at all and so everything I write erotically immediately seems to suck.

Second, the visualization. A huge part of my erotic writing happens because I have a vivid imagination that runs wild with sexual thoughts. Without those visualizations, without the ability to even attempt to have those visions, I have nothing to spring forth from. I have no scene, I have no characters, I have no plot and there’s definitely not any sex!

The lowered sex drive doesn’t seem to be having any effect on any other area of my life except my erotic writing and I am officially noticing and I am officially not happy about it at all! Tonight, as I attempted for the umpteenth time this week to write an erotic piece, I officially hit my breaking point. I kept trying to explore why I was having such a hard time with it, why I’d get two paragraphs in and suddenly be completely lost, why I couldn’t get a single sexual moment out between anything, and I’ve finally figured it out. And I am not happy, not happy at all!

I want to write but I am being way too critical to get it done…

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of September 18 – 25

#FridayFavorites

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.

Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my upcoming #TumblrFavorites post.

View on Tumblr

Follow My Tumblr

Favorite Google+ Update

I have been incredibly hard at work this week on The Erotic Writers Group. It has literally taken over all my social networks, I am just consumed in the project. I’ve set a goal date too, so it’s a pretty big deal.

Circle Me on Google+

Favorite Tweet

I told you it was taking over everything!

Follow Me on Twitter

Favorite Instagram Photo

My terrible terrible workspace. Maybe this is why I have such a hard time getting stuff done!

#WorkingHardOrHardlyWorking #WhoCanTell #TheGameIsOn #FinishIfItKillsMe

A post shared by Valerie Rayne (@valerierayne) on

Follow Me on Instagram

Favorite Facebook Update

It was Kaeidyn’s 11th birthday last weekend and even though she was at her Dad’s for the weekend enjoying the Fall Festival, I celebrated with pictures!

Like Me on Facebook

Favorite Song

It very rarely ever happens that The Boyfriend becomes obsessed with a song. So rarely, that every time that it happens, I suddenly become obsessed with the song. He loves the lispy “s” in this song so much!

Follow Me on Spotify

Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

Follow My Blog

Favorite YouTube Video

It’s an oldie. Like a 2008 oldie. But seriously, this was my absolute favorite video of the time and when I ran across it the other day, I was delighted and overcome with nostalgia. Share it with me 😉

Subscribe to My Channel

Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of September 4 – 11

#FridayFavorites - For Everyone

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.

“I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress this week, WAY too many firsts. It resulted in me being completely unaware that it was Friday yesterday and therefore I missed this week’s #FridayFavorites . Oh well, next week…”
View Original Post


Favorite Google+ Update

With back-to-school well underway, there’s lots of lists being made and lots to do. Including goals for the rest of the year…

Circle Me on Google+


Favorite Pinterest Board

I recently ran across a bunch of vintage stuff on Pinterest and this spurred the creation of the All Things Vintage board, which literally has everything vintage!

Follow Valerie’s board All Things Vintage on Pinterest.


Favorite Song

I literally just heard this song thanks to Spotify and it’s suggestions and I think it’s going to end up on my regularly listened to lists very soon! Enjoy “The Wire” by HAIM.


Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my upcoming #TumblrFavorites post.

#TumblrFavorites: Top 5 Tumblrs – September 2015 (View on Tumblr)

Follow My Tumblr


Favorite Facebook Update

It seemed like we spent the entire weekend celebrating Keirnan’s eighth birthday and there was a lot of talking about how long ago it seemed like he was a baby, how much he’s grown.

Like Me on Facebook


Favorite Tweet

I spent part of the week working on stuff for The Erotic Writers Group, which meant that I jumped onto Zazzle for a little bit. While I didn’t get anything done that I had intended to, I did do this…

Follow Me on Twitter


Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

Follow My Blog


Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

9 Things You May Not Know About Me

The Rantings - For Everyone

Some of you may have been reading my blogs for years and some of you may have only just found me. Some of you may know me from real life and some of you may have chatted with me online. Almost all of you will know that there’s not that much that you don’t already know about me, but just in case, here’s 9 Things You May Not Know About Me!

