#Sexperience Fails: When FFM Threesomes Go Wrong

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

I was 17 and pregnant with my first child by the man, who I joked through our whole relationship was, “the one night stand that wouldn’t end!“. He had a guy friend, I’ll call him Mark, who was dating a girl I’ll call Sam. She was a little younger than us and incredibly beautiful. I was tall and skinny and she was short and curvy. Alfie and I were very open about the fact that we were both curious about a variety of kinks. That month, we had discovered blind canes.

Our window blinds had broken. The cane to open and close them had popped off and wouldn’t go back on. It just happened to be laying on the floor by the couch when we had Mark and Sam over for a game of poker, a couple hits from the bong and the boys probably drank beer. A joke was made about the blind cane and somehow it ends with Sam in front of a mirror, me behind here wailing on her ass with the cane, while the two guys sit on the bed behind us sipping beer. The night ended abruptly.

Mark came over the next night without Sam. Alfie and I teased that we should have a threesome. He reached his hand up my skirt rather brazenly as his friend watched on. I went for a bath and Alfie and I had a heart-to-heart – were we really going to do this? How would Sam feel about it? – and ultimately decided that Alfie would go back upstairs and put the feelers out with Mark and come and get me if it were a yes.

The agreement we came to was that Alfie was allowed to fuck me, Mark was only allowed a blowjob. So, I knelt between Mark’s legs, ass high in the air and proceeded to suck his laundry detergent scented cock as Alfie fucked me from behind. I remember the experience being incredibly hot and when they finished close to each other, I laid down between them and Alfie and I made out as I masturbated and Mark watched on.

A few nights later, Sam came over by herself. She knew about our experience with Mark and wanted a taste of her own. She wanted to show me what I had done to her ass with the cane only a few nights prior and we snuck into the bathroom to take a peek. Alfie tried to sneak in and both of us shrieked at him – if she, if we wanted him to see, we would’ve done it right there in front of him. I know it made me feel uneasy, I can only imagine how she felt.

Eventually, we get to a point where we’re all ready to go. I couldn’t tell you any of the details leading up to the moment. I remember Alfie laying on the bed between us in his boxers. I remember Sam and I giggling not really knowing where to start first. I remember Alfie telling me to kiss her. I remember her braces pressed up against my lips.

Alfie says something to indicate that we should suck his cock. He chooses her first. She just barely gets her lips wrapped around him before pulling off and saying she has to leave. She had gotten a text from her Dad saying he was outside waiting for her. Up she goes, quick as a cat. I’m pretty sure Alfie practically chased her out the door…

Some time goes by. I couldn’t tell you exactly how long. Maybe a week. I wake up late one morning and our roommate informs me that Alfie’s been locked up in the bathroom all morning with the phone and he needs to make a call. Alfie lies and tells me he’s been talking to his Mom. The phone says he’s been calling Sam. After Alfie and I talk and he continues to lie, even after he’s been caught, continues to lie, I call Sam.

He won’t stop calling me. I keep telling him I want to come hangout with you but he keeps telling me I can’t unless I hang out alone with him. He’s called me constantly this morning!“. Alfie is literally sitting there watching my reactions to her on the phone and he’s just sitting there, spewing off more lies about how we didn’t understand and it’s not what we think. I never talked to her again...


It’s my 21st birthday. I’m now a Mom to 3 babies, Alfie and I have broken up and gotten back together so many times I can’t even count and we’ve shared a couple handfuls worth of great male-male-female threesomes. I’ve got this friend who we’ve known for almost a decade and we’ve been hanging out constantly. She brings me a best friends blanket and a bottle of alcohol. The three of us sit on the couch drinking.

We all think it would be hilarious to play truth or dare and it starts out innocently enough. I don’t remember who it was exactly but someone dares someone else to lick someones nipples. The game turns dirty very fast – too fast. Very quickly, it becomes her and Alfie daring each other while I’m sitting there watching them play together and thinking, “Isn’t it my birthday?“.

Alfie and I always had this really big issue. I had a bunch of babies, so I wasn’t as skinny at 21 as I was when we first met. As part of his abuse cycle, he would call me fat and lazy to get a reaction out of me and it did, it really did. She was bigger than I was, but she had gorgeous boobs. Just absolutely perfect. I couldn’t get over the fact that he was so interested in her even though she was fat, when he couldn’t be interested in me because I was fat. That took over entirely…

I stomped down to my room, tears held at the corner of my eyes. I slammed my bedroom door shut. It took him 20 minutes to come down after me. I remember him telling me I was being ridiculous and I remember him leaving. I laid in my bed crying for a really long time – or at least it felt like a really long time. I expected to go back upstairs to everyone with their clothes on and feeling a little awkward.

