Almost Every Single Day

I have been sick. I have been sick and I have been grumpy. I have been sick, grumpy and stressed. And I have been really lazy! This last three or four days has just not been my friend…

It started with a tickle in my throat that quickly progressed to a full-blown seasonal cold. I had two really good days of not being able to breathe out my nose and cracking lips and just utter grossness. I’ve had a pain in my back that is being relentless. It’s been straight up kicking my butt.

Then, The Boyfriend ended up getting a wicked migraine. He rarely ever gets headaches but when he does, they are intense and seem to last a long time. If he manages to take Tylenol before it hits, its a little bit manageable, but if he doesn’t, it’s vicious to him. He spent all day yesterday in pain, took two hot baths because it was the only place he could find release and relied on me take care of him with an over two-hour long neck rub.

Needless to say, with both of us being sick in one form or another for the past two or three days, everything has been in neglect mode – except, oddly enough, the dishes. I’ve done the dishes more in these last few days than I normally do in a week. I even missed two days of practicing for the kids’ spelling tests, which I was beating myself up really hard about when I realized. Until we did it today and they both nailed all the words!

I’ve been missing a lot lately. My to-do list is ridiculous and I keep saying, “Oh, I’ll deal with that tomorrow”, and then tomorrow rolls around and I completely forget. By the time I finally do remember, it’s three in the morning and nothing can be done anyways. I can’t tell if I’m forgetting because I don’t want to deal with it or if I’m forgetting because my memory isn’t working the way it used to.

And can I just take a minute to tell you how absolutely annoying it is that almost every single day there is something that makes me feel like I’m aging at an incredibly fast pace. From the new gray hairs that keep popping up on my head, making my hair look like straw, to the soreness of all my joints as the weather dips into this awkward point between decent and cold. I swear to you that lately, I have been able to hear my biological clock ticking – and while I’ve already decided that I don’t want anymore kids (four is enough for me), it is like a bomb screaming at me, “Have a baby! Have a baby!”.

And that’s fine. I don’t mind the screaming bomb. That’s not even my biggest dislike about the biological clock ticking. My biggest dislike is that at 28, almost 29, I feel like I’m going through some sort of awkward puberty in terms of my periods lately. Never has my menses been a bigger mess. From periods that are lasting a lot longer than they ever have, to not showing up when they’re expected and then being a million times more painful, not only during but for weeks before, I just can’t figure out, or get comfortable with, what’s going on reproductively right now.

I know that part of why I’m feeling so old right now is because it’s getting close to my birthday and my kids enjoy reminding me almost every single day how close it is and how much older they are getting. And of course, them getting older means I’m getting older too. And I don’t want to get older…

I’m not ready yet. I haven’t done anything that I wanted to do by the time I was 29 – well, except have a bunch of kids. I haven’t even gotten my driver’s licence yet. I don’t own a home. I have no career and absolutely no employment prospects. I mean, this is just not the way I planned it all out over the years.

I have been dwelling in age and aging almost every single day for the last three or four days. And I’m not even halfway done living yet. It’s stupid, but that’s where I’m at. It’s like, my mid-life crisis or something…

#FridayFavorites

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of October 16 – 23

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.

Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my upcoming #TumblrFavorites post.

View the Original Post on Tumblr

Follow My Tumblr

Favorite Google+ Update

It’s almost time for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). I’ve always wanted to do it, maybe one year…

Circle Me on Google+

Favorite Tweet

I couldn’t pick between a favorite tweet this month, so I’m just putting them both.

Follow Me on Twitter

Favorite Pinterest Board

With Halloween just a week away, I’ve been searching out pins like crazy for the day. Although I’ll probably never get around to using any of these this year, maybe next year ūüėČ

Follow Valerie’s board Halloween Pinspiration on Pinterest.

Follow Me on Pinterest

Favorite Facebook Update

The Museum of Sex (which I totally plan on going to one day) posted this awesome little graphic and I’ve been loving it for days!

Like Me on Facebook

Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

  • The Club – Part 1¬†(NSFW)
    Taryn and her best friend go out for a night dancing at the club, but it gets interesting.

  • The Club – Part 2¬†(NSFW)
    After dancing, Taryn and her best friend stumble out to the car in the parking lot.

Follow My Blog

Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

Making My Mind Race

I have been having a difficult time falling asleep these last couple of days. I seem to have a lot on my mind – and not particularly about anything – but the moment I decide I’m ready for bed, no matter how exhausted I am, my mind goes into hyper-active mode.

Last night, I’d have to keep stopping myself and relied on the number 30, which I would countdown from and then back up to, and this happened over and over again. I was in bed for a good hour and a half struggling with stopping my brain and all its thoughts and counting to keep the thoughts quiet. Have I ever told you how much I hate numbers and how much I hate that they seem to be the only thing that work?

One big thing that I know that I’m struggling with right now is all the kids. And it’s not my normal regular struggling, where I feel overwhelmed or bogged down by them. It’s precisely the opposite. They’re all getting so old, so independent, so wonderful and I’m constantly in this state of gratitude about the wonderfulness of my kids. However, it also makes me nervous and tense and I feel an emptiness, as if I’m losing a part of myself because of it. I spend a lot of my days almost regretting that I haven’t been a better Mom, that I didn’t get to do all the things I always wanted to do with them when they were young, that they don’t need me more or don’t want me more.

