The Rantings - For Everyone

Birthdays & Back-To-School

This is probably the first summer ever that I have not been totally overwhelmed by the kids. That was, until this morning…

Most summers, by this point, I’m almost literally pulling my hair out in frustration. Normally, I’m yelling all the time because it feels like no one is listening. Typically, I can’t wait for school to start back up just to get a break from them. But this summer hasn’t really felt like that.

They’ve all been so great this summer. I mean, they’ve been kids – so it’s been a handful and a half. There’s also a baby, been a handful and a half. But, they’ve all been helpful, they’ve all been well-behaved and relatively well-mannered. They’ve still been themselves, attitudes and all, but I haven’t felt utterly overwhelmed by them.

However, I woke up today and I’ve just been in this mood. This place, this state-of-mind, and I just suddenly feel entirely consumed by motherhood.

It’s back-to-school. It’s gotta be. It starts tomorrow and I feel like we’ve never been less prepared. Again, I know in my rational brain that we are this unprepared almost every year. Kaeidyn pointed out to me yesterday that this year is no different from last in terms of unpreparedness. But, it hit me like a ton of bricks today immediately upon waking.

I woke up just irritated and annoyed and I can’t seem to shake the feeling. Every time one of the kids makes a sound, I’m having to take a deep breath not to snap at them. Kenzie talks back and I immediately feel personally attacked – like he’s trying to pick a fight with me. And it has nothing to do with them at all and everything to do with me…

I hate when I feel like a total failure as a parent, as a Mom. It’s this time of year, I swear.

Four out of five of the kids have birthdays all one right after another – all at a time when we can’t do anything special for anyone’s birthdays because we’ve just spent every extra penny on school supplies. Which we haven’t even done yet because of the way paydays worked this year. Yet another thing that just stacks against me. It’s not the first time it’s happened – it happens more often than I’d like to admit – and we always figure it out and roll with it and make it work. But it just feels like crap.

My baby also turns one tomorrow…

I can’t even begin to describe how I feel about that. Every time anyone mentions it, I just groan loudly. How did it go by so fast?!? I mean, I remember it going fast with all the other kids, but not this fast. It doesn’t feel like he’s been around for that long. And don’t even get me started on how much I hate the ages we’re getting close to.

I’ve gone through toddlerhood four times now and hated every single moment of it, every single time. I can say pretty confidently that I despise toddlerhood. Teenagehood is being hard, but toddlerhood was harder. Toddlerhood is physically, mentally, emotionally hard. Other age stages are one or two of those things – physically and mentally hard or mentally and emotionally hard – but toddlerhood packs it all into one punch. One punch that lasts a number of years!

I hate that I’m feeling it all the day before back-to-school. It was supposed to hit a week ago so that I could deal and process before the ultimate stress began. But having it hit all at once like this, and not having the excuse of “I’m in the hospital in labor” like last year, is just making my day a crappy day.

Is it bedtime yet?!?

The Rantings - For Everyone

#ThrowbackThursday on Facebook – Recap #4

On December 1st, 2016, I began taking a walk down memory lane. I became a #NostalgiaJunkie.

In preparation for re-launching ValerieRayne.com, I thought it was important to look over all of what I’ve done over the years to see what worked and what didn’t and where I wanted things to go. Sometimes it’s good to look back to move forward.

So, I began collecting up all these memories on Facebook for #ThrowbackThursday.

I thought it would be fun to keep a running recap of them, since it can be a bit of a pain to find them all on Facebook (if you know an easy way, then let me know in the comments!). Here’s 7 memories and the next 7 will be coming soon!


Posted on Thurs. Apr. 27th, 2017:


Posted on Thurs. May. 11th, 2017:


Posted on Thurs. May. 18th, 2017:


Posted on Thurs. May. 25th, 2017:


Posted on Thurs. Jun. 1st, 2017:


Posted on Thurs. Jun. 8th, 2017:


Well, there you have it. A handy little recap of all my #ThrowbackThursday posts on Facebook.

If you haven’t liked my page yet, I’d love for you to give it a thumbs up and say “hi“. Do you do #ThrowbackThursday on any social networks? Share your experience with me in the comments below and if you liked this post, please share it or click the Like button below!

