Lately…

I have been utterly sick these last few days. It started with The Boyfriend and he quickly passed it on to me. The first day wasn’t so bad, but day two and three were rough and I’ve done absolutely nothing but sleep and pout.

I’ve had an incredibly tough week with the kids and I just feel bogged down by them lately. I’ve been working hard to keep up on their school stuff and we’ve been doing a great job, but somehow my timing has been off for everything this last little while and I’ve been unprepared on more than one morning for the school day ahead.

Kenzie’s also struggling a lot in school right now and he seems to be taking out on us. His attitude has been out of control the last few days and we’ve had a number of tantrums that resulted in early bedtimes. He’s not adjusting to the reading and the spelling and we knew that he was going to have issues, but we didn’t expect to have no idea how to deal with it once he realized he was struggling. On more than one occasion, we’ve thrown our hands up with no clue about how to proceed.

Carter has been a violent kid and seems to always be picking a fight with his brothers. He’s gotten into just suddenly walking over and punching them or kicking them. We haven’t exhausted the list of ways to deal with it, but we’re going through it and so far nothing is working. He wants to fight and Kenzie and Keirnan don’t. It’s a huge pain in the butt to deal with and I hate trying to figure it out.

Keirnan’s been doing great in school and seems to be the only kid right now who isn’t giving me a massive migraine. He’s been reading a lot and keeping himself busy doing quiet things like building with his legos or drawing. It’s been quite a shock how well he’s doing at school, because we never expected him to. We were always being prepared by everyone for him to not do so great because of his prematurity and previous speech impetiment, but it’s not holding him back at all.

Kaeidyn has been pretty awesome lately too. She’s been doing really good in all her classes, except gym – although she expected that she wasn’t going to do very good. Today, she came home from school with gifts that she had picked up from the school store and brought me home a new shirt and jacket, which she claims is my birthday present. I think really she just picked it out for her and then realized it was too big, but I’m not complaining and gave her great big hugs and kisses for spoiling me.

She’s had a hard time with letting the parents be parents recently and there’s been a lot of lecturing of her, on top of everyone else, about why she needs to let the parents deal with the kids who are misbehaving. She always wants to add her two cents to every situation and most of the time, she doesn’t get her point across very well at all. It’s been trying to say the least.

I’ve been feeling generally stressed right out this last little while. I mean, part of it is the fact that I’ve been sick, so therefore have been slacking on everything. Anytime I slack a lot, I start feeling stressed. But the other part of it, I’m not sure what’s going on. I’ve got no real reason to be stressed out, other than the usual, and yet I can’t seem to shake it. I spent a few days thinking maybe it was another bout of depression, it had started to feel that way, but the last two days seem to be less negative – so I’m just riding it out and seeing where I end up right now.

Well, that’s basically all I have to write at the moment. Just wanted to do a quick update. I plan on spending the next couple days cleaning, so it may be a bit before I write again. We’ll see ūüėČ

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of September 18 – 25

#FridayFavorites

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.

Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my upcoming #TumblrFavorites post.

View on Tumblr

Follow My Tumblr

Favorite Google+ Update

I have been incredibly hard at work this week on The Erotic Writers Group. It has literally taken over all my social networks, I am just consumed in the project. I’ve set a goal date too, so it’s a pretty big deal.

Circle Me on Google+

Favorite Tweet

I told you it was taking over everything!

Follow Me on Twitter

Favorite Instagram Photo

My terrible terrible workspace. Maybe this is why I have such a hard time getting stuff done!

#WorkingHardOrHardlyWorking #WhoCanTell #TheGameIsOn #FinishIfItKillsMe

A post shared by Valerie Rayne (@valerierayne) on

Follow Me on Instagram

Favorite Facebook Update

It was Kaeidyn’s 11th birthday last weekend and even though she was at her Dad’s for the weekend enjoying the Fall Festival, I celebrated with pictures!

Like Me on Facebook

Favorite Song

It very rarely ever happens that The Boyfriend becomes obsessed with a song. So rarely, that every time that it happens, I suddenly become obsessed with the song. He loves the lispy “s” in this song so much!

Follow Me on Spotify

Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

Follow My Blog

Favorite YouTube Video

It’s an oldie. Like a 2008 oldie. But seriously, this was my absolute favorite video of the time and when I ran across it the other day, I was delighted and overcome with nostalgia. Share it with me ūüėČ

Subscribe to My Channel

Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

A Collection of #Footography

The Gallery - For Adults 18+

I don’t remember how we got into taking pictures of my feet.

I remember loving it the moment we were doing it. I’m often asked if I have a foot fetish and the honest answer is no, not even slightly. I do not enjoy any aspects of a foot fetish, except for taking pictures of my feet and having them (the pictures, not the actual feet) admired by other people.

Over the years, we’ve taken many foot photos. From dedicated footography sessions to random snaps on walks, from painted toe nails to bare nails, with and without shoes – most notably my flip flops, which I try to wear as much of the year as possible. The best place to view my footography is on my FetLife profile, but for those of you who aren’t there, enjoy this small selection of some of my favorite footography.

My Collection of #Footography

There’s photos on here from almost 6 years ago and some of them are as recent as a few weeks ago. If you’d like to see new footography as I take it, be sure to follow me on FetLife or check out my Google+ #Footography Collection.

Favorite #Footography from Tumblr

Enjoy some of my favorite footography from Tumblr and be sure to follow Valerie Rayne Tumbles for tons more!

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/128547430981/animexenie-non-esistono-distanze-troppo-grandi

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/128165817796/flensburgpaar-september-02-2015

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/127549427726/flensburgpaar-august-25-2015

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/127934502886/flensburgpaar-august-30-2015

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/125306425656

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/119839055396

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/129475321936/flensburgpaar-september-20-2015

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/129475887911/flensburgpaar-september-20-2015

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/122654006326/pin-up-art-stuff-robert-alvarado

http://valerieraynetumbles.tumblr.com/post/129475109741

So, there you have it, a beautiful collection of #Footography. If you liked it, be sure to push the “Like” button below and use the “Share This” section to share on your favorite social networks. And if you’d like, I’d love to discuss footography in the “Rant With Me” section below!

Some of My Favorite Netflix TV Shows

I’ve been watching quite a bit of Netflix lately, especially since they’ve been adding a whole lot of really amazing stuff. Not only have I been watching a lot, I’ve been adding tons to my list because it seems like everyday they add something that I swear I just said I wanted to see.¬†Today, I figured I’d share some of my favorite TV shows from the past few months, because there are quite a few of them and I don’t want to forget.

Honorable Mentions

I don’t have much to say about these shows, save for the fact that I absolutely loved them!

