The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Accidental Anal

The Boyfriend and I have not had very much sex lately.

We’ve had plenty of time and lots of opportunity and make plans to have sex frequently, but we’ve both been more focused on cuddling and sleeping. We’ve been making up for it immensely with makeout sessions like we’re new lovers and tons of beautiful snuggling.

But today, I was pretty desperate. So, when we had a chance to take a nap, I quickly whipped off my pants and stuck my ass out for him to touch. And of course, one thing led to another.

I was wet. Like drenched. Soaking. Absolutely wet.

It started on our sides and then we both started liking how it was feeling when he would get deeper. So, up on his knees he went and slowly I was pushed forward until I was basically on my stomach. The position was awkward, but allowed him to perfectly shove his fingers in my mouth, deeply pound my pussy and since I was so wet, easily slide a single finger in my ass.

He’s really gotten into this lately. Quite possibly because it really does make me cum so fast. I absolutely hate that it works so well – and for me, it’s not necessarily the finger in there as much as it is the finger around there – but it’s almost like a trick to speed up my orgasm. After the last time we had unsuccessful anal sex, he told me I would have to tell him when I wanted it.

As he adjusted, I flipped over entirely on my stomach and he quickly penetrated me. I clenched all my muscles, partially because I was playing with my clit and partially because it feels so good when he’s coming at me from behind. The ridge of the head of his cock tugs so wonderfully in this position. It also usually results in some kind of anal play – normally just cock rubbing around that area. But, I kinda figured that I could clench tight enough to make the transition from vaginal sex to anal sex pretty easily.

It’s never worked so well before!

He thrust into my pussy once more, pulled back just enough and literally popped into my ass. Not knowing he had done it entirely (as I said, things were ridiculously wet), he pushed forward again as he began to cum and I literally jumped up and pushed him off, digging my nails into his chest and curling my legs up underneath me. He continued to cum as he sat there seriously confused about what exactly had just happened. At first he thought I was cumming and then he realized what happened and immediately felt bad. It was entirely a ruined orgasm for him. I felt terrible!

The sensation was one of the most intense things I’ve ever felt. The only time I’ve ever experienced anything like it was when I was young and fell on a bicycle seat. I had to fight back tears and it immediately made me feel hot all over my body. It took forever for me to be able to move, my whole body just frozen. He sat and waited patiently for me and then we laid down for our nap.

I couldn’t resist finishing up my orgasm, since I was so close prior to the whole accidental anal incident. It took a really long time to get there and even though The Boyfriend managed to stay awake during the whole thing, I had to completely block him out to get there. Once I was done, he fell asleep in seconds. It took me another hour of tossing and turning.

I spent two days afterwards sore all over, especially in my anal region. And I don’t know if was necessarily the sex or the kids being home or the news at the time or the stuff going on with my family right now, but I spent those two days in the worst kind of funk. Terrible sleeps, terrible dreams, terrible days. Just right down and out.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Why I Posted Videos on Pornhub

After promoting my Pornhub profile on Google+, a very close follower asked why The Boyfriend and I chose to begin adding videos to the site as part of our sexperiences.

I decided to share my answer and expand on some thoughts with everyone.


The first time I ever remember watching porn was a video entitled something like “Anal Explorations” or something of that sort. I vividly remember ejecting the VHS from the VCR and thinking, “I want to do that!!!“. Not only does my desire to be a total anal whore mostly stem from this experience, but I thought there could be no better job in the world than getting to make these types of films. I don’t know why, 11 or 12-year-old me was attracted to it.

And it wasn’t just a one-time thought. It’s a thought, been a thought, every time I watch an amazing porn or every time I watch a documentary about the porn industry or every time I research a new favorite pornstar. It’s something that follows me, almost haunts me – or at least it did.

Since I turned 14, I’ve been in a series of long-term monogamous relationships with guys who don’t like to share at all (save for the threesomes with Alfie). Mostly possessive, jealous, “you’re mine” types. Plus, I had babies really young and body image issues and the list really goes on of things that have held it back prior to know. Otherwise, you probably would’ve seen my name on Pornhub when I turned 18!

And let’s be real, it’s not like I’m really new to the world of porn. Just this medium…

I never expected that The Boyfriend and I would ever discuss the concept of uploading videos to Pornhub. It was never something that was on my radar. And up until very recently, I didn’t even know that it was an option. However, it’s not necessarily my first jaunt into the world of porn.

The first time I had sex, there was a picture taken – not in some pornographic way, but in some drunk teenage party way. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had has gotten sexy images. And, I began uploading photos when FetLife became a thing. And we’ve been making home movies for our own personal use for years now!!! And let’s not forget that I write some incredibly graphic details about a large majority of mine and The Boyfriend’s sexperiences already!

“Sharing my sexuality – it’s just what I do!”

To me, it is no different than writing about our sexperiences or sharing pictures from my sexperiences. The only difference is the medium.

Honestly, it was a spur of the moment decision. It wasn’t some laid out plan that had a lot of thought behind it. I don’t even know if we consciously decided to upload more than one. We were both feeling aroused by our stint of exhibitionism and wanted to keep that feeling going is the best I can come up with. And what better way than to upload a video to tube site!

So… Why? Really, the simplest answer is: We felt like it… We wanted to… And we could 😉

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

The Porn Pathway

You know how sometimes, you’re tumbling down the Porn Pathway, and you come across things that make you question or think about your sexuality. The content does more than arouse you or turn you on.

Sometimes, I travel down the Porn Pathway just to have those moments. Actually, a large number of times. Tonight, I was on one.

I’ve been a little obsessed with rape play and consensual non-consent posts. This isn’t really a surprise for me. I seem to go through periods of enjoying this kind of porn, probably because it’s rougher and sometimes, I really like it rough. Sometimes, it makes me question why I like to see women humiliated and tossed around and beaten up and used and abused. Or why I enjoy aspects of each of those things in my own sex?

Speaking of “going through periods“, I think I’m starting to notice some trends – maybe they’re hormonally based or environmentally based or something else entirely, but I seem to go through periods on the Porn Pathway.

For awhile, all I’ll want to see is Daddy/Daughter posts – as in the sexual roleplay Daddy/Daughter posts – and then for a long while, I won’t want to see it at all and it will actually turn me off entirely. For awhile, I’ll be super into cocks and wanting to see them everywhere and then I won’t want to see them unless their inside of womanly parts.

I’ve also really decided that I don’t like certain words used to describe porn – especially in terms of using those labels for myself. I tweeted that I wouldn’t want to be called a MILF, even though I hope that I am one… But the image that the word is associated with in my mind just does not suit what I think I am and I’m also not attracted to that image.

I also absolutely hate the word creampie to describe a man cumming inside of a woman – and I’ll almost never click on a video with such a word in the title – even though I absolutely love to be cummed inside of. I mean, absolutely!!! But if he were to say “I’m going to give you a creampie” over “I’m going to cum in you“, I’d probably be turned right off. It would be the one time his voice wouldn’t do it for me…

All of these stops along the Porn Pathway bring up a lot of questions for me about sexuality and pornography. It also answers a lot of questions about my own sexuality or my curiousities about other’s sexuality. I’m personally a huge supporter of the Porn Pathway simply because it allows me to explore sexuality in a very safe way.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

The Colors of a Spanking

One thing that really attracts me to spanking in particular is the way in which I feel sensations during them.

It doesn’t happen with things like cropping or flogging, although a similar state is achieved, it’s not the same. During a spanking, it often feels like I have a lot more than five senses. And those five senses, plus all the other new ones, are heightened dramatically.

Sounds become sharper, smells become stronger, I become hyper aware of everything. And, most notably, I begin to feel a specific color.

I’m not talking like my ass starts to feel a particular color. I’m talking like my whole being and surrounding space feels that color. When his hand touches me, it feels like he is splashing me in that color. When I open my eyes, it’s what I see – everything tinted that color. I feel like I’m emitting that color from my skin, like I’m sprayed in the perfume of that color.

The first time he spanked me after our seven year hiatus, I felt red. The marks from the spanking were more of a purple welted color, but my whole being felt red for two days. During The Spanking – Pt. 2, I began feeling pink. Pink I had felt before, red I hadn’t.

I’m convinced that I know that there will be certain colors. Purple will be for the slightly heavier than red spanking, the one that leaves you kicking and writhing – big leftover bruises. Black will be for the first spanking ever experienced where you pass out or push far past a limit. And white, which I’ve decided is my ultimate goal color, is where I believe subspace lies.

I’m also convinced there will be colors that I haven’t imagined yet (and probably don’t want to), like green or blue – the first I imagine, knowing my luck will happen the first time he gets to spank another girl and me at the same time (sad laugh) and the second, I imagine will come after an exceptionally emotional spanking that results in tears and aftercare (above and beyond what is usually required).