It doesn’t help when they’d all rather be with their Dads, respectively. At least once a day lately, I’m hearing from Carter how much he loves The Boyfriend more than he loves me. Sentences like, “I love Daddy 9, 959 more than you” or “I love you a block away from Daddy” – and while I know that he doesn’t mean them the way that they sound or that that’s not really what he’s trying to say, it always makes me feel like my job as his Mom is being completely diminished. Or, when given a choice between doing our traditional Halloween trick-or-treating or going to their Dad’s –¬†Kaeidyn, Kenzie and Keirnan all chose going to their Dad’s – even though Kaeidyn had planned to go with friends.

And I get it, because even though we knew our Dad wasn’t awesome in any way, when me and my siblings were kids, we would’ve picked Dad over Mom almost any day. Mostly because, no matter how awful it is, it feels like a holiday.

I’m trying not to let myself get hung up on all that negative energy and instead am trying really hard to focus on all the really great things that we’re getting to experience and navigate through together. I’m trying to ignore the fact that I’m sad about the passing of time and instead trying to be really logical about that process. I’m also trying not to ignore the feeling altogether, but to try (and trust me, it’s hard) and appreciate that I even get to experience that. It is making my mind race!

The Boyfriend and I have been having a tense week or so now. It started with his extreme excitement over Star Wars. First, it was the game beta, then it was the trailers and the news, now it’s everything Star Wars. I’m normally a really supportive girlfriend – I take on his interests, almost always. And I get a lot of pleasure from doing so. And I enjoyed doing it for Star Wars too, even though it’s awfully difficult because I really don’t remember enough about the movies to really follow anything that he’s saying.

But after a week or so of that, I was tuckered out from listening to him – to be really honest and frank. I felt like I had spent a lot of time quiet and listening, which isn’t terrible, it’s just so not me (unless I’m depressed). And just as I began to feel exhausted, the elections happened. We’ve had small elections since we’ve been dating, but we’ve never had an election for a Prime Minister before.

Days and days and days commenced of a lot of different things. Facebook went wild with all sorts of opinions and even though I only stood on the sidelines and watched it all go down, it completely drained me. Then, The Boyfriend had a lot of opinions about the elections, which I wasn’t expecting. Neither of us are really political people… Or at least, I had thought.

And suddenly, we were disagreeing about everything. Absolutely everything. I stated a theory about a trailer for a movie and even though he basically said the same thing as me, he disagreed with me through the entire thing. I stated an opinion about the Liberals and he disagreed vehemently. And this went on for days, even for things that didn’t matter at all, that there was no need for disagreement about. It was like he was trying to start a debate with me, without letting me debate.

The night that we heard the Liberals were winning out, I believe the night before the elections, a huge discussion goes on. He’s got lots to say and I really don’t, because I just don’t feel like I have any right to say it. Obviously, I have the right (like it’s my constitutional right), but because it doesn’t interest me and I’m not educated about it and I don’t keep myself informed about any of it, I just don’t feel like I have a right. So, we’re talking away and it’s a lively conversation that for the most part is light and fun.

I have no idea what I said that resulted in this, but he says first, “I don’t want to say it“, and I said, “No. Do!” and he said, “Well, you’re not really out there!” and I nodded even though my jaw was gaping. I can’t disagree with him there. He’s allowed me to live a pretty sheltered life the last few years. He’s worked hard to ensure that I don’t have to unless I really want to and I’ve adapted wonderfully to life as a stay-at-home mom. He doesn’t insist that I get out of the house if I don’t want to and he allows me to kind of lock myself up in here. I’m appreciative of it, even if sometimes it really drives me nuts that he just supports my inaction and that, even though I know he doesn’t mean it that way, he uses it against me.

He tends to think that I’m this naive, innocent little girl because I see the good in people instead of the bad, and because I think countries will send aid not war, and because I think that not all the guys in power are bad guys, and because I would like to think that not everyone in the world is trying to commit some atrocious crime against us. And when he sits there telling me that that’s not really how it is “out there“, it makes me never want to leave the comfort and protection of these four walls. And I hate him for making me feel like the tiniest person in the world.

Even though, I know, that this is not at all what he means and that to him, he absolutely loves these things about me and loves that he can continue to keep me protected – even though I know all of his wonderful intentions, I can’t help but feel slightly off about it in some way. Slightly resentful towards him in someway. And the fact that I have that negativity like that towards him in any way right now is making me feel incredibly guilty and ungrateful. And that is making my mind race!

It has been such a use-your-brain kind of couple of weeks. And that is making my sleep incredibly difficult. I’ve been having a hard time falling asleep, mostly because I can’t shut the constant stream of thoughts off, and I’ve been having a hard time waking up, because it feels like I haven’t rested at all. And although I feel mostly fine when I do get up, I’ve been pretty negative towards myself for the inability to just sleep normally. For being the type of person who sleeps better during the day and functions better at night, for the being the type of person who lays there wide awake for an hour before falling asleep, for being unable to shut my brain up. And that, is making my mind race!

The Writing - For Adults 18+

The Club – Part 2

Have you Read The Club РPart 1 yet?

Taryn walked ahead of me back across the parking lot and I could not take my eyes off of the amazing shape of her backside and the way it moved in front of me. Her legs, held up by these amazing high heels, stretched out from the bottom of her tight dress and crossed ever so elegantly with each step she took. I knew how wet she was and I couldn’t help but wonder what that must feel like as the cum and her liquid slid down her thighs.