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Perusing My Drafts Folder

At any given time, you can be sure that I have a minimum of 30 posts in my drafts folder.

Posts that are basically done and just waiting for me to feel ready to publish them. Posts that are just one line of an idea. Posts that are notes to be comprised into a full-out piece. Some are posts that will never see the light of day, some will sit and never be touched again and some will slowly be pulled out when I feel the time is right.

I’ve been trying to make a dedicated effort to go through my drafts folder regularly and either delete that which I don’t plan on publishing or finishing up and publishing posts that typically would sit untouched. I’ve even been going through my drafts folders on really old blogs, from years ago!

This has resulted in some of these posts. First, I have a post in my drafts folder all about the videos that I want to do for Pornhub. There’s even a poll to see if you’re interested in the post (I’d love for you to vote on it!).

After mentioning for the third day in a row that I want to go dancing, the “crap we’re going through“, which hasn’t been an issue in a really long time, got brought up. So I went through those posts (which I told you I had been working on…), and now I’ve gotta figure out how I’m going to publish them.

And of course, because I was going through those posts, I happened across this one:

So now, it’s just a matter of putting the finishing touches on everything and deciding how I’m going to go about publishing – and in the case of the last one, if I’m going to publish at all. One day, I’ll have a completely empty drafts folder, one day. Today however, is not that day. I currently sit at 40 draft posts and I imagine that I will add at least one more by the end of tonight!

Ah, tis the life of a blog-a-holic!

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Accidental Anal

The Boyfriend and I have not had very much sex lately.

We’ve had plenty of time and lots of opportunity and make plans to have sex frequently, but we’ve both been more focused on cuddling and sleeping. We’ve been making up for it immensely with makeout sessions like we’re new lovers and tons of beautiful snuggling.

But today, I was pretty desperate. So, when we had a chance to take a nap, I quickly whipped off my pants and stuck my ass out for him to touch. And of course, one thing led to another.

I was wet. Like drenched. Soaking. Absolutely wet.

It started on our sides and then we both started liking how it was feeling when he would get deeper. So, up on his knees he went and slowly I was pushed forward until I was basically on my stomach. The position was awkward, but allowed him to perfectly shove his fingers in my mouth, deeply pound my pussy and since I was so wet, easily slide a single finger in my ass.

He’s really gotten into this lately. Quite possibly because it really does make me cum so fast. I absolutely hate that it works so well – and for me, it’s not necessarily the finger in there as much as it is the finger around there – but it’s almost like a trick to speed up my orgasm. After the last time we had unsuccessful anal sex, he told me I would have to tell him when I wanted it.

As he adjusted, I flipped over entirely on my stomach and he quickly penetrated me. I clenched all my muscles, partially because I was playing with my clit and partially because it feels so good when he’s coming at me from behind. The ridge of the head of his cock tugs so wonderfully in this position. It also usually results in some kind of anal play – normally just cock rubbing around that area. But, I kinda figured that I could clench tight enough to make the transition from vaginal sex to anal sex pretty easily.

It’s never worked so well before!

He thrust into my pussy once more, pulled back just enough and literally popped into my ass. Not knowing he had done it entirely (as I said, things were ridiculously wet), he pushed forward again as he began to cum and I literally jumped up and pushed him off, digging my nails into his chest and curling my legs up underneath me. He continued to cum as he sat there seriously confused about what exactly had just happened. At first he thought I was cumming and then he realized what happened and immediately felt bad. It was entirely a ruined orgasm for him. I felt terrible!

The sensation was one of the most intense things I’ve ever felt. The only time I’ve ever experienced anything like it was when I was young and fell on a bicycle seat. I had to fight back tears and it immediately made me feel hot all over my body. It took forever for me to be able to move, my whole body just frozen. He sat and waited patiently for me and then we laid down for our nap.

I couldn’t resist finishing up my orgasm, since I was so close prior to the whole accidental anal incident. It took a really long time to get there and even though The Boyfriend managed to stay awake during the whole thing, I had to completely block him out to get there. Once I was done, he fell asleep in seconds. It took me another hour of tossing and turning.