Instead, I walk upstairs to the two of them naked under the blankets, him on top of her. I can’t say for sure that there was penetration. I can’t say for sure exactly what they were doing. But I remember absolutely losing my shit. I remember screaming at her that “this is not what friends do!“, I remember ignoring him entirely as he told me I was overreacting and tried to stop me from throwing her shirt at her. I was completely outraged and told her to get out of my house and never come back. I told Alfie to do the same, but he didn’t listen. I never talked to her again…

Where Did the Time Go?

The Rantings - For Everyone

I absolutely cannot believe that I haven’t written in over a month…! It does not feel like it’s been that long and it’s definitely not for lack of things to write about. June just whizzed by in a blur and while July has slowed down a lot, it feels like I haven’t had a moment for anything.

The summer started with dropping the older three kids off at their Dad’s. It’s been incredibly boring without them here and it’s probably the first time ever where they left and days later, I was missing them hard. It comes and goes in waves and sometimes, I’m relieved that they’re gone and sometimes, I just want my babies back. They’ve been there for about three or four weeks now and we’ve probably got another week until they come home. I cannot wait!

The Boyfriend also left shortly after they did, leaving Carter and I at home alone. He got an incredible opportunity to go train other managers up in the Northwest Territories. You have no idea how awesome it feels to say that my boyfriend had to go on a business trip. He wasn’t expecting me to be as supportive as I was and that made him very nervous about the trip. He spent two weeks up there and had a great time exploring this totally new-to-him place.

I knew I would start missing him pretty hard by about day three and I was totally right. The first couple of nights went by with ease and then that third day hit and it started dragging miserably to the point where it felt like it would never end. By day seven, we were both going pretty nuts and it became a bit of a battle to make it through the day without sadness over the absence. We’ve never spent that much time apart and I can’t imagine it happening very often in the future. It was such a relief the day we went to pick him up from the airport.

Carter and I had made a “Welcome Home, Daddy” sign and greeted him at his gate. I’ve never seen either of them look so happy as when they first saw each other. Unfortunately, he’s basically been working non-stop since he got back from the trip and only today has he finally gotten days off. We are both so excited about finally getting to spend some quality time together!

Have had a couple prenatal appointments over the last little while too and baby is doing really well. They sent me for another ultrasound – a biophysical profile to be exact. The last time I went for one of those, while I was pregnant with Kaeidyn, resulted in me being induced for labor the very next day – so I was a little nervous about it. All went well though and baby is looking great. Now we get to start doing prenatal appointments every week and we’ve only got about four weeks left!

I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am to get this pregnancy over with. My body has ached like this, and worse, before now – but never has it made me so entirely miserable. I can’t wait to get this baby out of my belly and into my arms. I’m nothing but excited about the idea of having my baby here!

In other news, my house has never been and stayed this clean ever. I’ve even been tackling the huge amount of laundry that had piled up and I’m actually enjoying doing it, because it’s staying organized and tidy! Cleaning up after two people is a million times easier than cleaning up after six! I wish it was always this easy because I’d never have a problem getting it done. I’ve got a few little projects to do before the older kids get home but otherwise, my house has looked great for a while now and it definitely feels really nice!!

Broken Bones and Road Trip

The Rantings - For Everyone

It was one heck of a long long weekend. It’s probably the first time in a long time that I actually did something for May long. On Friday, The Boyfriend and I took all the kids up to their Dad’s for the long weekend and that went smoothly. My Mom called the same day and asked if I wanted to take a road trip with her the next day. Carter was going to come but decided that he didn’t like the highway, so I just went alone – The Boyfriend had to stay home because of work.

The next day we were taking a trip up to Whitecourt to see my sister. I haven’t traveled that far in years! It was awesome to see her because it’s been awhile and I really don’t get to see her enough. I miss the days when they lived right here in town and I could just go to her house whenever I felt like it. Now we have to travel five hours to get to each other and it’s absolutely never for long enough.

They weren’t really expecting us and the first people we saw were my niece and nephew. Man oh man, do kids ever grow fast. My nephew, who’s 13, is now officially as tall as I am. Made me feel small all weekend! Both my sister’s kids are tall. It started raining while we were up there and that just seemed to make the whole visit that much better, because it was so refreshing – the whole thing.