I know, for me anyways, that there are for sure two colors that I have personally experienced in my spankings. Pink was very floaty and playful. Red was passionate and serious. I know that there are possibilities for many more emotional sensations during spankings. And I’m desperate to explore all the colors of a spanking!

Do you experience colors during spankings, outside of the color of your ass? Do you experience other heightened sensations during spankings or other sensations that don’t fit within the box of the five senses? 

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

9 Things The Boyfriend Does That Turn Me On

It wasn’t originally meant to be, but in honor of our 9-year anniversary:


The Boyfriend is probably the best lover I’ve ever had. I say probably, because it’s not really something you can compare – or at least not fairly.

I don’t think he knows that he’s so good. I mean, he’s a confident guy who doesn’t really question these things. I would imagine that he thinks he’s just as good as everybody else is – nothing special. Even when I’m raving about his skill, I think he often doubts that I’m telling the truth. Maybe that also has something to do with his greatness – his humility.

I was sitting here thinking about all of the things he does that really turn me on, that really set him on that best lover pedestal. So, I decided it would be fun for me to make a list.

  1. He’s Surprisingly Intuitive

    Which you wouldn’t expect from just his day-to-day being. He’s kinda oblivious outside of the bedroom. But he seems to know what I want long before I’m even fully aware that I want it. Fisting is a perfect example. Just days before, I was saying that I didn’t really think it was an interest, but then it happened and it felt beyond incredible and it was exactly what my pussy had been longing for. And he knew that!

  2. Those Whispers

    He does this talking thing during sex. I’ve tried to describe it many times, I feel like I’ve always failed at getting the description right. I’ve never heard anyone talk the way he does during sex and one day, I’m determined to get a recording of it!! He can literally say anything to me in that voice and it will be utterly erotic to me. We’ve tried it, it’s true!I don’t know what it is about it. The raspiness of his half groan-half whisper. The way certain letters dangle from his lips onto mine – this almost hypnotic need to repeat him. The desperate control in his tone as he breathes out the last syllable. The way it calms me, soothes me, entices me, excites me. It’s so good!

  3. He’s Sensitive, Balanced, Flexible

    I don’t know if those things all go hand-in-hand or not but… He walks this amazing balance between gentle and firm. He makes me feel tiny and beautiful, using only his hands and that voice that drives me wild. He can tell, without a single utterance from me, whether he’s being too rough or to soft and has the ability to adjust in the moment without me even realizing.

    He picks up on the subtle changes, he’s almost never too much of one thing or not enough of another, and he’s able to change directions at the drop of a hat.

  4. He Has Amazing Hands

    Seriously…! When he does just about anything with his hands – it sends a shiver down my spine and right to the tip of my clit! He has this ability to touch me with those hands that can make me immediately wet. When he softly caresses me and I can feel that electrical exchange between us. When he roughly grabs at my flesh and takes in giant handfuls of me. His hands are strong and yet, they can be so delicate.

  5. He’s Creative

    His creativity knows no bounds in the bedroom – even though he really is a vanilla prude sexually. Even with that huge restriction though, he invents new positions on the fly and continues, nine years into it, to surprise me with moves and tricks and ways of discovering each other that I don’t think I could come up with on my own.

  6. He Knows “My Spots”

    He absolutely knows exactly where and how to touch me to achieve certain things. He knows my buttons and precisely when and how to press them. He can take me from focused on anything but sex to soaking between the legs, just with a gentle trace of a specific spot. He can switch me from playful to primal or from on the edge to over it, just by knowing exactly when and how to hit my spots.

  7.  He Watches Me Closely

    It’s surprising to me that I enjoy it at all. I get a very embarrassed type of feeling when he’s watching me. I become hyper aware of everything happening. But, it absolutely turns me on. When I open my eyes as he’s thrusting above me and he’s watching my lips or when I’m going for that second orgasm and he’s down there watching my wetness or when I’m on top and he’s soaking up the view of my bouncing bosom.Probably the hottest thing though, is when our eyes meet and we lock on each other. It brings great focus to a sexperience and an immediate intimacy. I think he would like if we looked in each others eyes more during sex – it doesn’t happen a lot – but when it does happen, ugh! So good!!!

  8. He’s a Great Dad

    On top of all the things he does inside the bedroom that turn me on, he does a lot of things out of the bedroom that really turn me on. First and foremost, he is a great Dad!

    Any time I see him playing with our kids or taking care of them or talking to them, not only does it bring a smile to my face but it definitely makes my ovaries twitch! He does so many things for this family and always does it without complaint. He goes above and beyond for his kids, kids that aren’t biologically his, our family

  9. He’s Crazy Intimate With Me

    Speaking of the out of the bedroom things he does that absolutely turn me on – he’s a super affectionate and very intimate guy, which fits perfectly with my super affectionate and very intimate-ness. People often say we’re “attached at the hip“, as if it’s a terrible thing, but we personally love it like this. We’re passionate about loving each other, in and out of the bedroom. It’s incredibly hot to be able to exchange little moments of intimacy with each other, to stop time together, in this chaotic life of ours.

Of course, this is only a small list of the things he does to turn me on. Not to mention all the ways and things about him that turn me on – like his forearms or the way that he raises his eyebrow when you’ve made him think when he wasn’t expecting it. Obviously, I could go on and on for days!!!


However, in honor of our 9-year anniversary, I’ll leave it at 9 things he does that turn me on.

And if you’re interested, you can look back over our these past anniversary posts:

The Rantings - For Everyone

Wanted for a Decade

NOTE: This post was written over a month ago. The “crap that we’re going through” has not really been an issue for awhile now and I’m still working on reading through both these books. But, this post deals with other posts that I plan on publishing, so I’m publishing it!


I have had these two books #WishListed for over a decade!!!

The average bookstore in the towns I’ve lived don’t offer these kinds of books. I don’t travel and until recently we didn’t order things off the internet. However, now we do order things off the internet and now, I hold in my hands a copy of Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt’s “When Someone You Love Is Kinky” and Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy’s “The Ethical Slut“.

It’s a little weird that I got these books at this exact time in my life. Feels a little profound and cathartic.

I’ve alluded to the “crap that we’re going through” and in it all, he is convinced that this whole thing is spurred by my desire to be polyamorous and kinky – and his inability to give me these things. I keep saying that that’s not where it was all coming from, but when it’s pointed out to me, it’s like… “Hmmm… Maybe it was…” (I’m still attempting to write about this whole “crap that we’re going through”, so please be patient with me…).

For a really long time, I have been utterly complacent about my authentic sexuality.

I literally went through an entire process of neglecting it. I went from having a clear definition of what my sexuality was and what I wanted, to ignoring and restraining any urges or desires that came my way that The Boyfriend might deem “freaky”. To calling myself a “Wannabe Kinkster” and changing all of my sexual identifiers to “Unsure“. And yes, it was because of him…!

It was because of this beautiful life, this beautiful relationship that we have together, this beautiful love. It’s always been like this for us. From the first time that whoever grabbed the other’s hand (we never can remember…), it just felt comfortable and natural and right. The whole broken world fell into place.

He was/is vanilla. And I understood/stand that my kinks are not his kinks – and for the most part, I am okay with that. Sure, I struggle. I struggle a lot sometimes. Less now than I used to, but it’s always looming there that I am not being authentic, that the sex we are having is not the sex I want to be having.

Don’t get me wrong. Our sex is incredible. Our sex is out-of-this world amazing. Our sex is mind-boggling. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. It keeps getting better and better with each passing year and as our relationship deepens. If I were vanilla, I would want for nothing!

But… Alas… I am not vanilla.

It feels weird to get these books in the midst of the “crap we’re going through“, because it feels like yet another loaded move on my part. I can just imagine how The Boyfriend is feeling right now. Like he will never be good enough, like I’m always looking for a kinky guy to come and kidnap me and take me away from him, like I’m unfaithful, disloyal, untrustworthy, a heartbreaker. And getting books about all the things that he’s afraid of must be weighing, to some degree, so heavily on him.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Incredibly Interesting

I’m probably wrong when I say this, but it feels like we have been having more sex than we’ve ever had, ever!

And it’s not just that it’s a lot of sex. It’s a lot of very interesting, out-of-the-box, incredibly hot sex. I don’t know if he feels like he’s pushing his own personal boundaries a lot, but he definitely is. I feel like I’ve never experienced him like this – and straight up, I’m not complaining for one second.

Yesterday, we both checked a fantasy off our list. It’s something we’ve often joked about doing when we’re watching porn. Or when we make home movies for our own personal use. And so a quick 11-second clip was uploaded to Pornhub. We spent all day obsessing. He was chalk full of ideas and has listed a ton more videos that he wants to do.

He’s decided he wants to do an “Off the Beaten Path” series. I’m jealous that he came up with the idea long before I did! I don’t think I’ve ever looked at him with such adoration.