I spent two days afterwards sore all over, especially in my anal region. And I don’t know if was necessarily the sex or the kids being home or the news at the time or the stuff going on with my family right now, but I spent those two days in the worst kind of funk. Terrible sleeps, terrible dreams, terrible days. Just right down and out.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

Why I Posted Videos on Pornhub

After promoting my Pornhub profile on Google+, a very close follower asked why The Boyfriend and I chose to begin adding videos to the site as part of our sexperiences.

I decided to share my answer and expand on some thoughts with everyone.


The first time I ever remember watching porn was a video entitled something like “Anal Explorations” or something of that sort. I vividly remember ejecting the VHS from the VCR and thinking, “I want to do that!!!“. Not only does my desire to be a total anal whore mostly stem from this experience, but I thought there could be no better job in the world than getting to make these types of films. I don’t know why, 11 or 12-year-old me was attracted to it.

And it wasn’t just a one-time thought. It’s a thought, been a thought, every time I watch an amazing porn or every time I watch a documentary about the porn industry or every time I research a new favorite pornstar. It’s something that follows me, almost haunts me – or at least it did.

Since I turned 14, I’ve been in a series of long-term monogamous relationships with guys who don’t like to share at all (save for the threesomes with Alfie). Mostly possessive, jealous, “you’re mine” types. Plus, I had babies really young and body image issues and the list really goes on of things that have held it back prior to know. Otherwise, you probably would’ve seen my name on Pornhub when I turned 18!

And let’s be real, it’s not like I’m really new to the world of porn. Just this medium…

I never expected that The Boyfriend and I would ever discuss the concept of uploading videos to Pornhub. It was never something that was on my radar. And up until very recently, I didn’t even know that it was an option. However, it’s not necessarily my first jaunt into the world of porn.

The first time I had sex, there was a picture taken – not in some pornographic way, but in some drunk teenage party way. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had has gotten sexy images. And, I began uploading photos when FetLife became a thing. And we’ve been making home movies for our own personal use for years now!!!¬†And let’s not forget that I write some incredibly graphic details about a large majority of mine and The Boyfriend’s sexperiences already!

“Sharing my sexuality – it’s just what I do!”

To me, it is no different than writing about our sexperiences or sharing pictures from my sexperiences. The only difference is the medium.

Honestly, it was a spur of the moment decision. It wasn’t some laid out plan that had a lot of thought behind it. I don’t even know if we consciously decided to upload more than one. We were both feeling aroused by our stint of exhibitionism and wanted to keep that feeling going is the best I can come up with. And what better way than to upload a video to tube site!

So… Why? Really, the simplest answer is: We felt like it… We wanted to… And we could ūüėČ

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

6 Google+ Gems

You get a taste of what I’m up to around the web with my monthly Favorite Tweets and semi-regular Tumblr Favorites. Every once and awhile, I’ll add a Facebook post for good measure. But, it’s been awhile since I did any type of spotlight on Google+.

Tonight, I was scrolling through my profile and thought it’d be fun to share these 6 gems with you.



So there’s 6 Google+ gems from the last month. If you’re on Google+, I’d absolutely love for you to check me out, maybe follow me. And don’t hesitate to say “Hi!“, I’m around a lot ūüėČ

The Rantings - For Everyone

Waiting for Sunday

These last few days have seemed incredibly long.

It’s probably because The Boyfriend has had me up out of bed before 8 AM, and then the day doesn’t end for me until after midnight. That’s a long ass day! I’ve also been able to get a lot done in those hours and still have hours left over to just sit and do nothing, so that is adding to the long feeling.

The older kids come home this Sunday, and save for the fact that I already know they’ve got back-to-school on their brains, I’m really excited about them finally being home. We hadn’t planned for them to be out there this long this time around, but it just worked out that way, and I started missing them awhile back. So this last little bit has just been impatiently waiting for their return.

It’s just been Cazzwell and Carter at home for the last little while. You’d think it would be easier, but my almost year old baby is a huge handful. Honestly, it’s easier with all the kids home because they can help keep him entertained. Carter only has so much patience for a baby before he’s like, “Well, you’re boring!“. And he is starting to move a lot, like hard to catch, move a lot. I feel like I spend my days right now chasing him around and telling him “No“, over and over again. He’s also been screwing with his sleep schedule, so that’s been a terrible way to end my days, because he normally ends on a grumpy note.