It was a short but sweet trip and I can’t wait until I’m able to take the kids and The Boyfriend with me. Next time, he won’t be working and they won’t be at their Dad’s!

In other news, and I honestly can’t believe it’s taken me this long to write about it, Kaeidyn broke her arm! Last Monday, she went on an after school field trip to the skate park and went longboarding. She ended up going down a hill, wobbling all the way, before falling off pretty good. She hadn’t even been there a whole hour when we were getting called to go pick her up.

The first thing she said to me when she saw me was, “I should’ve known better! I’ve watched the fail videos, I’ve seen the vines!” and I nodded profusely. We took her up to the hospital and were there for the next eight hours as she got a bunch of x-rays and then put to sleep and put in a cast. It was a lot of waiting and worrying and a lot more waiting.

She was so amazing and took the whole thing like a champ for someone who had broken a bone. She cried a little bit when they put her in a sling, cried a lot when they put in her IV and tears filled her eyes as they put her to sleep and she whispered to me, “If anything should happen to me, make sure to donate my organs!“. I still can’t believe she’s the first of the kids to break a bone…!

She’s been wearing a plaster cast for the last week and tomorrow we go to get her fiberglass cast on. I’ve had to constantly be on top of her for pushing it too hard, because she’s insisting on “maintaining her independence” – just in case she “actually loses an arm one day“. It’s been an adjustment, to say the least.

The rest of this week and all of next week will be entirely dedicated to getting our house completely spotless clean. We have our dreaded annual inspection, which for some reason always causes me the greatest amount of unwarranted stress. Okay, not entirely unwarranted, being that failing the inspection could and most likely will result in eviction…

Even though I’m probably exaggerating to a large degree, and The Boyfriend will assure me that I am, I feel like we have so much more than usual to do – mainly because we started rearranging our living room because of a new couch and haven’t finished getting rid of all the throwaway furniture yet – another project for this week! Right now, it all feels like an impossibility. I’m sure I’ve said this every time we’ve ever had an inspection…

So, if you don’t hear from me for a little bit, that’s where I’m at 😉

Sick and Pregnant

The Rantings - For Everyone

I have been ridiculously sick for the last three or four days. Yesterday was the first day that I could breathe out my nose and I’ve never been more grateful for the ability! It came on swiftly and I had a whole two days of nothing but complaints, tons of tissues and so much mouth-breathing. Having a cold and also being pregnant made the whole experience that much worse.

I haven’t completely ended the morning sickness phase. While it’s not as constant as it was in the first trimester, certain things still make me super queasy. I still have to be especially careful how much coffee I drink, because one sip over baby’s limit sends me running for the toilet. Then, the soreness throughout my body is just incredible. I remember pregnancy hurting in every joint and muscle but it still tends to take me by surprise, as parts of my body that I typically don’t feel, suddenly scream out in pain.

We get to go for the next ultrasound in four days and everyone is incredibly excited. We’re all desperate to find out what we’re having and more than one calendar has been marked in anticipation of finally getting to see a real baby. Especially now that we’re starting to feel the baby move (just…). It’s all becoming very real and that’s an exciting stage to be getting to. It’s really interesting to be experiencing it with the kids, now that they’re all grown up.

Kaeidyn has been my little caretaker. She hounds me to take my prenatal vitamins and anytime I’m not feeling well, she’ll go above and beyond to try and make me feel better. It’s very cute how she lovingly puts her hand on my slowly expanding stomach and asks me, “How’s baby doing?”, before touching my forehead, as if to check my temperature. Keirnan has really taken no notice at all in the pregnancy or the baby and only shows any type of interest when a group of people are showing interest. The only thing that he has said and continues to say is that he hopes it’s a girl. Kenzie’s head is right at the height of my stomach and he’s been enjoying giving me huge hugs anytime I’m standing. He smushes his little face up to my stomach and squeezes tightly.

Carter spends a lot of his time being rough to my stomach and The Boyfriend and I almost always have a discussion about how he’s going to be so jealous when baby gets here. He’ll roughly poke and prod my stomach or squeeze my flesh in his clenched fists. He’s been climbing all over both the parents lately and will sit directly on top of the round of my stomach. While he’s excited and curious and interested – asking tons of questions and wanting to be involved – he generally gets unknowingly rough with my stomach. I think he’s going to have the hardest time out of all of the kids adjusting to a baby in the house – mainly, having to share his Mom and Dad with someone needier than him.