He had asked me not to cum after we had taken that walk. He was also mean and sent me all sorts of sexy messages before I went to bed. I had been on a week-long masturbating streak. So, the denial felt more epic than anything. The next day, I kept having sudden very noticeable twinges and gushes of wetness, but I was finding it hard to be aroused. More annoyed than aroused.

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/161469985111/when-theboyfriend-is-at-work-and-wont-let-me-cum

Waiting for “release” during the next day, while also watching our clip get views, and being in this continual state of flirting and sexual tension with The Boyfriend, was incredibly sexy and when it was finally time to get started, I was beyond ready.

He wanted to start with a spanking. He wanted to make videos. I got dressed up, he got dressed up. He insisted I looked “innocent” with my mini skirt, lace and pigtails. I insisted he looked “incredible” with his vest, jeans and forearms. While it was a short spanking, it was a good spanking. We had cameras at two different spots in the room and it was interesting to see the spanking from these varying perspectives. It’s always very interesting to me when we watch back through these videos and the parts that I really don’t like are usually his favorites. It’s awfully funny how perception works!

My legs got an epic workout last night and I discovered muscles I forgot I had. Bent over the couch, unintentionally on my tip toes, I got a cramp in the back of my calf. Kneeling beneath him, feet under my bum and legs spread, I felt my ankles tingle, signaling they were beginning to fall asleep. One leg on the floor, the other lifted up onto the couch, I felt the whole back of my thigh burn.

Needless to say, positions were switched up frequently.

He was also trying to get a variety of videos and pictures during the whole thing – which I’m absolutely loving that he’s getting into. I said yesterday on FetLife, and I’ve alluded to it in the past, that I love when he plays photographer and I get to play model. Unfortunately, I often feel too shy, in front of him,to be as good of a model as I know I can be – so a lot of the pictures get vetoed by me before he even gets to see them. However, it doesn’t take away from the fact that it is definitely a huge turn-on for me. Huge!

We ended up losing a bunch of videos that were made that night. Neither of us can figure out how it happened and are sure that they must be somewhere, but where that is exactly, not sure. I haven’t been able to keep focus long enough to have the patience to figure it out, so we ended up just going with what we have, and ended up uploading another Pornhub clip… (although let’s be real, we can just call this one a video…!).

After the video was uploaded, we went upstairs to have more sensual and intimate sex than we’ve been having. Or at least that was the plan. It started with me on top and it was full of kissing and hands and eye contact. It’s been a long while since we had sex in, what I think is called, reverse cowgirl – me on top facing his toes. This particular position is rarely used because I often don’t feel very confident in the view – it’s a very open position, especially being that I tend to lean more forward – which is great when I’m in the mood to be looked at, not so much when I’m not.

This proved to be a lot for both of us and the next thing I knew, I was being mounted and fucked from behind. He wanted me to be noisy so he could get a recording of it. I came rather quickly, my hand just barely rubbing my clit but his cock hitting just the right angle inside of me. The recording continued as he pounded into me while I muttered all sorts of dirty things to him about filling me up and giving me his cock. The sensation of him cumming caused me to shudder beneath him.

This morning, he woke me up to 420 views on our second video, The Smoky Blowjob. We had expected to get more than our first video, but not hundreds more. We’ve been checking into Pornhub all day to watch our views climb and see the comments on our videos. It’s been a great deal of fun.

Probably my most favorite thing though, is this exploration of fantasy that’s happening between us. The constant open communication about sexual things – like desires and limits. Being able to feel comfortable checking in with one another, “And how are you feeling about that?“, and not feeling shame in anyway. The sexual dialogue, which is what I’ve always wanted, is just being incredible right now. It’s making me feel all sorts of lovely things about him and us.

I’m definitely having fun during all of this, although it is kinda hard to feel connected to all of it. It’s interesting to me how the idea of “authentic sexuality” has re-appeared so much in my thoughts, after so long of not thinking of it. It’s interesting that the things that I keep saying most have a lot to do with being authentic and that that seems to be at the front of my mind. And in a way it feels like it’s not me and him experiencing these things – but like other people, people who aren’t us. It’s an interesting sensation and experience, one that has me largely in silence.

The Boyfriend keeps asking, “How are you doing?” and I keep not knowing how to respond, because I’m just kinda meh… I’m equating it to the post-sex blues and we’ll see how I feel after his first night back at work to see if it’s anything more. I’m definitely not looking forward to spending the night away from him and imagine it’ll be an early bedtime because I’ll decide I’m missing him too much.

We plan on getting more videos this weekend and are impatiently awaiting the arrival of our restraints and my Blog-A-Holic bra and underwear, because we have tons of ideas surrounding those things. Also interesting that clothing seems to be spawning fantasies for us… I feel like I’m learning a lot of about me, him, and us during all of this!

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Off the Beaten Path: A Quick Walk in the Woods

For as long as I can remember, The Boyfriend and I have talked about getting me a short skirt.

But we’ve never really looked for a short skirt. Typically, we don’t buy clothes with mainly sex in mind. We buy clothes with comfort in mind. We buy clothes with days with the kids in mind. So, if I get a skirt, it’s a long skirt that’s good for covering things up. But, we really wanted a short skirt.

After a night of talking about wants and desires, we ended up on Amazon browsing around and made a couple impulse purchases. He got a vest, which I’ve always said that I wanted to see him in, and I got a short skirt. It turns out it’s a very short skirt – like don’t-even-think-about-bending-over-a-little-bit-short (which is basically what I was looking for, but I think he had a little longer in mind).

As I expected it would, this skirt has spawned a great deal more fantasy-talking. Lots of ideas coming from both of us all from this one little skirt…

We’ve also both been enjoying taking walks around the beautiful trails. He will sacrifice hours of sleep for us to go hang out down by the river or stand in the forest.

These two things have resulted in the obvious fantasy of wearing the skirt out for one of our walks. We’ve both had varying degrees of the fantasy, me probably more than him, simply because I have more time to fantasize. Needless to say, arousal levels have been incredibly high around here as we wait to be able to put my skirt to use. After describing all the dirty thoughts on my mind, we decided to go walk down by the river and see if wearing my skirt down there on his next days off would even be a possibility.

The List - For Adults 18+

No Longer #FucketListed: An Over-The-Knee Spanking

Since the very beginning of my creation of bucket lists, I have had “get an over-the-knee spanking” at the very top.

When I was pregnant with Carter (about 8ish years ago), The Boyfriend had agreed to spank me. It was a short-lived situation that was a lot of fun for me. But after we had Carter, spankings went completely out the window. And that over-the-knee spanking stayed on the list.

Well, no longer!!!

He’s been spoiling me a lot lately. We’ve had some stuff going on aka “the crap we’re going through” (I’m attempting to write posts about this, but its taking some serious time, so I’m not going to go into too much detail), but in one way or another, things are changing for us. I think he feels very insecure in our relationship right now – and not without cause – and so he’s over-compensating in other ways in an attempt to save what feels to him like a failing relationship. Although, I assure you and him both that I am not going anywhere and have no desire to!!!

Anyways, back to the point of this post…

So, the spoiling started a few days ago. We went on a trip to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things and I walked out with basically an entire summer wardrobe. A few shirts, pants and shorts and a bunch of new thongs that I picked out because I knew he would like them. Then of course, there was the trip to Drumheller and that whole experience (which I’m also writing a post about…). On his last night off, I decide to slip into one of the dresses we got and one of the thongs.

We’re sitting on the couch and he decides to moisturize my feet and legs. This doesn’t happen very often anymore, but used to be a regular occurrence for us. After he’s done, he tells me to lay across his lap. I figure he’s just planning on moisturizing the backs of my thighs or maybe give me a nice ass massage. He lifts up the hem of my dress and then…

Hard, hard, hard slap right on my left cheek.

I squirmed, I kicked, I yelped. He liked that and the next thing you know, we’re having a good long spanking session. A hard spanking session. No real warm-up, no gentleness. He had said earlier in the day during an intense discussion that we were “going to have angry sex tonight“, and his hands felt angry but there was a tenderness in all the hardness.

I was all over the place on the couch across his legs. After the first few hits, every single one felt incredibly intense. My whole ass felt red everywhere, even though he had been hitting almost the exact same spot over and over on each cheek – save for the one closest to him. A few hits, just the edge of his palm or his fingertips, would nick between my legs and I would heave frantically – pain shooting through my insides and then subsiding in a way that literally made me feel the color red.

One good slap on my right cheek, sent me up on all fours and I collapsed with my head on his lap curled up in a ball. He wasn’t done with the spanking yet and continued to give me sporadic hard slaps in between drinking our coffees and smoking. When I laid back across his lap, in quick succession, three hard slaps on my left cheek. By now, that side felt fine for the most part – stingy but nicely numbing. So, the three hard slaps were gentle squirms, pleasurable wiggles, cooing. But then three hard slaps befell my right cheek. The second one caused me to kick up my legs and hold out my arms above my head, arch my back and squeal out. He had to hold my legs down to land the third hit and I swear I’ve never moved away from him faster.