After tonight, The Boyfriend has another two days off. I always love when his holidays work out in such a way where his first week back at work is mostly days off. I think it’s been something like 2 days on, 2 days off, 2 days on, 2 days off – something like that. On the one hand, it sucks because he spends almost all of those days tuckered from giving up sleep here and replacing it there and screwing with his sleep schedule (maybe that’s where the baby gets it from…), but on the other hand, it’s great because it feels like he’s around a lot more.

So we’ve made plans for Sunday to go for a drive. In his hunts for places to go he’s come across Ram River Falls and his Mom has basically mapped out a cool road for us to check out, so it sounds like we’re going to be trying that out. And tomorrow, we’ve got big cleaning plans so that I can have the back of our van back – which hasn’t really been gone through since we got it back from when it was stolen. I imagine tomorrow is going to be long and stressful and then the next day, adventurous and awesome!

Honestly, just writing it all out has made me ready for bed…

The Rantings - For Everyone

#ThrowbackThursday on Facebook – Recap #3

On December 1st, 2016, I began taking a walk down memory lane. I became a #NostalgiaJunkie.

In preparation for re-launching ValerieRayne.com, I thought it was important to look over all of what I’ve done over the years to see what worked and what didn’t and where I wanted things to go. Sometimes it’s good to look back to move forward.

So, I began collecting up all these memories on Facebook for #ThrowbackThursday.

I thought it would be fun to keep a running recap of them, since it can be a bit of a pain to find them all on Facebook (if you know an easy way, then let me know in the comments!). Here’s 7 memories and the next 7 will be coming soon!


Posted on Thurs. Mar. 9th, 2017:


Posted on Thurs. Mar. 23rd, 2017:


Posted on Thurs. Mar. 30th, 2017:


Posted on Thurs. Apr. 6th, 2017:


Posted on Thurs. Apr. 13th, 2017:


Posted on Thurs. Apr. 20th, 2017:


Well, there you have it. A handy little recap of all my #ThrowbackThursday posts on Facebook.

If you haven’t liked my page yet, I’d love for you to give it a thumbs up and say “hi“. Do you do #ThrowbackThursday on any social networks? Share your experience with me in the comments below and if you liked this post, please share it or click the Like button below!

The Rantings - For Everyone

The Holidays Are Over

The Boyfriend officially went back to work last night after a week long holiday.

We dropped the kids off at Alfie’s a few days before he started holidays. It was such a good drive out there and the kids absolutely loved having all the room in the truck. The drive home was long and boring and it felt so good to finally be home.

It seemed like almost as soon as we dropped the kids off, our days got really busy. We’d wake up to messages or phonecalls early in the morning and then be gone from the house all day. For almost an entire week straight, we did stuff almost every single day.

We spent one day at Gull Lake, which ended up not being as fun as we were hoping it would be, but also ended up being an absolutely great time. The plan was to go out on this big inflatable island that everyone’s been obsessing about. But everyone ended up being more interested on sitting on the beach or playing in the water. It was quite a gross muggy day and it was really smoky from all the fires out in BC, so I mostly laid in the sun.

Then, we did another Drumheller trip so that The Boyfriend’s Dad could see it. We even got to go see the hoodoos – which were exciting but again, not like what I had built it up in my head to be. It was ridiculously hot when we went and everyone else seemed to have way more energy than me. At one point, the whole family was up climbing on these rocky hills, where everyone was climbing, and I was just standing on the little platform watching them. The museum was pretty much the same, except this time we only had two kids to pay attention to, so we were actually able to read some of the signage and such. By the end of that day, I was very sore! Lots and lots and lots of walking – and unlike last time, I wore my flip flops this time, which is not a good idea when you’re going on an adventure…

We also did another Crescent Falls trip. Normally the drive into the falls really scares me – it’s pretty steep and the road is gravel and it gets really narrow and curves. You even have to drive through water at one point. We’ve been there so many times now though that I took the drive into the falls like it was nothing.

The Boyfriend and Carter went on a 3-hour long hike to get to “the other falls” – although again, I think everyone was expecting it to be way more exciting than it was, so came back a little defeated. I hung out on the rocks by the river with Cazzwell for all that time. Thankfully, my mom-in-law is a genius and somehow manages to create something out of nothing, and we weren’t sitting in the sun all day, because it was an incredibly hot day. It cooled off fast in the evening, but during the day, sweltering!

