The Rantings - For Everyone

All By Myself…

Can I just be a total bitch for a second…?!?

The Boyfriend has really sucked during this pregnancy. I mean, really sucked! Out of all my pregnancies, this is the one he seems the least interested in – less interested in what’s going on with the baby, less interested in what’s going on with me, less interested in helping out, just less interested!

It’s amazing how often he is sitting right there and yet I feel like I’ve gone through this pregnancy all by myself…

And I know part of it has to do with third pregnancy. And part of it has to do with the fact that we just had a baby not that long ago. All the luster is lost. But it just makes me long for the days of Carter and Cazzwell pregnancies and experiences.

I remember when I was pregnant with Carter and had such severe joint pain, The Boyfriend having completely sleepless nights just rubbing me down. I remember him helping me paint my toenails and putting my clothes on. It was a lot less help with Cazzwell, simply because I didn’t need it as much, but he was excited and involved and hand on my stomach constantly.

This time around, he just seems completely uninterested. The only time he touches my stomach voluntarily is for the 20 minutes I lay in bed while he falls asleep. Almost every night for the past two trimesters, the moment he’s asleep, I get up to go take a bath. Most of the time he doesn’t even notice. He doesn’t listen to me complain anymore and just zones out in whatever he’s into.

It’s been a lot of me being really focused on pregnancy and last pregnancy and him and everyone else focused on everything but pregnancy and a pending baby.

From summer travel plans to The Last Jedi coming out to earning enough points for a “free” Xbox game pass, it’s all been a thousand times more important. And when I try to talk baby stuff or pregnancy stuff, somehow we end up right back on the mountains, that scene with Kylo and Rey or the latest game pass game he got… And I’m left there to freak out about pregnancy and baby all by myself…

And when I say “freak out“, it’s not really freaking out because let’s be real, it’s all old hat now! We’ve been through all this a million times. We know what’s coming, we know what to expect. We know, we’re prepared, we’re good. So, it’s not really freaking out.

We ignored this pregnancy for so long. We denied it existed for so long. It’s going to be our last baby ever! No one, not even our own kids, wanted us to do this. Have our 7th baby, 6th child. It’s a girl, finally after 13 years of having nothing but boys, we finally get our girl – his first girl! We should both, now that everyone knows about this pregnancy, be allowed to have joy in the experience. We should be excited and happy and can’t-wait-to-meet-our-little-one and just so in love with this final experience.

But I seem to be all by myself on it…

Rant With Me...

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