We went for a nice drive yesterday to take the kids out to Alfie’s. Have I ever told you how much I love that we can drive? We drop them off at the McDonald’s in Leduc, which is right across the highway from an airport. We sat in the parking lot long enough to see four planes go overhead and it absolutely made our day. Carter was invited to go with the kids for the first time ever but we said no, because none of the kids have been getting along well lately, and especially not Carter and the older ones. So, I decided that they needed a break from each other. Have I ever told you how much I love having that option?

The Boyfriend goes back to work after having the last two weeks off this weekend, which is a little sad. I’m looking forward to getting back into some sort of routine because having him home means that I spent a lot of time seriously slacking. Many nights passed where I didn’t do the dishes or make dinner or even move from my spot once. He’s managed to work this next week where he works a couple days and then gets a couple off and then works a couple and then a couple off – and it’s honestly so great to have that to transition back from holidays.

The rest of this weekend, the plan is for me to muster as much energy as possible to get some of the cleaning projects off of my to-do list. I really gotta buckle down and get these floors mopped and while The Boyfriend is home is the best time to do it. As long as the couple things are done by the time the older kids get back from their Dad’s on Sunday. It’s going to be a busy weekend 😉

The Kaeidyn Drama

The Rantings - For Everyone

Originally written around March 13th:

Parenting is the by far, the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And you’d think it would get easier as they got older, but the reality is that it just gets harder and harder. Since my last post, the Kaeidyn drama reached the boiling point today and we ended up going into the school and having a discussion with them.

As part of the school program, Kaeidyn’s able to use Google Hangouts. She enjoys it because she can keep in touch with her friends. And she knows that all the parents have access to her account and are regularly reading through her conversations. Last night, The Boyfriend checked in as usual and noticed some seriously disturbing messages.

One boy had sent her sexually explicit messages asking her to do a variety of sexual favors for him. No matter how often she said “No” or the number of ways in which she said it, the boy continued to ask her and push her – at one point even stating that he would force himself on her. One girl had sent her pictures of her cut arms and messages claiming that Kaeidyn was the cause of them. Immediately, The Boyfriend called me and we began hashing out a plan on how to deal with it.

We woke up early this morning and went down to the school to get it sorted out. We’ve had problems with the girl in the past and honestly, I’m incredibly concerned about her, so I wanted to bring that to the school’s attention right away. We met with the principal and it sounds like they will be talking to each of the kids we mentioned, including Kaeidyn. He will confer with Kaeidyn’s counselor and they will do what they can on their end.

The Boyfriend had been fuming prior to the meeting but was comforted by the meeting. I walked out more upset than I was before we had gone in. The feminist in me is angry at all men today and I don’t see it going away for a while.

All night and all morning, The Boyfriend kept saying things that just were a little off to me. After the boy pushes and pushes Kaeidyn, instead of saying “No“, she replied “Maybe” to the question “Would you have sex with me?“. This irritated The Boyfriend to no end and multiple times he said things that implied that Kaeidyn was inviting more advances. He kept saying that we should ground her off of Hangouts and essentially punish her for allowing herself to be violated, for not telling the parents immediately, for something. This is after the other night spending hours on the phone with Alfie basically listening to the same crap.

Then, we go into the principal and the language used, once again treats it like she’s instigating and she’s at fault. She’s “vulnerable” and “perky“, “attracts the boys” and “puts herself in the middle“. Again, no one is out and out saying, “It’s her fault!“, but almost implying that it is.

I remember being 11-years-old. You are sexual even when you’re not even aware that you are sexual. I remember one time sucking on a candy cane, like I did all the time. Except this particular year, a boy mentioned how sexy it was when I did that. I couldn’t understand how it was possibly sexy and relied on my Mom to tell me. Kaeidyn’s going through the exact same thing and the language used by all the men and even some of the women in our life, implies that she’s somehow at fault for how others’ see her.

It’s ridiculous how ingrained this thinking is in the mind’s of the people around me. It reminds me of when she was wearing short skirts and everyone immediately told her that she “would be raped” dressing in that way. And I feel like everyone is reacting to this negatively, except for me. And I can’t seem to convince anyone of how okay all of this is.

The reality is, that kid is growing up. And faster now than ever before. And in this time, we make the decision what kind of parents we’re going to be and what kind of relationship we’re going to have with her. And to be honest, it is a thousand times more important to me that she comes and talks to me when she’s ready to have sex than it is for me to not have her having sex. Of course, I don’t want my baby girl to have sex yet and I don’t want her out kissing boys and being surrounded by drama. But I know that I don’t control that, she does!