  • Call the Midwife
  • Gilmore Girls
  • Raising Hope
  • Weeds
  • Frisky Business
  • Huff

Prison Shows

There seem to be a lot of these lately, and I can’t say that I mind. I didn’t think that I would like prison shows, but it turns out that I’m super obsessed with them, to the point where I will stay up late just to watch “one more episode” (which is usually a lot more than one…). I think the thing I like the most is that they force you to question your own beliefs about punishment and rehabilitation.

Wentworth

I finished all the seasons of this show in a matter of days, because I just could not stop watching it. If you saw Orange is the New Black and really liked it but was left wanting a little more, Wentworth will surely fill the gap. I found the storyline to be insanely intriguing, the characters to be so relatable and the whole experience was so visceral. When they cried, I cried and when they cheered, I cheered. I don’t think I’ve ever yelled so loud at a TV.

Unitè 9

If subtitles don’t bother you or you speak french, this show is almost the Canadian version of Wentworth. I’m still devouring episodes of this masterpiece like they’re going out of style, One thing that I do appreciate about this show, more than most others, is that it is stereotypically Canadian – everything in it is so nice and civilized, and yet, somehow that does not diminish the drama.

Orange is the New Black

I mentioned it earlier and I should probably add it. The Boyfriend and I powered through the first two seasons and were absolutely in love. I follow the show just about everywhere online and I spent a long time excited for the third season, but it took us forever to get around to watching it. I think the thing that I probably love about this show the most is the actresses in it, because I feel like I can relate to each and every one of them. Their problems could be my problems and that makes their experiences that much more real to me.

Crime Dramas

I generally tend to avoid crime dramas because they have a tendency to make me pretty sketchy. However, there have been a couple that I was really looking forward to seeing and was really glad that I’ve taken the time to watch them – although definitely need to stop watching them before sleep because they affect my dreams.

How to Get Away With Murder

I just started this show tonight. I’m already most of the way through season one and so far, I’m really enjoying it. I’m having a lot of fun watching the way the characters are developing and it’s definitely a show that piques your curiosity. I’m getting a huge kick out of seeing so many OITNB actors in it and I have never seen gay sex look as amazing as Connor Welsh makes it look!

The Fall

First of all, I’ve never had a bigger crush on a fictional serial killer than I have on Jamie Dornan as Paul Spector. There were honestly so many things to love about this series and I cannot wait to see next season. I’ve actually watched this show twice, because I insisted on The Boyfriend watching it after I had finished it all, it was that good. And I plan on re-watching the whole thing when they bring the next season out!

Other Dramas

Grey’s Anatomy

Kaeidyn and I started watching Grey’s Anatomy forever ago. We haven’t gotten many opportunities to watch it, especially being that she insists that I watch it with her. I’m actually kinda shocked that I’m even putting this on my list, because for years, the entire time we had cable and it was on TV, I despised this show. Every time it came on, I’d whine and moan. Watching it from the very beginning, in a way that I can control, definitely makes this show great. I can watch it when I’m in the mood for it and then it really gets to me.

Grace & Frankie

I was expecting this show to be a stupid-funny comedy. I was pleasantly surprised when it was more than just funny comedy. There were many episodes that had me holding back tears and the whole family was swept up in the story. There were so many deep discussions had about why Grace & Frankie weren’t just happy for their husbands and a lot of explaining the complexities of relationships and sexualities. I absolutely loved this show and I’m desperately waiting for the next season to come out!

Downton Abbey

I’m a sucker for period pieces. I have such insanely romantic views of the 18th – 20th centuries. A few months back, I went through a serious obsession. It started with Mr. Selfridge and The Paradise, two very similar shows, and then Downton Abbey – I’ve still prolonged finishing the currently available season because I’m not ready to wait for more episodes. I’ll probably just end up watching the whole thing again before the next season comes out on Netflix.

 

 

On My List…

I still have a ton of shows that I’m waiting to watch or that I’ve got seasons left to watch. I want to get through all the ones I’ve started before I start more. Below is a list of all the shows that I still have left to watch or that I’ve started and not finished (assuming they don’t get removed before I get to them). A single asterisk (*) means that I have to watch it with The Boyfriend and double (**) means with the whole family. What do you suggest I finish first or start with next?

  • Scandal
  • Mad Men (Started) *
  • Suits **
  • Nashville (Started)
  • House of Cards
  • The Good Wife (Started)
  • Land Girls
  • Once Upon a Time (Started) **
  • Bones *
  • Dexter (Started) **
  • The Walking Dead *
  • Glee (Started) **
  • Spartacus *
  • House (Started) **

I’m planning on doing another post like this, next time for some of my favorite movies on Netflix – and there are a lot of those! Especially documentaries. And if you have any suggestions for movies, let me know and I’ll add them to my list. Any of these shows interest you?

 

When I Grow Up… I’ll Get a Degree

This post is from The List and is for everyone.

I’m going to start this post off by saying that when it comes to post-secondary education, I basically know nothing. Although I vividly remember having a desire to attend Harvard at an incredibly young age, by high school, I knew that I would never attend college and my fate was basically sealed when I dropped out two weeks into my twelfth year.

I did return to a community-type college a few years later in hopes of becoming a unit clerk. My interests have always been based¬†around medicine in some way and while I don’t believe I could ever become a doctor, I could sure as heck do everything that was required of a unit clerk. Unfortunately, this whole entire plan failed miserably and I wasn’t able to complete that either.

Part of my biggest issue with going back to school in anyway has always been a lack of a sense of direction. Not knowing what I need to do to get to where I want to go and not knowing for sure that where I want to go is where I want to be. Although I do have to say that in recent years that has changed somewhat, however the opportunities for what I want to do, seem far less available to me.

For a few years now, I’ve been highly interested in becoming a sex therapist and/or sexologist. Both areas tend to interest me and honestly, I’d like to become an expert in both fields. I know that there are a large number of ways to achieve this and a variety of different educational paths to go down to get to that ultimate goal. Which only makes the sense of direction that much more lacking.

While I don’t think you need a degree to be a grown up, when I grow up, I’d really like to have one. I’d like to have one for my career prospects (which at the present are rather abysmal), I’d like to have one to show off to all the people, I’d like to have one to show off to myself! I’d love to go through the dedication and commitment it takes to earn a degree and I’d like to come out on the other side feeling like a much more rounded and educated person.

In a perfect world, I would really love to have a degree in psychology with a focus on sexuality in some way. However, I don’t know if I would ever qualify to even attempt to obtain a psychology degree. One day, I’ll visit my local college and see a knowledgeable guidance counsellor and find out what I can do and how I can do it.¬†Previously, I’ve gone to employment and education services that have no idea how to go about doing anything of a sexual nature and look at me like I’m a lunatic upon the suggestion. Maybe the reaction will be different among academics. For now, I’ll just dream about the day when I’m all grown up!

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of September 11 – 18

#FridayFavorites

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.

