I am stuck in a writing rut! I have written a ridiculous amount of content that will essentially be trashed because it is such a disorganized mess that I can barely remember what I was trying to do. I’ve been having a hard time writing what I want to write and instead tend to go off on these little tangents that lead nowhere and I basically keep saying the same things over and over again. And tonight, I am putting my foot down and forcing myself to complete at least one post and publish it!
So, here goes it…
The countdown to Christmas is officially on. One minute, I’m okay with it. The next minute, I am sighing and throwing my hands up because I feel so utterly overwhelmed by it. Alfie wants to take the kids again this year and even though I said last year and the year before and all the years before that that it wasn’t going to happen this year, I ended up saying yes. I thought I would feel worse about it but it’s actually bringing me a great deal of relief to think that we’ll only have to do Christmas with Carter.
Thank goodness for The Boyfriend too around this time, because he absolutely takes over the Christmas shopping. He gets such a kick out of shopping for toys and knows exactly what the kids are talking about when they say they want “this” and “that” thing. Really, I don’t know why I despise these holidays so much when basically everyone around me takes over everything that would typically be my responsibility. Luckily, I am aware of how incredibly blessed I am!
The kids are all doing really great and it’s weird that I don’t have more complaints about them. But they’ve been seriously amazing lately. Yeah sure, they’re still kids and I know that Kaeidyn’s gotten in trouble a few times over the last couple of days because of her attitude, but for the most part, it’s been awesome with them. Everyone has been super cuddly lately, they’ve all been helping a lot with the cleaning (even if they are making destructive messes everywhere everyday… They at least help clean it up!), and I’ve even gotten a couple nights this week off of making dinner because Kaeidyn and Kenzie have been enjoying making it!
Although, now that I read back over the last two paragraphs, I realize that I have been incredibly lazy this last little while. No real surprise there, especially being that it’s winter. And let’s not kid ourselves, I realize that I’m lazy every single day! But I’ve definitely noticed I’ve been more lazy lately. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven’t slept at night for weeks now. Both The Boyfriend and I have been on the graveyard shift – him because it’s his job, me because I tend to do whatever he does where sleep is concerned. So, he sleeps during the day, I end up sleeping during the day. He’s awake all night, I end up being awake all night.
As it is, it’s 4:30 in the morning and neither of us seems to be anywhere near ready for bed…
I’ve been kicking myself in the butt hard about this sleep schedule. As someone who has suffered with sleep problems for over a decade, I know what I’m supposed to be doing to combat them. Straight up though, I have never slept better than I have been sleeping lately – it’s just terrible when it comes to the hours that I’m awake. And not because I’m tired during those hours, it’s just that I’m incredibly lazy during those hours. Like, I simply do not have the energy or desire to do anything.
And it’s especially bad when I get on the computer. Normally, I get on here and within minutes, I’ve found something to do – what that something is is different every time, but I find something. Lately, I get on here and five hours later, I realize that I’ve done nothing but reload the page I’m on over and over again. Maybe I’ve clicked around and typed up a paragraph of rambles or played the level I’ve been stuck on for over a year on Candy Crush Saga a few times, but mostly, I’ve just stared at the page, reloading, stuck in this damnable rut!