She turned to look at me and flashed me a wide smile and I caught a glimpse of the club just slightly beyond her and I quickly ran to catch up to her, wrapping my arms around her waist as I caught up. She continued walking and I could hear her laughing, although more and more the sound of her was being drowned out by the loud music coming out of the constantly opening and closing club door.

She grabbed my hand and walked into the club, raising our hands up over our heads as she began to dance and walk at the same time. I smiled at her and she continued off in front of me again, raising up her dress just enough that I could see the bottoms of her ass cheeks. She turned her head and smiled at me, continuing to dance her way through the narrow hallway.

Finally back out on the floor, I turned her away from me and forced her hips this way and that across the raging erection in my pants. She teasingly rubbed herself up and down, fast and slow and I could feel her wetness on the front of my pants. I pulled, pushing her harder and harder onto me, and she bent forward as my hands traveled up her back. I roughly grabbed her shoulders and she continued to grind on me as I pulled her and pulled her.

I was so turned on by her. Sure, Taryn and I were best friends and sure we had fucked before, after almost every break up. But never had it been like this and I had no idea what to expect next. Her ass was so hot rubbing against me and I was sure she would make me cum if she kept it up. I wanted to be like that other guy and cum inside of her, not cum in my pants, so I abruptly turned around, putting my ass against her and playing it off like I was just dancing.

She stood up and turned around, wrapping her arms around my waist and pushing her beautiful breasts into my back. She kissed the back of my neck and let her hands roam and I reached behind me to feel her still moving her hips to the beat of the music. I let my hands wander over her ass and when I felt flesh I grabbed hard, digging my fingers into her. Her hands continued on my body, and when her fingers began to slide in between my belt and skin, I grabbed her wrist and turned around to look her in the eye.

I can’t do this here!“, I said, as calmly as I could although yelling it at her so she could hear me. She smiled, “Okay!“, she yelled back and it felt like we stood there forever, neither of us sure what to do next. I shouted, “Come with me!“, and pulled her by her wrist off of the dancefloor.

I glanced back behind me and she was hurrying along in her heels, her breasts bouncing vigorously as I walked briskly towards the exit. I pushed the door open with my hip, never letting her hand go, and pulled her along behind me. She giggled and panted heavily as I hurried through the parking lot, weaving between cars until we finally arrived at mine. I slammed her up against the door of my car and used my leg to open hers. I reached between them and unlocked the car door and she sighed as my knuckles brushed against her.

Get in!“, I said and she turned and opened the door. She began to bend over to get in and I grabbed her hands and put them on the seat in front of her and made her stand with her legs and ass out the door. Her pussy glistened in the night light and I knelt down and put my tongue into her. She tasted salty with sweat and I moaned hard as I began working my tongue around her wetness. Her knees bent slightly as they quivered and my hands grabbed frantically at her beautiful ass.

I stood up and slid two fingers into her as I leaned into the car and told her not to move. I continued to stroke her wet pussy as I unlocked the back door and opened it. I stood behind her and reached my hands around her waist and pulled her back out of the car. She stood against me shaking, as I slid my hands between her legs and walked her around the open door, my fingers reaching for as much as they could feel. She moaned and ran her hand up behind my head and through my hair.

I turned her around and helped her sit on the bench of the backseat. She moved back, her feet dangling out of the car. I crawled in behind her and lifted her legs up around my hips, as I closed the door behind us. She had already begun pulling her dress off, as I undid my belt and zipper. She sat up and pulled my shirt off, kissing my stomach and chest as she did and my cock slid against her boobs.

I kissed her hard and leant her back, her head resting against the handle on the door, one leg on the floor and one in the back window. I lifted her breasts up to my lips and sucked hard on her nipples as my cock dripped precum on her waiting pussy. Her hands were down my pants grabbing roughly at my ass and I couldn’t wait any longer. I pushed myself deep into her, fast and hard, her pussy soaking and warm. I thrust hard into her and she moaned loudly.

She threw her legs up around my back, pulling me even deeper into her and her hips frantically whipped against me. I leaned back a little and slid my hand down her stomach and began to circle her clit with my thumb as I continued to thrust deeply into her. She panted, “Right there, right there!“, over and over again and I grabbed her waist with my other hand to hold her on me as she bucked wildly. “Yeah, cum all over my cock, cum hard!” and her breath quickened. Her whole body froze and a small moan began to escape between her clenched teeth.

I began to pull back and out of her, loosening my grip on her waist, when her moan grew louder and louder and her hips began thrusting vigorously and her hands searched for me. I bent over and kissed her and she violently continued to convulse beneath me. “Fuck me!“, she screamed, and I roughly pounded into her, quick and steady thrusts. “That’s right. Fill my pussy!“, she whispered in my ear and I thrust hard as I pushed a huge load deep inside of her. I shivered as the last shot of cum burst out of me and collapsed on top of her, resting my cheek against her heaving breast.

She giggled as she stroked my head and I felt myself go limp inside of her slowly. “So, should we go home or go back to dancing?“, she asked and even though I wasn’t looking at her, I could tell she was smiling in that way that she always does. I mumbled into her chest, “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” and she sat quietly for a minute as the last bit of me fell out of her pussy, a stream of my cum following behind it.