Favorite Google+ Update

I’ve been trying to read a bunch of classics ever since I got myself The Complete Sherlock Holmes a few years back. Local bookstore has some great deals on the classics, so they’re easy to get my hands on.

Circle Me on Google+

Favorite Pinterest Board

I have a great appreciation for art, although don’t look at it nearly as often as I would like to. I hope this board changes that and helps me to explore.

Follow Valerie’s board Art & Illustrations on Pinterest.

Follow Me on Pinterest

Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my upcoming #TumblrFavorites post.

10 Things You Didn’t Know About Vaginas on Valerie Rayne Tumbles.

Follow My Tumblr

Favorite Facebook Update

We went out and watched the Perseid Meteor Shower a few months back, would be fun to go out and see the “supermoon” lunar eclipse too.

Like Me on Facebook

Favorite Tweet

I watched this amazing documentary on Netflix this week called “Marina Abramovic: The Artist is Present“. I strongly suggest you watch it if you get the chance.

Follow Me on Twitter

Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

Follow My Blog

Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

Desire Runs Deep

This post is intended for adults 18+

The Boyfriend started talking about the sex we were going to have on his next days off the exact same day that he went back to work after his last day’s off. And every single day, multiple times a day, he’d make all sorts of comments or suggestions or requests, maybe. I’m not really sure how to describe the sweet nothings that he exchanges when he’s like this. Writing most of them down often time doesn’t sound as good as it does when he says it.

By the time he was actually on his days off, three days later, from the moment he walked in the door, he was immediately going off about sex. The sex he was planning to have, the sex he would like to have in his future, the sex that he’s had in the past, nothing but sex. And it went on all day long. I’ve talked to him about my lack of desire and he had decided that he was going to do anything he could to make it go away.

At dinnertime, he was officially ready to go. It seemed like every move he made would give him an erection and on many occasions, I would catch him staring at me with that look in his eyes that signals that¬†he’s thinking dirty thoughts. He wasn’t by any means ready to have sex at this point, it was just on his mind heavily – like it normally is with me. Part of me was insanely happy that for once it was happening to him and not to me. I feel like his low sex drive has never interfered with his day-to-day functioning, whereas it happens to me all the time. Part of me just felt confused as to why it’s not happening to me…

After we were done getting the kids all ready for bed, it was still too early for us to go and have sex. He also wanted me to be more aroused and spent the remainder of our pre-sex time trying for that. He asked if we could sit on the couch and go through my Tumblr together. The thing that I always love the most about him checking out my Tumbr is that it opens up a great line of communication between us. We can talk about all the stuff we like, are curious about and don’t like. We can reminisce about the time we tried “this” or “that” and we can discuss bodies and genders and sexuality in a way that seems really informal, incredibly comfortable for both of us, and that doesn’t feel like anyone is putting pressure on anyone – which is huge for him, because he does not deal well with sexual pressure.

He ended up leaving for a short while, instructing me to continue browsing. We were probably on there for a good two hours and he was relieved when he reached between my legs and I was showing the first signs of wetness. My computer got put down, our TV got turned onto some show in the background and an incredibly intense fingering session commenced.

It started out really slow to get me into it and he took so much time exploring every little piece of vulva with each of his fingers. He focused a lot less on penetrative fingering and a lot more on soft and sensual flesh rubbing. After a good long while of softness, and as his erection began to tug his pants tighter and tighter, the rubbing turned to penetrating, which eventually turned into four fingers sliding as deep into me as they could manage. He asked if I was okay and I nodded. He covered my neck and chest in these big wet kisses before continuing on. When he pulled his fingers away, I was surprisingly dry and he returned to the soft and gentle rubbing. We went through this process probably five or six times, the softness to the roughness, the rubbing to the penetration.

Finally, I was ready to orgasm, which was his goal all along. Since one of the kids was still upstairs awake watching shows, I asked if we could sneak into the bathroom. He wasn’t anywhere near ready to orgasm yet, but I desperately wanted to orgasm on his cock. I felt like it had been too long since that had happened, even though it really hadn’t. He rushed into the bathroom and waited for me to follow behind him, his pants already down around his ankles.¬†I orgasmed almost immediately and his hands grabbed at every inch of flesh he could get his hands on. He pounded me hard as the last ripple of orgasm shook over me and I covered my mouth to keep myself quiet. Then, he walked away and told me I was getting changed.

He handed me my dress. We came back out the living room and sat on the couch for a few minutes before his hand was between my legs again. He said, “After this, you’re going to do exactly as I tell you to do. And you remember our safeword obviously…“, he trailed off and I smiled wide trying to figure out what he might have in mind. He had been talking about needing lube a lot, so I figured it was going to be something like that, but I was wrong. He sat down on the floor and rested his head on the couch. He then told me to stand in front of him.

Although I put my feet there, it felt like he moved my legs into position, so that I was partially standing, partially straddling his face. He pulled me harder onto him as his tongue and lips went to work and I reached down and grabbed frantically at any part of him I could reach, mostly his hair and one arm that was supporting my shaking leg. He used his hands to force my hips back and forth until I took over. It didn’t take long before I was drenching his mouth with my second orgasm and he responded like it was the best thing ever.

He slid out from underneath of me and quickly and roughly penetrated me from behind, pushing me right into the couch. He threw my dress up to reveal my ass cheeks and dug his fingers deeply into the flesh, pushing himself so deep into me that I moaned into the back of the couch and clawed at any fabric I could gather.

He pulled out and decided he was going to move our bed down to the living room. I’m not exactly sure why he decided on this. Once the bed was all set up, he asked me to put porn on the TV, although it didn’t get watched at all. His hands again went to work between my legs and after he had gotten me good and wet with lots of kissing and breast nibbling, a good long sex session was had. It started on my side, and then my leg ended up over his hip, and then he ended up on top of me.

He went for what felt like forever as I worked desperately for my third orgasm. It was utterly impossible. No matter what I did, no matter what he did, I stayed perfectly peaked near the tip of an orgasm. I don’t know how he manages to continue fucking me for so long. I could understand if he slowed down more, but he doesn’t. He keeps an incredibly steady pace, he doesn’t seem like he’s off somewhere else trying to keep his mind off an orgasm, he still does all the same stuff as if he hasn’t been working his ass off for the longest time! It always impresses me, even after so long of experiencing it.

We were both getting exhausted. My hand just couldn’t do it, we were both sweating terribly, and when he pulled out and said “Time’s up, for now!“, I was actually really relieved and he could tell. His plan was to have another round of sex, but when he stood up from the bed, he immediately said, “Oh my god, I think I need to cum. My balls are begging for it!” and I gladly offered up my mouth for his use.