He wanted pictures and told me to bend over the couch. Bright purple lines had begun forming all over both cheeks, especially the left one. You could see where he had hit hardest. Then, out of nowhere, the hardest slap. So hard that I still have a hand print leftover the next day! He was so sad that he didn’t get a video of my reaction. I flew forward and clasped onto the couch, bent down and moaned and groaned and whined, laughed out loud at the sensation, kept trying to stand up but the pain kept me crouching, gripping the couch for dear life!

He giggled and watched me squirm and wiggle and admired his handiwork. He came up behind me and stroked the hair out of my face and helped me to stand. Sitting on the couch was very hard, especially since I could feel the fabric of the couch through the soft dress that I was wearing, the coarse fabric scraping the welts that were now forming.

The sex afterwords was out of this world! My pussy actually ached when he woke me this morning for another round. I was bent over the arm of the couch, tied up for a short period, spread wide open and scrunched up in a tiny ball. He was on top, I was on top. Hands were absolutely everywhere and we were both drenched in sweat.

And I got so much amazing oral sex – like, I’m talking learned-new-things-about-how-wonderful-pleasure-can-be-type amazing!!! He spent time licking and kissing and sucking on things and in places that are rarely ever touched and kept doing this lovely thing with his lip coming up under my clit that would have my toes fiercely pointed. It was intimate and sensual and we were both surprised at how long it took me to cum. Which happened the first time kneeling over top of his face, with his hands going absolutely wild all over me.

There were so many intensely wonderful things happening everywhere. The crazy amount of eye contact – which typically isn’t a huge thing for The Boyfriend and I – during the fisting or the blowjob. His frequent use of his thumbs to either rub my clit or penetrate with, which I had told him that I had recently been fantasizing about a lot. There was also a lot of opportunity for each of us to admire each other – to admire his amazing body or to admire my vocalizations – especially being that we recently got a new picture taker AND for the first time in a few years brought the laptop up to make a home movie 😉

All-in-all, it was one of the greatest nights in our sexperiences, although like I said to him after the spanking, I’m sad that it will always be remembered directly along with the “crap we’re going through“. I’m sad that it’s a marred spanking. However, on the other hand, it’s greatness supersedes that sadness. It was almost everything you want in a sexperience. It was hours and hours and hours of some of best sex The Boyfriend and I have ever had. Not only was there great sex, but there was really great discussions had throughout.

At one point, there was just playful teasing while we browsed Amazon for sex toys – specifically restraints, because he’s apparently really into that right now (no complaints here 😉 😉 😉 ). Lots of questions about interests and limit-setting – neither of us is interested in enemas, hard limit! Another point, he gave me two options: go up to bed, get tied up and fucked, or go on cam and get fucked (which is inline with the “crap we’re going through“) and I immediately said “no” to option number two.

It always fascinates me how an emotionally-charged declination of consent can still result in amazing sex!

Because of the “crap we’re going through“, there were some incredibly awkward points of the sexperience. After the spanking and some of the beginning not-orgasm-focused oral and sex, he abruptly said, “I better never catch you with another man” – which stopped everything dead in its tracks and resulted in a good cuddling/comfort session. Or when I tried to explain, through very cryptic and broken sentences, that I absolutely hated that it took me breaking his heart to, nine years later, finally get an over-the-knee spanking or that I was worried that in some way he had felt obligated to spank me to be able to keep me – that he didn’t do it because he wanted to but because he felt like he had to. There were deep conversations mixed into all the sexiness going on and it made everything feel all that much more intense.

The worst part for both of us was when he came. We were trying really hard to cum together. He held off for so long and let me have two orgasms already. So, by the time he’s getting ready to cum and I’m on top and working on that third orgasm, it’s just not happening. He ends up cumming first at my encouragement. He’s decided he absolutely doesn’t like when this happens, because he ends up falling asleep without meaning to. He felt really bad afterwards that he had had to force himself to stay awake for my third and final orgasm of the night. I assured him that it hadn’t changed how I felt about the night.

We were open and vulnerable and wounded. It was beautiful and it hurt. It made me feel so much. And I desperately needed that!

I was expecting to feel more of the post-sex blues that I typically have the day after really mind-blowing sex between us. I was expecting to feel exhausted from the lack of sleep. I was expecting to be reeling mentally when I had time to think about all the things that happened last night. I was expecting to need some serious aftercare or for him to need it. But today, aside from aching thighs and a very tender, gently bruised backside, I feel really good. I feel full of love and optimistic and just really good. Waking up to another dose of sex and then spending the morning exchanging adoring glances with The Boyfriend has just really made everything feel blissful.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Days Off

Sunday, Monday and Tuesday cannot come fast enough!

The Boyfriend has three days off, finally! It feels like it’s been a really long time since he last had longer than two days off and when it’s two days, they go so fast that it’s just not enough. I’m hoping, crossing my fingers hard, that he’ll get a decent amount of sleep one of the nights to be awake enough to actually enjoy a day off together.

His last two days off, we only had sex once. Normally we try to have sex on both nights off to hold us over until his next nights off. But this time, the second night we were both way too exhausted. Our heads hit the pillow and we were asleep before we could even attempt to try for anything.

However, because my body hates me, my period decides to start yesterday. It’s unlikely that it’ll be done by his days off. I spent a good hour upset about it today while I was thinking about all the fun we could have on these days off. I’m getting over it though, because there’s still fun to be had. It’s just unlikely to be vaginal sex.

Honestly, I’m down for just some seriously good cuddling. I want to lie on his chest while he strokes my hair. I want to sleep with his arm wrapped around me. I want to lay on his lap while we’re watching TV. I just want him near me and touching me. I’m desperate to just feel him.

Sunday, Monday and Tuesday cannot come fast enough!

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

It’s Not That I Hate Lingerie…

In February, I tweeted:

The “wear more lingerie” line stuck out to me, because 2 years ago, The Boyfriend and I were going through a lull – as we do from time to time. In Awkward Conversations, “he praddled off his ideas of how we could fix this problem – including me buying lingerie, me being more forceful, me kicking him off of games earlier, me wearing a bra (so he has something to take off, not that he takes off any of the clothes I currently wear…), me doing this and me doing that and me working my ass off to make him attracted to me.“.

And every time I read studies like this, I am just always shocked how the sexual health of a relationship is always put on the woman’s shoulders. Okay, and obviously not always, but more often than not!

I am a woman who doesn’t wear underwear. If you didn’t know that about me, now you do!

I grew up with very small breasts. Basically, I had nipples. I would wear bras, but the smallest sizes were still too big for me. I still wore them though because I had been absolutely convinced that if I didn’t, even my tiny breasts would sag. I had Kaeidyn and began wearing bras because I had jumped from under an A cup to a C cup and attempted to breastfeed and then stopped abruptly and the whole entirety of my social circle yelled at me that without a bra, my breasts would sag and look terrible.

Then, I had Kenzie. With Kaeidyn, I didn’t get to breastfeed even though I had desperately wanted it. I tried for a few days but my milk had become infected. Kenzie took to the breast with ease and I was able to go for a couple months with him. But then, he stopped getting anything nutritional from me and would spend hours sucking away and getting nothing. He was constantly starving and my chapped nipples couldn’t keep up. Two days into this and I became incredibly engorged.

The bra came off and never went back on!

Underwear is a sporadic thing for me. I always have a couple pairs on hand for period week and if I get a yeast infection or am wearing jeans, I won’t go without them. But, for the most part, I’m always without my underwear. I basically moved out of my Mom’s house and it became a thing to do every once and awhile and now, probably because of laziness more than anything, I hardly ever wear underwear.

And why can’t that be just as sexy as the girl who chooses to wear lace and crotchless panties?

I ranted on Facebook around the same time as the awkward conversation two years ago, “You know what’s annoying about lingerie…?

They do not show it on bodies of Mom’s, who have curves in all the “wrong” places – so everything that even hints at the showing off a baby belly immediately feels like it’s just “not for you”.

Then, they show these beautiful pristine models in these awkward poses that no way in hell the average woman is going to do – hell, even know to do.

And seriously, why do we all have to be barbie dolls for our men?!? He can wear boxers that cost him $5, I have to wear lingerie that costs me $50 and isn’t even flattering to who I am as a person….

I freaking love lingerie. I look at it all the time. I imagine myself wearing it regularly. I hope to one day make some of my own! I don’t, by any means, hate lingerie. But sometimes, I seriously hate that I’m SUPPOSED to love it. And that I’m SUPPOSED to wear it to keep my man interested in me!!!

The Rantings - For Everyone

I Caved Because That’s What I Do

Written about a week ago:

I stopped saying “I love you” nine days ago…

I didn’t think he had noticed and now that I think about it, it took him quite a few days to notice. Day seven, I started getting upset that he wasn’t noticing, so I said, “I can’t believe it’s been seven days“. After a few wrong guesses he said, “Since you said you loved me?” and I looked at him almost surprised that he had actually figured it out.