I sat back and pulled up my pants, as she reached between her legs and played in the mess between them, her fingers gliding over her clit and in between the wet lips. She smiled, “I think I’m going to cum one more time and then we can go back to your place. But I want to come back here tomorrow night, okay?“, she asked and I nodded before bending over and kissing her, sliding two fingers into her opened pussy.

She circled her clit with her fingers as I thrust my fingers in and out of her, the sound of her wetness filling the otherwise silent car. She kissed me hard as her hips began to rock against my strong hand and I pulled my fingers all the way out of her before slamming them back into her. She gasped before lifting her hips right off the bench, her legs trembling and I sat back slightly to watch her body respond to my touch and her touch.

She smiled at me as I watched her intently, my eyes bouncing from amazing feature to amazing feature – the curve of her breasts, the shape of her hips, the way her cheeks flushed with color. I held my fingers deep inside of her wriggling them as much as I could and she moaned as I watched her fingers work her clit. I couldn’t help but bend down slightly and push her hand out of the way with my lips, tasting the sweetness of her.

Her hand wrapped into my hair and pushed my lips harder onto her clit and she continued to thrust her hips wildly, her juices dripping all over my hand. I moaned as she pulled my hair and she suddenly froze, completely motionless. Her legs stopped quaking, she seemed to have stopped breathing, and her fingers sat flat on my head. I sucked gently on her clit and wiggled my fingers two or three times as a slight moan began to seep through her lips. I moaned again and her moans grew louder and louder as she began to buck against my lips frantically. Both hands went to my head and pushed me harder onto her clit and I pulled my fingers out of her and began lapping at the copious amounts of moisture that seemed to gush from between her legs. Her moan was so loud, I was sure someone would hear us, and it went on for a while, as she continued to push me into her.

She collapsed on the bench, her eyes closed and her hair messed with sweat. “Should I take you home now?“, I whispered. “To your place!“, she whispered, glancing up at me before closing her eyes again. “Are you going to come sit up front with me?“, I asked, rubbing my hands up her legs and kissing her forehead. “Right behind you.“, she mumbled and I pulled my shirt on before opening the car door and backing out of it. I reached out my hand to her and she took it to sit up. It took her a minute to get her dress back over her head and she didn’t even bother with her shoes. She reached out her hand to me and I helped her out of the backseat.

I pulled her up to kiss me and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I asked, “You ready?” and she nodded before kissing me. I held her hand and walked her over to the passenger door, opening the door for her and making sure she didn’t hit her head on the way in. She giggled as she put her seat belt on and I closed the door before coming around to my own side. I crawled in and started the car and she rested her hand in my lap. I leaned over and kissed her and she sighed. Before we were even out of the parking lot, she was asleep beside me, as I drove back to my place.

The Writing - For Adults 18+

The Club – Part 1

The music in the club was pounding out a steady rhythm as lights flashed brightly revealing particles in the air. The crowd had gathered on the dancefloor, sticky from an hours worth of spilt drinks, the air around each one of us hot with the presence of more bodies. You could hardly wiggle to the left or step to the right the bodies were crammed so tightly.

I danced closely with my best friend Taryn, our drinks raised high in the air, while our hips gyrated back and forth. Her dress exposed more and more of her cleavage as she bobbed to the beat and I pushed up tightly against her to be able to feel them bounce. She turned around and my hands worked up from her hips to her breasts and she pushed them down as she bent over to tuck them back into her dress.

I slid my hand down her back and pulled her hips closer to mine, letting her feel the bulge forming in my pants. Her skirt began to rise and I caught a glimpse of her ass cheek before she turned around to face me again. She wrapped her arms around my neck, her drink behind my head, and I wrapped my arms about her waist letting my hands rest gently on her lower back, sliding up and down as she continued to wind her hips.

A guy came up behind her and put his hands between her and me, pulling her closer to him. She rubbed up against him as he spoke in her ear. The music was so loud that I couldn’t hear a word he said, but I could see his lips moving, brushing against her neck. She leaned her head back on his shoulder and laughed loudly, as she pushed her hips forward onto me.

She turned around and wrapped her arms about the guy’s neck and he smiled directly at me. I felt like I should leave them be and began to walk away, but Taryn reached out and pulled me back behind her. She let her head fall back on my shoulder, just like she had done with him, and half-yelled at me, “Just go with it!“, and she grabbed my hands and put them on her breasts and the other guy’s hands moved down her body and around to her ass, his hand ever so slightly rubbing against me.

My hands explored the curves of her upper body, squeezing one breast and then pushing my hand down over the other, gripping right below her heaving tips as she grinded skillfully against me. She turned around to face me and kissed me hard as the other guy, sweat dripping from his forehead, grabbed hard at her ass before pulling her against him two or three times in a thrusting motion. I knew how hard she had made me, I can only¬†imagine how hard he must’ve been.

Dancing always made Taryn incredibly horny, so it was no surprise that she was responding like this. She pushed her breasts into me and continued to kiss my lips and neck, sticking her ass out further and further to rub against the guy whose hands were all over her body, running down the sides of her legs and up under her breasts and up through her hair.

He squatted down and put his face right between her ass cheeks and my mouth hung open in shock at how forward he was being. I stopped moving entirely when Taryn reached behind her and shoved his head harder between her cheeks and I glanced frantically at the uncaring crowd around us as he stood and undid his pants pulling out his thick cock.