Normally, he lays down and I get in between his legs or lay beside him for blowjobs. It’s our preferred positioning because he can play with my hair and gets to be in charge of what my head does for the most part. I was lucky and convinced him to be on top and he happily lowered himself in between my waiting lips. Normally, he feels rigid and stiff and you can feel all the veins on his cock. The need to orgasm had made his whole cock feel soft, even though it was still as long as if he had had a regular erection, but it wasn’t vein-y or rigid, almost felt flaccid. It was perfect for how absolutely deep he was going.

His legs were shaking from desperation and it took so much longer than either one of us was expecting for him to cum. He pushed so deeply into my throat as he came, I quickly had to pull him back so that I could swallow and I am sure that I made some very obvious gulping sounds. He kept cumming and cumming and his legs were shaking so bad, I thought he was going to collapse. It took him a few seconds to rise after he was done, which gave me plenty of time to get him nice and cleaned up.

I fell asleep so fast when my head hit the pillow, even though I was expecting to be up all night sketching out, being that it’s been so long since we last slept in the living room. And it was such an amazing sleep! He woke up with the kids in the morning and stayed awake to play games and let me sleep peacefully until noon, and it was utter bliss.

Today, I feel like I can still feel his four fingers deep inside of me. Every once and awhile, I’ll sit in an angle that makes it feel like I’ve been punched in the vagina. It’s one of those things, like a bruise after a consensual beating, that hurts a little but once you remember why it’s there makes it feel pleasurable. I’ve also been in desperate need of hugs today, which he has been ready to hand out at every turn.

This is Not The Role Reversal Your Looking For…

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

For many years, through thousands of awkward conversations and more than a handful of disappointing moments, I have been the one with the high sex drive while The Boyfriend’s was almost non-existent. Rarely did this ever change and definitely not for longer than a couple nights off.

For many years, I have been the one complaining there wasn’t enough sex (even though the calendar said there was) and I’m the one who’s been openly expressing my fantasies and thinking about sex all day. It’s what I’m used to and where I’ve been at for a really long time. It’s normal for me.

But, we’re going on over a month now, where I seem to have little to no sexual desire at all and he seems to be a raging ball of sexual energy. My eyebrows have been raised many times by his overt expressions of arousal. I’m not used to it from him and apparently it is absolutely throwing me off my game…

We may not be having a whole heck of a lot of sex right now, although if he had his way and wasn’t a such a slave to a good sleep, we’d be having it multiple times a day. And I honestly have no idea what has caused the sudden change and he likes to theorize that maybe we switched statistical genders – where his sex drive is peaking in his late 20’s/early 30’s and my sex drive is dwindling off, as if I was a teenage boy in heat back in the high sex drive years.

In terms of my sex drive, I’m not really sure what’s caused the extreme shift for me. It’s been a really slow and gradual process for me. I remember one night being incredibly aroused during masturbation. Then, I remember that the next night I masturbated not because I had any desire to do so, but because I felt like it would help me sleep. Ever since that night, it’s been a little touch and go.

For the most part, it’s not affecting me much at all. I had one night of issues during sex of not being able to keep myself lubricated. I just was not turned on enough to stay wet and nothing either of us was doing seemed to be helping. It didn’t mean that we stopped or anything and the sex was still great sex and he didn’t really seem to notice a big difference, but I found it to be most unusual. I just chalked it up to lack of fluids or exhaustion and basically ignored it. I had a few more nights of masturbating to put myself to sleep, with hardly any “sexual thoughts” and now it’s been more days than I’ve gone in quite awhile without an orgasm.

And somehow, I’m not craving it…

To be honest, it’s quite disorienting. I haven’t gotten to the point where I’m worried about it, because I’m still able to have sex and orgasm and feel sexual pleasure, but it feels weird to not be in a state of constant arousal and it feels weird to have no real sexual thoughts throughout the day. It feels abnormal for me to have to work so hard to get aroused and stay that way. It doesn’t feel precisely right.

And it especially hits me, how absolutely weird it is, when The Boyfriend starts going off about his sexual thoughts. It’s like I have to hear him say it twice to believe that it’s actually coming out of his mouth. That not only is he having these thoughts but that he’s also openly expressing them frequently. And I didn’t even mention his almost constant half-chubs that he’s walking around with all day!¬†You’d think that I’d be getting turned on by all the sensual passion floating around here lately. Typically, this would make me a wet mess! But it’s just not working out that way.

The concept of role reversal has always been a big interest of mine in the kink-sense. Power exchange has been on my list of things to do since day one! But this is absolutely not the type of role reversal I was looking for at all!¬†Maybe I’ll end up appreciating it or learning something from it at some point.

Weekend Full of Love

The Rantings - For Everyone

It was honestly such a great weekend with the kids – I mean, there were lots of headache inducing moments and I have been in a bit of a “funk” – the kids made the whole entire thing seem like just such a wonderful weekend. I don’t know what is going on lately, but I’m a very popular girl with them lately!

Kenzie’s an Emotional Bomb

Kenzie was an extreme emotional rollercoaster ride this weekend. We had one day, where I spent half the day yelling at him for getting everyone else in trouble and the other half of the day, he was snuggled up in my lap giving some of the best cuddles I’ve ever gotten! Today, we had an epic meltdown when Kaeidyn joked that the girl that Kenzie’s been hanging out with a lot lately was his girlfriend, which resulted in crying and yelling and storming off to his room to try and sleep, avoiding being anywhere near Kaeidyn.

When he was a bit younger, the extreme mood changes would normally signify that he desperately needed a nap. Now, a nap doesn’t seem to help nearly as much as removing him from the situation and cuddling the crap out of him. Out of all the kids, he is definitely the most emotional. And he has absolutely no problem showing it!

Kaeidyn’s Talkative

Kaeidyn has been incredibly talkative lately. I mean, she’s always talkative. She’s always been talkative. This weekend just seemed multiplied by a thousand. Every chance she had to talk, she talked. And then she talked some more. Honestly, I can’t even slightly remember any of the things that she talked about. I do know that multiple times I had to ask her to stop because my brain was literally turned to mush from the amount of stuff it was suddenly filled with.

We had a few days of drama over the school week, as her “boyfriend” was texting her some stuff that we weren’t too happy to see. Nothing all that crazy inappropriate, but they kept messaging each other back and forth asking when they were going to kiss. Then there was some talk about “what would we do if the parents weren’t around“, to which no real response was given.

When The Boyfriend read the messages, he responded back before I could even stop him, that he would have to meet Kaeidyn’s two Dad’s before getting a kiss. Kaeidyn often seems done with this “boyfriend” and seems to keep him around just so that she can say she has a boyfriend. So when he called and they finally got to talk and he kept pushing kissing her in secret, she decided to break up with him. It go a little weird after that, he said she hated Americans and said that she was leaving him for another guy (which Kaeidyn chalked up to him implying she was a slut) and went off about how he was going to flirt with one of his teachers to make her jealous. She was surprisingly unphased by it and we’ll see how it goes tomorrow after school.