I said, “Oh really? You noticed?!?

He said, “I kinda thought something was up the other night on Facebook.

I said, “And you didn’t think to say anything?!?

The conversation basically ends and we spend the next half hour in awkward silence. He leaves for work and doesn’t say “I love you“, like he always does and has been doing for the last eight years.

I send him a Facebook message. “FYI, choosing to not say “I love you” to me is definitely not the way to deal with me not saying it for the past 8 days. Unless you want to become the type of couple that doesn’t say it…

He responds on his lunch break, I’m assuming mostly jokingly that, “Maybe I’ve been saying it too much for you lately.

I send him back a novel-length rant about how it would be nice if instead of just assuming what I’m thinking, he would ask. I rant at him, “Do you not care?!?” and throw in some un-useful profanities and then just abandon my argument, “Forget I said, or didn’t say, anything!“. I’m tired, I don’t feel like talking about it anymore, I’ve given up. So, I go to bed and don’t say anything for the rest of the night.

This morning, he comes home from work. You can see the upset all over his face, but he plays it cool and comes and grabs baby and makes it seem like he’s giving me the option to sleep in. I was just going to sleep but my bladder wouldn’t give up, so I came down to go to the washroom. Then, I sat on the couch with him.

After a little while of a tense silence, he says, “I was going to respond to you last night. Wrote a bunch on my lunch break and then deleted it…“. I couldn’t help a sarcastic, “That’s great!“. A few more minutes of silence and then he says timidly, “Maybe I haven’t been caring very much lately.” and of course, I’m completely taken aback. Because I seriously thought I was being irrational when I said it.

Ever since my birthday…“, he adds.

On his birthday this year, we were having an especially rough week. Money wasn’t working out, the kids were all being absolutely out of control, shit just wasn’t being friendly to us. On his birthday morning, when I very first woke up, before I had even had my first sip of coffee or was even aware that it was March 3rd, he was desperate to hear “Happy Birthday“. And I get it, it was the big 3-0.

So, he’s absolutely right. I was a total bitch that day for not making a bigger deal of his birthday. And the bad girlfriend award goes to…

But I couldn’t help but be slightly upset. Because yet again, here we are – I bring up a problem that I’m having, in the way that I always bring it up – awkwardly! But instead of discussing why I’m having a problem or what my issue is, it suddenly gets flipped to why he’s having a problem or what his issue is and how it’s all my fault…

I just honestly didn’t feel like talking about it in this direction. He’s supposed to care about why I haven’t been saying it. And could I tell you exactly why I haven’t been? Not completely. I think I have a list of things, but for every single one of them, I could tell you exactly how he would respond to make it my fault. And he wouldn’t be wrong. He asks with a hint of snark, “So then, why haven’t you been saying it?“. Bottom lip quivering, voice shaking, I threw up my hands and said, “What’s the point?!?“.

The conversation was dropped entirely. Until he went to go up to bed – at a decent hour, might I add!

We cuddled on the couch for a long time. Then he hugged me and said he had to go to bed. “I really do love you so much…. Much more than you think I do.“, and I mumbled into his neck that I wanted to come to bed with him. He invited me up and we went and crawled into bed. While what he said is amazing and sweet and beautiful, it’s not what I wanted to hear or how I wanted the conversation to end.

I’m well aware of the fact that he loves me. There is no doubt in my mind. And I hope that I’ve made it very clear to him that this has nothing to do with me not loving him because I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love him. But me not saying “I love you” to him had nothing to do with love.

I wanted him to notice! And then care! And be interested!

Let’s be real – we don’t have that much in common. He likes action movies, I like dramas. He likes videogames, I like blogging. He likes Star Wars, I like Star Trek. I’m kinky, he’s vanilla!!!! We don’t have much in common.

And this is where I get the great girlfriend award! I take on his interests so that we do share something. I play his vidoegames and keep up on the news so that when E3 rolls around and he starts wishlisting games like crazy, I know what he’s talking about. I listen to the Star Wars news years before the movies are even considering being released and keep up on which Jedi did what. I pay fucking attention!!

But, in 8 years, he hasn’t read a single one of my blog posts… When I play guitar, he turns away from me with his videogame volume up and is totally focused on an online game – so he doesn’t even try to keep the kids quiet for a session… He’s never opted in to watching any of my YouTube videos – unless I put them on when he’s sitting next to me… He shows no interest in my interests whatsoever and can hardly even fake it if I’m talking about it. He literally looks completely dazed if I start talking about how I can’t form a barre chord or that my domain registration needs to be renewed in a few months!

And yet again, falling asleep during my attempt at a second orgasm just totally blew the whole thing up in my face!

I wanted him to notice me. And care about me. And be interested in me. So, I stopped saying “I love you“, in hopes that he would take notice of the fact that I wasn’t saying our most favorite words in the whole world. In hopes that he would care why I wasn’t. In hopes that he would be interested. But, that wasn’t the case…

I can never stand when there is that awkward tension between us. I hate when there’s silence and when our arms aren’t wrapped around each other. I especially can’t stand it when it begins to feel like all those feelings are irrational in some way. I just want it to end and he doesn’t typically end it (he’d probably say something like, “Because you never give me a chance!”). He can give me the silent treatment for days. So, I’ll normally drop it and that’s exactly what I did.

I told him I loved him on the 9th day. I meant every word of it.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

What I Learnt From A Month of Orgasms

It’s always been #FucketListed for me to orgasm everyday for an entire month.

I mean, sure, I’d love to do it everyday for the rest of my life, but I was trying to be realistic. However, I never really thought I would do it but then I realized a couple days ago that I’m 3 weeks into orgasming everyday at least once a day and figured I should just hold out for 7 more days and then I can un-#FucketListed this!

Sometimes, I had an orgasm during sex and sometimes I had an orgasm from masturbation. Almost always I came from manual (hands/fingers) stimulation of my clit – except for the odd oral orgasm. Sometimes, The Boyfriend was there, actively participating or falling asleep and sometimes, he was at work and I was alone. Every single time was in my bed.

So, what I have learnt about myself, my body and my sexuality over this month-long sexperiment?

  1. The More I Masturbate, The Longer It Takes

    Week 1, I would spend typically 15 – 20 minutes to get to The Big O – unless The Boyfriend was lying next to me sleeping, in which case, it would normally take longer. This last week (so Week 3/4), I haven’t had a single night take me less than 45 minutes

  2. My Mind Runs Wild

    When it comes to sex, The Boyfriend and I typically tend to do the same things over and over again. Not like we have gotten into some rut, but because we both know what we like and we like to do the things that we enjoy. So, we do them!

    But during this month of orgasming daily, my mind has been going wild with all sorts of interesting things. Some nights, I like to stick to fantasizing about what we actually do. But other nights, my mind dips into fantasies I didn’t even know that I had and I’m always surprised at how it keeps coming up with all new things.

    I’ve never had so many sexual fantasies on my brain all the time!

  3. Orgasms Feel Really Good

    After a long and stressful day of cooking and cleaning and dealing with the kids and a baby, nothing feels better than crawling into bed and reaching my hands down my pants. And even though getting to the orgasm can sometimes feel like an unbearable amount of work and I sweat more during the mission than at any other time, that release is the best feeling ever!

    When my muscles all contract and things pulse. I just feel so good. And sleep comes so quickly after working towards my goal for 45 minutes and then achieving it. So much peace!!

  4. Periods Suck!!!

    So, orgasming for 3 weeks… That shit was easy! Week 4 is going to be a challenge. And I never considered this prior to experiencing it, but I forgot entirely that every month, you bleed for a week! Probably because I was just pregnant and didn’t bleed for a long time, but man oh man.

    Orgasms feel incredibly good when you’re on your period. They ease a lot of the unpleasant symptoms of menses. However, there is nothing less arousing than having to push your pad out of the way and hope that you don’t get blood all over your fingers.

  5. One Is Almost Never Enough

    I’m absolutely a 2-orgasm kinda girl. That first orgasm just doesn’t do it for me. It’s like foreplay for me, it just turns me on more. The wetness from that first orgasm always makes where a second is necessary. Only when I was so exhausted that I couldn’t move anymore did I not go for a second.

    Sometimes, a second isn’t even good enough and I had a number of nights where there were upwards of five. The more I did it, the more I felt like I could do more. And when I didn’t go for more when I felt the urge to, I felt like it wasn’t as great of a night, wasn’t as successful, wasn’t as pleasurable. Rarely was the first orgasm good enough to just leave it at that.

I thought after having an orgasm everyday for a month that I would have some sort of cathartic experience where I knew my body and my soul better. I would be in touch with some sort of deeper me. But the reality is, the most prolific thing that I learnt during this sexperience, is that I really love orgasms!