She smiled at me and pulled herself upright against me, until her whole body was pressed against mine. She grabbed my hands and placed them on her ass cheeks and said, “Hold on tight!“, as the guy behind her gently slid his cock into her. She moaned out loud although no one could hear her the music was so loud. The guy grabbed her hair and pulled her head back, and began kissing her neck.

I watched for a minute, unsure of what to do, feeling slightly uncomfortable as his hips and pants bucked against her bare ass, which I gripped firmly. She grabbed my head and directed it to her chest, where I frantically licked and kissed the flesh as it bounced to my lips. The guy pushed her harder and harder against me in slower and longer thrusts, and she pushed her ass further out to meet him. He let go of her hair and her head fell onto my shoulder, her hands on my lower back and her lips laying soft kisses on my collarbone.

I moved my hands to her back, one in her hair and the other just below her shoulder. I continued to rock her back and forth slowly as the other guy pulled her dress down slightly and walked away. I watched him intently, curious as to what he was doing, until he disappeared into the pulsing crowd.

She said into my neck, “I need some air“. She pushed herself off of me and grabbed my hand before turning and walking away. I followed her through the group of people, our bodies mushed together covered in sweat. We walked down the long hall out of the building, full of people leaning against walls with hands travelling to unknown places. Taryn let go of my hand as we reached the door and she pushed it open with both hands.

The air outside was cool and a light breeze blew over us, sending a shiver down my spine. She walked down a ramp and went across the parking lot and sat on steps directly across from the door of the club. She patted the cement beside her and smiled brightly at me. I smiled and sat beside her, wrapping my arm around her just in case she was cold.

I asked, “How’s your night going?” and she smiled up at me, “Amazing!” and I inquired, “Did he really fuck you?!” and she nodded and then laughed exaggeratedly. “You wanna feel?“, she asked, her eyes twinkling. I nodded vigorously, never knowing if I would ever get an opportunity like this again. She opened her legs wide, revealing that she wasn’t actually wearing any underwear – even though I had assumed she was wearing a thong or something – and she waited for me to move. I tried but I couldn’t. My hands seemed to be frozen in my lap and I just sat there staring blankly at her.

She giggled and grabbed my hand, placing it on her leg and then pushing it up under her dress. It only took a gentle nudge before my fingers were instinctively doing the rest and I gently worked my way up her inner thigh before sliding my finger inside of her. She was soaking wet and I recognized the texture of cum right away. She giggled while¬†I wiggled my finger back and forth. I felt like I should remove my hand, since I had already felt his load inside of her, but when I went to pull away, she whispered, “Not yet!” and I roughly pushed my finger back inside of her.

She wrapped her hand behind my head and turned my lips to meet hers and I rubbed my thumb against her clit. She closed her legs as a car drove by, enclosing my hand between her legs inside of her wet pussy and I moaned at how tight she felt. “I want to fuck you, right now“, she whispered and I stopped moving, “Where? Now?” and she nodded, “Here! Yes!” and I smiled not understanding what she meant.

She knelt on the step in front of me and smiled, her eyes flickering in the yellow of the streetlight, her breasts heaving dramatically. I put my hand behind her head and pulled her lips to mine and consumed her in a deep and passionate kiss. Her hands went eagerly to my zipper and she worked my raging cock out of my pants. She looked down and smiled widely up at me, before quickly placing her lips around my shaft. I moaned and gently pushed her further and further down until she had taken every last inch of me.

She pulled her mouth off of my cock and straddled me on the steps, lowering herself upon me until she was firmly resting in my lap. My hands held the back of her dress down as she gently rocked against me, pushing her boobs up to meet my waiting tongue. I thrust my hips ever so slightly and let my fingers make their way under her dress to feel the flesh of her rear, still ensuring her dress was pulled down to cover her – although she didn’t seem to care.

She whispered in my ear, as she left little kisses, “Are you ready to go back and dance?” and every limb of my tense body went completely limp. I was so close to cumming, I didn’t want to stop, but she stood up before I could say anything and wriggled about as she pulled her dress down and adjusted her hair. I quickly shoved my cock back into my pants, struggling to make him fit through the now too tiny hole he had come out of. She giggled and wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace, and I plopped my chin on her shoulder.

Read The Club – Part 2

#FridayFavorites

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of October 9 – 16

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.

Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my upcoming #TumblrFavorites post.

View the Original Post on Tumblr.

Follow My Tumblr

Favorite Song

For the last few days, the song I want to listen to when I first wake up seems to be “Bitch, I’m Madonna“, obviously by Madonna. I listen to it at least once a day right now…

Follow Me on Spotify

Favorite Google+ Update

It was Thanksgiving in Canada last weekend and we celebrated as we always do by going to The Boyfriend’s sister’s house for turkey dinner – and it was delicious!!

Circle Me on Google+

Favorite Tweet

I spent all night last night watching the 4 episodes of this program available on Netflix. Then, I woke up today and made everyone watch it again!

Follow Me on Twitter

Favorite Pinterest Board

I’ve shared my Sunrise, Sunset board, I’ve shown off my Pathways board and now, I’d like to share my Prettiest Flowers board. Some of these are jaw-dropping!

Follow Valerie’s board Prettiest Flowers on Pinterest.

Follow Me on Pinterest

Favorite Facebook Update

You probably saw this, if you follow me anywhere, because I’ve been obsessed with this post. Kaeidyn’s been hard at work on a scrapbook and came across a bunch of old pictures.