Carter’s a Pain, But So Cute!

Carter has been a pretty big pain in the butt lately. Some of the things are cute pains in the butt and others are just incredibly annoying. He’s been having a lot of nightmares. He claims they are Five Nights of Freddy (a computer game that his favorite YouTuber, JackSepticEye, plays) dreams. He forces himself to stay awake much later than he should because he’s terrified to go to sleep. We’ve been trying lots of different things to try and get him to sleep. Last night, I took him up to bed and tucked him in and sat beside his bed. I told him to close his eyes and said tonight he had to dream that we all went to the beach.

I sat up there for a good twenty minutes describing us playing at the beach. I felt so full of joy and love as he laid there with his eyes closed and a huge grin on his face as I whispered, “Mommy would splash you and you would scream at me ‘It’s so cold!’, before splashing me back” and he whispered, “Okay” after every sentence. He only slept for an hour or two before coming downstairs and falling asleep on the couch next to me, but that didn’t harsh my happiness high.

He’s also been really terrible for picking on everyone else right now. He always wants everyone to be paying attention to him and talking to him and playing with him. He wants to be the center of attention. So he’s in everyone’s face. He’s also enjoying play fighting more and more and really gets a kick out of the fact that he’s so much stronger than everyone. He loves going up behind the other kids, bear hugging them and then half throwing them to the floor. Sometimes the other kids laugh and think it’s hilarious and will try to do it back to him and it’s a great fun time, other times, they whine and cry and get really upset. It probably doesn’t help that there’s a lot of blame placed on Carter from the other kids about everything!

Keirnan’s Quiet

Keirnan has basically been really quiet – which is absolutely no surprise. We’ve started his home reading program from school and he’s doing so amazingly. Unlike Kenzie, who is still struggling with reading, especially having any interest in it, Keirnan seems to really enjoy it. And he’s definitely not having many struggles at all. I expected that his speech impediment would’ve held him back more, but it seems to not even be having an effect. And I can’t even say he has a speech impediment anymore, being that his speech is pretty darn perfect. That kid has had the odds stacked against him since the day I went into premature labor and he has just done so amazing and hasn’t let any of it get in his way or stop him.

As I said previously, I’ve been in a bit of a “funk” lately. I think it’s mostly PMS, although I’ve spent a lot of time searching for some other explanation, rather unsuccessfully. I’m getting bogged down by cleaning again, and even though we’re doing way better than we’ve ever done before on any of it, I just feel overwhelmed by it. I didn’t notice it until I went to clean my fridge yesterday and the weight of the to-do list just kinda buckled down on me.

Finances Suck Right Now…

 

Then, our finances right now are absolutely abysmal. Since The Boyfriend went back to graveyards, we’ve had it pretty comfortable. We have periods every month where it seems like it’s going to be tight, but for the most part, we’ve managed really well. Then, this back-to-school season crept up on us way faster than we were expecting, and the tightness seems almost suffocating. The one wonderful thing that helps a lot is that The Boyfriend and I have always had an agreement that when it gets like this, he takes over and I get kept in the dark about every financial move until it’s over.

It sounds like a stupid plan, but I tend to get even stupider about money the moment it starts going bad. And instead of dealing with the problems, I let the stress consume me until I literally can’t breathe. I cause myself epic panic attacks, that often aren’t even necessary, because the solutions are often incredibly simple. The Boyfriend is able to keep ¬†his head on straight when looking at those problems and can communicate his needs better in those moments. It’s a system that we’ve discovered works for us and I’m sure there are some areas where he gets left in the dark while I deal with it (although, off the top of my head, I can’t think of a single one…).

Tomorrow, he starts his days off, which we’re incredibly excited about. It was his long stretch of days, so the break is desperately needed. We’ve got lots of cleaning-related plans for the next two days, because I really want to get the floors mopped. They are in dire need of it and are totally due for it, and I’ve had it on the to-do list for way too long! That’s priority one. I’m also hoping we’ll get our bookshelf tidied up again, because even though it’s not messy, my books don’t look organized and pretty and that makes everything feel messy.

So, I had a good weekend. How was yours?

#FridayFavorites: For the Week of September 4 – 11

#FridayFavorites - For Everyone

Ever wanted to be able to see what I’m up to all over the web without actually having to go all over the web? Well, now you can with #FridayFavorites. Join me every Friday to see my favorite finds and posts over the last week.

“I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress this week, WAY too many firsts. It resulted in me being completely unaware that it was Friday yesterday and therefore I missed this week’s #FridayFavorites . Oh well, next week…”
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Favorite Google+ Update

With back-to-school well underway, there’s lots of lists being made and lots to do. Including goals for the rest of the year…

Circle Me on Google+


Favorite Pinterest Board

I recently ran across a bunch of vintage stuff on Pinterest and this spurred the creation of the All Things Vintage board, which literally has everything vintage!

Follow Valerie’s board All Things Vintage on Pinterest.


Favorite Song

I literally just heard this song thanks to Spotify and it’s suggestions and I think it’s going to end up on my regularly listened to lists very soon! Enjoy “The Wire” by HAIM.


Favorite Tumblr Find

Everything you find on my Tumblr will be absolutely NSFW and totally intended for adults only! But here’s my favorite PG-13 find from this week and be sure to check out my upcoming #TumblrFavorites post.

#TumblrFavorites: Top 5 Tumblrs – September 2015 (View on Tumblr)

Follow My Tumblr


Favorite Facebook Update

It seemed like we spent the entire weekend celebrating Keirnan’s eighth birthday and there was a lot of talking about how long ago it seemed like he was a baby, how much he’s grown.

Like Me on Facebook


Favorite Tweet

I spent part of the week working on stuff for The Erotic Writers Group, which meant that I jumped onto Zazzle for a little bit. While I didn’t get anything done that I had intended to, I did do this…

Follow Me on Twitter


Favorite Posts

In case you might’ve missed them over the last little while, here’s my favorite posts from around here over the last week…

Follow My Blog


Well, that’s my #FridayFavorites.

I encourage you to follow me wherever you are and if you have favorites that are different than mine, let me know what you loved in the comments below! And be sure to join me next Friday for another installment of #FridayFavorites – what will I find?

Lessons in Letting Go

The Rantings - For Everyone

I have been sleeping a lot lately. Too much. Being awake seems like such a boring burden. We’re only three days into the kids being back at school full-time and I’m already driving myself insane with daytime boredom.

Then, finances are just kicking our butt right now, as they do every year at this time. And we keep saying, “You’d think we’d learn…“, but apparently we didn’t and we don’t. We know exactly what we’re doing wrong and how we can fix it, but it’s never easy to take ideas and turn them into action – especially when the task at hand seems so large and daunting.