  1. I’m a Smoker

    Hello, my name is Valerie Rayne, and I am a smoker… I am not proud of the fact that I smoke and have quit in the past only to pick up the bad habit once more. I have every intention of quitting, someday soon-ish, although my almost two pack a day consumption is hardly convincing anyone. I had my first cigarette when I was 11-years-old and was later caught by my school principal. I vowed never to smoke again and then there was Alfie. That was almost 13 years ago… I’m a smoker.

  2. My Body is Full of Scars

    First, I’ve had 4 babies. Don’t even get me started on the stretch marks, some that are hard to believe are now over 10 years old! My first, Kaeidyn, was an emergency c-section which was absolutely butchered by the surgeon – left me with a crooked line with a dent in the middle, separating my stomach from my pubic mound! Then, in my early twenties, during a serious battle with depression, self-mutilation ran rampant over the flesh of my thighs and arms. My body is full of scars.

  3. I’ve Failed… A Lot…

    It all began my first year of high school and physical education was mandatory and I was just not feeling the whole physical thing. It didn’t take long before my high grades quickly followed that first “F” into the abyss of failure. After a huge setback in Grade 12, I dropped out 2 weeks into my graduating year. I enrolled in a community college of sorts, dropped out a few months later because there was no babysitter backup plan. I’ve been evicted, homeless, on welfare, fired from jobs, broke, broken and I’ve failed… a lot…!

  4. I’m a Serial Monogamist

    I have basically been in long-term relationships since I turned 14. My first love and I dated for 2 1/2 years and experienced all of the “firsts” together. Approximately 8 months went by before I met Alfie. We were together for almost 6 years (give or take, being that we broke up for a few weeks here or there and for a pregnancy) – albeit, we weren’t exactly monogamous. Alfie and I had only been broken up for a few weeks when The Boyfriend and I got together, and we just surpassed our 7 year anniversary. I’m a serial monogamist.

  5. I Suffer from Depression

    After I became pregnant with Kaeidyn, I began experiencing extreme bouts of depression. This has twice landed me in mental institutions, once for an overdose and once for self-mutilation. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. Although I dip into “funks” almost every other month, I have been virtually symptom free for over five years without medication. I suffer from depression.

  6. I’m on YouTube

    Not many people know this about me and I think it’s the one thing people find most shocking about me. I’ve recorded a few covers and put them up there (although none of them are as good as the ones I used to have on there, but now have no access to…) and I’m also in the recordings of the hangouts that The Erotic Writers Group did back in 2013. One day, I plan on going back to making videos and I often mean to and then forget entirely, however I’m on YouTube…

  7. I’m Scared of Everything…

    Little birds, ducks, loud noises, thunderstorms, just to name a few. Spiders and dirt and tall grass and deep water. Seaweed and algae, racing heartbeats and stomach aches. Basements and attics, outdoors at night. New foods, new people, new technology, new anything. I have mini panic attacks over simple fears and I find new things to be afraid of everyday. Sometimes, I can work through my fear and deal with it, sometimes I break down and sob like the world is ending. I’m scared of everything!

  8. I Have No Friends

    I have family. I have boyfriends and ex-boyfriends and their families. These people I consider to be my best friends, the ones who will be there for me and love me through everything. I have Facebook friends, mostly people I know through my brother or sister, definitely not people I regularly associate with. I have online friends, where I only know them online and have only ever talked online. Acquaintances more than friends. I find friendship to be a very difficult thing – from the making to the keeping – and I’m not sure I’m complaining. Therefore, I have no friends.

  9. I’m a Picky Eater

    I’ve always been a picky eater. It’s something I desperately want to get over but I just can’t seem to do it. I like potatoes, eggs and rice, beef, pork and chicken, breads, gravy and corn. That’s pretty much it. I’ll eat a few other fruits or vegetables throughout the seasons and get a serious craving for broccoli at least once a year, but other than that, I like to keep it really basic. I don’t like spicy foods or sweet foods, I’m not a huge fan of savory foods and only rarely have a desire for salty foods. I’m a picky eater.