Like Me on Facebook

Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

Follow My Blog

Favorite YouTube Video

This video made me laugh hysterically and brought tears to my eyes. I literally said to The Boyfriend “This makes my heart sing!“. Makes you think and feel and that’s a beautiful thing!

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Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

This post is intended for adults 18+

Back to Authenticity

Ever since my serious bout of depression, I’ve been a person who spends a lot of time analyzing my emotions or problems or symptoms, until I can understand their source. I don’t think I was ever taught this particular tool in any of the counselling I had ever been through – usually the focus was on eliminating the worry entirely from the get-go, like the common “worry about it later” strategy. I find the whole method flawed because eventually, I have to let myself worry and then what do I do with that?

So, I decided to spend some time with my worry. Really get to know it. Get to know it so well that it can’t hurt me anymore. I’ve figured out all the possible scenarios, from the good to the absolute worst,¬†so there’s no surprises (though I’m not saying, in anyway, that I don’t come out of it surprised every time!). And while the whole process of worry is probably the worst part of my day-to-day struggle, because I tend to worry about the stupidest things, and while the analyzing only helps to a degree on comfort levels, it’s my process.

So, for weeks now, I’ve been dealing with this lowered sex drive issue. I’ve spent more than a few hours of almost every day contemplating the source of the change. I’ve tried writing so many posts about this, especially through the last few sexperiences, and I just keep getting completely stuck because I haven’t figured it out yet. I haven’t figured out what happened, what changed, or what’s causing it.

The first few days, my theory was one of two things: (1) It burnt out. My sex drive had been in overdrive for so long, I had been so wanting and so desperate for so long, that my body and mind needed a physical break and so I burnt out or (2) It faded away. For even longer than I’ve been blogging, I’ve been talking about a strong desire to have kinky sex and my inability to receive it. I’ve blogged¬†about my complacency towards my “authentic sexual self” on many occasions. I had been so neglectful and so disappointed so many times, that my soul said no and the drive faded away – since it decided it wasn’t being used anyways…

Last night, I was browsing through my Tumblr. And it occurred to me, as it usually does anytime I’m viewing any type of porn, that it’s almost impossible to find stuff that doesn’t involve anal sex in the mainstream easy-to-access porn world. And as you all know, because I talk about it all the time, I’ve always desperately wanted to be an anal whore but the reality is that I don’t really like anal sex very much. I find it to be an uncomfortable experience, both physically and mentally, and I can count the number of times I’ve successfully had anal sex on one hand. As I scrolled through at least a hundred pictures of girls taking it in the ass like champs, it occurred to me that my “authentic sexual self” does not include anal sex.

If I’m being truly honest with myself, the mere fact that The Boyfriend has been able to sustain my interest via his interest for so long, is a serious shock. I have a rule – try everything thricely – and once that’s done and you’ve decided you don’t like it, abandon it. Well, I did my three times, I did more than my three times. Trying to force myself to stay interested in anal sex is keeping me further and further away from being my “authentic sexual self“, especially being that I’m not getting any of the “taboo” things that I want. I’m giving and not receiving and that is not in alignment with authenticity!

Yesterday, The Boyfriend spent the whole day talking about how he has intended to have morning sex and various things have held it back, mostly the fact that I’ve been wearing pants for the last few days. So, he hinted heavily that I should ensure that I made it easy for him and that I did. When he crawled into bed this morning, I felt uninterested. Highly uninterested and half-hoped that he would just fall asleep. I’ve never experienced that before. Although, I’ll have to say that I’m glad that he didn’t!

When he first touched me, I didn’t feel anything anywhere, except for comfort at his touch. No arousal. When he reached between my legs, I was absolutely flabbergasted that I was wet, because I had felt like I was completely un-aroused and dry. The sex was amazing, even as I was half asleep and he was exhausted, the morning spooning is always a great time. We slept for many hours after that wrapped up in each other’s arms and it was a wonderful way to end/start the day (depending on whose perspective you were viewing the day from).

I went for a drive with my Mom this afternoon and sat staring out the window, contemplating. I came home and woke The Boyfriend up and sat, contemplating. Then, a thought came to me. It’s as if my mind and vagina are not communicating at all right now. When I’m aroused mentally, my brain isn’t sending that signal to my vagina. And when my vagina is soaking with arousal, it’s not sending the aroused signal to my brain. It’s as if I’ve disconnected the two organs – where they used to work in tandem and now they’re working separately.

I thought back on the last few sexperiences and how I struggled to describe the type of disconnectedness I felt through the whole thing, even though The Boyfriend was working as hard as he ever does and even though it was enjoyable sex, I just felt so disconnected from the experience of it. And maybe it’s this huge combination of all these things.

Maybe I’ve been too complacent about becoming my “authentic sexual self” and maybe that has caused a major change in the way my brain and genitals communicate. Maybe to correct the situation, I need to re-discover who I am sexually and what my sexuality means. I mean, you do have to take into consideration that sometime ago, I went from defining myself as being “bi-curious” to now defining as “unsure” across the sexual board. Maybe it’s time to be un-unsure!

#FridayFavorites

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of October 2 – 9

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.

Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my upcoming #TumblrFavorites post.

#TumblrFavorites - October
See My Top 5 #TumblrFavorites for October

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Favorite Song

The guitar riff in this song is to die for. And for such a simple song, it evokes such great emotion. I can never get enough of “Never Going Back Again” by Fleetwood Mac.