Eventually We’ll Quit

We talked about quitting smoking again, as we always do whenever finances get tight. It seems like the quickest way to save money. Normally it’s all talk, but this time we both flirted heavily with the idea. To the point where we went an entire 24 hours without a smoke, before I caved and begged for one.

After 13 years of smoking, giving it up seems like such a big deal. And I hate when my only motivation seems to be finances, even though I know that I have other motivations – none of them ever seem important enough to make me want to quit – except finances. And that never seems good enough for me.

It’s also a terrible time to decide to quit. Posts on my blog are clear evidence of the stress I’ve been feeling. Quitting the only thing that brings me any relief isn’t the way to lessen my stress. It’s not exactly the best time to make a life-altering change, especially after the steady influx of those recently.

The reality: it’s all a bunch of excuses so that I can continue smoking. And I kick myself in the butt every time, but eventually you just have to realize that you’re not ready and there’s always tomorrow! So, “tomorrow” it is.

Back-to-School Adjustments

In other news, back-to-school is going better than I thought it would and we’ve managed to form a semi-workable routine for the time being. The kids have been waking up and going to bed at the same time, we do all our reading and schoolwork before bed and they all have more than enough time in the morning to gather up anything they could possibly need. The boy have all been doing great walking to and from school and Kaeidyn’s gotten the hang of her bus. Now I just need to stop falling asleep while they’re at school…

Carter is not adjusting well to the full-days at all and is struggling with the whole concept of bedtime. Some nights we seem to have no problem getting him to go to sleep, but other nights, he’ll come down for hours and hours on end. He tends to get scared upstairs “by himself“, even though he’s surrounded by the other kids. He’s been having a lot of nightmares lately, which isn’t helping. And then the waking up early in the morning is being pretty difficult for him. He’s often still tired and wants to go back to sleep. Yesterday, he was so mad at me for waking him up, he got out of bed and stormed out of the room in his half-asleep state and slammed his head right into the door. He was so mad, he didn’t even cry or say “Ow!“, he just stomped his way downstairs.

Lessons in Letting Go

I was not very happy waking up this morning. Kaeidyn has had a “boyfriend” since last year. They broke up because he “cheated” on her, but then they made up sometime later. After a tumultuous summer apart, they have now picked up “dating” again in middle school. I knew all of this and then this morning, I got a message from her boyfriend on my phone asking when they were going to kiss. She’s signed into her account on my phone and so I get all sorts of notifications, and it’ll stay that way until she’s old enough to use all of this stuff independently.

Six in the morning, he tries to call her. I was already pissed about “when are we going to kiss“, I was even more pissed that I was being woken up almost an hour early for a phone call from her boyfriend. Needless to say, I didn’t answer it. When Kaeidyn woke up, she got a mini lecture about the messages I had read and the early morning call. She went to school and then The Boyfriend came home and I vented to him about the whole thing. Being the protective Daddy that he is, he immediately responded to the message, “You can kiss me when you talk to my two Dad’s“, to which the cocky little eleven year old boy responded, “But can’t we do it secretly?!?“. Jaws dropped…

I hope that the lecture that followed after school got through to her. I hope she heard me when I explained why she can’t do it “secretly“. I told her, “Straight up, I care far less about you kissing a boy than I do about you sneaking around behind my back!“. I struggled not to raise my voice as I explained, “You worked so hard to raise my trust up enough that you get to do a lot of things now that you never used to. You worked so hard, it would be a shame for you to lose that all now.“. I never once told her not to kiss him or that she shouldn’t do it, but I did tell her that if she’s not mature enough to talk about wanting to kiss a boy, maybe she’s not mature enough to be kissing a boy. If “secretly” is the only way either of them is comfortable doing it, then maybe they’re not ready to be doing it at all.

I can’t be with her every moment of every day and I can’t always have my eye on her. The most I can do is arm her with an arsenal of support and hand the safest ball possible to her. It’s in her court now and she’s gotta call the shots. It’s a lesson in letting go, that I wish I had a few more years before I had to experience. All I can do is try my best and thank goodness I have a great man to turn to and vent and be comforted in knowing that he carries some of the burden too.

9 Things You May Not Know About Me

The Rantings - For Everyone

Some of you may have been reading my blogs for years and some of you may have only just found me.¬†Some of you may know me from real life and some of you may have chatted with me online. Almost all of you will know that there’s not that much that you don’t already know about me, but just in case, here’s 9¬†Things You May Not Know About Me!

  1. I’m a Smoker

    Hello, my name is Valerie Rayne, and I am a smoker… I am not proud of the fact that I smoke and have quit in the past only to pick up the bad habit once more. I have every intention of quitting, someday soon-ish, although my almost two pack a day consumption is hardly convincing anyone. I had my first cigarette when I was 11-years-old and was later caught by my school principal. I vowed never to smoke again and then there was Alfie. That was almost 13 years ago… I’m a smoker.

  2. My Body is Full of Scars

    First, I’ve had 4 babies. Don’t even get me started on the stretch marks, some that are hard to believe are now over 10 years old! My first, Kaeidyn, was an emergency c-section which was absolutely butchered by the surgeon – left me with a crooked line with a dent in the middle, separating my stomach from my pubic mound! Then, in my early twenties, during a serious battle with depression, self-mutilation ran rampant over the flesh of my thighs and arms. My body is full of scars.

  3. I’ve Failed… A Lot…

    It all began my first year of high school and physical education was mandatory and I was just not feeling the whole physical thing. It didn’t take long before my high grades quickly followed that first “F” into the abyss of failure. After a huge setback in Grade 12, I dropped out 2 weeks into my graduating year. I enrolled in a community college of sorts, dropped out a few months later because there was no babysitter backup plan. I’ve been evicted, homeless, on welfare, fired from jobs, broke, broken and I’ve failed… a lot…!

  4. I’m a Serial Monogamist

    I have basically been in long-term relationships since I turned 14. My first love and I dated for 2 1/2 years and experienced all of the “firsts” together. Approximately 8 months went by before I met Alfie. We were together for almost 6 years (give or take, being that we broke up for a few weeks here or there and for a pregnancy) – albeit, we weren’t exactly monogamous. Alfie and I had only been broken up for a few weeks when The Boyfriend and I got together, and we just surpassed our 7 year anniversary. I’m a serial monogamist.

  5. I Suffer from Depression

    After I became pregnant with Kaeidyn, I began experiencing extreme bouts of depression. This has twice landed me in mental institutions, once for an overdose and once for self-mutilation. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. Although I dip into “funks” almost every other month, I have been virtually symptom free for over five years without medication. I suffer from depression.