We also went out for an adults-only dinner – which was super nice. The Boyfriend got dressed up in his vest and had recently picked me out a pair of heels, so I even got dressed up to go – wore a dress and heels in public for the first time in a really long time, like stupid long time! It was nice to feel fancy, even if we looked totally out of place among all the other dinner-goers.

It’s been so nice being down the three kids just for the sake of cleaning. Cazzwell is officially at the age where he’s getting into everything. He’s figured out how to climb the stairs, he crawls off the couch and he moves really fast. Plus, everything (and I mean, everything!) goes into his mouth. He pulls things off shelves to put in his mouth, he squeezes underneath of things to find something to put in his mouth. And his toys (which he barely has any of), end up absolutely everywhere. How did it get it in the bathroom? I don’t know, he’s never even been in there. But somehow, his toy is…

Dishes has been the greatest break. Doing one load of dishes a day and being completely done them is so much better than doing three loads of dishes a day and still having some left (that you forgot on the stove…). So much nicer when a plastic container meant for leftovers isn’t used as a bowl for cereal or when a fork is used as a fork instead of replacing a spoon that people were too lazy to wash. It always drives me nuts that over the years I’ve collected about 14 – 16 plates, and a family of 6 should theoretically need no more than 6 of those a day – and yet, at the end of the day when they’re all home, my sink is filled with 14 – 16 plates… It’s so much nicer to just have to wash a couple of those a day than all of them.

I’m definitely looking forward to the kids coming home. I started missing them really fast this time and especially with us going out so much and doing things so much. I always feel bad when they miss out on these big family adventures – even though, a) they’re having their own family adventures up there and b) they’re normally not that interested in our big family adventures. But I still hate when they miss it! I don’t even know right now when they will be coming home – a bunch of dates have been thrown out. Basically, once their family reunion is over.

However, I’m also not looking forward to the kids coming home because once they do, it’s almost immediately time to start getting ready for school. Have I ever told you how much I absolutely hate back-to-school? It’s probably my most hated time of year, because it is just so mind-numbingly stressful. It’s scream-into-your-pillow kinda stressful, cry-yourself-to-sleep kinda stressful, hate-the-world kinda stressful. This year has the added stress of another kid entering middle school. I’m just not looking forward to all that stress!

This post is from The List and is for everyone.

#WishListed: Listography

As you are probably well aware (since you are reading from The List), I really enjoy lists.

I enjoy making lists and do so for a lot of different things. My Google Drive folders are full of just lists. I use them to keep track of things and ideas, I use them to organize my life and thoughts and I often like to break big concepts down into really tiny detailed lists.

So, it will come as no surprise to you that I fell in love with these the moment I saw them. I desperately want these!!! My immediate thought when I saw them was that they would probably inspire a lot of blog posts. Some of the titles for the some of the lists really caught my attention and I could absolutely see myself turning to these again and again.

Without further adieu, check out these Listography books, which are now officially #WishListed!


Listography Journal: Your Life in Lists

Listography: Your Life in Lists
Listography: Your Life in Lists

Why I Want It:

With lists like “greatest accomplishments, memorable co-workers, places you’ve lived, guilty pleasures, and greatest acts of kindness“, Your Life in Lists sounds like a great way to take a walk down memory lane – which we all know I’m obsessed with! #NostalgiaJunkie


My Future Listography: All I Want To Do in Lists

My Future Listography
My Future Listography

Why I Want It:

Encouraging users to envision future goals and aspirations” list topics “range from the practical (places to visit, habits to break, good deeds to perform) to the more thoughtful (what you hope people say at your funeral, experiences you would love to have again).”. It’s essentially The List in paperback!


Love Listography: Your Love Life in Lists

Why I Want It:

The blurb says there are “topics ranging from sweet (favorite love songs, best dates) to cringe-worthy (relationship pet-peeves, worst break-ups) to downright naughty.” I’m curious about the downright naughty!!!


Music, Literary and Film Listographies

Why I Want It:

Music – “Loaded with music-inspired list topics ranging from traditional (top 20 favorite albums) to eclectic (songs you thought were about you) to experimental (concerts you wish you could time travel back to), this journal gives music lovers a backstage pass to hours of list-making fun” – sells itself!