Added on March 26th:

After being talked to by the principal, the boy is no longer talking to Kaeidyn. He considers her to be a “snitch” and Kaeidyn has moved on and seems entirely un-phased by it. She has blocked the girl on Hangouts and has been attempting to steer clear of any drama.

The Dads have all seemed to simmer quite a bit and we haven’t had anymore discussions regarding it. Kaeidyn spent some time not using Hangouts, simply so all the parents could come back down to earth, and has only recently started up again – so far, so good.

Raising Dads

The Rantings - For Everyone

After six years, you forget how entirely painful pregnancy is. I haven’t had a single day in over a week where I haven’t woken up beyond grumpy because my whole body is sore. The Boyfriend asks almost immediately upon waking, “How was your sleep?” and today I literally snapped at him that he “wouldn’t want to know!“.

It’s weird to feel your body expanding so slowly and yet so quickly. My hips have been feeling it the most and I’m often complaining about it. I’ve had some serious breast and nipple pain that wakes me from a dead sleep and I have never been more itchy in my entire life! Even though I’m in bed for plenty of hours, I don’t feel like I’ve been sleeping well at all and it has made for an even more bitchy and lazy me than usual.

The boys have all had more energy than we know what to do with. The weather is changing swiftly and you can tell in the kids’ attitudes and behavior. They’re also all growing, so eating like they’re constantly starving. We literally feed them dinner and the moment they clear their plates, they’re begging for a snack. It’s hard to keep up with all of them and their constant movement and noise and wants and needs.

Kaeidyn has begun dating a new boy, which has stirred up a lot more drama than ever before. I’m not sure what’s different about this boyfriend specifically, but she has been dealing with drama from her friends over it and I have been dealing with drama from Alfie over it. He has become especially uncomfortable with the idea of her dating and after finding out about this new boyfriend, he kinda flipped his lid. I spent a few hours on the phone with him last night having the first “fight” that we’ve had in years! He called it a “fight“, I didn’t think it was.

I think that both The Boyfriend and Alfie have this idea in their head that because I’m a sex-positive parent and because I’ve never said that being a teen mom was the “worst thing that ever happened to me“, that I’m somehow going to support her having sex younger and getting pregnant younger. It’s the only thing that I can think of for why they both don’t seem to trust that I’ve got any handle on Kaeidyn dating.

And when we say that she’s dating, what we really mean is that she calls this boy her “boyfriend” and they text each other sappy love memes. The most she’s ever done outside of that is held hands on a dare at lunchtime.

Both the father’s in my life seem to think that they can actually “scare off” her boyfriends and that they can punish her for dating or showing interest in boys. Multiple times Alfie said to me that I should send her to live with him so she couldn’t date. I laugh so hard at both of these thought processes. Mainly because I was a girl who was sent to her Dad’s so that I would stop seeing one specific boy and all that did was drive us closer together. I mean, it’s a story as old as Romeo & Juliet

I keep trying to tell them that we can’t control what she’s doing and any attempt to do so will blow up in our face. I keep trying to tell them that the only thing that we can do is arm her with arsenal of tools to make the best possible decisions, all we can do is steer her in the right direction and hope she continues on that way. She’s going to make mistakes and that’s part of growing up. And yeah, none of us want to see our baby girl hurt and none of us want her to live the lives we’ve had to live, but we can’t put a chastity belt on her and lock her in the closet. We wouldn’t do it to our boys, we shouldn’t do it our girls.

I’ve discovered over the last little while that it is much harder to raise father’s than it is to raise children. It’s especially hard to raise father’s of daughters. 

Almost Christmas Break!

It’s the week before Christmas break and I am feeling absolutely tuckered out! It’s been a wonderful couple of days though, so at least the exhaustion is absolutely worth it.

Every year from the school, we get a nice little Christmas hamper. This year, the kids were at two different schools and we got two of them. So one day, we had to go pick one up and the next day, one got dropped off. Needless to say, my cupboards and freezer are totally stocked and the gifting burden will be a little less. It’s always great to get the extra help even if it does mean we end up with two or three turkeys… 😉

The older kids will be going to their Dad’s again this year. I say almost every year that I’m not going to send them, because I want the holiday with them, but then I realize how much I could use the break. And we still celebrate our own Christmas together, so we’re not missing out on anything. I wouldn’t say that we have any “traditions” save for opening presents, but we always do something special.