I really love the act of working towards an orgasm. I love exploring the dirty thoughts in my mind and just giving myself over to the pleasure. I love the involuntary rocking and pulsing and throbbing and buildup and release. I love “the final paroxysm” and the way my body tightens and contracts in this amazing rhythm that feels like my own personal symphony. And I love that floaty head feeling, when all your limbs are limp and your heartbeat returns to normal and you can feel the heat of your flushed cheeks.

Could I go for longer than a month? I don’t think so. Could I go for a year? I definitely don’t think so. Would I learn something new if I went longer? Maybe… Orgasms take a lot out of you for how wonderful and amazing they are. It’s not only physically exhausting to be having one or more orgasms everyday, it’s also mentally exhausting. Does the experience make me want more orgasms? Yes, absolutely.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

#NostalgiaJunkie: 4 Quotes From 4 Years Ago

I kissed him. I didn’t know what else to do.

It felt like I consciously gave up that night…

There is a big part of me that is just ready to throw in the towel on this whole kink thing for the time being.

I don’t think he’s ready. And I don’t know if he ever will be…

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

I’m Mad At Him, And I Don’t Think He’s Noticed

I’m not mad at him for any good or particular reason. But it’s pissing me off more that he’s not noticing.

It all started a few nights ago. We had really great sex. I orgasmed during it but as usual, wanted to have that second orgasm. When he cums, it turns me on so much. I always want an orgasm afterwards, otherwise I spend the next few days until we have sex again, absolutely and utterly aroused. So, I always go for a second orgasm.

But, he’s already cum. He works, he’s a Dad, he’s tired at the best of times. Add in a great orgasm and it’s near impossible for him to stay awake afterwards. Sometimes, I don’t mind and will bring myself to orgasm as he falls asleep next to me and it’s okay and I’m fine with it. Sometimes, it makes me upset and angry and I bring myself to orgasm just to spite him – even though he sleeps right through it, so really, doesn’t affect him.

If I’m especially angry at him, as I was after this really great sex, I’ll intentionally fantasize about another guy. Another guy coming into my room and taking over the monumental task of bringing me to my second orgasm. He’s not there to have sex with me or make me feel loved or any of that bullshit, his job is purely to get between my legs and love my pussy until I explode into orgasm. I always feel guilty after this fantasy.

I woke up the next day really mad at him for yet again falling asleep on me. I get that he’s tired, I’m sympathetic. But there is no way in hell that I would fall asleep during his orgasm – regardless of how long it was taking to get there or if it was his first or fifth. I’m a Mom raising 5 kids, I’m exhausted too, but I would never just pass out and make him work for it himself. In the last year, he’s literally had to work for 1 of his orgasms – 1!!! We weren’t in the same province and he had to work for 1 orgasm – which, might I add, I stayed awake for and watched while we were videocalling each other!!!

Like, it just makes me want to scream. It makes me wonder why no one cares about my orgasm. Especially when he’s always claiming, “Oh, I love it when you orgasm. I love to watch you cum!” blah blah fucking blah!!!

Then, his sleep schedule has been all over the place. First, he was sleeping when all the kids were at school. A lot of times, I’d just stay in bed with him. Then, we had baby and he’s an early riser. So, I’d get out of bed when he got home from work in the morning and then he would sleep after the kids got home from school. Then, out of nowhere, he’s started doing where he sleeps for part of the morning, gets out of bed for the afternoon and then finishes off his sleep with a nap before work. This constant changing of a sleep schedule that was working for us is absolutely getting to me.

Every time he closes his eyes, I feel an immediate anger at him. It feels like all he’s ever doing lately is sleeping. And I know that’s not true. I know he’s not getting anymore hours than he used to, I know he’s not getting deep, well-rested sleeps. But I can’t help but feel jealous that yet again he gets to crawl into bed and yet again he gets time without the kids and yet again…

Also had my first period back since the miscarriage. It was one of the roughest periods I’ve had in awhile – cramps, more bleeding than usual, massive mood swings – it was all over the place. And I’m guessing it probably has been contributing to the anger I feel towards The Boyfriend right now. I have to go through all these lady problems while he gets to just sit back and not have to experience it or go without orgasms because no one wants to touch a bleeding vagina and just argh!!

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

#Sexperience Fails: When FFM Threesomes Go Wrong

I was 17 and pregnant with my first child by the man, who I joked through our whole relationship was, “the one night stand that wouldn’t end!“. He had a guy friend, I’ll call him Mark, who was dating a girl I’ll call Sam. She was a little younger than us and incredibly beautiful. I was tall and skinny and she was short and curvy. Alfie and I were very open about the fact that we were both curious about a variety of kinks. That month, we had discovered blind canes.

Our window blinds had broken. The cane to open and close them had popped off and wouldn’t go back on. It just happened to be laying on the floor by the couch when we had Mark and Sam over for a game of poker, a couple hits from the bong and the boys probably drank beer. A joke was made about the blind cane and somehow it ends with Sam in front of a mirror, me behind here wailing on her ass with the cane, while the two guys sit on the bed behind us sipping beer. The night ended abruptly.

Mark came over the next night without Sam. Alfie and I teased that we should have a threesome. He reached his hand up my skirt rather brazenly as his friend watched on. I went for a bath and Alfie and I had a heart-to-heart – were we really going to do this? How would Sam feel about it? – and ultimately decided that Alfie would go back upstairs and put the feelers out with Mark and come and get me if it were a yes.

The agreement we came to was that Alfie was allowed to fuck me, Mark was only allowed a blowjob. So, I knelt between Mark’s legs, ass high in the air and proceeded to suck his laundry detergent scented cock as Alfie fucked me from behind. I remember the experience being incredibly hot and when they finished close to each other, I laid down between them and Alfie and I made out as I masturbated and Mark watched on.

A few nights later, Sam came over by herself. She knew about our experience with Mark and wanted a taste of her own. She wanted to show me what I had done to her ass with the cane only a few nights prior and we snuck into the bathroom to take a peek. Alfie tried to sneak in and both of us shrieked at him – if she, if we wanted him to see, we would’ve done it right there in front of him. I know it made me feel uneasy, I can only imagine how she felt.

Eventually, we get to a point where we’re all ready to go. I couldn’t tell you any of the details leading up to the moment. I remember Alfie laying on the bed between us in his boxers. I remember Sam and I giggling not really knowing where to start first. I remember Alfie telling me to kiss her. I remember her braces pressed up against my lips.

Alfie says something to indicate that we should suck his cock. He chooses her first. She just barely gets her lips wrapped around him before pulling off and saying she has to leave. She had gotten a text from her Dad saying he was outside waiting for her. Up she goes, quick as a cat. I’m pretty sure Alfie practically chased her out the door…

Some time goes by. I couldn’t tell you exactly how long. Maybe a week. I wake up late one morning and our roommate informs me that Alfie’s been locked up in the bathroom all morning with the phone and he needs to make a call. Alfie lies and tells me he’s been talking to his Mom. The phone says he’s been calling Sam. After Alfie and I talk and he continues to lie, even after he’s been caught, continues to lie, I call Sam.

He won’t stop calling me. I keep telling him I want to come hangout with you but he keeps telling me I can’t unless I hang out alone with him. He’s called me constantly this morning!“. Alfie is literally sitting there watching my reactions to her on the phone and he’s just sitting there, spewing off more lies about how we didn’t understand and it’s not what we think. I never talked to her again...


It’s my 21st birthday. I’m now a Mom to 3 babies, Alfie and I have broken up and gotten back together so many times I can’t even count and we’ve shared a couple handfuls worth of great male-male-female threesomes. I’ve got this friend who we’ve known for almost a decade and we’ve been hanging out constantly. She brings me a best friends blanket and a bottle of alcohol. The three of us sit on the couch drinking.

We all think it would be hilarious to play truth or dare and it starts out innocently enough. I don’t remember who it was exactly but someone dares someone else to lick someones nipples. The game turns dirty very fast – too fast. Very quickly, it becomes her and Alfie daring each other while I’m sitting there watching them play together and thinking, “Isn’t it my birthday?“.

Alfie and I always had this really big issue. I had a bunch of babies, so I wasn’t as skinny at 21 as I was when we first met. As part of his abuse cycle, he would call me fat and lazy to get a reaction out of me and it did, it really did. She was bigger than I was, but she had gorgeous boobs. Just absolutely perfect. I couldn’t get over the fact that he was so interested in her even though she was fat, when he couldn’t be interested in me because I was fat. That took over entirely…

I stomped down to my room, tears held at the corner of my eyes. I slammed my bedroom door shut. It took him 20 minutes to come down after me. I remember him telling me I was being ridiculous and I remember him leaving. I laid in my bed crying for a really long time – or at least it felt like a really long time. I expected to go back upstairs to everyone with their clothes on and feeling a little awkward.