  6. I’m on YouTube

    Not many people know this about me and I think it’s the one thing people find most shocking about me. I’ve recorded a few covers and put them up there (although none of them are as good as the ones I used to have on there, but now have no access to…) and I’m also in the recordings of the hangouts that The Erotic Writers Group did back in 2013. One day, I plan on going back to making videos and I often mean to and then forget entirely, however I’m on YouTube…

  7. I’m Scared of Everything…

    Little birds, ducks, loud noises, thunderstorms, just to name a few. Spiders and dirt and tall grass and deep water. Seaweed and algae, racing heartbeats and stomach aches. Basements and attics, outdoors at night. New foods, new people, new technology, new anything. I have mini panic attacks over simple fears and I find new things to be afraid of everyday. Sometimes, I can work through my fear and deal with it, sometimes I break down and sob like the world is ending. I’m scared of everything!

  8. I Have No Friends

    I have family. I have boyfriends and ex-boyfriends and their families. These people I consider to be my best friends, the ones who will be there for me and love me through everything. I have Facebook friends, mostly people I know through my brother or sister, definitely not people I regularly associate with. I have online friends, where I only know them online and have only ever talked online. Acquaintances more than friends. I find friendship to be a very difficult thing – from the making to the keeping – and I’m not sure I’m complaining. Therefore, I have no friends.

  9. I’m a Picky Eater

    I’ve always been a picky eater. It’s something I desperately want to get over but I just can’t seem to do it. I like potatoes, eggs and rice, beef, pork and chicken, breads, gravy and corn. That’s pretty much it. I’ll eat a few other fruits or vegetables throughout the seasons and get a serious craving for broccoli at least once a year, but other than that, I like to keep it really basic. I don’t like spicy foods or sweet foods, I’m not a huge fan of savory foods and only rarely have a desire for salty foods. I’m a picky eater.

So, there’s 9 things you may not have known about me. Did you find any of them surprising or did you already know them all? Maybe I’ll come up with more things, but at this time, I can’t think of anything you wouldn’t already know. Hope you enjoyed ūüėČ

No Expectations = Good

The Rantings - For Adults 18+

It was such an odd night last night. The Boyfriend was on his night off from work, we had gotten rid of two out of four of the kids (and all of the ones that hate how loud we can get), and all of this seemed to over-excite him. Normally, his desire makes me desire, but I just wasn’t feeling it at all last night – although I wasn’t about to turn him down.

I was completely weirded out by my lack of interest. Usually, he runs the tip of that one finger up my inner thigh and I’m shivering in anticipation. Last night, I really could’ve taken or left it. So, when he undid his belt and whipped off his pants as I was lounging on the couch, I was not even close to ready for penetration. When he roughly entered my less lubricated nether region, I clawed at him and gasped. Naturally, I became wetter and wetter, but my head still wasn’t in it. I was just going through the actions.

Wasn’t Expecting That!

He came quicker than I was expecting. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting him to cum at all, but he did. He was gentle and sweet as he helped clean me up and got me back into comfiness on the couch. Then we both went back to doing our things, me on my computer and him on his games. We ended up staying up a good two hours later than we were expecting to and I was sure that he would pass out the moment his head hit the pillow.

Again, my brain just wasn’t in the game. He was not ready for sleep but was immediately ready for his round two. He rolled me onto my side and began quickly pounding me and I gripped at the sheets, begging my pussy to just get wet. He rolled me onto my back and flung my legs up around his shoulders and the deepness of him sent my hands to his hair where I pulled hard until his head was all the way back. “Let me up!“, I winced and he hastily rose off me.

I went and got a drink, went to the bathroom and checked to make sure there were no reasons why I wasn’t getting as lubricated as I normally do. All was good, so I went back upstairs worrying about my level of desire. I laid down next to The Boyfriend, even though he was anticipating being mounted, and he rolled to caress my legs. He asked, his voice soft and smooth, “Do you wanna roll onto your stomach?” and I nodded and rolled as he worked himself behind me.

Didn’t Expect That!

My fingers went to work on my clit, and I lazily wriggled my hands¬†between my legs. Even though I didn’t feel it, he whispered into my ear, “You’re so wet!“. He slid out of me precisely a moment later and as he thrust forward my hand was smothered in the slick liquid. Just as easily as he had slid out, he slid back in and I sighed audibly with relief, my fingers now working with more effort towards their goal.

His hands suddenly felt so rough on my back and ass, moving back and forth in various configurations, pushing down here and there. I buried my face in my pillow as he grabbed one ass cheek hard on with one hand and my opposite shoulder blade with the other hand, half pulling me back, half pushing me down – the fabric barely muffling the moans as they escaped with each thrust. He kept trying to kiss my neck or my cheeks, but my hair kept getting in the way, or I’d move just as his lips got near.

Both hands gripped at my ass and as he pulled, his cock slid out between my cheeks. I thought for sure he was going to try for anal, especially being there was now an abundance of natural lubrication. Instead, he pushed my cheeks together and sensually ran himself between them and I quivered and cooed beneath him. When he pulled my cheeks apart again, he slid right back into my waiting pussy and held my flesh tightly between his clenched fists.

Kinda Expected That…

A few thrusts later, I pushed back onto him roughly as my orgasm rippled through my chest and as it reached my ribs, he thrust hard and deep and unloaded himself, the shockwaves lashing through him until he collapsed onto my back, breathing heavy with exhaustion. My orgasm had stopped at his first shot and felt tight in my whole abdomen. All I could think about was releasing that feeling.

I began to roll and he rolled off of me and I immediately went to work on my clit. He half dozed off/half caressed my inner thighs or sporadically tweaked my nipple, and eventually I turned my head away and closed my eyes doing everything I could to tune everything else, save for the sensations circling my clit, out. I struggled and I remember wanting to give up as a cramp nestled into my masturbating arm and my boob kept sticking to the sweat on my non-masturbating arm. But the feeling in my gut kept me going and going and going.

I felt it coming for what felt like forever and The Boyfriend must’ve too, because he seemed to completely wake up and his hands gently ran up and down my legs, tugging every so often. The tip of his finger slid across that area where thigh meets vulva, and my whole body froze for a second before quaking through an orgasm that left my whole body tight. I collapsed back from the almost ball-like state I had convulsed into and panted through the remaining twitches, suddenly realizing how utterly exhausted I felt.

Lesson Learnt: No Expectations = Good

He curled up nice and tight next to me, keeping me as warm as he could with his arms on my breasts. I put my cold toes against his calves and it was mere moments before we were both dead to the world asleep. It was a much shorter sleep than we were expecting to get, by a lot, but it was a really deep sleep and we were both surprised at how well we’ve functioned today. He’s already talking about more sex tonight and what he has in store for me – even his humor is dirtier than usual. At least my brain’s a little more in the game tonight ūüėČ

Stress Level 11 and Happy Birthday Monkey

The Night Before Back-to-School

It’s supposed to be done! I finished everything on the to-do list, I checked it all off. The stress is supposed to be gone! But it’s not, it just seems to have gotten worse and worse. I suddenly feel completely bogged down by the stress.

