I’m not mad at him for any good or particular reason. But it’s pissing me off more that he’s not noticing.
It all started a few nights ago. We had really great sex. I orgasmed during it but as usual, wanted to have that second orgasm. When he cums, it turns me on so much. I always want an orgasm afterwards, otherwise I spend the next few days until we have sex again, absolutely and utterly aroused. So, I always go for a second orgasm.
But, he’s already cum. He works, he’s a Dad, he’s tired at the best of times. Add in a great orgasm and it’s near impossible for him to stay awake afterwards. Sometimes, I don’t mind and will bring myself to orgasm as he falls asleep next to me and it’s okay and I’m fine with it. Sometimes, it makes me upset and angry and I bring myself to orgasm just to spite him – even though he sleeps right through it, so really, doesn’t affect him.
If I’m especially angry at him, as I was after this really great sex, I’ll intentionally fantasize about another guy. Another guy coming into my room and taking over the monumental task of bringing me to my second orgasm. He’s not there to have sex with me or make me feel loved or any of that bullshit, his job is purely to get between my legs and love my pussy until I explode into orgasm. I always feel guilty after this fantasy.
I woke up the next day really mad at him for yet again falling asleep on me. I get that he’s tired, I’m sympathetic. But there is no way in hell that I would fall asleep during his orgasm – regardless of how long it was taking to get there or if it was his first or fifth. I’m a Mom raising 5 kids, I’m exhausted too, but I would never just pass out and make him work for it himself. In the last year, he’s literally had to work for 1 of his orgasms – 1!!! We weren’t in the same province and he had to work for 1 orgasm – which, might I add, I stayed awake for and watched while we were videocalling each other!!!
Like, it just makes me want to scream. It makes me wonder why no one cares about my orgasm. Especially when he’s always claiming, “Oh, I love it when you orgasm. I love to watch you cum!” blah blah fucking blah!!!
Then, his sleep schedule has been all over the place. First, he was sleeping when all the kids were at school. A lot of times, I’d just stay in bed with him. Then, we had baby and he’s an early riser. So, I’d get out of bed when he got home from work in the morning and then he would sleep after the kids got home from school. Then, out of nowhere, he’s started doing where he sleeps for part of the morning, gets out of bed for the afternoon and then finishes off his sleep with a nap before work. This constant changing of a sleep schedule that was working for us is absolutely getting to me.
Every time he closes his eyes, I feel an immediate anger at him. It feels like all he’s ever doing lately is sleeping. And I know that’s not true. I know he’s not getting anymore hours than he used to, I know he’s not getting deep, well-rested sleeps. But I can’t help but feel jealous that yet again he gets to crawl into bed and yet again he gets time without the kids and yet again…
Also had my first period back since the miscarriage. It was one of the roughest periods I’ve had in awhile – cramps, more bleeding than usual, massive mood swings – it was all over the place. And I’m guessing it probably has been contributing to the anger I feel towards The Boyfriend right now. I have to go through all these lady problems while he gets to just sit back and not have to experience it or go without orgasms because no one wants to touch a bleeding vagina and just argh!!