So, there’s 9 things you may not have known about me. Did you find any of them surprising or did you already know them all? Maybe I’ll come up with more things, but at this time, I can’t think of anything you wouldn’t already know. Hope you enjoyed 😉

Check In and Vent

The Rantings - For Everyone

One of the things that I absolutely love about The Boyfriend is his ability to completely calm me when my nerves are running rampant. He can tell immediately when something is up and somehow always manages to say exactly the right things to make me forget how stressed out I feel.

Getting Back-To-School Ready

We went to the school and got all the school lists for the year. I refrained from feeling utterly embarrassed when Kaeidyn inquired what type of counselling programs her middle school will have – and whether or not there will be one for kids whose parents have split up. First of all, we originally asked for counselling due to a break-IN not a break-UP. Second, we don’t think she needs counselling for something that happened seven years ago and has always been an amicable break up. Third, the first time anyone at the school meets us as a family and our kid is already asking for counselling… I’m sure I turned various shades of red!

We plan on waking up early tomorrow to do the actual school shopping. The plan is to go first thing in the morning when the stores are likely to have less people in them so that it won’t be such a hassle keeping track of the four kids. I’m stressing about the financial aspects and how much it’s going to cost, but The Boyfriend says he’s got it all figured out and I know from experience that if he says it, he means it. So, I’m letting him worry about it and I’ll worry about the kids.

Boys Being Boys

The boys have all been pretty terrible these last couple of days and that’s causing me a great deal of stress. I feel like I’m yelling a lot lately and they all just seem to be at really terrible stages. Kenzie is getting into talking back and I always find that really hard to deal with. I hate when my kids leave my mouth gaping and speechless. Carter seems to always want to fight with everyone and no one is ever interested in fighting. And so he’ll keep pushing and pushing and pushing until eventually the person gets irritated enough to strike back in a big way. Albeit, he hasn’t gotten hurt at all, there is a lot of crying involved in the whole process – this super dramatic, over-acted cry. And while Keirnan never seems to be directly involved in anything that is causing trouble, he does always have to involve himself in some way, sneakily. He’s also been lying, a lot!

I’m hoping that it will just ease itself out over the next couple of weeks. I think a great deal of it all is caused by excitement over back-to-school. I think a great deal of it is caused by a lack of structure in their days. I think once those two things become relatively more fixed, they’ll naturally let up on the constant bad behaviour. I hope…

The End…

I’ve been trying to write a lot over the last two days. My drafts folder is evidence of this, as I am officially up into the double digits for those. I keep getting two or three paragraphs into something, it’ll give me an idea for something else and the ideas just keep coming in those three paragraph snippets. Everything is left undone. And unfortunately, I struggle with picking things back up after I’ve neglected them. I’m working really hard on a few of the posts though and I’m hoping to have something erotic posted in the next day or so, because I gotta get at least one out of my drafts…

Well, that’s all I’ve got to catch up on for now. Just wanted to check in and vent 😉

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of August 21 – 28

#FridayFavorites - For Everyone

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.

Favorite Google+ Update

Sometimes, it’s just there. On your mind. And you can’t simply ignore it. Sometimes, it’s not that simple. It won’t shut off…

Circle Me on Google+

Favorite Tweet

There’s been a lot of going through old blog posts lately and the walks down memory lane have been quite exciting and a little hilarious!

Follow Me on Twitter

Favorite Pinterest Board

Last week, I shared some of the beautiful buildings I’ve collected on Pinterest. This week, some of the spaces that I’d like to see within those buildings!

Follow Valerie’s board Spaces to Die For on Pinterest.

Follow Me on Pinterest

Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my upcoming #TumblrFavorites post.


View on Tumblr

Follow My Tumblr

Favorite Facebook Update

Tons of polls lately in The Erotic Writers Group Community on Google+, and I found the stats to be really interesting!

Like Me on Facebook

Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

Follow My Blog

Favorite YouTube Video

Not only are these two hilarious in almost every single show I’ve ever seen them in, they are also incredible at making hilarious songs. I appreciated this one a lot!

Subscribe to My Channel

Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?