I’m glad it held off all day, even through a beyond bitchy daughter snapping at me all day and a bunch of kids who are way too excited about the first day of school. I got through the school shopping without rubbing my temples once and took everything in stride. I did the cleaning I had set out to do without any issues or procrastination and even had fun mowing my lawn.

I should be feeling accomplished. I should be feeling completion and closure. However, all I feel is stressed. My chest feels tight from the stress. And I can’t put my finger on the cause. I’m hoping that it’s just waiting for the first day of school to start.

The First Day of School

Kaeidyn starts school about half an hour before the boys do, so we had more than enough time to go drop her off in the morning. The Boyfriend came home early from work and we were all so excited. She was a ball of nerves. I dropped her off and it felt good knowing she was surrounded by kids she went to school with last year.

Dropping the boys off wasn’t nearly as much of a gong show as it usually is and we quickly found their classrooms and the whole thing took us less than half an hour. They all rushed off to do what they needed to and we were on our way in no time. The whole experience had completely wiped me out and when we got home, both The Boyfriend and I slept until it was time to go pick them up from school.

All the older three said they had great days and had lots to say about what they had gotten to do and what the plan for the next day was. Carter said it was “a bad day” and that it was too long for him. “It was boring. All we got to do was sit there.“. He’s definitely not used to the full days yet and spent the entire night not looking forward to going back the next day.

The Second Day of School

This morning, The Boyfriend couldn’t come home from work early and so Kaeidyn, who had just gotten her bus pass the day before, took the city bus to school for the first time in her life. I was seriously freaking out about this moment so much for some reason. I went to walk her out there, the morning air freezing cold, and a whole bunch of her friends were standing there waiting. So, she went on her way alone and I returned home to watch her from the window.

Then, the boys walked to school. This is the first year that Kaeidyn wasn’t with them, so Kenzie was the oldest kid – meaning he was in charge. Plus, this was Carter’s first time walking to school without an adult present. It was a big step and they were all so well behaved for it. I got a full report back when they got home on how everyone was and I couldn’t believe how buddy buddy they all were after it. I was expecting some sort of hassle, but it went perfectly.

All the firsts was so much for me though. The Boyfriend came home from work and I felt it all just sort of bubble forward. I vented about a lot of things to him – too many things. I went off about things that I didn’t even mean, just was in the heat of the moment of it all. “I no longer have any babies. I’m an un-fertile old woman. I’ll never have another first like this!”. No tears, but lots of frustration. Needless to say, I went to bed and slept until it was time to go pick the boys up.

The second day went much better for all of them and if I thought they were talkative on the first day, I was shocked at the amount of talking on the second day. Everyone had stuff to say all night long and often we’d have to raise up our hands, “One at a time!!“, because they’d all just get so excited about all the things they did and all the things they were going to get to do.

The Weekend Finally – Happy Birthday Monkey!

Now that it’s the weekend, I’m feeling a little bit more relieved of all the stress I’ve been feeling. Mom took two of the kids last night and two of the kids tonight and that has been helping tremendously. Then today is Keirnan’s birthday and it’s been a day full of reflecting over the last eight years of his life, and that is being beautiful.

It’s incredible to think about how far he’s come, to think about all he’s been through and where he’s now. I spent most of the evening going through pictures of him from his younger years and it’s amazing how much he’s grown. From the baby with the weak lungs and jaundice lying in an incubator to this amazing, kind, handsome, sneaky devil of an eight year old. Tonight, I’m feeling like the proudest Mommy in the world.

Longing for His Touch

The Writing - For Adults 18+
Longing for His Touch by Valerie Rayne
Feel free to share this image to share this poem ūüėČ

Longing for his touch all day
His hand in my hair, on my face, down my leg
My heart is a-quiver, my head is in my pain
Waiting for his touch all day

Longing for his touch so long
His fingers always knowing, never wrong
My whole body drenched in desire so strong
Waiting for his touch so long

Longing for his touch right here
His lips on my skin, so close, so near
Traversing my neck, jaw and lobe of the ear
Waiting for his touch right here

Longing for his touch on me
My flesh against him and his against me
Feeling each other, tandem heart beats
Waiting for his touch on me

Check In and Vent

The Rantings - For Everyone

One of the things that I absolutely love about The Boyfriend is his ability to completely calm me when my nerves are running rampant. He can tell immediately when something is up and somehow always manages to say exactly the right things to make me forget how stressed out I feel.

Getting Back-To-School Ready

We went to the school and got all the school lists for the¬†year. I refrained from feeling utterly embarrassed when Kaeidyn inquired what type of counselling programs her middle school will have – and whether or not there will be one for kids whose parents have split up. First of all, we originally asked for counselling due to a break-IN not a break-UP. Second, we don’t think she needs counselling for something that happened seven years ago and has always been an amicable break up. Third, the first time anyone at the school meets us as a family and our kid is already asking for counselling… I’m sure I turned various shades of red!

We plan on waking up early tomorrow to do the actual school shopping. The plan is to go first thing in the morning when the stores are likely to have less people in them so that it won’t be such a hassle keeping track of the four kids. I’m stressing about the financial aspects and how much it’s going to cost, but The Boyfriend says he’s got it all figured out and I know from experience that if he says it, he means it. So, I’m letting him worry about it and I’ll worry about the kids.

Boys Being Boys

The boys have all been pretty terrible these last couple of days and that’s causing me a great deal of stress. I feel like I’m yelling a lot lately and they all just seem to be at really terrible stages. Kenzie is getting into talking back and I always find that really hard to deal with. I hate when my kids leave my mouth gaping and speechless. Carter seems to always want to fight with everyone and no one is ever interested in fighting. And so he’ll keep pushing and pushing and pushing until eventually the person gets irritated enough to strike back in a big way. Albeit, he hasn’t gotten hurt at all, there is a lot of crying involved in the whole process – this super dramatic, over-acted cry. And while Keirnan never seems to be directly involved in anything that is causing trouble, he does always have to involve himself in some way, sneakily. He’s also been lying, a lot!

I’m hoping that it will just ease itself out over the next couple of weeks. I think a great deal of it all is caused by excitement over back-to-school. I think a great deal of it is caused by a lack of structure in their days. I think once those two things become relatively more fixed, they’ll naturally let up on the constant bad behaviour. I hope…

The End…

I’ve been trying to write a lot over the last two days. My drafts folder is evidence of this, as I am officially up into the double digits for those. I keep getting two or three paragraphs into something, it’ll give me an idea for something else and the ideas just keep coming in those three paragraph snippets. Everything is left undone. And unfortunately, I struggle with picking things back up after I’ve neglected them. I’m working really hard on a few of the posts though and I’m hoping to have something erotic posted in the next day or so, because I gotta get at least one out of my drafts…

Well, that’s all I’ve got to catch up on for now. Just wanted to check in and vent ūüėČ