Instead, I walk upstairs to the two of them naked under the blankets, him on top of her. I can’t say for sure that there was penetration. I can’t say for sure exactly what they were doing. But I remember absolutely losing my shit. I remember screaming at her that “this is not what friends do!“, I remember ignoring him entirely as he told me I was overreacting and tried to stop me from throwing her shirt at her. I was completely outraged and told her to get out of my house and never come back. I told Alfie to do the same, but he didn’t listen. I never talked to her again…

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Holiday Fantasy Fulfilled

I swear he’s inside my head!

We decided last night, that even though we were going to bed earlier than we have been, we were going to watch porn. We’ve been saying it for a few days now and keep putting it off and putting it off until eventually it’s 4 AM and the sex is going to take 2 hours and the baby will be in 4, so porn doesn’t get watched because ain’t nobody got time for that shit!

But last night, we made time. Honestly though, the porn barely got watched.

It started on the couch. I had already been ready to go for a long time and when he pulled his cock out of his pants, I happily went about licking and sucking it while he picked videos – although really, he just flipped through 20 pages of videos until finally I just threw one on. He’s really enjoying trying to shove as much of himself as he can into my mouth and I have honestly been sucking at deepthroating lately, which is so not me! I get to a certain point and then just close up entirely. I don’t know if he’s noticed or not, but he sure is enjoying it lately.

In between watching the porn or kissing him or licking him, I was desperate to talk. Kept telling him to “tell me something interesting” or asking him questions. I’ve been having a lot of fantasies lately and I was curious if he’s had any. He doesn’t really have a lot of fantasies because he likes his sex rather boring. But for a long time FFM threesomes have been on both of our lists. After the week of the anal sex fantasy that I was having, I suddenly switched hardcore into FFM threesomes and so when he said it, I literally laughed out loud. He’s so in my head.

It wasn’t long before we were saying that we should go upstairs.

I was on top first and neither of us wanted full on penetration yet. I was incredibly wet though and placed him between my lips and let him slide around underneath of me. Our hands were everywhere. I remember his in my hair and mine on his lips, at some point he was holding me up under my boobs and I couldn’t reach him, and then his thumb nestled onto my clit.

I came quickly and much faster than I had wanted to. But, he wasn’t done!

I allowed him to enter me during my orgasm and his face lit up as I gently circled my hips on him. I leaned back, it was getting so hot and I was absolutely covered in sweat. He sat up and shoved my breast in his mouth as he rocked beneath me, his hands all over my back and in my hair. He laid me back and made sure my head was all supported and brought his lips right up to my ear.

I knew he was going to say something and I held my breath in anticipation.

It seemed to take forever. He pulled back just enough to be able to see my face, he wanted to watch my response. In possibly the hottest voice he’s ever had during sex, he half-whispered, half-grunted, “Are you going to be my good little slut tonight?“. Ugh, just writing it out and I can feel it in my clit. There are very few times he calls me the names I really like being called during sex. To him, calling a person a slut or whore or bitch is disrespectful, even if they are literally begging for it!

It’s one of those things that I absolutely love and hate about him.

I answered, “I’ll try!“, knowing that he was asking permission to try for anal. We’ve never tried it with me on my back before, even though it’s been a recurring fantasy of mine. We’ve tried and failed a lot with anal and the times that we have been successful either involve me on my stomach or while spooning. So, I honestly didn’t think it was going to happen. He said knowingly, “You’ll do it!” and his encouragement made me smile.

He grabbed the lube and put some on me and some on him. Almost immediately, I felt like I wasn’t going to make it. I could feel my whole body tighten up the moment he went for it and thank goodness for him in those moments. He put his hands on my chest, right above my breasts and pushed me down as he slowly and steadily pushed on. Every time I looked at him he would say sweet words that would relax me entirely. “You’re doing fine“, “You’re such a good little slut“, “You’re almost there“, “Good girl!” and when I suddenly tensed up and tried to pull off, he just kept me still and talked to me in that voice that makes me tingle.

When he was almost all the way in, he said, “I’m going to come kiss you now” and I nodded never taking my eyes off his.

Again, anal is one of those things that I like a lot more in fantasy than reality. Don’t get me wrong, when we’re doing it and we’re in the moment of it, it’s the hottest thing ever. And I love how, (because we don’t do anal very often…) when we do have a successful go at it, it becomes the thing that is talked about and spurs many more sexperiences. It’s a hot thing that we reminisce about it. But when it comes down to it, I find it to be uncomfortable sex for the most part.

There’s a point where it starts feeling really good, but often that point is completely overshadowed by the discomfort.

The change in position though, from him more leaning back while on top of me, to him up on top of me in our usual missionary position, definitely makes things slide a little easier and he finally gets past that uncomfortable point of penetration. And now he’s sliding in and out of me with ease and we both look at each other with surprise. That has never ever happened.

By this point, it feels like dirty kinky sex, even though it’s really not.

He’s still whispering/grunting sexy words into my ear or kissing my neck and jaw. My hands are mostly on his face or arms and I’m holding onto him rather tightly. It’s really very intimate and we’ve barely had a moment without eye contact. The exact conversation between us is a little hazy, but essentially I tell him I want him to cum in my ass and he calls me a slut again and then I respond with something like, “Fill up your cum dumpster” – which is so entirely unlike me, no idea where it came from. I swear we both literally stopped for a second, took in the word and like had to split-second decide how we felt about it.

Apparently, it worked very much for him and he quickly began pounding into me.

My hand tried to rub my clit as he swelled inside of me, the sensation almost entirely overwhelming me and I pushed my heels into his hips and grabbed roughly at the flesh on his back. He lifted his body up off of mine, both of us drenched in sweat and he moaned, “You need to cum on my cock!” and I frantically went to work on my clit. He stroked my legs, whispering that I was a good girl and that I was doing such a good job. He was almost completely limp by this point but still managing to keep himself buried comfortably inside of me.

I came very hard and without meaning to, dug my nails hard into his arms, hard into his back.

He held my head against his chest as I thrashed about beneath him and moved my hair out of my face as I panted and heaved against him. I could feel my nails tearing at his flesh as he began to slide out of me and I bucked wildly at the incredible sensation of him slipping out while I was still mid-anal orgasm. I couldn’t let him go and even though he was now moving away from me, I simply followed him, nails still desperately gripping his arms.

He stroked my hair and whispered, “You were such a good little slut“. He kissed me and I literally shivered!

But then it was all over. I released his arms, he laid down in his spot, asked if I wanted to lay on his chest. I did and within seconds, he was sound asleep. His arm wasn’t even wrapped around me or anything and I suddenly felt all vulnerable and filled with shame. I had to roll away from him because I couldn’t help but feel slightly mad at him for just leaving me here, in this space.

I slept really well, surprisingly. I haven’t been sleeping well for awhile now and especially since he’s been on holidays. Our bed is just not big enough for all of us. We woke up this morning and one of the first things he said to me was, “Mmm cum dumpster” and I felt a sense of awkwardness. I cuddled into his arm and nothing. He got up and went about getting coffees. That shameful feeling loomed.

To me, anal sex is kinky sex. And even if it wasn’t, intense sex deserves aftercare. And I desperately needed some!

After anal sex, I always feel like I need extra attention. I need a lot of reassurance that I did a good job and that I was pleasing and that I was sexy while it was happening. I need the reassurance that happened during it to be carried on – often for a good day afterwards. Even now, a whole day later, I’m still feeling like I need him to give me extra kisses or touch me extra softly. Because I feel breakable.

And a lot of times, even when he’s giving and giving, I’ll still feel like he’s not giving me the right kind of attention. Like he’s not saying the right words or touching me the right way. And honestly, I think that’s just me after anal sex or really any sex that leaves me feeling a little bit vulnerable and exposed. I also have to say that I kind of love the sex that leaves me feeling that way and even though the day after feels unbearable while I’m in it, I do enjoy being in it.

It took until late this afternoon before I felt like he had given me the attention I had needed.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

The Boyfriend’s On Holidays!!! (And I have a fantasy…)

And I have a fantasy that I want fulfilled!

I told him today that for the past week I’ve been masturbating every night to the exact same fantasy. It always starts the same way, always contains common elements (with very little variation) and always ends the same way. It all started after a very successful anal session and ever since, my mind has been stuck there!

In my fantasy, it all starts laying up in bed. I’m on my stomach and he’s rubbing my ass. We used to regularly give each other ass rubs, but in the past few years it’s an activity that has really gone by the wayside. I get a very quick rub right before anal attempts now, but nothing like I used to. In my fantasy, it’s like the old days. Long, drawn out, incredibly sensual and causes the most insane wetness.

In my fantasy, in some way or another, he gets me up on my hands and knees. A couple nights after browsing very rough sex on Tumblr, he would pull my hair and yank me up or he would wrap his hand around my throat to lift me up. Other nights, if there was oral sex on my brain, then he would be more gentle with me and playful almost. The view of my ass in the air and my back arched causes him to respond in the way that he does when he enjoys what he sees, and that response (both in real life and in this fantasy) is such an extreme turn on for me.

