The Rantings - For Everyone

Raising Dads

After six years, you forget how entirely painful pregnancy is. I haven’t had a single day in over a week where I haven’t woken up beyond grumpy because my whole body is sore. The Boyfriend asks almost immediately upon waking, “How was your sleep?” and today I literally snapped at him that he “wouldn’t want to know!“.

It’s weird to feel your body expanding so slowly and yet so quickly. My hips have been feeling it the most and I’m often complaining about it. I’ve had some serious breast and nipple pain that wakes me from a dead sleep and I have never been more itchy in my entire life! Even though I’m in bed for plenty of hours, I don’t feel like I’ve been sleeping well at all and it has made for an even more bitchy and lazy me than usual.

The boys have all had more energy than we know what to do with. The weather is changing swiftly and you can tell in the kids’ attitudes and behavior. They’re also all growing, so eating like they’re constantly starving. We literally feed them dinner and the moment they clear their plates, they’re begging for a snack. It’s hard to keep up with all of them and their constant movement and noise and wants and needs.

Kaeidyn has begun dating a new boy, which has stirred up a lot more drama than ever before. I’m not sure what’s different about this boyfriend specifically, but she has been dealing with drama from her friends over it and I have been dealing with drama from Alfie over it. He has become especially uncomfortable with the idea of her dating and after finding out about this new boyfriend, he kinda flipped his lid. I spent a few hours on the phone with him last night having the first “fight” that we’ve had in years! He called it a “fight“, I didn’t think it was.

I think that both The Boyfriend and Alfie have this idea in their head that because I’m a sex-positive parent and because I’ve never said that being a teen mom was the “worst thing that ever happened to me“, that I’m somehow going to support her having sex younger and getting pregnant younger. It’s the only thing that I can think of for why they both don’t seem to trust that I’ve got any handle on Kaeidyn dating.

And when we say that she’s dating, what we really mean is that she calls this boy her “boyfriend” and they text each other sappy love memes. The most she’s ever done outside of that is held hands on a dare at lunchtime.

Both the father’s in my life seem to think that they can actually “scare off” her boyfriends and that they can punish her for dating or showing interest in boys. Multiple times Alfie said to me that I should send her to live with him so she couldn’t date. I laugh so hard at both of these thought processes. Mainly because I was a girl who was sent to her Dad’s so that I would stop seeing one specific boy and all that did was drive us closer together. I mean, it’s a story as old as Romeo & Juliet

I keep trying to tell them that we can’t control what she’s doing and any attempt to do so will blow up in our face. I keep trying to tell them that the only thing that we can do is arm her with arsenal of tools to make the best possible decisions, all we can do is steer her in the right direction and hope she continues on that way. She’s going to make mistakes and that’s part of growing up. And yeah, none of us want to see our baby girl hurt and none of us want her to live the lives we’ve had to live, but we can’t put a chastity belt on her and lock her in the closet. We wouldn’t do it to our boys, we shouldn’t do it our girls.

I’ve discovered over the last little while that it is much harder to raise father’s than it is to raise children. It’s especially hard to raise father’s of daughters. 

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