This time around, we started letting kids open presents tonight and we plan to do one each night until they leave. They are beyond excited about this idea and tore into those first gifts with so much excitement.

Kaeidyn had gone to the store at her school and got everyone presents and she desperately wanted everyone to open one of her gifts. She got Kenzie and Keirnan a board/card game that kept them busy half the night and Carter got a giant drawing/cutting book that he was at first really unimpressed with (because he thought it was homework…), but then proceeded to spend the next two hours drawing in. The Boyfriend got two work shirts and my beautiful daughter got me a wicked ugly Christmas sweater and a CD filled with jazzy holiday songs.

I have the best 11-year-old daughter ever! Got me an #UglyChristmasSweater 😉

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But probably the biggest present that she gave us parents was a report card with all A’s and B’s. We were a little concerned that the transition from elementary school to middle school might’ve been rough on her grades, but it turns out that she’s doing awesome! Kaeidyn always gives me so many reasons to be proud of her but today just topped the cake! I’m so lucky to have that kid 😉

Tomorrow night, we go to the boys’ Christmas concert. After listening to them all practice, I’m pretty excited about it and it’ll be the first year that Kaeidyn is sitting in the audience with us and not standing up on stage performing. As far as we know, she doesn’t even have a concert this year… I’m hoping it won’t be too crazy hectic because it usually is and that always makes me anxious. I can basically guarantee that I’m going to cry!

Friday is a short day of school. Saturday, the older kids have a birthday party to go to and Sunday, we’re driving them out to their Dad’s. And then, the plan is to get my house spotless while it’s just Carter at home.

It’s the Stuck in a Rut Blues…

I am stuck in a writing rut! I have written a ridiculous amount of content that will essentially be trashed because it is such a disorganized mess that I can barely remember what I was trying to do. I’ve been having a hard time writing what I want to write and instead tend to go off on these little tangents that lead nowhere and I basically keep saying the same things over and over again. And tonight, I am putting my foot down and forcing myself to complete at least one post and publish it!

So, here goes it…

The countdown to Christmas is officially on. One minute, I’m okay with it. The next minute, I am sighing and throwing my hands up because I feel so utterly overwhelmed by it. Alfie wants to take the kids again this year and even though I said last year and the year before and all the years before that that it wasn’t going to happen this year, I ended up saying yes. I thought I would feel worse about it but it’s actually bringing me a great deal of relief to think that we’ll only have to do Christmas with Carter.

Thank goodness for The Boyfriend too around this time, because he absolutely takes over the Christmas shopping. He gets such a kick out of shopping for toys and knows exactly what the kids are talking about when they say they want “this” and “that” thing. Really, I don’t know why I despise these holidays so much when basically everyone around me takes over everything that would typically be my responsibility. Luckily, I am aware of how incredibly blessed I am!

The kids are all doing really great and it’s weird that I don’t have more complaints about them. But they’ve been seriously amazing lately. Yeah sure, they’re still kids and I know that Kaeidyn’s gotten in trouble a few times over the last couple of days because of her attitude, but for the most part, it’s been awesome with them. Everyone has been super cuddly lately, they’ve all been helping a lot with the cleaning (even if they are making destructive messes everywhere everyday… They at least help clean it up!), and I’ve even gotten a couple nights this week off of making dinner because Kaeidyn and Kenzie have been enjoying making it!

Although, now that I read back over the last two paragraphs, I realize that I have been incredibly lazy this last little while. No real surprise there, especially being that it’s winter. And let’s not kid ourselves, I realize that I’m lazy every single day! But I’ve definitely noticed I’ve been more lazy lately. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven’t slept at night for weeks now. Both The Boyfriend and I have been on the graveyard shift – him because it’s his job, me because I tend to do whatever he does where sleep is concerned. So, he sleeps during the day, I end up sleeping during the day. He’s awake all night, I end up being awake all night.

As it is, it’s 4:30 in the morning and neither of us seems to be anywhere near ready for bed…

I’ve been kicking myself in the butt hard about this sleep schedule. As someone who has suffered with sleep problems for over a decade, I know what I’m supposed to be doing to combat them. Straight up though, I have never slept better than I have been sleeping lately – it’s just terrible when it comes to the hours that I’m awake. And not because I’m tired during those hours, it’s just that I’m incredibly lazy during those hours. Like, I simply do not have the energy or desire to do anything.