Literary – List topics range “from the quintessential (books that made me cry, special book stores) to the lovably idiosyncratic (fictional crimes I’ve witnessed, favorite reading spots)“, this one would be fun for tracking my reading experiences.

Film – Topics ranging “from the classic (favorite films of all time, favorite actors) to the lovably idiosyncratic (top so-bad-it’s-good movies, scenes that made you cringe, characters you are most like)” are likely to make me delve deeper into my film experiences.


Spirit Listography: My Inner Self in Lists

Spirit Listography: My Inner Self in Lists
Spirit Listography: My Inner Self in Lists

Why I Want It:

Spirit Listography¬†serves as a unique memoir and bucket list for those interested in self-reflection and mindful action (appropriate¬†for all spiritual practices).” Some lists include things I’m grateful for and favorite things to smell.


Parenthood Listography: My Kid in Lists

Parenthood Listography: My Kid in Lists
Parenthood Listography: My Kid in Lists

Why I Want It:

It would not be okay for me to get just one of these books. I’d need at least 5 of them for each of the kids.

And then I could keep memories of them in neat lists, like “things your kid should know about their parents, your child’s favorite songs and imaginary tales they told” or “A List of Personality Traits I Aspire To Have As a Parent, A List of Things You Destroyed, List of Your Talents, List of Funny Things You Said, Places I Hope To Take You Someday“. So many great parenting-related lists!!!


There are other books in the Listography series, including a travel journal and lists for foodies. There’s even a boardgame that you can play with friends!!! However, these were the ones that really set my heart on fire and I could see myself using regularly.

Which one(s) would you want the most? Are you a lover of lists? Do you have any of these? Do you love them?

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

The Porn Pathway

You know how sometimes, you’re tumbling down the Porn Pathway, and you come across things that make you question or think about your sexuality. The content does more than arouse you or turn you on.

Sometimes, I travel down the Porn Pathway just to have those moments. Actually, a large number of times. Tonight, I was on one.

I’ve been a little obsessed with rape play and consensual non-consent posts. This isn’t really a surprise for me. I seem to go through periods of enjoying this kind of porn, probably because it’s rougher and sometimes, I really like it rough. Sometimes, it makes me question why I like to see women humiliated and tossed around and beaten up and used and abused. Or why I enjoy aspects of each of those things in my own sex?

Speaking of “going through periods“, I think I’m starting to notice some trends – maybe they’re hormonally based or environmentally based or something else entirely, but I seem to go through periods on the Porn Pathway.

For awhile, all I’ll want to see is Daddy/Daughter posts – as in the sexual roleplay Daddy/Daughter posts – and then for a long while, I won’t want to see it at all and it will actually turn me off entirely. For awhile, I’ll be super into cocks and wanting to see them everywhere and then I won’t want to see them unless their inside of womanly parts.

I’ve also really decided that I don’t like certain words used to describe porn – especially in terms of using those labels for myself. I tweeted that I wouldn’t want to be called a MILF, even though I hope that I am one… But the image that the word is associated with in my mind just does not suit what I think I am and I’m also not attracted to that image.

I also absolutely hate the word creampie to describe a man cumming inside of a woman – and I’ll almost never click on a video with such a word in the title – even though I absolutely love to be cummed inside of. I mean, absolutely!!! But if he were to say “I’m going to give you a creampie” over “I’m going to cum in you“, I’d probably be turned right off. It would be the one time his voice wouldn’t do it for me…

All of these stops along the Porn Pathway bring up a lot of questions for me about sexuality and pornography. It also answers a lot of questions about my own sexuality or my curiousities about other’s sexuality. I’m personally a huge supporter of the Porn Pathway simply because it allows me to explore sexuality in a very safe way.

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

9 of My Favorite Tweets from July 2017

I’ve been collecting up my favorite tweets for each month into Twitter Moments. You can see all of my favorites here but today I wanted to share the best of the best from July’s Moment.

If you’re on Twitter, I’d love for you to follow me there: @ValerieRayne13.

If you have stuff I like, I love to follow back! It’s the best place to go to get notified when I’m posting to my Tumblr and the conversation here tends to be more sexual than anywhere else. Probably because I follow so many other people who are talking about it.

What was your favorite tweet from July 2017?