He plays in my wetness, which at this point is literally dripping down my leg, with either his fingers or his cock. He remarks about it and either calls me a good girl or baby girl – again depends on what kind of mood I’m in prior to starting the fantasy – and only one of those things does he ever actually call me! The other one, he doesn’t even know I fantasize about him calling me it and I’m too shy to admit it 😉

Sometimes, especially if I’m trying to draw out my inevitable orgasm, he’ll give me oral and I’ll fantasize that he buries his head between my legs and pushes his tongue into me. Other times, he jumps right into to trying for anal. And unlike in real life, he glides in with ease. In real life, the initial penetration is often a very slow process. It’s often really gentle and intimate and he gently strokes me until I relax and then he’ll push just a little deeper and wait for me to relax again. In my fantasies, it is not like that at all. It would be quick penetration, rough and hard and big strong hands grabbing and smacking at every inch of available flesh.

In my fantasy, he pulls all the way out of me and pushes back into me, fast and hard and over and over again. We have both mentioned a great desire to do this and just have not gotten up the guts to try it. So far, our experience has been that if he pulls all the way out, he’s not getting back in. I just tighten up entirely, but not in my fantasies. In my fantasy, I turn and watch him watching himself inside of me and that look on his face makes the whole thing amazing.

He flips me over onto my back and lifts my legs up. My pussy is absolutely glistening and he smiles at me before rubbing his one hand over my leg and the other around my wetness. He slides back into my ass, this time very slowly, gripping at any piece of me that his hands can get a good hold on. He coaxes me the way that he does during real-life anal sex, lots of “Good girls” and telling me that I’m doing a good job or that he’s almost there, or describing how amazing it looks.

When he is finally entirely consumed by me, he slides one finger, then two fingers, then more fingers into my waiting pussy. His firm fingers expertly stroke deep within me as he cock slides easily in and out of my ass and we are moving in this synchronous manner, when he suddenly pulls his hand out of me and roughly slaps my clit and then he slides his fingers back into me and continues that expert stroking. He repeats this a few times, sometimes adding more slaps, something slapping harder, sometimes almost rubbing more than slapping.

In real life, I often cum very easily from anal sex. For someone who isn’t really a big fan of it mentally, my body sure hasn’t gotten the message. My fantasy is no different. However, unlike real life, I begin squirting as he’s thrusting in and out of me. His reaction to it in my fantasy is normally the thing that pushes me over the edge and typically as I’m cumming in real life, I picture him cumming in my head and it’s honestly rather blissful.

It’s no wonder that it’s a recurring fantasy!!

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Almost Been a Month….

I’m officially starting to get incredibly annoyed by the lack of sex around here. This is probably the longest The Boyfriend and I have ever gone without having any sexual contact whatsoever and honestly, it doesn’t even seem like either of us cares, and that is so entirely unlike us…

It’s been almost an entire month now… It made sense the two weeks he was out of town. We sexted during that time – once, and both of us were talking like his first night back would be filled with sex. Then he got back and that first night had no sex, not even a kiss more than a peck on the lips.

He had two days off a couple days ago. I thought we were going to have sex then. The first night, I ended up being grumpy about his game playing. Sometimes, I can’t help but feel a little jealous of the games – it’s just something that happens. But that second night, no idea why sex didn’t happen.

I’ll admit, I’m feeling a little apprehensive about having sex. I’m the biggest I’ve ever been thanks to baby and sex hasn’t been much on my mind. I can’t say that I feel particularly sexy. I feel big and awkward and functional – like my body is here to house a baby, not like it’s here to be sexualized. I’m nervous about bleeding or hurting or feeling baby kick upon penetration. And so I’m not initiating that intimacy like I usually do.

And of course, if I’m not initiating, neither is he…

I can’t tell if he’s not initiating because he’s not interested or because he thinks I’m not interested or if we’re both just thinking about pregnancy and therefore not thinking about sex. I can’t figure out if we’re both just too tired to get down to business or if there’s a discomfort for us around it or anything. And up until his last days off, I didn’t really care, but now I’m officially starting to care.

He’s been working a lot lately and that always puts a huge damper on our sex life. It puts a huge damper on a lot of things, because his mind is always filled with thoughts of work. Even when he’s not working, he’s worrying about work and I totally get it. It feels like we have no time for each other right now and that of course, affects our intimacy levels.

I’m worried that we won’t have sex again until I’m done being pregnant. And then, you have to wait the stupid 6 weeks after that and it’s already been almost a month of no sex. I’m worried about how it will affect our relationship not having sex for that long, especially being that we’ve never gone that long. I mean, sure we’ve gone awhile without penetrative sex, but we’ve never gone anything close to this long without heavy makeout sessions or blowjobs! I’m worried that eventually I’ll start taking the lack of intimacy out on him and it will take both of us far longer than it should to figure out that I’m pissy at him for the lack of sex.

At this point, I don’t even know when his next days off are, so I don’t even know when it might be possible to do anything. And then chances are, that day will come around and my vagina will be hurting or my back will be hurting or something will stand in the way of us getting down to loving. And while I feel like I could get through it right now, what will it be like a week from now?!? I just can’t believe that it’s already almost been a month…

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Our Favorite Sex Positions

When The Boyfriend and I first started dating, he was a big fan of doing every weird and crazy position you could think of. In a typical sex session, he would probably cycle through a good six or seven wildly different positions and you’d walk away from it with your mind blown a little bit by the variety.

A few months into our relationship, I got pregnant and had a lot of severe joint pain that affected the way in which I could be moved and we had to greatly modify our repertoire from a huge selection of positions to a handful. He was also incredibly fearful of hurting me and/or the baby, especially being that I’m known for complicated pregnancies, so the sex became less about variety and more about intimacy.

After my joint pain left, or at least subsided dramatically, we basically stuck with the handful of positions. I think partly because we’re both incredibly comfortable in those positions and we’ve mastered the art of mostly mutual orgasm in these positions. There are, of course, a bunch of reasons why we prefer these positions over the hundreds of others that we could select from, especially when we speak of each one individually. So, without further adieu…

Our Favorite Positions

  1. Deck Chair

    Our absolute favorite position and the one we use absolutely and by far the most is missionary with him on top. While we vary up the missionary a lot when he’s up there, in terms of precise positioning, there are some things that are almost always the same.

    He is likely to have his face buried in my neck or breasts, I’m likely to have my right hand on my clit and chances are, my legs are up around his hips. Sex in this position is often wordless and there is a lot of watching the other person going on. He looks down on me and I look up at him. Often, missionary sex for us is typically very loving and intimate, even when he’s pounding into me like a jackhammer!

  2. Spoons

    We are both normally pretty exhausted in terms of overall energy. Life very much takes every ounce of energy out of us, but we both want to have sex so badly. Sometimes, you’re just too lazy to work for sex. And so we spoon!

    Wake up sex is almost always spooning sex and again, we’ll sometimes do little things to switch up the positions. If I’m going to orgasm, I’ll often throw my leg up over him. Every once and awhile, because he loves it so much, I’ll pull my knees in tight to my chest and make myself into a tiny little ball. I’d say just a little bit more than half of the time, this position will turn into missionary.

  3. Doggystyle

    Again, we’re lazy people. When I’m on my hands and knees, its not really on my hands and knees. It’s more on my shoulders and knees, because I’m likely to have my head on my pillow and my ass in the air. Generally, this is a rougher sex position for us and is only used when he’s in the mood to be rough.

    I think there’s a lot of things we like about this position but for both of us, I think it tends to feel like kinkier sex because it is generally rougher. He’s likely to be very instructive in this position and we both get a kick out of that. My favorite thing about this one though is the ability for his hands to grab at flesh, because I just feel like that doesn’t happen enough.

  4. Cowgirl

    I’m not a huge fan of being on top. I mean, I like it a lot more now than I ever have in the past, but it’s still not my most favorite position. I feel awkward and uncoordinated for the most part when I’m on top and sometimes, I’m okay with that, but other times, I just feel it. So, it’s the least used of our favorite positions.

    However, The Boyfriend will take this one over any other any day. It is, without a doubt, his favorite position. When I’m on top, it’s almost always slow sex, in comparison to what we’re normally doing when he’s in charge. It also tends to be more sensual, more about kissing, more about hands all over one another, more about gazing into each other’s eyes. And while that sounds incredibly cheesy, it’s reality.

While we have a lot more positions that we are likely to use, these are the main ones. At least one of these positions is sure to be included in every sexperience, even when we’re trying to be experimental. So now I’m curious, what are your favorite sex positions? Would you say that it’s been different with every person you’ve been with or do you generally have a favorite position? What is your favorite thing about your favorite position? Let’s talk sex positions!!