And it’s especially bad when I get on the computer. Normally, I get on here and within minutes, I’ve found something to do – what that something is is different every time, but I find something. Lately, I get on here and five hours later, I realize that I’ve done nothing but reload the page I’m on over and over again. Maybe I’ve clicked around and typed up a paragraph of rambles or played the level I’ve been stuck on for over a year on Candy Crush Saga a few times, but mostly, I’ve just stared at the page, reloading, stuck in this damnable rut!

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of November 20 – 27

#FridayFavorites

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.


Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my #TumblrFavorites posts.

View Original Post on Tumblr
View Original Post on Tumblr

Follow My Tumblr


Favorite Google+ Update

We spent almost two weeks without internet and it was definitely not cool! And even though it’s been a week since we’ve been back online, I still kinda feel like this…

Circle Me on Google+


Favorite Song

A little bit of a throwback. There aren’t many country artists I listen to and almost all of them, I can thank Alfie for knowledge of them. But this song makes me happy whenever I’m sad.

Follow Me on Spotify


 Favorite Tweet

I think that Miley’s face in the second picture speaks a thousand words.

https://twitter.com/dropoutofschool/status/630836272903421953

Follow Me on Twitter


 

Favorite YouTube Video

I know that I’ve shared this video somewhere prominent before, but it’s so good, that I’ll continue to share it over and over, because I really do love it so very much!

Subscribe to My Channel


Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

Follow My Blog


Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

Whirlwind of Stress

The Rantings - For Everyone

I cannot get over how stressed out I’ve been feeling, about everything. And I was doing relatively well ignoring it all, putting it off and not worrying about it all. I mean, it was there, but it wasn’t in my face. Then, I spent a day in absolute pain – probably my bodies way of shocking me into awareness of the stress.

A horrible pain nestled itself in my back. It started out dull and quickly turned to a constant nagging pain that would not let up. I tried a thousand positions across every piece of furniture in my house, I was rolling around on the floor trying to find somewhere that would feel good, I used every pain management trick I know to get through it. It was brutal and today, I woke up feeling it all through my stomach.

I didn’t realize exactly how stressed I was until I realized that we’re just a couple days over a week from the start of school, and I just can’t get over how much I am freaking out about it. Firstly, can I just say, I absolutely despise how every single freaking year, we go into August thinking that the back-to-school thing will be easy and we’ll have all our finances figured out for it and then somehow we get to the end of August and it all seems to unmanageable, all too big to deal with.

And you’d think after 6 years of doing it, and experiencing the exact same thing every single year, I’d finally get it through my head and prepare better for the stresses and burdens and of it. And yet somehow, nope… It just keeps happening!

It does not help at all that I have a daughter who is like a little mother. When I try not to worry about something, she’s likely to fill the gap and her stress and worry often makes me stress and worry a lot more than is necessary. And even though I raised her and she’s turned out great (and even though I point this out to her every single time she starts freaking out), she does not seem to trust me at all.

She always thinks I’m not going to ensure that everyone is enrolled, or that I’m not going to get them on a bedtime routine for school, or that I’m going to neglect something important. I don’t know how she got this idea into her head, I don’t know where it comes from, but she insists on picking up slack that I haven’t even slacked on yet.

She’s incredibly nervous for the start of middle school. I don’t know if that is the reason why, but she has been very clingy lately. She’s been coming in and waking me up when she gets up, she spends the whole day itching to sit next to me and even though she insists on everyone else going to bed at their “regular bedtimes”, she stays up half the night cuddling and talking about every little thought that pops into her head. I feel like she’s a toddler again, following me everywhere I go, plastered to my hip.

These next few weeks are just a complete whirlwind of things and I just wish I could sleep through it all. Back-to-school shopping, Alfie’s coming into town because apparently I can’t show my daughter how to take a city bus…, first day of school and then Keirnan’s birthday. A couple weeks later is Kaeidyn’s birthday, then a couple weeks after that is Carter’s birthday, Halloween, my birthday, and then Christmas… It’s a lot of stuff all happening in a short period of time. We haven’t even started yet and I already feel exhausted!

Unexpectedly Great

The Rantings - For Everyone

Today was an unexpectedly great day filled with new adventure. Last night, my Mom had taken Kenzie and Keirnan for the night because they were desperate to get a sleepover at her house. Today, I was awoken by a phone call asking if we’d like to go to lunch.

Great Change of Plans

The place that we were planning to go to was closed, so we drove across town and decided to check out a restaurant none of us had ever been before. The kids were all so well behaved and ate tons of their food and two hours later, we were walking out fully stuffed and ready for more fun.

