The Rantings - For Everyone

Stressed Out Mommy, But Not Tonight…

I haven’t been feeling very well the last couple of days, which accounts for the lack of posts around here. It starts with a pain in my tooth (one day, I’ll go see a dentist…) and then I get a headache. I take some Tylenol thinking I’m being smart, and this always seems to make me incredibly tired. So I end up dozing off most of the evening.

It’s made for a very stressed out Mommy and I am incredibly lucky to be surrounded by people who understand how I process pain and who try their hardest to comfort me in the best way possible. They have all been absolutely wonderful and I have spent the last few days feeling full of love, which is a great squanderer of pain.

What We’ve Done…

The holidays home with The Boyfriend were beyond amazing and you can expect a couple posts recapping the week in the coming days. He went back to work two nights ago and now has two nights off again (because he managed to work his schedule like a freaking genius!) and it has to be one of the best August’s on record for us.

Even though all of the initial plans we had made for his holidays – which had included many things including going up to visit my sister, going to the Calgary Zoo, camping for the first time in my adult life and checking out the Royal Tyrrell Museum – it was still full of adventure and fun.

It was more of a staycation and we did a lot of things around us. Went to a nearby beach and the local spray park, drove out to the middle of nowhere to watch the Perseid Meteor Shower and managed to see six shooting stars between us (and the adults had a great time making fun of the kids who were terrified of the barely dark darkness), and even got to see my brother, which we hadn’t been planning for. We’ve also had a few really fun days just chilling out at home on the rainy days – everyone’s getting along surprisingly well for how long they’ve been relatively stuck together.

This upcoming week is all about getting prepared to check a lot of things off of our perpetual to-do list. The “fun” of back-to-school is fast approaching and as a serious procrastinator and a person who tends to stress out over the tiniest of things (things that aren’t even necessary to worry about…), I’m feeling a huge weight on my shoulders. I feel like I need to prepare to actually get the stuff done, you know, psych myself up for it.

Terrifying Stress

My biggest stress is my oldest, Kaeidyn, going into middle school. She is so excited about it, which only makes me stress out more. It honestly feels like such a huge step for all of us, especially being that it’s like the pulling of the pin in the grenade of her life. It’s when everything starts to happen for her that will take her further and further away from being my baby, and I am terrified of itand I never expected to feel that way.

I’m terrified of her first real boyfriend or of the pressure she’ll feel (and therefore, I’ll feel) to get a cellphone and be on sites that she’s not currently really old enough to be on. I’m terrified of her first day and the way she’s going to behave in a new school. I’m terrified of her first kiss and her first menstruation and her first real bra. I’m terrified of the teenager within her and I’m terrified of the type of parent I will be to a teenager – especially a teenage girl…

Middle school signifies so much more than just her next step in education. It’s a rite of passage and one that I didn’t have until I was two years older than her and that is probably the most terrifying thing of all.

I’m also incredibly worried about Kenzie and his reading because he is not doing well at it. Not only is he highly uninterested in reading but he’s also struggling to comprehend what he’s reading. He’ll often get the words right but has no idea what he just read or what those words mean when they are put together. And we know from last year that he was struggling throughout the school year because of his disinterest in reading, and we just can’t seem to spark his fire.

The End…

Tonight, I am not letting that worry get to me. That is what the upcoming week is for. Tonight, is all about enjoying the night off with my wonderful man and my great kids. Tonight, is all about not thinking about tomorrow, or the next day or the next week. Tonight, I am letting it all go and having one last moment of relaxation before the waves come crashing over me!

Anyone else stressing about back-to-school or is it just me?

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