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Favorite Google+ Update

There are many places that I’ve always dreamed of traveling to and New York has long been on that list. This post gave me at least two more reasons to go to New York (as if I didn’t already have enough reasons).

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Favorite Tweet

I’m still working my butt off to publish this post. I seem to be struggling something fierce, and it doesn’t make any sense…

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Favorite Pinterest Board

While I love pictures of the sun (which I shared last week), paths seem to be my biggest photographic obsession. I take lots of pictures of paths and this board brings me so much happiness!

Follow Valerie’s board Pathways on Pinterest.

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Favorite Facebook Update

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and was so surprised to see my Mom had shared a Davey Wavey video. Watched the video, loved it, had to share it!

 

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Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

  • Wasting Away
    Do you ever feel like you’re wasting your life away?
  • #BathTime Rantings
    A spotlight on a Google+ post that really should’ve been a blog post…

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Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

Wasting Away

I feel like I am struggling in a lot of different ways lately. From the lowered drive (which seems to be interfering with my every thought), to my cold that just won’t seem to let up, to a general lack of energy and motivation and finally, my overall sombre mood. I just kinda feel like I’m struggling.

I’m not eating or sleeping right at the moment, and that probably has a lot to do with everything. I never feel hungry and then when I do get the extreme munchies, everything tastes gross or not very good or bland. My sleep is all over the place and for the most part, I’ve comfortably adopted The Boyfriend’s graveyard sleep schedule. So, there’s been a lot of all-nighters and then sleeping all day, which is just terrible for my mood.

Then, I’m noticing myself at least once a day, almost resenting everyone for the progress they’re making in their life, while I feel like I’m stuck standing still. I mean, the big one right now, and I don’t know if this is normal for most parents to feel, but I feel like everyone is growing up so fast and getting new experiences all the time. New friends, new responsibilities, just general newness. And I feel, almost like a sense of jealousy about it, like I’m getting nothing new and like I’m stuck and they’re moving onwards.

Everyone I know is going back to work or moving up in their jobs, and I just get this overwhelming feeling that I’m wasting my life away. I’m wasting my potential, I’m wasting opportunities, I’m wasting away. Like, I’m not even living, I’m just wasting. Wasting up space – physical space, emotional space – wasting up resources and wasting people’s time.

Firstly, I know that none of the above is true. Let me start by saying that. Secondly, even if it is true, the only way to change the narrative is to do something about it. Get off my butt, eat something healthy, actually look into going back to school or work or volunteering or doing something new. I mean, the answer is literally pointing and laughing at me! I know what I need to do, but for some reason, I just can’t bring myself to do it.

Part of it is probably my negative self-talk. I’ve always struggled with it, always. As a perfectionist and as someone who is highly self-critical, I’m quick to verbally and mentally bash myself, sometimes even before a mistake or failure has been made. It’s not uncommon for me to have a dream or a goal and then completely talk myself out of it because I’m not good enough, skilled enough, qualified, or even deserving of the end product. And shutting that down is a constant battle that I don’t seem to be winning.

That and I seem to be in hardcore procrastination mode about everything. I keep saying “Okay, today I’m going to get this and this done” or “Tomorrow, it’ll be all about this job!” and then I put it off and put it off until the day passes and I spend another one doing nothing but talking about all the stuff that I need to do. Instead of taking any action whatsoever, I’m talking about and dreaming about and fantasizing about what I want or need to get done. And I can’t seem to just force myself to get up and do it. I can’t find the energy or the desire.

I’m used to someone getting on my ass when it’s like this. Someone saying that this is not acceptable, saying out loud the things that I’m thinking in my head. I’m used to someone kicking me when I’m down and somehow that lifting me up. I’m not used to the supportive boyfriend cuddling me and telling me I’m perfect and picking up my slack and while it makes me fall so much deeper in love with him because I feel truly taken care of, it also makes me angry at him for letting me get away with wasting away. For not insisting that the woman standing at his side be more than just baggage he carries around with him. And I know that that’s because he doesn’t see it that way, and that’s not what he’s feeling, but it still just seems to bother me.¬†Then again, it would probably bother me if he did it any differently anyways.

Well, I think I’ve vented enough about that for today.

This post is from The List and is for everyone.

TO DO: Fall De-Cluttering and Re-Decorating

So, let’s be honest. In terms of decoration, my house has none. Some of you may remember my one piece of wall art. Not even that exists anymore. And in terms of clutter, my house has an abundance of it. This is really a project of epic proportions, especially when you consider my house has three floors, four bedrooms and we’ve lived in it for almost five years.

Get Rid of Junk Furniture

Currently, we have an abundance of junk furniture. We have a reclining chair and washing machine in our basement, both of which do not work. We have broken dressers all over the place upstairs and all of our living room furniture is in dire need of replacement. For so long, we’ve just moved unusable furniture off to the side and out of the way, but now that we have the van, we need to dispose of the useless stuff.

Clear the Clutter

Between the milk crates and boxes stuffed full of records and the bookshelf filled with a bunch of books I’ll never read to the boxes packed to the brim with wires and the laundry scattered through the entire house, there is a lot of clutter taking up space in our place. It’s not just about organizing the clutter, it’s also about getting rid of all the excess stuff. The clothes, the papers, the books, the stuff.