I suggested the Sunnybrook Farm Museum and Mom seriously loved the idea, so we spent quite awhile wandering around there. The kids loved the little petting farm area and Carter got scared out of his mind when the turkey gobbled right in his face. They played for quite awhile on the little park that they had there and we all enjoyed checking out the old cabins.

Mom decided she wasn’t ready to head home yet, so we went down to the Kerrywood Nature Centre. We had originally planned on walking out and watching the birds, but came across a little park with a long slide and the kids were more than happy to spend the next little while going up and down the slide.

Then all the kids begged to go to Mom’s house to spend some time there. Kenzie loves going to Grandma’s right now, because she has puzzles and for some reason he is seriously into those lately. He sits incredibly quietly and focuses so hard and has a lot of fun doing them. It was a nice hour or so of relaxing before we headed back home.

Holidays Soon

It’s probably the longest sleep The Boyfriend has gotten on a work day in a really long time. We left around 2 PM and didn’t get home until after 7 PM, and he had been sleeping since about 9 AM. Normally, I wake him up at 4 PM. I hate being awake while he’s sleeping and that hasn’t changed in 7 years!

We’ve only got one more night after tonight before he starts his holidays and we are both incredibly excited. We had hoped to do a whole bunch of things but think we’ll probably end up doing a lot less, for a whole bunch of reasons – mostly time and money. We hope to definitely go see my brother and possibly head up to Whitecourt to see my sister and at some point, Alfie wants to see the kids again before school starts. It’s a shame that The Boyfriend only has one week. But we do that intentionally, so that he gets another week off closer to Christmas time.

Tonight, Kaeidyn’s spending the night down at Mom’s and it’s just me and the boys here. They are being so darn good that I’m actually really surprised. I haven’t had to raise my voice and they aren’t giving me a headache – they’re all sitting nicely together and they’re watching shows like best buds. I’m not used to everyone being so good and it’s been a really great first few days back home with all of them. I wasn’t expecting it to be so good, so it’s a huge relief.

Only a few weeks left of summer before school starts and the weather gets dramatically cooler. How will you be spending your last few days?

It’s Me Again!!

The Rantings - For Everyone

When I wrote the last post on my previous blog, I never expected that it would be my last post there.

Finally…

After years and years of avoiding it and after hours and hours of The Boyfriend talking me into it, I finally took the plunge and bought my first hosting and domain package. I’ve been planning it out for years and could never bring myself to do it and finally (and I say that with a great deal of relief), I just did it.

I have been sitting on this for a few months now, working diligently to make something that I can be proud of. I wouldn’t say it is at all perfect, and as with all blogs, it needs time to evolve and grow. But, I’ve got a workable base and something that I’m incredibly comfortable with and I cannot even begin to express the excitement I feel about this new journey.

I chose to hold off making my first post here until the older three kids came back from their Dad’s, that way I was sure to have stuff to write about. They got home yesterday and it has been a serious roller coaster of emotion around our house since. I think the last 48 hours has completely drained every resource I have available, however the fact the we’re only 3 shifts away from The Boyfriend’s summer vacation is making it all seem manageable.

Introductory Stuff…

Valerie Rayne's Family DynamicJust in case you don’t know, haven’t read my blogs before, or haven’t already deduced as much, I’ve made this handy little graphic to show off not only my family dynamic, but also to introduce you to the “characters” of The Rantings and how they all connect to me 😉

At the top, there’s me – Valerie Rayne. You can call me Val or Valerie, I like them both. I was previously in a relationship with Alfie, the father of “the older three” – which you’ll find me referring to them as, time and time again – a daughter, Kaeidyn and two sons, Kenzie and Keirnan. Currently, I am in a relationship with The Boyfriend, who is the father of my youngest son, Carter.

A lot of anything else you need to know about us, you’ll discover within the posts on The Rantings, The List and The Gallery, as well as my About page. If you ever have any questions regarding anything you read here, please don’t hesitate to ask in whichever form works best for you (as a comment, in a message, on Twitter, etc.). As those of you who have read anything I’ve written before can attest to, I’m an open book and can’t think of a single thing I have to hide from anyone!

Until We Meet Again…

Well, I’ll leave that there for my first post back and look forward to more posts over the coming days. If you’d like to follow or subscribe to The Rantings, you’ll find options for that in the sidebar. And feel free to browse The Archives to get a glimpse at my past blogging ventures from 2007 until now.