Super Deep Clean

Every Spring and every Fall, we have an inspection that takes place. For this inspection, we super deep clean our house. A clean happens about every two or three days, a good clean happens about every week and a half or so, a deep clean happens about once a month (sometimes longer or shorter, depending on how well we’ve managed the other stages of cleaning) and a super deep clean happens around inspection time or when other special things are happening. We know we’ve got an inspection coming up soon, so it’s definitely that time again. Plus, after clearing everything out and organizing it properly, the super deep clean is going to be needed.

Zone the House

In almost every article I’ve ever read about getting your house organized, there is usually a section that talks about setting up “zones” or specific areas for specific things. For example, I know that I’m going to leave out my front door and come back in through my front door. I know that when I get in, I’m going to empty my pockets. I can then setup a “zone” in that area with a bowl and garbage can; the bowl to throw my pocket junk into and the garbage can for when I pull the bits of paper out of the bowl…

In our house, there are a few different “zones” that need to be created, especially the area I just described, although with stuff for the whole family. We need a front-door zone, a homework zone, a bathtime zone, a cleaning zone, a laundry zone and then the usuals, like the living room, kitchen, bedrooms, etc. Most of this is just creating the space for them, and some of it might include having to replace furniture or buy things to accommodate the zone.

Decorate My Zones

I started this post talking about decoration and then haven’t even mentioned it yet. Everything needs to be cleaned first and once the zones have been figured out, I’d like to add a personal touch of decoration to the spaces. Back at our front-door zone again (because it’s a great example area), I’d love to have a little mirror and a perfectly set up calendar, maybe even a nice chipper plant. I’ve seen some amazing zoning decoration¬†ideas¬†on Pinterest (See: Spaces to Die For) that I’d love to modify to work for our family, so it’s a matter of configuring our zones with what we have and then adding in the decorations.

Set Up a Schedule

It goes on the same premise of many of my other to-dos about setting up manageable routines. This one, more specifically to keep down on clutter and manage the cleanliness of the house between super deep cleans. This particular schedule consists of seasonal or annual chores, like changing out the winter closet with summer stuff or going through all the stuff to rid ourselves of junk. It should also include monthly chores like flipping the mattresses or changing the furnace filters. And finally, things we can do daily or weekly to keep up on the clutter and cleanliness, like using our zones or going through the mail immediately.

There’s a lot of printables around the web with these types of schedule and zoning practices, which I might use.¬†Although like I said in my post about setting up a home management system, I’m not sure what method is going to work best for us, so it’s time to figure that out! And then work it until it works!

It doesn’t look so daunting when I put it into these big chunks like this and that makes me happy. However, I know that each of these headings has a huge list of to-dos beneath it and I know that once we start, that happy feeling will disintegrate entirely and will be replaced with an extreme lack of motivation. I figure each step will take at least a day and a half, but when it’s done and we’re just at the following the schedule point, it’ll be a hell of a great day!

#FridayFavorites

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of September 25 – October 2

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.

Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my upcoming #TumblrFavorites post.

View on Tumblr

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Favorite Google+ Update

I was getting all my online blogging work done left, right and center and then suddenly, the inspiration just left me. I’m still searching ūüėČ

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Favorite Tweet

They recently added Scandal on Netflix and I’ve been doing a lot of watching. I’ll throw it on in the background a lot while I’m doing other stuff. I wouldn’t say that I like this show, but I also wouldn’t stop watching it.

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Favorite Pinterest Board

After taking a few really awesome sun pictures myself, I started looking for more and I have found so many truly beautiful ones. Even a couple of my own on this board ūüėČ
Follow Valerie’s board Sunrise, Sunset on Pinterest.

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Favorite Facebook Update

We’re doing fall cleaning during this week, including the first big leaf raking of the yard. It’s always fun to do this with the kids and watch them explore the seasons change.

Like Me on Facebook

Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

Follow My Blog

Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

This post is intended for adults 18+

The Lowered Drive is Killing My Writing

One of the biggest problems I seem to be facing with this whole lowering of my sex drive is that I can’t seem to write a single good sentence on any of my erotica. I’ve been desperately craving writing something, I’ve got a story waiting to be finished, I’ve got all these story ideas and plans in my head – and yet, my lowered sex drive is making it impossible!

First of all, the issue of getting aroused. I tend to write my erotica and if it doesn’t turn me on, I scrap it. Because I’m a pretty easy target for arousal, so if it’s not turning me on, it’s probably not very good. However, right now, I’m all out of whack. Stuff that normally turns me on isn’t working at all and so everything I write erotically immediately seems to suck.

Second, the visualization. A huge part of my erotic writing happens because I have a vivid imagination that runs wild with sexual thoughts. Without those visualizations, without the ability to even attempt to have those visions, I have nothing to spring forth from. I have no scene, I have no characters, I have no plot and there’s definitely not any sex!

The lowered sex drive doesn’t seem to be having any effect on any other area of my life except my erotic writing and I am officially noticing and I am officially not happy about it at all! Tonight, as I attempted for the umpteenth time this week to write an erotic piece, I officially hit my breaking point. I kept trying to explore why I was having such a hard time with it, why I’d get two paragraphs in and suddenly be completely lost, why I couldn’t get a single sexual moment out between anything, and I’ve finally figured it out. And I am not happy, not happy at all!

I want to write but I am being way too critical to get it done…